2. The Doomsday seed Vault.

The seed bank is located 120 meters inside a sandstone mountain and has robust security systems. This vault serves as the last food resort for almost the entire World. This a global seed vault which is housed in Norway. pic.twitter.com/cMFvVeFe5L

— 𝐀𝐛𝐚𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐀𝐲𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐦𝐢👌 (@Violettaonpoint) August 18, 2022

comin outta my head, and I've been doing just fine, gotta gotta be down, because i want it all

For anyone looking for a condensed version of the 2022 College Football All-Name Team, here it is in all its glory: https://t.co/O8tigozVqt pic.twitter.com/F8tOcpo1iA

— Jim Weber (@JimMWeber) July 20, 2022

>communist
>irish

buckle up you are about to hear opinions about how to manage food supply from the worst qualified person imaginable https://t.co/ePY13jGbUM

— eigenrobot (@eigenrobot) March 11, 2023

Twitterinos just out here getting dunked on by crowd-sourced misinformation notices

How did I miss this?

full vid.

Yikes! pic.twitter.com/nQqFmrZiVE

— Ultra Nuclear Dante 🇺🇸 (@RealDante12) September 30, 2022

Nitter link.

I bought this before I realized they didn't make matching color sweatpants. I posted in 5 different subreddits but they were useless don't fail me now dramatards

https://twitter.com/fardnshid/status/1524109074488430592

A month from now, if all goes as planned, I'll be in Northeast Wisconsin celebrating my niece's wedding. And by "celebrating" I mean refusing to do the Chicken Dance, patiently explaining to the caterer that "vegan" does not simply mean "less Velveeta," and trying to keep pace with a horde of professional drinkers (aka Wisconsinites) who were gradually weaned off Jägermeister as babies before being moved onto solid food.

If it's possible to experience culture shock in a state you called home for several decades, that's what I'll be doing. And I'll be diving right back into old family patterns and dynamics, to boot.

Sadly, I don't always agree with my family. Many of them have been, shall we say, casual about COVID-19 precautions, whereas I saw the pandemic as a chance to fulfill my lifelong dream of dropping out of society while still somehow having unfettered access to Jujyfruits.

In short, I haven't seen any of them in person since the pandemic started, and I fear we'll have trouble finding common ground. If we stick to neutral topics---like, say, the fact that raccoons exist or that humans as a rule should embrace object permanence---we should be more or less okay.

Beyond that, I'm not so sure.

Here's a short---though by no means exhaustive---list of some of the things one or more of my family members currently believe:

• Masks are useless against COVID-19, and anyone who tells you to wear one is a "mask Nazi."

• The COVID-19 vaccines will eventually kill or severely maim anyone who took one.

• Russia is trying to "de-Nazify" Ukraine.

• Ukraine is the most corrupt country in the world.

• Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of all time.

• The Epoch Times is a trustworthy news source, and the mainstream media does nothing but lie.

• Donald Trump was a good president (one of my spies spotted a "Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Trump" sticker on the bumper of one family member's car).

• Tucker Carlson hosts the best show on Fox---which, granted, is not the high praise this person thinks it is but is terrifying nonetheless.

And that’s just the tip of the very large iceberg I’m currently steaming toward.

So what to do? I’m actually looking forward to this trip—though with a certain amount of trepidation. I’ve known my niece her entire life, with the exception of the first few weeks after she was born and that time I got so stoned I thought I was the quintessential onion dip from Plato’s World of Forms.

One option? Establish a “no politics” rule early on. That’s worked for me before in mixed company when I knew at least one Trumpite was among us. Another option? Back up my no-politics rule with an “I said no politics, frickface” addendum.

The only other workable option I can envision is spending the entire weekend in heated arguments with people who currently get their talking points from the Kremlin. Or canceling the trip—which I really don’t want to do.

So what do you think? How about we crowdsource this? Do any of you have tips for avoiding political/religious/other kinds of clashes while celebrating joyful milestones with family members?

I mean, there will be blood—almost certainly, anyway. I don’t think I can avoid it entirely. If I know my family like I know I know my family, they will try to draw me into political melees. And I’m too tired of right-wing fricknuttery to want to engage with them on these topics this time around. Or ever again, for that matter.

So what do you say? What’s a beta cuck soy boy to do in the face of unchecked aggression? Let me know in the comments, if you please.