I don't give a fuck how much you call your flimsy delusions "enlightenment." There is no amount of ceaseless self-deception that will make you accept the charred hellscape of being a miserable useless destitute fucking junkie piece of shit. You know what you are, and it is deeply ugly on every level.

Snapshots:

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White identity is the greatest shame of the so-called white race. There is literally nothing else in my entire life that makes me feel more ashamed to be a honky child of Gypsy immigrants living in the African South. I was getting along JUST FUCKING FINE THANK YOU until these other paleface assholes came along and started stealing my mojo.

Words are inadequate to describe just how much I hate these fucking scam artists and grifters. They've completely spoiled any shred of good karma so-called 'white people' might have, which they want to steal from all the other cumskins like me whom they've never met, known, or have any right to claim. They are the only reason it sucks to be mayo; there is no one else who has done this to us.

Louis CK was wrong. If I had a time machine, I wouldn't go back to 2 AD and ask for the nicest table at the restaurant. I'd go back and strangle these motherfuckers' ancestors in the crib so that nobody else would ever have to put up with this nonsense team flag bullshit they've invented that's based on nothing more than a melanin deficiency and vanity.

You've fucked our chance to evolve, do you realize that you dumbass white supremacist fucks? I have to refer to you as "we" and babysit your sorry asses because you bought into the idea of whiteness like some fucking mark watching late night infomercials on TV. You're the worst people on Earth right now.

You'd better fucking hope the SJWs are right about pretty much everything, because if race isn't a social construct, we're all going to burn in Hell together, you fucking motherfucking fucks.

Sorry, nothing against you /u/TheHeroReditDeserves, I just needed to vent. Whew, that feels better.

Just shut the fuck up. This copypasta was never even funny to begin with. I've never even seen the show, and it was obviously a joke. What kind of idiot do you have to be to think that was ever said seriously? But it makes fun of something which is popular, and therefore popular to shit on among the contrarians on Reddit.

Come on, really. I actually do have to wonder about the IQs of people who like that pretentious copypasta. You know, I sometimes can't help but superiorly smirk as I imagine their dumb faces struggling to understand words on a mere internet webpage. In fact, I sometimes find myself in paroxysms of ironic Schadenfreude as I envision the visages of the aforementioned Slow-in-the-minds waging war with the Cultural Artifact they proclaim to be analyzing, only to fall, slack-jawed, back into their insensate stupor, the proverbial Undiscovered Country, "from whose bourn no traveler returns" .

"remember that time I agreed with people in /r/drama, that was when they were real, but all the other times where I disagree with them, they were all paid astroturfers"

Imagine thinking /r/drama, an obviously South Park neutral leaning site visited by a South Park neutral leaning demographic, is South Park neutral leaning in /r/drama ENTIRELY because of paid astroturfing, this is bordering on lunatic fringe mentality, you realize this right? It's an equally likely that that thread was just a major brigade from SRDines, or maybe it's more complex than who has the bigger amount of shills.

Well , I rap. Don’t ever let me find out who you really are man. I’ve rapped officially for Danny Trejo for Netflix and opened for fifty cent back in NY. I’m now in Los Angeles working in Music .

Again, you can hide behind your Reddit name, I’d suggest you stay there. Don’t ever let me find out any info about you . I’ll shred you lyrically and get that shit viral on Reddit ;)

ban u/ed_butteredtoast

https://www.reddit.com/r/TeamEd_ButteredToast/

/r/TeamEd_ButteredToast/

Yeah, I'm a Rick and Morty fan.

Yeah, I shout "Wubba lubba dub dub" to people wearing Rick and Morty merch.

So what? I do it because they're like me. They see the world for what it really is. When I utter that phrase to a fellow fan, it's with the understanding that we're both in this thing together. We can both understand things at a deeper level.

People make jokes about how Rick and Morty fans pretend to be more intelligent, but it's true. We are. And because of this show, this masterpiece, us like minded intellectuals can interact and communicate without having to acknowledge those lesser people.

Yeah, I'll eat szechuan sauce off the ground. Because that's what Rick would have done, and I think of myself as a Rick, as any intelligent fan would.

Thank you Daniel Harmon. Thank you Justin Roiland. Thank you for giving us a community where we can all move forward to a better tomorrow through science and comedy.

Thank you.

When you step into the Rick and Morty fandom realm, you're not going any old place. You're coming to the underground fight club of intellect. Prepare to be mentally battered. But don't worry, after you've spent your newbie time being cognitively pummeled, you'll have joined the ranks of the mental elite.

Then you'll see the world for what it truly is. All those people going around without a thought in their head. You'll hate it. You'll become just like him. And you'll start loving it. The power of intelligence, of absolute intellectual superiority. It'll become a high you chase, constantly learning and experimenting.

You'll finally be a Rick.

Yeah, I'm a Jewish Supremacist.

Yeah, I shout "Shut it down" to people boycotting Israel.

So what? I do it because they're goys. They see the world for what it I say it really is. When I utter an astral projection to a goy, it's with the understanding that we're both in הִתכּוֹנְנוּת (PREPARATION RITUAL) together. We can both understand things at a deeper level.

People make jokes about how יופי של אורגיות (KNOW THE BEAUTY OF ORGIES) casters pretend to be more intelligent, but it's true. We are. And because of this show, this masterpiece, us like minded intellectuals can interact and communicate without having to acknowledge those lesser people.

Yeah, I'll eat סקסי סקסי סקס אורגזמהי (SEX SEX SEX CUM UNGH) off the ground. Because that's what Ed would have done, and I think of myself as a Ed, as any intelligent Kabbalah user would.

