I just straight up grade my students based on how much I like them.

I mean, I feel like that's obvious to them, though.

who simple dont go to class though

I kick them out of my class by this point in the semester. Mostly by pressuring them and making vague threats.

Seriously. They're all gone.

ya i think a lot of people feel that way

making vague threats.

"That F ain't gunna become a D unless you start sucking this D, Timmy. You fucking moron."

only one supremely thicc undergrad has ever made me feel tempted

but then she started crying like a bitch about a B i gave her in office hours and i immediately lost all sexual interest

I can just see you standing there with a turgid erection and see it slowly deflate as she cries. Then it goes back up as she continues to cry

wow thats a lot of time spent imagining /u/atakeonhooper's dick

from the experience of my colleagues, neither

yeah but you probably TA one of those worthless SocSci 200 levels lmao

you're not that far off

#rekt

>black "professional" >lazy and unprofessional

Affirmative action working as expected

accurate

What grades level to you teach?

First and second graders, mostly

I hate everyone here. I'm not joking, I hate you. Look at yourself. How could anyone ever like you? You deserve this hate.

Fair

Mom?

Yep.

Right back at you buddy.

user reports:
1: Pedo lying about little girls ages to seem like less of a loser for fucking barely not children

probs

sure buddy

diddlers gonna diddle

Wow. Not a leg man, I take it.

Dude less than 17 chicks are flat as a surfboard

Some guy has never been to Mexico to teach algebra to a sexy Latina will huge tits.

On an unrelated note, did you know they teach algebra in 7th grade now

The "little" sister was 18 before u cunts start calling me a pedo

Just because she's technically "legal" doesn't change that ur a disgusting old man taking advantage of a little girl u fuckin pedophile scum.

Nice confession u fuckin child rapist

That means that when you were 18 she was 14. I know you people like to make a false distinction between pedophile and 'ephebophile' but let's get real this is not acceptable in the civilized world.

not acceptable in the civilized world

Like, who actually gives a shit? My wife was in the womb when I was 2, woooow, I'm such a pedo.

u/john_ketch confirmed kiddie diddler

had sex with the little sister of a girl I was really into

Nice!

Kys pedo scum

I voted for Obama. Twice.

:O

For president I voted Democratic in 2008, Green in 2012, and Republican in 2016. Seriously.

what did you mean by this?

between 2008 and 2012, he realized vaccines gave him autism, but by 2016 it was too late and it turned terminal

It means he has gotten progressively more retarded.

Degenerative neurological condition?

Those within their respective time frames are the 3 most retarded choices you could have picked.

2008---> "Oh boy I get to make history by voting for a cool black man because wow, a black president who says he'll change things!"

2012--->"Oh boy I get to throw my vote away this year by voting for a party based off of half-baked ideas"

2016--->"Oh boy I can't wait for this billionaire casino-owning man child to fight for the working man and sick it to the elites!"

I voted for him 4 times

I voted Bush, four times.

I'm white.

MFW http://i.imgur.com/D1oAANP.jpg

Is he holding a ninja star, or some kind of star fish?

It's bling.

All my bling is wrapped up in my IRA+401k

MODDDDDDDS BAN HIM REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Ignite the white. Mayos get out REEEEEEEEE

I assumed gender, a bunch of times

Triggered!

Mom found the space heroin

I think Reiman is the best mod

ping him you fucking loser /u/Zachums

I just want you to know that I originally was going to use your name but since I'm on mobile I forgot if the e went before the i so I changed it to /u/Zachums.

wow ok

I also like pugs

Well now we're talking.

they're the same person so it doesn't really matter

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if /u/Riemann1413, /u/Zachums, and /u/Snallygaster were actually the exact same person.

You three better not get excited by these tags. There's no furry porn here.

the fact anyone would ever mistake me for /u/snallygaster is one of the greatest compliments i've ever gotten on the internet

that said, such a comparison is extremely rude to snally, don't say such things. kys fucknut

https://i.imgur.com/XWu2pCz.png

-UncleSamuel

Thank you.

I think Zachums is the worst mod entirely because of his Pug.

Respectfully leave.

I've known for a while that /u/squarefaces is really Noodles.

RES says that I have upvoted /u/squarefaces. It is clearly not Noodles.

RES was made my Americans. Your kiwi upvotes are marked as downvotes, and vice versa.

Shut up coffee bitch

Who shit in your cornflakes, buttercup? Point out where the bad man made you feel inadequate.

Shut up coffee bitch

You pointed everywhere? Oh petal.

Shut up coffee bitch

Especially your penis? Well, that is not really surprising, you do seem a little deficient.

Shut up coffee bitch

Are you made because you think I was one of those guys who ran a train on your mother when you were a child? I can prove it wasn't - I have never been homeless or a drunk.

