Drama in /r/relationships when someone doesn't know how calories and weight loss work.

31  2017-05-05 by Kyom

104 comments

OP Text:

My girlfriend has put on around 5-7kg in the last few months and is very clearly upset about it. She has made goals to lose weight by going to the gym, however she insists on following these weight-loss diets which require her to starve herself (under 500 calories) for 2 days a week. She has been following this diet for the last few weeks and has seen no progress, she has in-fact gained weight instead. I notice on these low calorie days she is very on edge and easily upset.

I am avidly into body-building and gym and have recently lost a lot of weight myself, so I am somewhat knowledgeable on the subject. I mentioned that starving yourself for two days probably isn't that good for your physical and mental health and that eating good food, counting your calories and eating slightly under your daily calorie intake is the best way to go. I say this as lightly as possible because this is a very touchy subject to her.

Whenever I try to give advice like this, she accuses me of calling her fat and that I want her to look like the girls at my gym (?). Keep in mind I have never mentioned her weight, or weight gain for that matter. I only want to help her reach her goal of losing weight because she is very upset about it. I feel like I am walking on egg-shells because she reacts like this no matter what I say or how lightly I put it. I feel it would be better off if I didn't say anything, but when she brings up the subject I can't help but give my two cents because this subject really hits home for me.

I really want her to be happy and confident and I feel this is putting a strain on our relationship. Is there anything I can say without setting her off? Am I in the wrong for trying to give advice?

TL;DR: My girlfriend is upset about her weight gain and is trying to lose weight but accuses me of calling her fat when I try to give advice. Is there anything I can do or say?

She think's starving herself for two days means she can overeat on the other days. I cant mention this without her getting angry

OP needs to get a smarter girlfriend.

Jews did this

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-sigh-

not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there, not going there,

BRB. Need to go eat a giant bag of Cheesy Poofs with a tub of ice cream chaser.

How's that different from any other day, mizpiggy?

It's just another day for you to imagine my lush, fat body while you masturbate, hot stuff.

My fetish isn't being crushed.

bigot

what?

O hi, nito-kun. That was ironic joke, very popular on /r/drama

indeed, miss me? ;D

The lack of REEEEEEing at islam is noticeable.

well, it's not like it's not needed

It's ok, baby. You can get on top.

YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME! GIVE IT TO ME, YOU SLUT!

:(

HEY IT IS TASTY DO NOT DENY ME MY CHEESY POOFS AND ICE CREAM.

Only my kitchen can do that, because I have neither Cheesy Poofs nor ice cream. Dammit.

You shouldn't eat your feelings.

but my feelings are SO FUCKING TASTY

They are like the salty tears of reddit after being told of a site change

mmmmmmmmmmmm

Just don't pretend it is science keeping you massive versus the hoover under your nose.

"I have no opinion, because of course I don't care. SO HERE IS MY OPINION, WITH SOME EXTRA BILE BECAUSE I AM MISSING BRAIN CELLS."

It isn't about your personal health so much as when the fatlogic spreads like cancer to people that can still be saved from full retardation.

I'd try to explain to you what fat acceptance really is, but I have found it's really hard to explain simple things to the mentally challenged.

I wonder if I should post that to AHS since you are here calling people retarded like a joke. I was concerned if being obese and in denial of basic science and nutrition was your only issue. I'm glad I was properly corrected.

Fat acceptance is practically about rationalizing being obese and shitting on people that try to live a normal life at a normal human size. The time when not talking about pseudo science akin to flat earth and snake oil is spent talking about how looks don't matter but still reminding everyone that they look FAAAAAAABULISSSS compared to all those skinny bitches.

FYI, matter isn't created from thin air anywhere in the universe, so your logic only works if your mouth opens to an alternate dimension.

I wonder if I should post that to AHS since you are here calling people retarded like a joke.

Go ahead. I'm not the one who used the word 'retard' previously about something you have less than zero clue about. But, sure. Go tattle on me if that feeds your mommy fetish. Don't forget to ask for a diaper change while you're there.

Fat acceptance is practically about rationalizing being obese and shitting on people that try to live a normal life at a normal human size.

No, it's not. I know someone with your issues isn't able to understand what it really means, as you can only understand what people spoon-feed you. That's ok. I'm sure your mommy loves you anyway.

that they look FAAAAAAABULISSSS compared to all those skinny bitches.

Anyone who says that is a fucking asshole. Are you a fucking asshole? You sound like you're fucking your own asshole.

So what is it then, if it's not composed entirely of claiming CICO is wrong and that being overweight doesn't lead to any health problems?

Fat Acceptance is simply the idea that fat people should not be bullied or harassed and treated like every other person.