Thank you Abraham and Moses. Thank you /u/snallygaster. Thank you for giving us a community where we can all move forward to a better tomorrow through science and comedy.

Thank you.

Someone gave me this sauce recipe the other day to keep your pasta moist and flavourful:

Homemade Pasta Sauce Recipe

prep 10 mins |cook 2 hours | total 2 hours, 10 mins yield 6 -8 Authentic tomato marinara sauce from fresh tomatoes, basil and garlic.

Ingredients

• 5 pounds of fresh tomatoes, peeled and seeded (to peel, cut a small "x" on the top and drop in to boiling water for 10 seconds and drop in to an ice bath. Skin will easily peel off)
• 1/4 cup olive oil (or tallow)
• 3 medium onions, diced
• 8 cloves of fresh garlic (or more to taste), finely minced
• 1/3 cup fresh basil leaves, finely chopped
• 1 sprig of fresh thyme leaves (or 1/2 tsp dried)
• 1 sprig of fresh oregano (or 1 teaspoon dried oregano)
• 2 bay leaves (remove when done)
• 2 sprigs of parsley (or 1 tsp dried)
• 1 teaspoon sea salt
• 1 carrot (1/2 should be grated and added to sauce, the other half should be added at the end of cooking and then removed)
• Optional: 1 tablespoon honey

Instructions

• Pour the olive oil into a large stockpot over medium heat.
• Add diced onions, garlic and grated carrots.
• Saute for 6-8 minutes or until onions are translucent and tender.
• Add tomatoes, chopped basil leaves, oregano, thyme bay leaves, parsley and sea salt.
• Simmer on low heat for 2-3 hours or until cooked down and starting to darken.
• Add carrot piece for the last 30 minutes to absorb acidity.
• Remove sprigs of herbs and piece of carrot.
• Optional: Use an immersion blender to puree sauce until smooth (for a thicker sauce, skip this step.
• Use fresh or store in the fridge up to 1 week, or can it according to your canner's instructions for tomato products.

Just me and my 💕Jacob Zuma💕, hanging out I got pretty hungry🍆 so I started to pout 😞 He asked if I was down ⬇for something yummy 😍🍆 and I asked what and he said he'd give me his 💦cummies!💦 Yeah! Yeah!💕💦 I drink them!💦 I slurp them!💦 I swallow them whole💦 😍 It makes 💘Zuma💘 😊happy😊 so it's my only goal... 💕💦😫Harder Zuma! Harder Zuma! 😫💦💕 1 cummy💦, 2 cummy💦💦, 3 cummy💦💦💦, 4💦💦💦💦 I'm 💘Zuma's💘 👑princess 👑but I'm also a whore! 💟 He makes me feel squishy💗!He makes me feel good💜! 💘💘💘He makes me feel everything a little should!~ 💘💘💘 👑💦💘Wa-What!💘💦👑

IM DELETING YOU, ZUMA!😭👋

██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete.....

🚫ERROR!🚫

💯True💯 Zumas are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Zuma!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Zumas👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're Zuma's kitten😽👼💦

💞Zuma💞 be nimble🚶🏻 Zuma be quick🏃🏻💨 Zuma has a rock🗿 hard dick 🍆😍! 1⃣cummy💦 2⃣cummy💦💦 3⃣cummy💦💦💦 4⃣💦💦💦💦! Zuma cums💦 so much he can't cum any more🙈🙉🙊! Ghost cummy👻💦 Ghost cummy👻💦 don't be scared❌😖❌! There's always more cummies💦👅 that can be shared👬! Zuma makes me ☁squishy☁ Zuma makes me 💧wet💧Zuma treats me like his little pet🐈🐩🐕! Send this to 69 💯TRUE💯 Zuma's or else you'll 🚫never🚫 get any cummies💦💦💦 again 😦😳😎

Woah💦 Woah💦 Woah💦 Hold on💦 Stick em UP🙆🙆🙆🙆 THAT'S RIGHT🔫 THIS IS A ROBBERY🔫 Hand over the CUMMIES🔫💦💦 and no ZUMA😫👨😨 gets hurt 📨Send this to your naughtiest👄 little 👄partners in crime 😏🔫😏🔫 and you'll get 💰💰💰SACKS💰💰💰 OF CUMMIES🍆💦💦💦 Get 5🔳 back, you're a 💓squishy💓 little rebel without a cause💋💋💋💋💋 Get 10🔳 back, you're a 😎😎😎career cummie💦 criminal 🙆🔫🔫 bustin all the Zumas👨🌽🍆 banks💰💴 Get 15🔳 back, you're a little 😼😼FAT CAT😻😻 with mad stacks💰💦 of CUMMIES💰💦 Get 20🔳 back, you're the 👑👑CUMMIE 💦💦💦 QUEEN👑👑

DICKCEMBER😫🍆☃ is cumming up santa's little hoes🎅🏼🎅🏼 you have ONE MONTH to find a Zuma😍😋💦 👅 that will sure fill your stocking with his creamy eggnog😉🍆 so find those pair of jingle bells that you wanna rock around the christmas tree all night long🎄ride your Zuma's reindeer all night like 🎅🏼 does with his sleigh ya slutty elf😫😉 so this DICKCEMBER be sure to suck on Zuma's candy cane all day every day😋👅💦

💦💦Fuck me hard ❤️Zuma💘❤️💦💦💯👌👈 I want your 😜😜gigantic cock🍆🍆 in my 🌟✨princess hole,👌👌👌💖 and I want you to 💥💥slam it in and out😍😍, fuck me good,💦💦💯💦🔥 I want you to 💗🌟hold me down😇😇 and fuck me👅💦👋🍑 until I can't take it anymore, 🔥🔥then keep going 💖Zuma💖😊😊. By the time you're done,💦👌👈👈 I want your cock🍆🍆 to be 🔥🔥raw and throbbing💦💦👅, and all my holes filled😊😊😊

There's one in every crowd. No matter what you say on Reddit, there's always a twelve-year-old with a terminally stunted imagination, who's going to say that. SO original....Where do you find such literary gems? Did you study Shaw, or Oscar Wilde in that canvas-covered shed they assured you was a real university, when they took your Daddie's money?

