I am deleting them now because if they're being shadow banned and not eliciting a response then all it is is a media circus at the expense of the kids.

— 𝖦𝗋𝗂𝗆𝖾𝗌 ⏳ (@Grimezsz) February 20, 2025

I was just going to leave the thread blank for two reasons:

1) Since the film is so in love with cutesy little meta-metacommentary it seemed appropriate because

2) I felt absolutely nothing for this movie,

however that's too subtle, so like Cabin in the Woods itself I will now belabor the point long past anyone's ability to care.

I honestly don't even know where to begin with this. It wasn't offensively bad or anything a la Black Swan, it isn't good-bad like Chopping Mall, it's not just plain old serviceable and therefore solid in its decency like The Omen, and it certainly isn't good. And it's like it was written to preemptively shield itself from criticism.

I could call it formulaic. The defense would be that of course it's formulaic, that's the point of the movie haha they even named the generic slasher archetypes at the end, the formulaicism is part of the joke.

I could call it uninspired. The defense would similarly be that of course it's uninspired, there's a Cube-style room of rooms with all the monsters from everything, it's all deliberately derivative and referential.

I could call it not scary. The defense would again similarly be that this is also intentional, look how it's also billed as a comedy. Nevermind that it's not funny either, because it's also billed as a horror.

The plain and simple of it is that it is formulaic, and this goes for the meta-meta narrative as well. Yes the silly organization's point is to enact the contrived ritual that plays out with horror movie tropes because it's supposed to, that's not whats formulaic about it. It can be argued that every beat up to the descent into the facility is formulaic by design, but once they're through that door that excuse falls flat.

The plain and simple of it is that it is uninspired. One of the technicians remarks early on that they're allowed to cheat to make things play out as needed as much as they want. Later we see that security personnel gunning down the sacrifices meets the requirements—there's no reason not to lead with that and just shoot the whore first. Or to bomb the cabin after shooting the whore. Or literally anything else. The overarching narrative cannot be flimsy because the arguably intentionally shitty internal narrative is wink-wink-shitty to allow room for that larger one. The overall story is just there as an excuse to make 8104 different references (HAHA THE WHITEBOARD TALKS ABOUT THE R*PE TREES FROM EVIL DESD LOL) and give 3 second cameos to creatures from other movies. The facility and organization itself is just a Cube Zero knockoff anyway.

The plain and simple of it is that it is neither scary nor funny. There are no stakes even with the apocalypse on the horizon and then actualizing to end the film. Everyone is boring and sucks. Literally Shaggy from scooby doo as the lead can't go any other way. The humor predates it by several years but it all smacks of that atrocious Rian Johnson Star Wars movie with the yo momma joke; it's quip "comedy" without the quips but the exact same degree of unwarranted and omnipresent self-satisfaction.

This is, however, a lot more negativity than Cabin in the Woods strictly deserves. I don't feel any sort of profound loathing for it or anything, it did nothing to elicit any particular emotion that strong. It's a completely unremarkable hour and a half.

For a movie with such an incredibly promising cover and inexplicably golden critic reviews from the beforetimes when critics evaluated things by metrics other than how much gay s*x a film has in it, the only thing I feel in any notable sense is confusion as to how either of these things happened. That and I want to watch Hellraiser because cenobites are great even if they are bootleg and have 30 seconds of screentime in an utterly mid movie.

★★☆☆☆

!kino your thoughts?

cc @LainkeyKong as requested

British tabloid Daily Mail claims to have obtained a leaked peace plan, allegedly proposed by Trump to end the war in Ukraine. The source is allegedly a Ukrainian media outlet Strana:

➡️ A ceasefire will be achieved by Easter, April 20th.

➡️ Ukraine will not be able to join… pic.twitter.com/kr8DIaOhqE

— Sprinter Observer (@SprinterObserve) February 7, 2025

Řеddítоřs must bе nоw uļtřа mаd sínсе 3 wееks аgо thеу сļаímеd nо wау íts řеаļ

BREAKING: Democrats just elected David Hogg to be the Vice Chair of the DNC.

Hogg is touted as their face of masculinity to help them regain the young male voters they lost in the 2024 election.

