Note: This isn't just a shitpost, it's an in-depth shitpost

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Bernie Sanders is a really incredible, smart, earnest candidate for the 2016 presidential election of the United States of America. As a candidate for president of the United States of America, Bernie Sanders really stands out, especially because Bernie Sanders is very, very incredibly intelligent and sincere. The policies that Bernie Sanders would put into place if he were elected to be the President of the United States of America reflect the fact that Bernie Sanders is extremely genuine and wise. I would vote for Bernie Sanders to be the president of the United States of America because of his great policies, which are incredibly smart, wise and intelligent, and which show that Bernie Sanders is a candidate for the presidency of the United States of America who is extremely smart, intelligent and wise. It is also important to note that Bernie Sanders campaign for the 2016 presidency of the United States of America displays his genuineness, sincerity, and compassion for each and every individual citizen of the United States of America, even those citizens of the United States of America who do not believe that Bernie Sanders is really, truly the most genuine, sincere and compassionate candidate running to be president of the United States of America.

What the Bernie did you just Sanders say about me, you little Democrat? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Independent Political Group Program, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on godless liberals, and I have over 300 confirmed million dollars. I am trained in political warfare and I’m the top briber in the entire US Armed Elite Debaters. You are nothing to me but just another Hillary Clinton. I will wipe you the Bernie out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this nation, mark my Sandering words. You think you can get away with saying that Bernie to me over the debaters podium? Think again, liberal. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of businessmen across the USA and your money is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Clinton. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your wife. You’re Sandering dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can sue you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare lawyer. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed debating, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the "What Would Jesus Do?" organization and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable Bernie off the face of the continent, you little Sanders. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” rebuttal was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your Sandering tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you godless liberal. I will Bernie fury all over you and you will go bankrupt in it. You’re Sandering dead, liberal.

I got a bumper sticker and put it on yesterday and was so excited to drive this morning because of it. And then I was suddenly very aware of it on my car. I drove the speed limit, and let people in that I didn't have to.. No more flipping idiots off! I know that I'm now publicly representing Bernie, and I don't want to shine a bad light on him or citizens supporting him. So! If you're wearing a Bernie shirt, hat, or have a bumper sticker, know that every move you make is shining a light on this cause. :)

I sexually Identify as a Bernie Sanders. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over America dropping free college on disgusting Republicans. People say to me that a winning the nomination is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon shave my head and install Glasses and dank memes on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Bernie" and respect my right to give from above and make dank memes needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a berniephobe and need to check your socialist privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Bernie Sander has made it clear, he will not elect him, he will not make change, that will be up to the American people, the best he can do is be the rallying point for Americans determined to reclaim their govt. You simply can NOT sit idly by and trust govt to do their job, you need to keep the Sword of Damocles hanging over there heads constantly, and occasionally you need to bring the Hammer of Thor down on a few heads just to remind them who is really in charge. If this nation is to change, if must be by the force and will of the people, and Bernie Sanders seems like someone who will listen to the will of the people, and do his best to enforce it. But, first the people must have a will, something they have been lacking for decade. They must want to change, far more than merely banging the fist on the table in local bars and cafes and complaining. Citizens need to take an active roll. The need to show support for real representative candidates, they need to show support with word, wallet, and deeds. If not, then except that this country is going down the toilet, expect Fascism and feudalism, and it didn't happen because of govt, it happened because the citizens were too lazy to care.

Now let me tell you about my journey for Bernie.

Hi everybody I am Sander supporter. I just went thorugh my naturalisation for citizenship and I'm a first time voter in the United States so I want to show you what that's like on my journey for Bernie.

It mean to me, Less work more $$$. The 2016 election is the biggest of my life. AS a first time voter, not only did I get to take part in the process but I even got to meet my new hero. But let's start this from the beginning. Coming from socialist Quebec it was important to find the right candidate to fight for ME. After hours of research on the internet I see that Bernie Sanders is just what I wanted. Free college, free healthcare, money for everybody. It's almost like Quebec. So I decide to go to his rally. The energy is crazy. The line is so far outside his parking lot. Good thong for my politic idenitity and my wheelchair! I got to the front of the line! But everbody is very support. Even this black who try to give me free t shirt. But when I ask him, he say not free. I guess socialism is not for everybody. In the rally, for a place that want a lot of inclusive and open border, they sure had a lot of security. Once I inside I got to meet all the different people and why they too were voting for Bernie. People fighting for social Justice like the people that not want to pay for school. One supporter tell me that she want free college. But she hold big expensive phone. I ask her how she could pay for that because in Quebec it very expensive. There were people holding sign in rally. I asked if they could give me sign. They wouldn't share any! I guess socialism isn't for everybody. I learnt that is only bernie that is nice to the bisexual community. I also learn that the cops are shooting everybody. But I learn that Bernie is team up to solve the cop problem with the former murderer Killer Mike. But Bernie is forgivin guy. He even had killer Mike open for him at the show. And for a guy who kill people he really bring people together. But nobody's perfect and Bernie has also come a long way from when he was racist in the past. He chained black woman. I learn that many people dont want to pay for healthcare. But like me, they also don't want to pay more tax. I ask if we have a number. In Quebec it is 52%. They do not know. When Bernie speak, it like he was reading the mind of everybody. He promised everything the people want! This is my journey for Bernie.

But after today result I am very sad. now I'm too depressed to think about what I thought and what I did not think. Bernie is losing. Because the media has been blacking out bernie and giving other people including your candidate like loads air time so bernie can't make everybody fall in love with him.. like Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a fucking breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well for California???? This is so fucked.

Eventually, I know that my socialist will be President. Let us hold hand and help comrade Sander be POTUS. He will get all superdelegate and buy Presidency through our donation.

With this, I donate all life earnings of mine to Bernie Sanders.

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tl;dr: Bernie Sanders

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With this, I come to the end of the post. Berniebots, look out for the national suicide helpline number. You might need it. If it's overflooding, you can always try /r/suicidewatch