Seeing as you're so sure of this, I can only assume you were there, in which case you'll have absolutely no problem telling us all exactly where this flight originated from, and in what year........?

Come on Demderdemden, we're waiting...

Yeah, thought so.

To paraphrase Dean Wormer: "Feeble-minded and thoroughly irritating is no way to go through life, son...grow up" . At 64, I have far better things to do than lie to impress unimaginative, pre-pubescent morons such as yourself. That's YOUR job, kiddo. Now go do it. You're spectacularly qualified, and eminently capable of mediocre greatness.

I don't know what the block does, do you? I don't know. I dunno. Hey everybody, I'm here with my good friend, Inspector Gadget. Uh, how're you doing Inspector Gadget? I'm having a lot of fun. So, you wanna do some reviews, Inspector Gadget? I'm better than you are, so I should do the review. Okay, alright, well, Inspector Gadget's gonna do the review. You can shut up now, I'm always on duty! Hmm, do you have that game, "Miney Crafta"? Penny was telling me she was playing it on her computer book. Let's play Miney Crafta! Um, well, I have Minecraft, I think that's probably what you're talking about. Let's try that. Hmm, oh yes, this is it: Miney Crafta! No no no, Inspector gadget, it's called Minecraft. Oh, Minecrap! I cannot wait to play Minecrap. Do you know what my favorite thing to do is in Minecrap? I love building bricks with Minecrap. Building bricks with Minecrap is the best thing and the most amount of fun you can have while playing an app. I understand why all the kids are playing this game these days -- it's because they like to build brown bricks with Minecrap. I also like to build brown bricks with Minecrap. It's the most fun you can possibly have. What is the point of Minecrap? Well, there really is no point. It's a sandbox game. Oh good, I love building sandcastles. No, that just means you can do anything you want like explore, build stuff, and mess around. What kind of stuff can you build? Well, anything, really. There's one guy that built a scale model of the Starship Enterprise. My deduction skills as a detective tell me he has quite possibly, never had sex. Come on, Inspector Gadget, it's about expressing your creativity! But, he is just copying a fake rocket ship blueprint designed by someone else! Seems more like monkey see, monkey do than using creative energy if you ask me. Oh, you think you can do better, huh? I have a robotic implant in my brain that lets me preform 12,000,000,000,000,000 calculations per second. I could rewrite the entire game's code, while helping Penny with her homework, and cleaning up brain's doody, all at the same time! He's a nerd, and I hate nerds more than I hate MAD agents. What an asshole! He may not have a powerful cybernetic brain like yours, but I think that the kid used Minecraft in a unique, and complex, yet beautiful way, making the adaptation of---- I told you to shut up, but you didn't listen. Oh look, a free iPad.

Love these

If we could ever meet in real life just know your confidence would be nowhere to be found. If you ever talked like this to my face it would be over and done and I’d move on and go get some pizza with some friends and then go home to a loving girlfriend and not even remember you. Just know this.

I’m a better human being than you in every way.

Kendrick sits on the couch in the green room, covered in sweat. It's the last stop on the Yeezus tour. Kendrick has spent the last 2 months traveling across the country with his idol and mentor, Kanye West, who was currently on stage right now. The tour life can be exhausting, and also somewhat lonely. Kendrick hasn't seen or been in contact with Sherane in months, and his young libido was still beating. The road groupies sufficed for the time being, but there was a hole in Kendrick's heart. He needed more. He wanted more. He wanted Kanye. But he didn't know how to tell him. Kanye was married with children; Kendrick wasn't even entirely sure he was bisexual. But after seeing Kanye's interview on Kris Jenner, he thought maybe he had a chance.

Kendrick looked into the mirror and began to cry. He knew that he could never have Kanye. He could never be with Kanye. Hell, he could never rap as well as Kanye. No matter how many syllables Kendrick spit, Kanye always beat him.

All of a sudden, Kendrick jumped a little as he felt strong hands grab his shoulders and start to massage them lightly. Once he recognized the hands as Kanye's, he relaxed and let his mentor take care of him. Before he knew it, trails of kisses were being traced down his neck and collarbone, only being briefly interrupted as Kanye slid Kendrick's shirt off of his chest. Kanye smiled and leaned into the caress.

Kanye's lips moved to Kendrick's ear, "Very nicely done tonight, by the way." he laughed a bit before nibbling on his ear lobe. "I fantasized 'bout this back in Chicago" he whispered seductively into Kendrick's ear. Kendrick's only response was a soft moan as Kanye pulled him back towards him so Kendrick could clearly feel his growing erection pressed against him. "Would you like some Yeezy in your Serato?" Kanye teased as he kissed Kendrick chubby cheeks.

Kendrick grinned and twisted his head so he could reach Ye's lips to kiss him. "How do you say 'fuck me' in Spanish? Me no hablo." they both laughed before they kissed again, softly.

