On the morning of September 11, 2001, 19 men armed with boxcutters directed by a man on dialysis in a cave fortress halfway around the world using a satellite phone and a laptop directed the most sophisticated penetration of the most heavily-defended airspace in the world, overpowering the passengers and the military combat-trained pilots on 4 commercial aircraft before flying those planes wildly off course for over an hour without being molested by a single fighter interceptor.
These 19 hijackers, devout religious fundamentalists who liked to drink alcohol, snort cocaine, and live with pink-haired strippers, managed to knock down 3 buildings with 2 planes in New York, while in Washington a pilot who couldn’t handle a single engine Cessna was able to fly a 757 in an 8,000 foot descending 270 degree corskscrew turn to come exactly level with the ground, hitting the Pentagon in the budget analyst office where DoD staffers were working on the mystery of the 2.3 trillion dollars that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had announced “missing” from the Pentagon’s coffers in a press conference the day before, on September 10, 2001.
Luckily, the news anchors knew who did it within minutes, the pundits knew within hours, the Administration knew within the day, and the evidence literally fell into the FBI’s lap. But for some reason a bunch of crazy conspiracy theorists demanded an investigation into the greatest attack on American soil in history.
The investigation was delayed, underfunded, set up to fail, a conflict of interest and a cover up from start to finish. It was based on testimony extracted through torture, the records of which were destroyed. It failed to mention the existence of WTC7, Able Danger, Ptech, Sibel Edmonds, OBL and the CIA, and the drills of hijacked aircraft being flown into buildings that were being simulated at the precise same time that those events were actually happening. It was lied to by the Pentagon, the CIA, the Bush Administration and as for Bush and Cheney…well, no one knows what they told it because they testified in secret, off the record, not under oath and behind closed doors. It didn’t bother to look at who funded the attacks because that question is of “little practical significance“. Still, the 9/11 Commission did brilliantly, answering all of the questions the public had (except most of the victims’ family members’ questions) and pinned blame on all the people responsible (although no one so much as lost their job), determining the attacks were “a failure of imagination” because “I don’t think anyone could envision flying airplanes into buildings ” except the Pentagon and FEMA and NORAD and the NRO.
The DIA destroyed 2.5 TB of data on Able Danger, but that’s OK because it probably wasn’t important.
The SEC destroyed their records on the investigation into the insider trading before the attacks, but that’s OK because destroying the records of the largest investigation in SEC history is just part of routine record keeping.
NIST has classified the data that they used for their model of WTC7’s collapse, but that’s OK because knowing how they made their model of that collapse would “jeopardize public safety“.
The FBI has argued that all material related to their investigation of 9/11 should be kept secret from the public, but that’s OK because the FBI probably has nothing to hide.
This man never existed, nor is anything he had to say worthy of your attention, and if you say otherwise you are a paranoid conspiracy theorist and deserve to be shunned by all of humanity. Likewise him, him, him, and her. (and her and her and him).
Osama Bin Laden lived in a cave fortress in the hills of Afghanistan, but somehow got away. Then he was hiding out in Tora Bora but somehow got away. Then he lived in Abottabad for years, taunting the most comprehensive intelligence dragnet employing the most sophisticated technology in the history of the world for 10 years, releasing video after video with complete impunity (and getting younger and younger as he did so), before finally being found in a daring SEAL team raid which wasn’t recorded on video, in which he didn’t resist or use his wife as a human shield, and in which these crack special forces operatives panicked and killed this unarmed man, supposedly the best source of intelligence about those dastardly terrorists on the planet. Then they dumped his body in the ocean before telling anyone about it. Then a couple dozen of that team’s members died in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan.
This is the story of 9/11, brought to you by the media which told you the hard truths about JFK and incubator babies and mobile production facilities and the rescue of Jessica Lynch.
If you have any questions about this story…you are a batshit, paranoid, tinfoil, dog-abusing baby-hater and will be reviled by everyone. If you love your country and/or freedom, happiness, rainbows, rock and roll, puppy dogs, apple pie and your grandma, you will never ever express doubts about any part of this story to anyone. Ever.
I'm a batshit, paranoid, tinfoil, dog-abusing baby-hater and I'm reviled by everyone. That's not even copy pasta related. That's the life I'm living in real life.
