I’ll try and keep this concise and clear, although, in my current emotional state, a torrent of swearing may be all you get.

For context, I’m a 29 year old female. This is about a male colleague who is early 30s - not sure his exact age. Colleague (I’ll call C) is not massively popular at work but is also quite socially awkward so can be difficult to converse with as he doesn’t pick up social cues. Lots of people tend to ignore C or just nod and walk past.

I’ve always ensured I treat C the same as any other colleague: I’ll say good morning, ask how his day is going or wish him a good evening. We only ever talk if we’re passing and I’ll never actively seek him out. Nothing different to any other colleague.

I’d recently started to notice that C is hanging around on my corridor much more. A few times he’s had car trouble and asked if I could give him a lift home (although I never have as I’ve had meetings or been going early). C has startee actively asking about my weekend, hobbies and leading questions hinting about my love life (which I never answered).

You can see where this is going... right?!

I picked up on it and as did several colleagues. I made sure I just kept being professional and tried not to change my interactions, although I tried to ensure I had colleagues around if I needed to ask C to support me with a task.

Today, I got wind that C was preparing to ask me out at the end of the day.

Being an independent, feminist 29 year old, I decided that I would tackle this calmly and professionally, but also not jump to any conclusions off the back of a rumour mill.

C appeared at my door at the end of today and the conversation went as follows:

C: so, I noticed that on Friday, you hugged G? You never give me a hug...

Me: Ok? G is a friend. We chat and meet up outside of work a lot. G had brought me cake on Friday. So I gave G a hug.

C: well... it’s just... I thought I was the person you were friends with? You never give me hugs.

Me: Firstly, it is possible to have more than one friend. Secondly, you and I are colleagues. Nothing more. I’m also your superior so it would be inappropriate if our rapport included hugs. G and I knew each other prior to this job, we work for different departments and we are professionally equals. Therefore, a quick thank you hug does not impact our professional relationship.

C: You just said we are colleagues. I thought we were friends and could move our relationship on. You know there’s something between us.

Me: Absolutely not. We are colleagues only. Firstly, I’m your superior and so that’s hugely inappropriate. Secondly, I would never date a colleague as it’s hugely unprofessional. Lastly, there is and will never be anything between us apart from as colleagues.

C: Aren’t you going to apologise?

Me: Excuse me?

C: You’ve led me on. All the chat and smiles. You were clearly flirting. And you hugged G right in front of me to tease me. You should apologise for leading me on. You’ve really upset me.

Me: In absolutely no way did I ever lead you on. Any assumption exists solely on your part. I am absolutely not going to apologise for a misinterpretation on your part.

C: so you’re not going to apologise that you’ve hurt my feelings?

Me: No. I’m not going to apologise that you misinterpreted a situation and hurt your own feelings. There is nothing in my actions that I need to apologise for. We are colleagues. This conversation is over.

C: I bet you’re shagging G... I’ll report you...

And out he walked 🙄

Joke’s on C really because G is as gay as they come. I’ve already reported the whole thing and had the adjoining office door ajar, with a colleague inside who was primed there to listen in. She’s signed the report as a witness.

Argh! This society where you are polite to a male so you must want to shag them... I really have no issue that he misinterpreted it. I was happy to just shut that down and move on as colleagues but I am NOT going to apologise that he’s misinterpreted my professional actions.

I need Christmas break...