Shut up coffee bitch

Did the homeless men sterilise your mother with hot cups of steaming coffee? Used joe to purge your mother of Homeless Joe? Is that why the words burn you so?

Shut up coffee bitch

Is that what the homeless men said? Your poor boy.

Shut up coffee bitch

Hi

I voted for Hillary Clinton.

me too dude. in the general at least

wtf was i thinking

Boulda sheen shernie

Relevant username.

If I didn't have access to premium test banks, I would fail med school a long time ago.

I think white women are more attractive than women of my own race.

Also I fed my cat broccoli to see what would happen.

Arab

yeah but often white ones are hotter imho

Helps that you can see their face

But white women usually don't have any facial hair worth mentioning, so their faces are boring and featureless!

Well, in most Arabic countries these days you really can't tell.

Luckily I have a fetish for ninjas.

you're crazy, arab women on average are like 10 times hotter than white wimmin.

They cheat by hiding all the ugly ones.

Kek

Not really, there are some really hot ones, but they're much rarer IMHO.

Also doesn't help that they get fat easily.

Do you consider Arabs to be white or Asian or black?

Close to white. A lot of Arab royalty looks pretty much white.

Arabs are technically Aryan

Nah, not really. It's a semitic language.

this is wrong

Queen Rania is hotter than 99% of white womyn.

I have 2000 I'm not bragging or anything, I need help.

I lost my virginity to my mom's best friend.

I was always super into her.. She had kept fit well into her 40's and her natural good looks had aged well. She had long wavy black hair, smooth tan skin, was decently skinny, and had the nicest ass I had ever seen on a 45 year old woman. I found this chick on google images who somewhat resembled her, although obviously a lot younger and with slightly different facial structure.

She was often over at my mom's house, and one tike when she was over, my mom took off for a couple of hours. So it was just me and her friend. We made a bit of small talk, she asked me how I was doing with school and stuff.

She told me that I looked nice today (I had dressed up for a school occasion). I told her thanks, and I said that she also looked nice (she was wearing a thigh length black dress and a white cardigan). She asked me "What do you mean?" I froze up, then she put her soft hand on my cheek. I went in for a kiss, and soon we were making out in the kitchen. She asked me "do you want to go upstairs?". I said yes.

As for the sex, I first got to finger her for a bit (she wanted me to "experience it all" since I had never touched a vagina before) then I did her missionary for a bit. She gave me one hell of a blowjob, then I pounded her from behind while she moaned about how her husband didn't fuck her like this. Eventually, i flipped her on her back and came into her, and we finished it off with a long passionate kiss.

We fucked once more, actually on a semi-vacation involving both our families as well as a couple others. She had some pressing mental issues and wasn't a great person to be around. Eventually she divorced her husband, and I got word that a couple of her cowerkers had gotten their turns with her too. Nobody ever found that she had done it with me, though.

Virgin, didn't blow his load at first penetration. Not buying.

I only have three or four real friends these days because I'm really bad about going any farther than being classroom buds.

Im an incel

We know.

:)

So, some years ago I was in China at that unknown girl's place with some of her friends and my best friend, I felt the need to go to the bathroom (Shanghai's food has a pretty bad reputation), seating on the throne i made the biggest turd i've ever seen. I immediately thought, "no way this chinese made toilet is gonna make it". Boy i was right, flushed 2 times, nothing happend, i've definitively clogged the toilets. I'm hearing some distant girly laughter in the next room. No way in hell i could flush it a third time whitout raising some pretty serious suspicions. I'm a problem solver and I analysed the situation with calm (i didn't), I plunged the deapest i could in the bowl, took the stuck giant turd with my bare hands and throw it immediately through the window. It flew 15 storeys high in the unknown.

Never knew if I hit somebody. Leaved the bathroom like nothing happend, cracking nervously a joke about how chinese people were disgusting by spitting on the streets.

tl;dr : Dodge a bullet who could have potentialy ruined my sex appeal for years.

💩😩😰👍🏻

Jesus, man that's nothing.

Every white man turd blocks the toilet in the Harmonious Kingdom.

Black guy's flood the whole street.

Well, for my first confession i wanted to be light hearted and it's the first time in months i posted sober on /r/drama.

Everything got downhill since the chinese turd episode tbh

I blocked myvown toilet up completely one time and I didn't have a plunger or the language ability to go out and get one. Also, this was Changchun in 2001 so they used to shut the water off during the day. I had this gallopping case of the shits and I was, like, filling the bowl up to the brim. The whole flat stank of excrement.

I had been living off instant ramen in plastic bowls so eventually I just started collecting the empty noodle pots, shitting in them and tossing them out the window. Went on for about six hours before I finally becalmed my guts enough to venture out.

If you haven't got at least one shit story you haven't been to China.

Makes me feel better, thanks for sharing.

I've left cum residue on public handrails.