This is the story of 9/11, brought to you by the media which told you the hard truths about JFK and incubator babies and mobile production facilities and the rescue of Jessica Lynch.
So I love this country. I created what could be considered one of the largest countries in the world. With 50 states, we have a great system and a very tight ship, until today. A terrorist took over and set our airplanes against us, and is right now, as we speak, demolishing hundreds of hours of work by many people while all we can do is stand around dying to our planes and wondering what we did wrong. Many citizens have simply quit, our efforts to fix this problem simply allowed more destruction. This is completely game breaking, and as President I'm left feeling helpless and angry. We are sitting in the White House watching one lone terrorist simply demolish the World Trade Center, huge metal structures and take our airplanes away with such enthusiasm it really does make me feel ill. We are on server 81 and over half the country have logged out feeling a little more than angry over something that should never have happened. All my structures, my base doesn't belong to me. -It belongs to a Muslim with a box cutter and a very poor attitude. I'm at my wits end typing this, hoping for some kind of response or some way for us to reclaim what has been today, a very heartbreaking experience for a huge gathering of citizens once extremely happy living in America. At this point, I don't even want to address the nation, I think my time in America was quite good, but with our country shattered at the hands of an obvious exploit, it's hardly even worth bothering. Many friends and buddies were ready to join our massive collection of kind, committed citizens who never been in combat, but enjoyed going to the mall to simply just move on, putting America in the waste bin of broken countries founded way too early before proper civilization. I can't begin to tell you how heartbreaking this is, and how truly and utterly devastated many of my country members are. I know this won't be fixed, that it's simply brushed under the rug to allow more immigration, but at this point, my promotion of this country has come to an abrupt and painful end.
I bet the news channels are having full blown mental breakdowns; do they cover 9/11 a surefire way to get the 'Merican blood boiling or cover real time Irma aftermath and destruction?
56 comments
1 CucksLoveTrump 2017-09-11
By drinking the last of the bourbon left over from the Sunday night game. This one's for all the first responders. USA!
1 Dr_Gop 2017-09-11
https://i.imgur.com/fERZtXp_d.jpg
1 Karmaisforsuckers 2017-09-11
(((9/11)))
1 Clark_Savage_Jr 2017-09-11
That's the conspiracy theory for normies.
¡¡¡[[[9/11]]]!!!
1 SperglockHolmes 2017-09-11
https://i.imgur.com/YOlb9eg.png
1 bald-seagull 2017-09-11
Only truly shitty heroes bring treasures like these up from the depths
1 Zeuter 2017-09-11
Which is shittier, A or B?
1 bald-seagull 2017-09-11
I was going to say video B until some Papyrus showed up in the wild around 1:22 in video A. And that's really splitting hairs.
9/11 out of 10 shittiness all around
1 Zeuter 2017-09-11
I'm surprised anyone even got that far.
1 uniqueguy263 2017-09-11
Wtf is that
1 captainpriapism 2017-09-11
i think its pretty self explanatory
1 uniqueguy263 2017-09-11
The worst crimes of the past 25 years, all in one picture?
1 Gothmog26 2017-09-11
I fapped
1 Sethal4395 2017-09-11
y tho
1 pepperouchau 2017-09-11
Oh heck I almost forgot, nice save
1 uss_wstar 2017-09-11
I wish we'd get a few more planes of peaceful cultural enrichment
1 ManhattanTransFur 2017-09-11
Yeah, a few more people need to get woke to the Glass Mecca movement.
1 makes_people_cringe 2017-09-11
0.81818181
1 MakeAmericaSageAgain 2017-09-11
On the morning of September 11, 2001, 19 men armed with boxcutters directed by a man on dialysis in a cave fortress halfway around the world using a satellite phone and a laptop directed the most sophisticated penetration of the most heavily-defended airspace in the world, overpowering the passengers and the military combat-trained pilots on 4 commercial aircraft before flying those planes wildly off course for over an hour without being molested by a single fighter interceptor.
These 19 hijackers, devout religious fundamentalists who liked to drink alcohol, snort cocaine, and live with pink-haired strippers, managed to knock down 3 buildings with 2 planes in New York, while in Washington a pilot who couldn’t handle a single engine Cessna was able to fly a 757 in an 8,000 foot descending 270 degree corskscrew turn to come exactly level with the ground, hitting the Pentagon in the budget analyst office where DoD staffers were working on the mystery of the 2.3 trillion dollars that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had announced “missing” from the Pentagon’s coffers in a press conference the day before, on September 10, 2001.