That's it. That's all it is. Think of it like any other acceptance. You don't have to like it. You're just being asked to stop treating people like shit.

I don't care if you can pull up some whiny bloggers who insists otherwise. There will always be people who want to add their own issues.

I can tell you that when you get a Ph.D. part of the ceremony includes painting yourself green and running around naked in the woods, and that weight lifting only works best if you're lifting Golden Retrievers. That doesn't make it true.

Eh. I actually recently denied someone a job at my law firm because they were qualified but disgustingly obese. Thank god it's not illegal in America to discriminate based off of someone's weight.

Actually, it is completely illegal in San Francisco and five other cities, plus all of the state of Michigan for employers to discriminate based on weight or height.

Also, if someone identifies as having an obesity-linked disability, you're looking at federal law breaking via the ADA.

Hun, I'm a lawyer in New York. No problems here. She claimed no ADA accommodations so after her in person interview she got canned real quick. This was far from a title VII violation, which by the way, only covers underlying health issues related to obesity. Not obesity itself. She'd also never be able to prove that's why I didn't hire her because I'm not an idiot.

Yeah, you're a lawyer like I'm a supermodel.

PANT AFTER ME HARDER! You know you want me. But you can't have me!

No, as in, I'm a literal bar admitted attorney in the state of New York.

It's okay, accepting people as they are isn't really a big thing in FA

Then why do you push pseudoscience if it is only about not treating obese people like shit?

Makes no sense to push fake science and lead people into unhealthy downward spirals.

Changing the target, eh?

Why don't you fuck off to FPH on Voat with the rest of the fat hating retards? I hear they still have 40 people all jerking themselves off to fat people. You'd fit right in!

I am not part of FPH. No need to get so defensive. You sure seem to be making lots of random projections and ducking what is said in this thread.

I've had you tagged as an FPH user for years. I know it's hard to understand, but you should really go flock with your kind. You know, the Speshul Snowflakes who get their fee-fees hurt everytime they think of a fat person.

Booo hooooo.

I've had you tagged as an FPH user for years. I know it's hard to understand, but you should really go flock with your kind. You know, the Speshul Snowflakes who get their fee-fees hurt everytime they think of a fat person. Booo hooooo.

redditor for 11 months

OK, I'm done with feeding your shower-nozzle masturbation fantasies.

I know you have the hots for fat women, but you're going to have to get off elsewhere. Here's a towel. Lock up after you're done.

Lol, this meltdown is hysterical.

I love how you think it's a meltdown.

Melt me harder, lover!

The thing is, that it is OK when I call people retard but not when you do. That is because I don't call everyone around me fascist while clutching my pearls. Is that hard for you to understand? Put the spoon down and read and you'll catch up better.

You can't criticize people for shit you do yourself. I don't care that you do these things, but I'm mocking how much of a hypocrite you are. Distinct difference.

Also, you've pushed pseudo science horseshit on Reddit plenty and I know all about how FA people operate. Muh metabolism and pushing shit like dieting never works and even pushing bullshit doctors that say things like smoking isn't addictive but being a landwhale makes you one for LIFE.

There are no such things as set points other than you having a set point of below average IQ and higher than average denial of cognitive dissonance.

Yeah, see, Sharma is a world-recognized obesity expert who is the lead of an organization of obesity researchers, has multiple degrees, and is a chair at a major university.

You're just some jackass jerkoff retard with a degree in peeing on yourself.

When you inhale the smoke of a cigarette you are doing something (a behaviour) – when you gain (or lose) weight, it is something your body does (whether you want it to or not). This distinction is fundamental: when I stop smoking, I become a non-smoker – end of story!

Lol, doesn't make them less of a joke. You can make a lot of money by feeding people the lies they want to hear.

You can make a lot of money by feeding people the lies they want to hear.

Don't you talk bad about religion.

*tips fedora

TIL being a respected person in your field and a noted medical doctor and researcher makes you a joke.

Did you read the article? Did you see that quote? Doesn't make them infallible from pushing junk for profit.

Whaa whaaa, I just want to keep stirring up shit so I can claim she's having a meltdown.

Whaaaaa! Cwy some more!

How is your diabetes going?

Pretty well, after all these years. Thanks for asking! I'm thinking about finally getting a pump, now that I have insurance that will cover it.

Don't do it

Let nature take its course ;)

I doubt there's anything in existence that could cover you.

Please go there. You know you want to.

nooooooooooooope.

nope nope nope nope nope

I liked the part where you repeatedly said you weren't going there, and then went there.

A slice of apple pie, cheddar cheese, and a scoop of ice cream.

A bag of "cheesy poofs" and a tub of ice cream.

Basically the same.