Ye kissed down Kendrick's chest, especially slowing down to pay attention to Kendrick's sensitive nipples. As he sucked gently, he looked at Kendrick's face. The way that he bit his lip and squirmed under Kanye's touch only egged him on further. His hand slipped down to the bulge in Kendrick's jeans and gently started to massage it gently as his mouth still moved slowly downward. As his tongue slid along Kendrick's abdominal muscles, he undid Kendrick's leather jogging pants and helped him to slide them and his pyrex vision boxers down to his ankles so he could more easily kick them off.

Kanye took the head of Kendrick's penis into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, making Kendrick elicit moans of pleasure to the sensation. "Ye, I know you want this dick..." he breathed as he moved his hips up to try to encourage Kanye to take him in further.

Ye removed his lips from Kendrick's head to lick along his shaft and take his scrotum into his mouth. He gently sucked on one of Kendrick's tesitcles at a time, making sure that he enjoyed the sensation, but that he was teasing him, just a bit. He used his right hand to massage Kendrick's testicles as he again wrapped his lips around the shaft of his long, slender penis. He took as much as he could into his mouth, having not managed to master the art of deepthroating yet, and bobbed his head slowly up and down, savoring Kendrick's salty taste and his every moan. Kanye fed off of Kendrick's pleasure, doing his best to repeat every little thing he did that caused him to moan louder, squirm against the couch, or grip his hair tighter in pleasure.

Kendrick moaned loudly again, panting. "Fuck... Ye, I'm gonna... Fuck, I'm gonna cum..." he exclaimed as his hips bucked, releasing streams of hot, sweet cum into Kanye's welcoming mouth. Kanye did his best to swallow it all, although a few drops dripped from his lips. After swallowing what was in his mouth, he greedily licked up the drops that spilled.

Kendrick panted as Kanye kissed up his chest, more quickly than his earlier decent. His lips pressed against Kendrick's greedily, his own lust having grown from his pleasure derived from Kendrick's orgasm. He pulled away gently from the kiss, smiling down at Kendrick.

"Is it my turn?" he laughed as Kendrick nodded and stretched his neck to plant a kiss on Kanye jaw.

All of a sudden, both Kendrick and Kanye were startled by the sound of something falling in the closet next to them. Out of nowhere, Schoolboy Q falls out of the closet, with his pants down around his ankles and his dick in his hand. Schoolboy had been in the closet masturbating to Ye and Kendrick the entire time. Schoolboy jumped up, screamed “GONORHERRA NIGGA SKEET SKEET” and ran out the door.

Kendrick, Kanye, nor Schoolboy ever spoke of the event again.

Last night was the worst day of my life, resulting in me attempting, and failing, to suck my own dick, and much worse.

I apologize beforehand for the massive wall of text. You do not have to read. Feel free to skip to the TL;DR at the end,So I just woke up not too long ago after having what I believe was the worst day of my life(so far). I know many of you simply opened this thread to know how I was in position to attempt to blow myself, and if it's really true. Unfortunately, it is, though I wish it wasn't. Sadly, that also wasn't the worst part of my night. I apologize for the long wall of text. I guess I should start from the beginning.

Around 7:00 mountain time(9 est) last night, a group of friends and I were at a local diner. Towards the end up the meet up, I invited them over to my house for a listening party of Frank's new album. It was me, my gf, and about 5 other people. Only 2 of them were big fans of Frank and agreed to come over and chill for the album to drop.

So we get back to my place. It's me, my gf, a friend of mine(lets call him Chris), and another guy(lets call him Andre) that I wasn't really close with, but knew my friend and gf well. I feel like I need to point out me and my gf have only been together for about 2 weeks. I was introduced to her by Chris, and she knew both Chris and Andre much longer than I have.

Anyways, we are in my room, my roommate is out of town, so we have the place to ourselves. After a bit of NBA 2k, constant checking for the album drop, and just generic chatter, it was getting close to 11 est, the expected time for the album to be released. I was overly excited, anxious, and nervous, to the point I was kind of regretting inviting others over because I really wanted to sit down and enjoy the album initially by myself.

Around 10:50 est, Andre and Chris started to joke around about it not going to be released I chimed in saying how long it's been anticipated, and NYT confirming for a Friday release. If it was going to be released, it will likely by at 11 est. I am not really good at paraphrasing conversations so bear with me. Anyways, after a couple minutes of back n forth, Chris wanted to wager on the album drop. "Bet on it" pretty much. So I told him if the album drops within a 15 minute window of 11:00 est he has to buy the album for everyone here.

He wanted to one up the bet, and said if the album drops he will whip his dick out and helicopter it. I was kind of caught off guard, I didn't real care to see his dick nor have him helicopter it. I told him I was perfectly fine with him buying the album, no need for dick play. He was pretty adamant in that being the bet... I'm not really an argumentative person so I said whatever. He followed that up with, if it doesn't drop, I need to jerk myself off for 30 seconds. At this point, I was just like what the fuck. Does this dude off a weird fetish, or is he just trying to humiliate me? I kindly denied. That resulted in a lot of badgering from him, a little encouragement from Chris, and my gf quietly snickering. So I gave in. I accepted the bet, knowing that I would either not go through with it, they will let it go, or the album will drop(most likely).

So the clock starts ticking. It's 10:59, the album has not dropped, and I start getting nervous. After the longest minute of my life, the time has come. It's 11:00 est. No album. Andre immediately breaks out into a fit, and starts to call me out to do it. Chris points out I still have 15 minutes, to calm down. Andre does.

After waiting around awkwardly for 15 minutes, with little talking, the time has finally come. I'm shaking. I hate everything about this. I should have kept my fucking mouth shut, why did I need to invite them off. Fuck this. I just want to listen to the fucking album. What the fuck are you doing Frank. My gf won't even look at me. Fuck this.