Luckily, the news anchors knew who did it within minutes, the pundits knew within hours, the Administration knew within the day, and the evidence literally fell into the FBI’s lap. But for some reason a bunch of crazy conspiracy theorists demanded an investigation into the greatest attack on American soil in history.
The investigation was delayed, underfunded, set up to fail, a conflict of interest and a cover up from start to finish. It was based on testimony extracted through torture, the records of which were destroyed. It failed to mention the existence of WTC7, Able Danger, Ptech, Sibel Edmonds, OBL and the CIA, and the drills of hijacked aircraft being flown into buildings that were being simulated at the precise same time that those events were actually happening. It was lied to by the Pentagon, the CIA, the Bush Administration and as for Bush and Cheney…well, no one knows what they told it because they testified in secret, off the record, not under oath and behind closed doors. It didn’t bother to look at who funded the attacks because that question is of “little practical significance“. Still, the 9/11 Commission did brilliantly, answering all of the questions the public had (except most of the victims’ family members’ questions) and pinned blame on all the people responsible (although no one so much as lost their job), determining the attacks were “a failure of imagination” because “I don’t think anyone could envision flying airplanes into buildings ” except the Pentagon and FEMA and NORAD and the NRO. The DIA destroyed 2.5 TB of data on Able Danger, but that’s OK because it probably wasn’t important.
The SEC destroyed their records on the investigation into the insider trading before the attacks, but that’s OK because destroying the records of the largest investigation in SEC history is just part of routine record keeping.
NIST has classified the data that they used for their model of WTC7’s collapse, but that’s OK because knowing how they made their model of that collapse would “jeopardize public safety“. The FBI has argued that all material related to their investigation of 9/11 should be kept secret from the public, but that’s OK because the FBI probably has nothing to hide.
This man never existed, nor is anything he had to say worthy of your attention, and if you say otherwise you are a paranoid conspiracy theorist and deserve to be shunned by all of humanity. Likewise him, him, him, and her. (and her and her and him).
Osama Bin Laden lived in a cave fortress in the hills of Afghanistan, but somehow got away. Then he was hiding out in Tora Bora but somehow got away. Then he lived in Abottabad for years, taunting the most comprehensive intelligence dragnet employing the most sophisticated technology in the history of the world for 10 years, releasing video after video with complete impunity (and getting younger and younger as he did so), before finally being found in a daring SEAL team raid which wasn’t recorded on video, in which he didn’t resist or use his wife as a human shield, and in which these crack special forces operatives panicked and killed this unarmed man, supposedly the best source of intelligence about those dastardly terrorists on the planet. Then they dumped his body in the ocean before telling anyone about it. Then a couple dozen of that team’s members died in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan.
This is the story of 9/11, brought to you by the media which told you the hard truths about JFK and incubator babies and mobile production facilities and the rescue of Jessica Lynch.
If you have any questions about this story…you are a batshit, paranoid, tinfoil, dog-abusing baby-hater and will be reviled by everyone. If you love your country and/or freedom, happiness, rainbows, rock and roll, puppy dogs, apple pie and your grandma, you will never ever express doubts about any part of this story to anyone. Ever.
1 buttermyself 2017-09-11
Cool story bro. Why do you hate america?
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-09-11
America is run by (((them))), don't'cha know?
1 buttermyself 2017-09-11
Since the jews did 9/11 why cant the muslims build a mosque at ground zero?
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-09-11
The Jews.
1 buttermyself 2017-09-11
I dont believe you. Im gonna ask someone on /r/conspiracy Surely one of them will know the truth.
1 MakeAmericaSageAgain 2017-09-11
I'm a batshit, paranoid, tinfoil, dog-abusing baby-hater and I'm reviled by everyone. That's not even copy pasta related. That's the life I'm living in real life.
1 buttermyself 2017-09-11
If only i had batshit or tinfoil id be that much closer to growing weed or cooking meth so cry me a river mr fancypants.
1 MakeAmericaSageAgain 2017-09-11
I steal mine from the trailer park outside of town. Be the change you want to see.
