The support for implementation of Universal Basic Income in the US has skyrocketed within the past few months. This has mostly been the work of candidate Andrew Yang. Yang’s plan has sparked controversy with him being a neo-capitalist running under the progressive banner. UBI’s supporters have praised it for its equality towards all people, and its ability to give a no-strings-attached stipend to individuals in a low economic situation. UBI is like a danish, the outside is a beautifully crafted piece of baking art. Each bite is a cascading orgasm that can only be recreated with the finest of recreational stimulants.

    This reminds me, the other day I walked into a bakery with one goal in mind. Obtaining the Danish. My thoughts are awash with daydreams of danish laden trays in a mellow summer haze. But nevertheless I cannot escape my danish devoid reality, I have a need for pastry. The aroma of freshly baked sweets enfolds me within its effervescent boulangerie (that’s french if you didn’t know). For just a moment, I experience bliss from the scent. With a slight scowl and furrowed brows, the teenager across the counter asks me for the third time if I want to order. I finally reply; 

“Well of course my dear, I require a Danish delicacy” 

How could it not be obvious what I wanted? I was in a bakery, and I certainly do not give off the impression of one of those dregs that orders a bagel.

“What kind of filling do you want?” She queries quickly

What a stupid question, I’ve been ordering the same thing here for the last 5 years day in day out if she doesn’t know it now she’s obviously even more intellectually hopeless than I thought.

“Well isn’t it obvious youngling? I think you know exactly what I require, please guide me through the available flavours” I replied with a sly wink.

 

“Well we have lemo-”

“Pass”

“Appl-”

“Boring.”

“Che-”

“EXCUSE ME?” My blood was boiling at this point. The audacity to even suggest something like cherry to me… we truly live in a society.

She spat a quick look of rage at me, then quickly recovered remembering her station.

“Cream cheese”

“Finally you arrive at the correct choice. It took you long enough” I tuttled

“Not today please" 

“I do not understand” I said, again reaffirming my status as an alpha male.

“Sir, I think you need to leave, you're making me and the other guests uncomfortable”

“Well it doesn’t really matter what you think, does it? I am here for one purpose alone!” I shot back

“Please if you don’t leave now I'm going to call the police”

“Woman, I do not have time for your hysterics, I want a Danish this moment!” I roared, with power seething through my body

“Get the fuck out you neckbeard!” The danish keepers expression was aflame with anger.

“Fine! Resorting to slurs against a man just because you obviously cannot match his intellect.I didn’t need this estrogen den of a bakery anyways!” I replied smartly, ending the argument with a suave tip of my trilby.

I burst out of the bakery danish-less once again, a broken man. It began to storm above me, and the full moon shone on my rotund frame. I return home empty-handed, alone, and hopeless. This wouldn’t happen with UBI. If we go with Andrew Yang’s policy, everyone will have more money to buy pastries therefore boosting demand of these delectables.

I don’t see why any politician won't respond to my letters about this issue as it’s very serious.I have written my congress(woman) twelve times on the issue, and with no response! This, on top of the recent release of the Joker movie, has inspired me to become more politically active in this society. I am recruiting a group of people to rebel if Andrew Yang does not immediately dominate the primary. It is imperative to secure a pastry rich future for the children of tomorrow, and direct action yields the swiftest results to the system.