Andre starts laughing, shouting, shoving around thinking he's funny. Fuck this guy. He starts to chant for me to pull my dick out. No. I will not. I refuse. "Fucking do it dude, are you serious? You're gonna be a little bitch about it?" I don't want to. Why tf are they making me do this. "Just do it, no one is gonna care. It's just a joke" my gf says, speaking up. Are they serious right now? Are they really making me do this? I'm shaking so much, I feel sick to my stomach. "I can't do it man." I say. They seem to get angry... why? I don't know.

Andre comes up with a "compromise". Jerking it in front of everyone seems a little extreme. I chuckle a bit, nervously... well yeah. He says I can choose to either go with that, or I have to attempt to kiss my own dick. He likes to "point out" that I don't have to try sucking it, that's too much he says. So all I have to do is try to touch the tip with my mouth. Essentially looking like I am trying to suck my own dick. Wtf man. This is too much. How am I going to get hard? I can't do that. I feel the pressure. I start to jokingly say "okay and how am I going to do that? I can't get hard in front of you guys." My gf chimes in "I can give you a hand job until you're hard." They laugh. I chuckle softly. Fuck man. "Just do it man." Fuck it, fine. But if I can't get hard the deal is off.

We go in the other room. "We don't have to do this" I say. "It's just for fun" she replies. She begins. I close my eyes, I try so hard to resist getting hard. It's not working. She's good. Fuck man. "Okay that's enough" I say. "No, it's almost there" she replies. Whatever. It works, she's succeeded in getting me hard. We go back to them.

"OH DUDEEE" Andre yells. I fucking hate my life. I chuckle "haha I guess it worked." It's still in my shorts, I try covering it. It's obvious though. "Holy shit dude if you do this you're a fucking legend." A legend? I don't care about that. I don't want to do this. I just wanted Frank's album. Fuck it. I pull it out. Andre chuckles. Idk if he's trying to fuck with me to make me think I have a small dick or if I really do. I hate this. "Haha okay well here it goes." I lean. Fuck. I can't do this. It hurts. I'm not good at stretching. My neck is getting strained. "HAHAHA DUDE HE'S DOING IT" I pull up, I can't. "C'mon man you weren't even half way. One more time" Ugh. I try again. It's hurt my neck. It's close. But I can't get there. I stumble over, it's too much. "DUDE you actually tried it what the fuck." I'm ashamed. I hate myself. I chuckle "well you guys told me to. Stupid Frank haha" Why am I doing this.

I suggest maybe they should go, it's getting late. It's almost 12 est. Andre interrupts, proposes another bet. If Frank ends up releasing it at 12 est he will do the same thing, to make up for the fact I did it. I don't care. Just go home. I don't speak up though. He then suggests that if he doesn't my gf has to give him bj. I'm mad. Wtf dude. "haha fine" she chuckles. No, not fine! I can't do this. I express my disinterest. They don't care. Time passes, Frank doesn't drop the album.

Idk why I'm typing all this, I am starting to feel sick again. But I felt the need to tell someone. I can't go into detail anymore. She ends up doing it, while I watch, and my other friends laughs at the absurdity. She stops, wipes her mouth. My face is expressionless. I don't know what to do. After a few minutes, they get ready to leave. My gf gets up, beings to walk out. I ask her why, she says it's late. They leave. I'm alone. I hate myself. What just happened. I am numb. I cry myself to sleep.

I wake up. I don't know what I'm feeling. I texted her this morning asking her why she did it, she tells me we should break up. She has now blocked me. I hope Frank releases his album today, I need it.

TL;DR: I invite friends over for a listening party. Get dared to try to suck my dick if he doesn't drop the album. Doesn't release, I end up trying, fail. Another dare for my gf to blow my friend if he doesn't drop an hour later. Doesn't drop, she does it, I watch. She breaks up with my next morning.

No need to comment or upvote this post, it is probably best to leave it be if you have read this. Just felt the need to write it out hoping it would help. I'm going to Del Taco now.

I am looking for a decent girl that wants to be in a long term monogamus relationship with me.

I want the girl to be attractive.

I like girls that are thin, or with a toned or athletic build. A average build is fine too, just as long as you are not over weight. I will not date a overweight or fat girl.

I like girls that are 130 pounds or less. Of course weight needs to be in proportion to their height, as long as they aren’t considred overweight, they should be fine.

Being overweight is a total dealbreaker with me.

I also like girls with long hair. I like a girl to look like a girl, not a man, I like a feminine, pretty girl. I like hair down to the shoulders at least. Sometimes I can make exceptions if it is shorter depending on how it looks on the girl. But for the most part, I love long hair.

Redheads are my favorite, next is Brunettes, and next is Blondes, in that order. I like all 3, but I’m just saying if I had to choose, that’s my order of preference.

I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl.

However, I will date any other race, Hispanic, Mexican, Spanish, Russian, Italian, French, European, White, whatever, anything except Black.

I do not like glasses on a girl. Although, it’s not a dealbreaker, as long as she can wear contacts at least most of the time.

I do not ever want to have kids, so if a girl is wanting to have babies, I am not her man.

I will not date a girl that does not have a job or career.

I am not looking for any type of woman that is materialistic or a gold digger or expects a man to pay for everything.

I do not like tattoos on a woman. If a woman already has tattoos, it may not be a deal breaker unless she plans to get more in the future. If a woman has something small and feminine like a butterfly or rose already on her ankle or something then it may not necessacerily be a dealbreaker. And it would also help if she would consider having them laser removed, something I might would even pay to have done for her.