I HONESTLY CAN'T BELIEVE IT! pic.twitter.com/MS4bV0fv79

— George (@BehizyTweets) February 2, 2025

i deadass thought this was at the track for like 10 seconds pic.twitter.com/Rgv4GaOk6x

— ihave40wins (@ihave40winsonYT) February 18, 2025

Cosm is unbelievable, cooles tech out there and I NEED it to go mainstream. Think they only have locations in Dallas and LA, but they do tons of different sports. Need it in every city @CosmDallas

— I'mma Duck (@imgoingtoduck) February 18, 2025

!burgers would you watch Nascar if it was on a screen like this?

MY LAST TWITTER RAMPAGE WAS 90% JEW PROOF

— ye (@kanyewest) February 17, 2025

!r-slurs !Jews !goyim !chuds

Everyone get ready. My recommendation for the day of:

Contact pic.twitter.com/3JZfzcmcYI

— Frasier Payne (@MeinGottNiles) February 21, 2025

But MCU isn't kino

I agree

Let's all celebrate that these movies are dying out with a whimper. Not even a year's break from capeshit could bring general audiences back to this one (Deadpool did well but I think that and Spider-Man are really their own brands in the eyes of normies)

So what's everyone watching this week? !kino !hatewatchers !bobmob

Top upmarseyd comment:

This admin will turn me into a west wing watching lib. wtf is this man.

An administration just made up of idiots and rage

I think they were discussing philosophy or quantum computing or Red Hat Linux or something.

New Kamala word salad just dropped.

We seriously dodged a bullet pic.twitter.com/nw7SAoZ3af

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) February 16, 2025

I AM NOT THE GF! He is my exhusbands FRIEND

— Ada Lluch (@ada_lluch) February 14, 2025

All the replies to the original are just assuming she's a prostitute lol

how much

— digits (@digitalalpha_) February 13, 2025

he got that escort money

— vintermust (@vintermust) February 13, 2025

She’s lovely. How much you pay?

— Jay Ballentine (@ImJayBallentine) February 13, 2025

How much did she cost

— Toad (@TowerGangToad) February 13, 2025

Ian Miles be escortmaxxing.

— Jay 🦍 (@therealjayber) February 13, 2025

How much are you paying that lovely lady?

— alan ☀️🇺🇸 (@RayadoReal1) February 14, 2025

escort?

— CR (@christi10006880) February 13, 2025

Also, zoom in on his teeth lol

!nooticers

A Cal Fire captain was found stabbed to death inside of her San Diego County home on Monday and authorities are still searching for the suspect.

Deputies were dispatched to the 20200 block of Rancho Villa Road in Ramona at around 9 p.m. on Monday after learning of an assault that happened in the area, according to the San Diego County Sheriff's Office.

Upon arrival, they found the victim suffering from multiple stab wounds, deputies said. Despite attempted life-saving measures the woman was declared dead at the scene.

On Tuesday, the victim was identified by the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection, as Rebecca Marodi, 49, a 30-year firefighting veteran who was stationed in French Valley just north of Temecula.

Thus far into their investigation, Sheriff's Homicide Unit detectives have yet to identify a suspect or motive in the incident, but they suspect that Marodi "knew the perpetrator and are treating this case as a potential domestic violence incident."

According to Cal Fire officials, Marodi began her firefighting career in 193 as a volunteer firefighter in Moreno Valley. She then served as a seasonal Fire Fighter I from 1994 to 2000 in San Bernardino and Riverside before she was promoted to Fire Fighter II. In 2007, she was promoted to a Fire Apparatus Engineer and to Captain in 2022.

She was previously stationed in Perris, Home Gardens, Indian Wells, Menifee, North Rancho Mirage and Temecula before ending up with French Valley Station 83.

"Beyond her operational assignments, Captain Marodi was deeply involved in Peer Support and Hazmat, always prioritizing the well-being of her colleagues," the Cal Fire statement said. "Her legacy of mentorship, service, and dedication will be felt for years to come. Her passing is a profound loss to her family, friends, and all who had the privilege of working alongside her."

Anyone who knows more is urged to contact SDSO homicide detectives at (858) 285-6330.