You must be new to me. That wasn't where I wasn't going. And who cares about mixing it? Have you ever dipped french fries in whipped cream? We used to do that as kids. Also, pickles go great in hot fudge sundaes. You don't even have to be pregnant to enjoy that.

(Newest diet: Writing things on Reddit that make you barf. glrrrghhh)

Fun fact: Fat people are subhuman.

Only in the sense that their bodies are mainly made of meatball sub ingredients

Awwww. You're so cute when you're angry. Come kiss me, hot stuff!

Fat """"""""""people""""""""""

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I have a serious question.

How do you justify doing this to yourself? Do you not care that you're killing yourself?

How much weight do I have to lose to not die?

You're accelerating your death. By your logic that you're gonna die anyway you may as well jump in front of a car.

OK. Here's my keys. You're driving!

I'm sorry that you have such a severe mental illness that you're driven to eat like a pig. You should seek help or you will be killed by your fatness

Yeah. I'm gonna die before i'm 40.

Seek help now. You don't have to die that early. Stop with the fat acceptance bullshit and put in the work to be a healthy person with a happy life.

You're such a returd.

I'm planning on dying before I'm 40 and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Suck dirt.

You must have a pretty shit life then.

My life is FUCKING AWESOME, DUDE! I'm gonna live my life to the fullest before I'm 40! You wait and see!

How are you menopausal before 40. Is it beetus?

You seem to be confused. I suggest sitting on a comfy couch with a nice cuppa mint tea.

What do they think people see when they were delayed due to a librarian. Friends who are harassed and treated like every other person.

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Glad someone finally said it. FUCK librarians!

So according to that sub OP just should accept his gf will become ovese abd be happy for her and if she throws tantrums that's his fault.

Hmmmm

YOU NEED TO SUPPORT HER

Better build a scaffold.

😂😂😂

It pisses me off that they think that this is how relationships are supposed to work. Like why does he have to sit there and deal with all here bullshit + her becoming unattractive to him? What makes her "the one" if not her personality or looks?

Rule 1 of /r/relationships: Man is always responsible somehow. Rule 2 of /r/relationships: Woman is always right. Rule 3 of /r/relationships: If woman is very very clearly wrong on a hot button issue on a moral level, rule 2 doesn't apply but rule 1 does.

That dude is so fucked if he stays.

I mean, he's wrong about the metabolism part. That is old, tired, bullshit fitness dogma.

Penn Jillette, a 6'6" man that weighed over 330 pounds, lost over 100 pounds by eating around 1,000 calories a day, and only eating once a day.

Ya but come on man, he's a magician!

And prostitutes.

And coke

this guy is a moron, but tbh fam and friendos, I have noticed that drama is still hung up on calories in / calories out, which is useless as an explanatory model for obesity. Of course it is true as a matter of physics, but it doesn't explain anything about why fat people are still so hungry, or why they store calories and not burn them.

They're still hungry because their body has adapted to consuming ungodly amounts of food. They store calories because they're eating at a surplus. It's not rocket appliances.

Those are merely hypotheses, not facts. Even if the reason someone eats too much is 'they are used to it' as you surmise, it doesn't explain how they stop, unless you think will power is unlimited, which we know for a fact is not.

Also, your hypothesis don't really explain why obesity has gotten out of control over time or why it's more prevalent amongst the poor. Suffice to say, this is way too much of an effort thread to have in drama, especially since I'm typing this while I shit. Everyone should check out competing theories like the insulin hypothesis, set point hypothesis, the metabolic effects of sugar etc.

Food is prevalent and easily acquired in countries like the US.

Cheap food tends to be heavy on carbs and sugar.

Carbs and sugar have higher caloric density than fruits/vegetables/meat.

So poor people buy cheap food, out of necessity, that food is dense with calories, they eat more calories per gram than someone who can afford fresh fruits/vegetables/meat.

Seems pretty reasonable to me.

"seems reasonable" isn't really the standard we use in science.

My bad I didn't realize /r/drama was a scientific sub and required the use of standardized measurements.

Please accept my humblest of apologies and this twinkie.

80% of what I eat is carbs and I've been losing weight. If I can lose 20 pounds in 4 months drinking coke and eating chips ahoy, nobody has an excuse.

And no, I'm not a teenager. Not after the incident.

You can totally do that as long as you take in less than you expend.

The problem is people take in more than they expend and that is compounded by cheap high caloric density foods.

Unlike the tides, this can be explained.

Exactly. I've never bought into the idea that you're forced to be fat based on where you live. You can stay thin eating nothing but lard. You'll be really, really unhappy, and eventually you'll die of malnutrition, but you'll be thin. Mcdonald's isn't making people fat, people kill people.

i mean

The thing I find curious is that all of the people who are genetically predisposed to being fatasses live in Western/First World countries (and mostly the USA).