To me, tattoos just represent white trash or somone that’s been in prison. I do not care for following trends like mindless sheep and getting tats just because what ever Star on TV got them, they will always be a symbol of White Trash. The Female human body is the most beautiful work of Art God ever created, to tattoo it with ink is the same as vandalising a famous Monet painting with a can of spray paint!

I also do not like piercings on a woman. I do not like a woman to have anything pireced other than her Ears. If she has other piercings it’s not a dealbreaker as long as she removes them and never wears them again.

I do not like gamblers. I will not be in any relationship with a woman that gambles or wastes money on such things.

I do not like strippers! I will not date any girl that has ever been a stripper. I believe that the only person that should ever see a womans naked body is only her boyfriend or husband.

I will not date any girl that has ever had a threesome, or a large number of past sexual partners. I do not want a promiscuous slut, I want a normal, decent, good hearted girlfriend.

I will not date any girl that can not always be honest & faithful to me. This is very important.

I prefer a girl that does not smoke, but as long as she does not smoke in my house or around me, if she can go outside and smoke, then I can live with that. I lived with my ex girlfriend for Eleven years, and she was a smoker.

I will not date any girl if she is still friends with any men that she has been intimate with in the past, I believe once a relationship with someone is over, it’s OVER.

I will not date a selfish woman. I do not like selfish women at all.

I do not like sarcastic or cynical people, I do not like people that always think negatively either, so that type of girl would also not be a good match for me.

I know sometimes on my website here, I may seem like a negative person because I point out sooooo many things that I dislike, but I assure you I am a very positive person, I am just tring to put out here my likes/dislikes so you can know more about me and what type of girl may get along with me.

I do not expect a girl to agree with all of my beliefs or opinions etc, but I do not like to argue, and it’s very important that we can live in peace together if at some point the girl & I live together. I like to live in a quiet & peaceful environment. That is extremely important to me.

I like a girl that dresses on the conservative side. Not like a slut, and not anything weird. Just normal is fine. T-Shirt & Jeans are OK. But a girl in a dress really gets my heart racing! I also love it when a girl wears a mini skirt with boots, not cowboy boots, but sexy boots. Or high heels, I love spiked high heels!

I like a girl that takes care of herself and keeps herself clean of course.

I love it when a girl wears sexy lingerie in the bedroom! Especially thigh highs!

I need a girl that can be very warm & affectionate and loving.

It’s also nice if the girl has a big heart and appreciates simples things, and understands the value of sentimental things etc.

I like a girl that appreciates romance and the art of courtship.

Kissing is one of my most favorite things to do with a girl, it’s very important. I also love to hold a girls hand when I am walking with her. And I love sleeping beside a girl and holding her close to me, and spooning with her. In fact THAT is the reason I named this website “Sleepless In Austin” because I haven’t had a single good nights sleep in years, ever since my relationship ended with my ex-girlfriend.

And yes, I also liked the movie Sleepless in Seattle, haha :)

It dosen’t matter at all to me how big or small a girls breasts are. I prefer them to be real & natural though. I am against breast implants, I see that as unnecessery self mutilation, and I would not want a girlfriend that has breast implants.

I prefer a woman that has never had children, because having kids does ruin a womans body often times. They end up with stretch marks. And also sometimes it makes their vagina looser, and I don’t care how many kegel exercises a woman does, after she has 2 or 3 eight to ten pound babies, you can’t tell me it’s going to be 100% as tight as it ever was! Plus, what’s even worse than all of that, is sometimes during childbirth the lips/vulva of a woman get torn and they never look the same as the did originally even after they heal, that’s why some women even get cosmetic reconstructive surgery to their vulvas after childbirth to try and regain their original appearance.

Now I’m not saying having had a kid or two is a for sure dealbreaker for me, but it’s a case by case basis, and I prefer a woman that’s never had kids if possible. My ex-girlfriend that I was with for Eleven years never had kids, she couldn’t because of a hysterectomy at a young age.

I like to get a lot of attention in a relationship, and I like to give it as well.

I also have a very high sex drive.

This is just a page where I will list some random information about me…

Romance is the air I breathe, for without it I surely would die!

So many people often wonder, what is the purpose of life, why are we here, what is the secret of the Universe etc. etc.

I know the answer to this. The answer is simple. The answer is Love.

The meaning and purpose of life is nothing more than love, for a life without love would be completely meaningless and would cease to have any purpose whatsoever!

Love is the only thing that truly drives me, I follow my Heart, always.

I am an Artist, Musician, Poet, Composer, Performer, Businessman, I am many things. I am very creative & artistic. I can be accurately described as being both a CEO & a Rockstar all at the same time, both of those perfectly existing in one person, Me. I am a very unique man. There is NOTHING typical, average, normal, or ordinary about me whatsoever!

I have a way of leaving lasting impressions on people the first time they meet me, they never forget me, and the more a person gets to know about me the more they realize that they have never, ever met another human being in this world like me!

I like to do abstract paintings on canvas with acrylic paints. Although it’s been a few years since I’ve had time to paint anything, I will eventually find the time to paint again in the future.

I love music. I have been playing guitar since I was 5 years old. I’ve written and recorded a lot of original songs. My favorite type of songs to write are love songs.

I’ve also written a book of love poetry.

I do wedding photography on the weekends as well as all other types of photography. And I also work another job Monday through Friday, and i also am currently working a lot of overtime.

I was born in Orlando, Florida on September 18, 1974.

I was then moved to Columbus, Georgia when I was about 2 years old by my great grandmother who took me to raise.

I lived in Columbus, Georgia until around the year 2000 when I was around 24 years old.