1 buttermyself 2017-09-11
I just found out whos been stealing my means of production so things are looking up. 9/11 is truly a magical time of year.
1 glmox 2017-09-11
not an argument
1 Works_of_memercy 2017-09-11
Don't forget the spherical earth.
1 MakeAmericaSageAgain 2017-09-11
lol better forget about all this
1 Works_of_memercy 2017-09-11
Never!
1 bigblackkittie 2017-09-11
i'm not reading all of that
1 Mabans 2017-09-11
Are you missing school?
1 harrah8083 2017-09-11
W O K E
1 wow___justwow 2017-09-11
Truther pasta, good shit.
1 OniTan 2017-09-11
So I love this country. I created what could be considered one of the largest countries in the world. With 50 states, we have a great system and a very tight ship, until today. A terrorist took over and set our airplanes against us, and is right now, as we speak, demolishing hundreds of hours of work by many people while all we can do is stand around dying to our planes and wondering what we did wrong. Many citizens have simply quit, our efforts to fix this problem simply allowed more destruction. This is completely game breaking, and as President I'm left feeling helpless and angry. We are sitting in the White House watching one lone terrorist simply demolish the World Trade Center, huge metal structures and take our airplanes away with such enthusiasm it really does make me feel ill. We are on server 81 and over half the country have logged out feeling a little more than angry over something that should never have happened. All my structures, my base doesn't belong to me. -It belongs to a Muslim with a box cutter and a very poor attitude. I'm at my wits end typing this, hoping for some kind of response or some way for us to reclaim what has been today, a very heartbreaking experience for a huge gathering of citizens once extremely happy living in America. At this point, I don't even want to address the nation, I think my time in America was quite good, but with our country shattered at the hands of an obvious exploit, it's hardly even worth bothering. Many friends and buddies were ready to join our massive collection of kind, committed citizens who never been in combat, but enjoyed going to the mall to simply just move on, putting America in the waste bin of broken countries founded way too early before proper civilization. I can't begin to tell you how heartbreaking this is, and how truly and utterly devastated many of my country members are. I know this won't be fixed, that it's simply brushed under the rug to allow more immigration, but at this point, my promotion of this country has come to an abrupt and painful end.
1 do0rkn0b 2017-09-11
work closed early due to hurrican
1 grotesquecel 2017-09-11
some horrible ideas are actually great ideas
1 lunchza 2017-09-11
Fuck USA tbqhwy
1 ieatpussy69 2017-09-11
I just got back from a legalize heroine convention. My mom didn't want me to go but I was like "Yo, 3/11 never happened".
1 buttermyself 2017-09-11
I felt pretty good after i blew the candles out on my 9/11 cake
1 grungebot5000 2017-09-11
happy seven eleven to all my losers and haters
1 ManhattanTransFur 2017-09-11
HAPPY DEUS VULT DAY, EVERYONE!
1 captainpriapism 2017-09-11
never forgetti
also it was unironically the jews
1 IntellectualEuphoria 2017-09-11
Like usual Donald Trump still produces drama
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/907311779331690496
1 makes_people_cringe 2017-09-11
damn ed krassentein looks sexy
1 naowwqtbooty 2017-09-11
Man 50 states of blue sure got triggered
1 PM_ME_HAIRLESS_CATS 2017-09-11
with this sick beat we can retake jerusalem
1 baaaaby 2017-09-11
if you dont play insurgency today youre neither a real gamer nor a real american
1 Russiangreyman 2017-09-11
Conditioning the hair on some Iraqi scalps I brought home from the war.
Anyone got recommendations on conditioners? Been using treseme but I feel like it's not bringing out the hairs potential.
1 strathmeyer 2017-09-11
Late night show intros always suck tonight.
1 TempestCola 2017-09-11
I bet the news channels are having full blown mental breakdowns; do they cover 9/11 a surefire way to get the 'Merican blood boiling or cover real time Irma aftermath and destruction?
1 OniTan 2017-09-11
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw6mpq_QPRI
1 None-Of-You-Are-Real 2017-09-11
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QX1SojKfgNI
1 Pepperglue 2017-09-11
Onion had the best story about 9/11.
1 IAintThatGuy 2017-09-11
اللهُ أَكْبَر