I enter a shabby delicatessen on Second Avenue and I’m still confused, mixed up, sweaty, and I walk over to a short, fat Jewish woman, old and hideously dressed. “Listen,” I say. “I have a reservation. Bateman. Where’s the maître d? I know Jackie Mason,” and she sighs, “I can seat you. Don’t need a reservation,” as she reaches for a menu. She leads me to a horrible table in back near the rest rooms and I grab the menu away from her and rush to a booth up front and I’m appalled by the cheapness of the food—“Is this a goddamn joke?”—and sensing a waitress is near I order without looking up. “A cheeseburger. I’d like a cheeseburger and I’d like it medium rare.” “I’m sorry, sir,” the waitress says. “No cheese. Kosher,” and I have no idea what the fuck she’s talking about and I say, “Fine. A kosher burger but with cheese, Monterey Jack perhaps, and—oh god,” I moan, sensing more cramps coming on. “No cheese, sir,” she says. “Kosher… ” “Oh god, is this a nightmare, you fucking Jew?” I mutter, and then, “Cottage cheese? Just bring it?” “I’ll get the manager,” she says. “Whatever. But bring me a beverage in the meanwhile,” I hiss. “Yes?” she asks. “A… vanilla… milk shake…” “No milk shakes. Kosher,” she says, then, “I’ll get the manager.” “No, wait.” “Mister I’ll get the manager.” “What in the fuck is going on?” I ask, seething, my platinum AmEx already slapped on the greasy table. “No milk shake. Kosher,” she says, thick-upped, just one of billions of people who have passed over this planet. “Then bring me a fucking… vanilla… malted!” I roar, spraying spit all over my open menu. She just stares. “Extra thick!” I add. She walks away to get the manager and when I see him approaching, a bald carbon copy of the waitress, I get up and scream, “Fuck yourself you retarded cocksucking kike,” and I run out of the delicatessen and onto the street where this
22 comments
4 FloatyFish 2020-05-01
Masterlawlz lost weight I see
4 _reason_biden_lost_ 2020-05-01
I see masterlawlz has lost weight
3 _reason_biden_lost_ 2020-05-01
I see masterlawlz has lost weight
2 BiggestThiccBoi 2020-05-01
I wonder if masterlawlz lost weight
2 FloatyFish 2020-05-01
I see masterlawlz has lost weight
2 [deleted] 2020-05-01
[deleted]
1 fjsukwpkzvxn 2020-05-01
k
2 FloatyFish 2020-05-01
I see masterlawlz has lost weight
2 FloatyFish 2020-05-01
I see masterlawlz has lost weight
1 SnapshillBot 2020-05-01
Protip:
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1 fjsukwpkzvxn 2020-05-01
Masterking
1 rocinantebabieca 2020-05-01
I enter a shabby delicatessen on Second Avenue and I’m still confused, mixed up, sweaty, and I walk over to a short, fat Jewish woman, old and hideously dressed. “Listen,” I say. “I have a reservation. Bateman. Where’s the maître d? I know Jackie Mason,” and she sighs, “I can seat you. Don’t need a reservation,” as she reaches for a menu. She leads me to a horrible table in back near the rest rooms and I grab the menu away from her and rush to a booth up front and I’m appalled by the cheapness of the food—“Is this a goddamn joke?”—and sensing a waitress is near I order without looking up. “A cheeseburger. I’d like a cheeseburger and I’d like it medium rare.” “I’m sorry, sir,” the waitress says. “No cheese. Kosher,” and I have no idea what the fuck she’s talking about and I say, “Fine. A kosher burger but with cheese, Monterey Jack perhaps, and—oh god,” I moan, sensing more cramps coming on. “No cheese, sir,” she says. “Kosher… ” “Oh god, is this a nightmare, you fucking Jew?” I mutter, and then, “Cottage cheese? Just bring it?” “I’ll get the manager,” she says. “Whatever. But bring me a beverage in the meanwhile,” I hiss. “Yes?” she asks. “A… vanilla… milk shake…” “No milk shakes. Kosher,” she says, then, “I’ll get the manager.” “No, wait.” “Mister I’ll get the manager.” “What in the fuck is going on?” I ask, seething, my platinum AmEx already slapped on the greasy table. “No milk shake. Kosher,” she says, thick-upped, just one of billions of people who have passed over this planet. “Then bring me a fucking… vanilla… malted!” I roar, spraying spit all over my open menu. She just stares. “Extra thick!” I add. She walks away to get the manager and when I see him approaching, a bald carbon copy of the waitress, I get up and scream, “Fuck yourself you retarded cocksucking kike,” and I run out of the delicatessen and onto the street where this
3 fjsukwpkzvxn 2020-05-01
Ok
1 [deleted] 2020-05-01
[deleted]
1 [deleted] 2020-05-01
[removed]
1 arsepirate69 2020-05-01
Ultimate chad.
1 arsepirate69 2020-05-01
I see masterlawlz has lost weight (also I like dicks).
1 banevader90000 2020-05-01
I hate to be part of the faggerroo but he is definitely a hufflepuff.
1 WeAreLostSoAreYou 2020-05-01
Wtf is this shit
1 jannieseatmyass 2020-05-01
hello sir can you pls refromage Ur computer and install thebwingdings
1 incellord1 2020-05-01
I see masterlawlz has lost weight
1 [deleted] 2020-05-01
[deleted]