Caroline Ellison, former chief executive officer of Alameda Research LLC, was sentenced Tuesday for helping Sam Bankman-Fried cover up FTX's fraudulent misuse of customer funds.
US District Judge Lewis Kaplan noted that he is allowed to show Ellison leniency for providing "substantial assistance to the government." He then confirmed that he always considered the maximum sentence she faced of 110 years to be "absurd," considering that Ellison had no inconsistencies in her testimony and fully cooperated with the government throughout their FTX probe.
"I've seen a lot of cooperators in 30 years," Kaplan said. "I've never seen one quite like Ms. Ellison."
No honor among thieves.
[Kaplan] called Bankman-Fried her "Kryptonite" because the FTX co-founder so easily exploited such a "very strong person."
[US attorney Damian] Williams praised Ellison as exceptionally forthcoming, even alerting the government to criminal activity that they didn't even know about yet. He also credited her for persevering as a truth-teller "despite harsh media and public scrutiny and Bankman-Fried's efforts to publicly weaponize her personal writings to discredit and intimidate her."
"The Government cannot think of another cooperating witness in recent history who has received a greater level of attention and harassment," Williams wrote.
Geez, the government is really trying to get in her pants. 
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That minx!
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In Kaplan's defense, I've also literally never seen another human quite like Ms. Ellison.
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Do you think we can write her fan mail in prison?
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She hasn't responded to me yet :<
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I'm absolutely hand writing the pasta and sending it to her
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World's most photogenic weasel
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You'll never know the thrill
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What about that cop lady who slept with most of her colleagues and then successfully sued for sexual harassment?
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Fricking based
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Does she have a genetic deformity?
No cap on a stack fr ong 
, she is the ugliest woman I have ever seen 
, barring obvious genetic mutants 
(unless she is one, then she has some stiff competition)
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Yes she has some anglo blood in her
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Gen-z scammer and plea deal! Gen-z scammer and plea deal!
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this woman was the biggest rat weve ever had!
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Her looksmatch is Henry Cavill in 2024.
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!moidmoment because only pathetic scrotes
would be desperate enough to frick the absolute ugliest woman on earth
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Obese foids complain that their boyfriends dont wipe their butt..
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Are the friends still doing the talmudic chanting?
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She sucked the guilty verdict out of that judge
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HOW DOES SHE KEEP SEDUCING MEN
There must be some secret to weaselmaxxing we aren't seeing
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Bro she is a true blue butterfaced 10
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Ewww, Ars commenters are defending her
And
So they're leftie as frick but are happy to let someone who committed billions of dollars in fraud to only serve two years?
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He looks a little like Chibi but with a jew fro
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Chibussy be lookin like this now doe:
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Women don't have agency, chud. She literally can't be held responsible for her actions.
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Excuse me, she used her agency to buy her way out of hard prison time by rolling over and singing like a canary on her bossfriend. If that's not acting responsibly to get yourself out of trouble, I don't know what is.
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Snitches keep their ritches
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I hope she was smart enough to stash some shit in Vietnam or Kazakhstan.
Personally I'd choose Kazakhstan as my non-extradition refuge. The former Soviet states know how to keep their mouths shut, and there's great mountain activities there. It's basically Wyoming but worse in every way.
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She's still scum who greatly contributed to the crime. Without her, it would've been much harder to pull off. These people see government propaganda and regurgitate it without thinking.
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!nonchuds !animalposters the nazi fascist bigot chud owner of this weasel has taught it to do the sieg heil salute, someone should immediately do something about this criminal act.
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2 years
5 gorillion trillion in damages
!chuds this is bidens america
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It's cos Alex can't give weasel head
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!mottezans have you seen her tumblr, b-word? https://archive.md/YtRYB
good reading recommendations in there
one of the fricking last posts is fricking about JD Rockefeller getting out of some pretty huge crimes by agreeing to testify
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yes, I'd seen her tumblr before she was in the news.
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New sultry weasel pic just dropped
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Does this mean "participated at every step?"
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Everytime I see her she is significantly uglier than I remembered
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How many gallons of oil did the government go through trying to pin her? Drums?
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Why do you think they seized Diddys stash.
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Nah she weaselled herself out, 2 years is nothing. Probably pinned the incriminating material to someone else in the process
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Bleh. Who's the poor sod who's been assigned to do the pinning?
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Hoe throws him under the bus first chance she gets
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[Kaplan] called Bankman-Fried her "Wankman Bankman" because the FTX co-founder so easily Pinned such a "very exotic weasel"
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Nancy Pelosi is absolutely calling her Aryan Brotherhood hitters to ensure SBF won't be doing that tell-all interview
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I wonder how she'll do in federal prison as a snitch. Not just a snitch but a really great one lmao
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She'll be in one of those four star yoga retreat prisons.
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Does snitching even matter for white collar crimes? Not like BlackRock's shot caller is gonna put a hit on you.
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I wonder what her Madame Tussauds statue will look like.
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Literal
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Not even his own semitic powers could save SBF
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christ she did well.
Can't pin the freaking weasle apparently.
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2 years is a very long time in white woman years.
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In a way it's sterilization to put her in any longer
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smother that fricking rodent
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And then %90 of the reason for my negative review: It makes me feel self-conscious about how much I can nut at once. The game, as hentai normally does, makes me feel bad for that I can't ♥♥♥ enough to replace a 4 litre jug of milk. Stop setting unrealistic standards for peepeees.
Snapshots:
https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2024/09/caroline-ellison-to-2-years-for-covering-up-sam-bankman-frieds-ftx-fraud/:
ghostarchive.org
archive.org
archive.ph (click to archive)
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