That should be studied. How such a genetically isolated group could form in such a genetically diverse area.

Over time, the stomach increases its capacity to adapt to increased food consumption. Look it up, dum dum. The fact that excess calories are stored as fat is also a fact. Just because there are other factors at play doesn't mean those factors are somehow "competing" with calories in/out. Insulin doesn't magically create surplus calories to store out of thin air.

Also, your hypothesis don't really explain why obesity has gotten out of control over time

Yes it does, penis wrinkle: http://www.goodfoodworld.com/2011/04/calories-consumed-per-day-up-nearly-25-since-1970/

but it doesn't explain anything about why fat people are still so hungry

Food is a dangerously addictive vice. Especially if it has high sodium or sugars. You'll end up rewriting your emotional response to respond positively once you build that addiction. Additionally, the increased insulin production will lead to a biological necessity to consume more sugars.

or why they store calories and not burn them

Genetic predisposition or overeating causes their BMR to plummet. It's just another external factor that needs to be accounted for in consuming calories.

which is useless as an explanatory model for obesity

kys, fam.

Le calories reference is a way for people to pretend they know about a topic when they really don't. It makes sense, mathematically. And yes, it is true that if you eat fewer calories than you expend, your weight will go down. But then you have a bunch of 15 year olds going "lol i weigh 70 pounds and i literally shovel mayonnaise into my mouth all day" without understanding that there's more to it than X minus Y. Some people are cursed with a body that really wants to store fat, so they have to take considerable effort to not become fat.

But really, once your BMI is nearing obese, cut it the fuck out with the food. I don't care how efficient your GI tract is or how low your BMR is, you're going to die young after being a taxpayer burden for a decade if you don't limit your portions.

Some people are cursed with a body that really wants to store fat, so they have to take considerable effort to not become fat.

This is really not a thing barring some rare genetic disorder or a reaction to medication. Our metabolisms don't vary that much: https://examine.com/nutrition/does-metabolism-vary-between-two-people/

The actual problem is fatasses sucking down 3,000 calories per day in liquids alone and thinking they're all good because they drink diet soda. Then you have Auschwitz fags who eat 1500 calories per day in fruit roll ups and hot dogs and think they're pigging out.

I'm not talking about metabolism, although 700 calories a day is a fucking lot when considered over the course of a year. 73 pounds, to be specific. Add 73 pounds to almost anyone and they'll be obese.

I'm mainly talking about how our body decides when to create/fill a lipocyte and where, neither of which we have the answer to. Genetics are pretty much the sole cause of where fat goes - men get it on their abdomen, women get it basically everywhere else - but as to the exact reasons behind lipogenesis and lipolysis, those are a mystery.

The majority of people are going to be nearly identical. Eat whatever you want, don't go over a certain number, and you're good. But some people simply have a higher base percentage of fat for whatever reason. The most obvious example of these being boobs. Some girls have an A cup, some girls have an H cup. The difference is how much fat their body decided to put there. Less lucky people will get that extra fat on their neck or thighs or whatever. Those people are going to have to work harder to not be a big fat fatty. It sucks, but them's the breaks.

All I'm saying is two people of equal weight and height can follow the same diet and lose different amounts of fat in different places, and some people won the reverse lottery of fat storage.

Even in terms of unequal fat distribution it does not answer the question of obesity. Some people have bodies where fat is stored more easily on the sides, some people have fat stored more easily in the front. However, if both people follow proper nutrition they will lose fat and not qualify as obese. Some people will get muffintops easier than others, but it takes serious neglect and bad decisions to become obese/heavily overweight. A person can have genetics that can lead to certain undesirable aesthetics, but even this person can avoid looking extremely overweight and obese by following a relatively healthy lifestyle like anyone else. Saying it's easier/harder for some people to get fatter is mostly irrelevant, because the levels of fatness we are talking about here transcends mere body type. Barring certain genetic conditions/mental illnesses, people with any body type can control what they put in to their system.

Look, following calories in calories out doesn't necessarily make someone healthier, although it often does. I hate seeing this type of contrarianism against cals in/cals out because the arguments people are making against it are so pedantic and they miss the overall point, as well as encouraging people to not be responsible for their own weight.

This doesn't mean shame and call out the fatty. This means not exempting people of their own responsibility to take care of themselves. The epidemic of obesity we see here in the USA is directly correlated with the rise of fast food and sedentary lifestyles, not related to an increase of genetic disorders. Perhaps there's an argument to be made about the mental effects of advertising and socialization on the public, but that's another discussion.