Then I sold my house there and I moved to Huntington, West Virginia and although I did not like Huntington, WV I lived there until I was about 35 years old.

And then I moved here to Austin, Texas on December 22nd, 2009.

I live in South Austin, right off William Cannon on Bluff Springs Rd.

South Austin, SoCo, Downtown, The Drag, and West Austin are my favorite parts of Austin.

I do not like North Austin or East Austin.

I know I live in SouthEast Austin, but I do not consider the spot I live to be the real East Austin, I just see where I live as South Austin.

To me, North Austin looks to much like any other city, boring, lacking the “Austin” vibe, the people up there remind me a little of Dallas people, and I do not like Dallas at all. And I do not like anything at all about anything near the Rundberg area up North.

And when I think of East Austin, I think of areas like around 12th & Chicon, that just looks like poverty striken, ghetto people crime infested neighborhoods, full of the trashy people that have long criminal records and lack any proper education. There’s nothing good I can say about East Austin, in fact I think East Austin is a disgrace the the great city of Austin and I wish we could eliminate that whole segment of the population from our beautiful city. Hopefully, that area will be filled with condos or something so that that “type” of people will be priced out of Austin and no longer be able to afford to live within our city limits here.

There’s very little crime in Austin, but when you do hear about crime, it’s usually up North near Rundberg or Airport Blvd, or it’s East Austin.

I know I read back in the 80′s there used to be a problem with gangs/crime in the Dove Springs area (Also Dove Springs isn’t bad like it used to be, but I’d still never want to live there either. I also dislike most of Riverside. You can usually just look at people in those areas and tell they are trashy.) here in South Austin, but I don’t live in Dove Springs, I am near it somewhat, but I am just a hop, skip and a jump to South Congress, and to me South Congress Avenue is one of the safest, most prestigious streets.roads in Austin. It leads all the way to Downtown where it turns into just Congress Ave, and then goes on behind the Capitol where it basically turns into The Drag or Guadalupe, which is very similar to the SoCo 78704 area, especially where they have all the shops and used to have the food trailers like Hey Cupcake.

THAT’S the part of Austin, that I love and consider to be the REAL Austin, those are the areas of Austin that I LOVE.

Mayfield Park is my absolute favorite place in Austin to go spend time! It’s in West/Central Austin on 3505 W. 35th Street. I think it’s the most beautiful place in America, like Heaven on Earth! I even wrote and recorded a love song about and dedicated to Mayfield Park! That’s how much I love it there! I love the Peacocks there the most! And the gardens, koi ponds, nature trails and palm trees, it’s amazing to be there!

And right by Mayfield Park is Mount Bonnel Drive which leads about 6 blocks or so up to the highest point of Austin, Mt Bonnel. I love going up the hundred or so steps there and enjoying that view! I love going to these two places in Austin as often as possible, and if you can’t tell I love to walk, and I do a lot of walking!

I also think Austin has the most beautiful Skyline in the country!

And I love the Congress Avenue Bridge!

I love to walk across it all the way downtown! I love to stand on it and watch the Sunset, or watch the Bats take flight at night!

I love to stand in that White Gazebo they have Downtown and look at the Colorado River.

I love to walk around the lake there as well.

I love to walk all up and down Congress Avenue and also up and down 6th Street. I love the energy of 6th Street. And I also love the Warehouse District downtown right before you get to 6th Street. The Red River area right past 6th Street is also nice to explore.

I also love the Capital, it is very beautiful to see Downtown.

I love to see a good live band from time to time, or go to a comedy club for some good standup comedy.

I love to see Art and to visit Museums.

I love to try new Restaurants and foods.

I love going to the Barton Creek Mall sometimes.

My favorite clubs are Friends on 6th Street, and the Continental Club on South Congress. Maggie Maes on 6th is also good. And the Elysium on Red River is good for something different sometimes.

I love watching movies at the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz on 6th and the dinner & Milkshakes are good too there.

I love the Italian restaurant on Congress called La Traviata, and also the Mexican restaurant Manuels beside it there. And I love Conan’s deep dish Pizza on Guadalupe/Drag.

As far as Politics goes, I believe that democrats & republicans are really just two sides of the same coin to give us the illusion of choice,

I do not believe we live in a truly free country anymore, and it hasn’t been free in a very, very long time.

I do not like Obama. And, I did not like Bush or his Father either. I did not like the Clintons or the Reagan administration either. There hasn’t been a president during my lifetime so far that I have liked.

I believe that 99% of Fox News and mainstream Media is nothing but Lies, Lies and more Lies.

I think that the majority of Americans, along with the rest of the world are brainwashed sheep that are asleep.

I believe that 911 was a Inside Job, designed to instill more fear in Americans in which the government can use as a escuse to take away more of our rights and freedoms and push more of their terrible agenda upon us.

There’s a man here in Austin, Texas by the name of Alex Jones who has a show on KLBJ radio, he’s been talking about things like this for about 20 years or longer. He has a website www.prisonplanet.com and he’s also released about 17 video documentaries on this subject and everything he says or writes is backed up by documented fact.

I believe in and support almost everything he says on his show & documentaries and puts on his website. Check out his website and you will have a good idea on what my politics are.

I basically believe in our Constitution, the way our fore fathers wrote it, before Bush & Obama began destroying all the freedoms it contained with the Patriot Acts etc.

The best documentaries to watch of Alex Jones are Terrorstorm, and also End Game. There’s another great documentary by someone else called Loose Change. You can watch those for free if you search for them on Google Video.

Other than those types of polital beliefs, there’s a few other things I believe in…

I do not support abortion unless it’s for the result of rape or incest.

Abortion is murder.

I do not believe a woman should have the choice or freedom to kill her baby just because she was a slutty whore and dosen’t want to accept responsibility and raise the baby herself or give it to someone else who will.

I also do not support homosexuality. I think it’s disgusting, and morally wrong. I think it’s the trait of a defective human being.

I am old fashioned. I am conservative. I believe men should be men, and women should be women. God made Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve.

Furthermore, I do not believe homosexuals should be allowed to teach in schools or hold any type of job in which they have any type of interactions with children in which they could leave a false impression that homosexuality is ok on their young minds.

Now with that said, go ahead and ask me how I feel about Gay marriage…

And I will tell you that I am ok with that, because you know what, I’m just one person, I can’t stop it from happening, so if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen, and I am a Wedding Photographer, so just think if they allow Gays to legally marry, the income I make from Wedding Photography basically would double overnight wouldn’t it! hahaha!!!!

Now with that said, I am not a mean or hateful person. I am a very easy going, nice, peaceful guy. And I work with people sometimes that are Gay and never have any problems with them. We get a long fine.

I basically only concern myself with my own inner world near me, only stuff that has a direct impact on me and the little world around me.

I don’t go out of my way to recycle, I mean I don’t seperate my trash into different trash cans etc, plastic in one and this or that in the other like some people do. I don’t have time for that nonsense. The world will be here for as long as I live, and after I’m gone, whatever happens to this Earth is of no concern to me. I don’t have time for recycling. Let that be someone else’s job to sort out all of that stuff.

People now a days are always wanting everything to be green, like hybrid cars etc. Me, I am planning on getting a 1977 Corvette Stingray soon with a 350 V8 engine that will only get about 10 miles a gallon. How’s that for green??? hahaha!!!!

I don’t worry about killing trees when I waste paper either. And when I go out to eat dinner, I don’t care if I eat all of my food or not, it does not bother me to throw away whatever I am not hungry to eat.

Can you tell yet I’m not one of those Hippies that you see so much of here in Austin????

Hahahaha!

I love Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, Janis Joplin, Led Zeppelin, and I seen the Woodstock DVD and that all is cool. I’m creative & artistic and believe in Freedom.

But, I am not a lazy slacker like most hippies are. I believe everyone needs to work to support theirself, earn their own money and not live off the government or off handouts or charity.

I do NOT believe marijuana should ever be legalized!

I do believe it’s ok for doctors to give to Cancer patients etc, but I do not believe it should be easy to get a prescription for, basically unless you can prove you have Cancer or something then you should not be allowed to smoke it.

I am not a Racist person. In fact I tend to get along much better with Black guys than I do White guys.

However, I do not like Rap or Hip Hop music. I do not even consider that to be real music. And I do not like Black people that listen to that kind of music. I do not like Black people that have a criminal record or smoke pot or do any other type of drugs. I do not like Black people that live in the “projects” or live off welfare or food stamps. I do not like Black people that do not have a full time job. I do not like Black people that wear their pants halfway down to their knees. And I do not like Black people that don’t speak proper English and pronounce their words correctly. I do not like Black people that dress like thugs or gangstas. I do not like uneducated Black People. And if you are a Black person that lives in East Austin or up North Austin around the Rundberg area then chances are I probably don’t like you either! So there! haha!!!!!

I am NOT racist. I just do NOT like ignorant, useless, TRASH.

I also don’t like White people that do those same types of things!

And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together.

I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks.

I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.

That would just be pure filth.

I do not like Homeless people, bums, drunks, or drug users either, or anyone that participates in any type of criminal activity.

I also do not like White country types or Redneck types or Trailer trash types.

I do not believe in fishing or hunting, I do not support the killing of animals.

I am not a Vegetarian, but I don’t eat much meat compared to most people, and one day I’d like to be totally vegetarian, It takes a lot of will power though.

I love Animals.

I love Nature.

I love living in the City.

I love the Sunny days and warm weather of Austin.

I do not like cold weather or snow. I do not like to be cold.

I do not like the rain.

I am not materialistic, but I do like for the things I have to be nice and to be of excellent quality. I strive to live as comfortable of a life as I possibly can.

I am currently working with a realtor to buy a house here in South Austin so that I can move out of this apartment.

I am also working towards starting a romantic Bed & Breakfast in South Austin in the future.

I am a entrepenuer and I am in the process of establishing multiple streams of income that all target the same clients in the Wedding industry.

I also believe in living on a balanced budget, and setting aside money for savings as well as investing a portion into stocks.

Sometimes I think people see me as a very arrogant & egotistical man, I can’t help it if I am more intelligent than most men, that’s their problem and their own insecurities they must deal with. I think I am a very nice guy, very well balanced, highly intelligent, a hard worker, very assertive in life, with a huge heart and a very romantic side.

Some of my favorite movies, in no particular order, are:

Of What Dreams May Come, City Of Angels, Leaving Las Vegas, Pulp Fiction, Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, Casino, Finding Nemo, Naploeon Dynomite, Rock Star, The Basketball Diaries, The Doors, Rocky, Rocky Balboa, Wall-E, The Goonies, Star Wars, Kill Bill, Romeo & Juliet (DiCaprio version), The Devils Rejects, E.T., Friday, and Sling Blade.

Sam Kinison, Richard Pryor & Robin Williams are some of my favorite comedians.

Some of my favorite Bands are:

Guns & Roses, Poison, Black Crowes, Ozzy Osbourne, Def Leppard, The Cure, AC/DC, Metallica, Megadeth, Pink Floyd, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Steve Vai, Yngwie Malmsteen, Etta James, