Don't even try to kinkshame me. My kinks are my business.

Snapshots:

1. This Post - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, snew.github.io, archive.is

^{I am a bot. (Info / Contact)}

How are you always so accurate, SnapshillBot?

This is getting creepy, snappy

what if it learns how to post bussy by itself?

Man... Penthouse letters over the years got really shitty.

This but on an ironing board.

"over the years"

"got"

Honestly jerking someone off should be that difficult

This is why watching porn should be mandatory for teenagers

/r/sex. Where adult women are treated like children who need protecting and everything is the man's fault.

Don't listen to the spergs on that sub, /u/breakupquery. Why would you even want a handjob anyway? You can do that yourself. At least ask for a blowjob.

If you want, you can text her and say you're not angry and you'll help her try again if she wants. But try a bedroom. If she doesn't answer then disregard her. You have to be proactive in directing her while she's doing it. Remind her your dick is part of your body and being rough can hurt it.

I think he was aware that what started with a handjob could very well lead to all sorts of other, far better, things.

He also should buy a banana and have her practice jerking off on that a little. Anything that would mush the banana, is too much for your dick.

Here's a suggestion what you could text her. "Hey! I just wanted to check in and ask if you're ok? I've come to realise after the fact that maybe a public toilet wasn't the best idea for a first time experience for you, but I think my dick took over the thinking a little, and I'm sorry. I hope everything is ok with you, but if you need a chat, I'm here."

Something like that?

Seriously, this person is 18 not 8 lol.

Why would you even want a handjob anyway? You can do that yourself. At least ask for a blowjob.

>2017

>Not sucking your own cock

What are you? A HAES slacktivist?

Maybe he's got a teeny weeny.

Seriously, u/breakupquery, the losers at r/sex come off as virgins themselves half the time and have likely never had a sexual experience other than jerking it to the posts on their subreddit. Don't listen to them.

He should've just jacked her legs apart on that toilet and gone to town on that teenage mound.

Not wanting a handjob because you can do it yourself would be like me not wanting to be pegged because I can /r/selffuck/. Expand your horizons.

I can taste the jealousy of the guys on /r/sex who are outraged that they never got blonde Catholic 18 year old wanking them off in public bathrooms.

100% chance this is fake and the OP is just sharing his fetish.

We threw out our little ice cream cups and went towards the sitting area/restrooms.

No shit. No one writes a real story like that.

It reads like someone who has never accidently farted on their lovers cock, or said a word wrong during sex causing you to laugh so hard you lose all sense of romance and stop the fucking, i mean seriously honey it's too perfect i still remember having to go pee and having to stop because i could not hold it.

You like that, you fucking retard?

funny but i did instead stay "du bist mich vati" as douche my catty and it i feel on my daddys lap laughing.

Dude whatever

It's 2017, apart from happy endings in dodgy massage parlours, who's getting handjobs? Holy shit.

The future master race of humans would never stoop to a lowly handjob.

But seriously, how retarded is this comment.

t. faggot who still gets handjobs

I love an Old Fashioned.

This makes me angry like i want to throw a large book at his face angry.

But seriously, how retarded is this comment.

Och, I dunno; you did your best.

lol k

Hipsters think that the less traditional your sex life, the cooler and more progressive you are

Behaving like a bonobo with down syndrome is certainly easier than developing a personality

This is why you can only use a urinal at the mall.

He took it out.

/u/breakupquery

I'm pretty drunk and I'm going to just respond to this as I read through. So, buckle up, buckaroo.

She comes to me with questions she's too embarrassed to ask other people because she trusts me and knows I'll answer honestly and not make fun.

She's probably in to you. I'm loading up on pocket spaghetti already.

she wants to try things with a guy. Well, hell, I'm a guy!

I think she's noticed... w-why did you think she was telling you?

I bought her some lotion she kept talking about

She's going to jerk you off with the lotion, right?

I brought up the family restrooms in the mall.

shieeeet.

I took that look to mean 'I'm anxious, you take the reigns,' so I did. I acted confident [...] I locked the door and sat down on the floor next to her and asked her what she wanted to do.

So, you were in charge for as long as it took to walk to the bathroom?

She stood RIGHT IN FRONT of me, both of us standing up facing each other while she pulled on my cock. It was so miserable. She kept staring me straight in the eyes. What are you even supposed to do?

Jesus fucking christ, son. The autism levels are through the roof. You're supposed to kiss her you fucking tool.

You see, girls are sentimental like that, they imagine their first sexual encounters to feature scented candles and a little romance, not the alluring smell of piss and the level of passion I've come to expect from a Shanghai masseuse (the last one I had was actually texting with her free hand).

This went for 3 full minutes and I could not cum.

A new personal record!

I don't even want to message her.

Tough shit, you're going to. You probably traumatised the poor girl, and I take personal offence to that because now I know there's going to be one less slutty Catholic teenager out there in the world.

I thought she was hot enough for me to cum easily but I couldn't even FORCE myself to do it.

Fat, ugly girls have more skills and less self-respect. T^{he More} Y^{ou Know}

Three whole minutes, wow! Some lucky woman is in for a memorable 15 seconds of passion from this sexual maven.

Tough shit, you're going to. You're going to explain that you're a fucktarded sperglord and the only thing she did wrong was mistake you for an authority on anything to do with sex. You probably traumatised the poor girl, and I take personal offence to that because now I know there's going to be one less slutty Catholic teenager out there in the world.

This sounds really whiteknightey and pathetic. delete this

Come duel me bro, I'll defend m'lady's well-lotioned honour.

Too busy chatting up a 19 year old on Tinder, bye

WOW

I was expecting dick caught in zipper at the very least. Disappointing

douche's virgin kink gets crushed by the fact that virgin's are by nature inexperienced, who could have guessed....

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ive never read so many comments that have convinced me that these people are virgins or paid to lose their virginity because its so fucking clinical and they treat a honest mistake and a foolish act as if he held her down tied her up and forced her to jack him off at gunpoint.......... hmm not to self for future BDSM scene.

I think if you're going to get someone to jerk you off in a public toilet, you should dress up as a clown to make the whole experience more relaxing.

Okay when she gave his cock a Chinese burn. That shit was hilarious.