You do seem like the type, yeah.

yours or someone else's?

Mine. All mine.

you should get your waifu in on it. You jizz all over the floor of a Wal-Mart, she slips and sues, bam, instant millionaire

I don't generate enough naturally.

A man with your resources can find an unnatural way to do so.

I sometimes question if corn is the greatest plant designed by mans hand.

I also support organic agriculture because I want the poor to starve and get paid more.

I own two cats

same

z e r o s u r p r i s e

confession: you're my favorite poster

your to kind!

I've changed my mind

that's okay.

His too kind what? 🔥👏🙏

mine too, you convinced me out of going to Cal Poly.

oh, good! I remember that. How are you doing now?

Studying philosophy now, I spent the summer traveling and gaining a sense of self worth outside my earning potential as a STEMlord. Good stuff, thanks for your help along the way <3

Or have connections

I do really love that shit tbh :)

:D

how pathetic this is depends a great deal on their names

riker and picard

Next question, how often do you kick riker?

Me too

They're hairless

i don't have autism

i am a kissless friendless virgin neonazi frogposter though

The first sentence makes the second one even sadder

I'm a thirsty hoe

i care about other people's feelings sometimes :////

Unironically same

it's a struggle

lol fag

lol pussy edit: I'm okay with vaginas, I felt bad about this comment so I edited it

lol cuck

edit: I'm okay with my wife's son, I felt bad about this comment so I edited it

I ruined a neighborhood kids life by blaming a "Jews in the ashtray" joke on him after another kid told the joke to their parents. They sent him away to a school for "troubled" kids and now as an adult is super fucked up. Oops

I do not have autism, I have a real-life job that is quite fulfilling and productive. This place is like a zoo where I talk about and to fucked up, broken people without any obligation to actually help them, unlike real-life where I would actually have to do something. Instead I can laugh at fucked-up dumbshits doing stupid things.

Too real.

I hate white women, but not white men.

White women are the true mayoapes tbqh

I thought the people I talked to online were actually my friends. Boy do I feel dumb. :/

I'm you're friend!

I make new accounts every three months

>not having 300k+ comment karma

I have a STEM degree, a fat sack of sticky icky, a monster dong, and all the rare Magic the Gathering cards you wish you had.

This is a confession thread. Bragging rights is the next one over.

I studied abroad my senior year of uni and basically led a double life. I was sort of a loser all college, but abroad I was the SHIT. I just stepped into this alter ego that was this cool, detached and funny person. I became a cigarette smoker, womanizer, casual alcoholic, made up a ton of cool hobbies and became an "anarchist".

I started cheating on my gf with a few random foreign girls, told all my friends/family I fell in love with one of them, when I really was just using her for ass and sort of a jumping off point for this retarded plot I hatched to move to this country and escape my pathetic existence in the U.S. She was a doctor and had rich parents, and just heaped praise on me because she had daddy issues and boyfriends who abused her, so it was easy-going. My dumbass saw no issue with hedging my future bets to mess around in some less-developed shithole with the local bourgeoisie.

I came back to the states, start fucking my ex gf (I broke up with her some part of the way through relationship with foreign chick) and rekindled our relationship while simultaneously whispering sweet nothings to this foreign chick .

Give it a week, they both find out. I'm like, fuck, wow I'm an idiot, wow i'm such a loser. What actually happened is my GF went through my phone, sensing something was up and CALLED THIS FOREIGN CHICK to tell her what I was up to. It is really hilarious if you aren't me, and the sociopath inside of me still thinks what I did was pretty funny.

SOMEHOW convince my merican bb to stay with me and i've been accumulating GBPs at an astounding rate for the past year.

It hurts to not tell lies about everything, but I guess it's better than being a pathological liar.

I stole an alarm clock back in 1995. I still use it to this day.

I voted for the UK Green Party in a local election.

So what you're telling us is you're retarded.

Hey, I lived in Lancaster at the time and there was this abattoir on the hill which made the whole town stink like... well, like an abattoir.

The Green's pledged to shut it down.

Local election, local issues.

I'm evading a shadowban. I got shadowbanned for posting sources that were affiliate links with the porn gifs I made. Every new account I made was instantly shadowbanned without me even posting.

The first time I got shadowbanned I got them to unshadowban me, but I had to agree not to post affiliate links anymore. I continued to post my gifs. After a while I noticed people were stealing my gifs, and they were also posting affiliate links with the gifs. So I started putting a banner of my subreddit in my gifs. Shortly afterwards I was shadowbanned again.

I still post my porn gifs over on voat, but God damn I hate that place.

i frequently pretend the word "retarded" offends me irl

I have a small penis, feelsgoodman

I cyberbully people on Tumblr.

I'm actually a very nice person and I always try to avoid upsetting people :<

I seriously voted for Trump.

Wtf is wrong with me, I hate Trump.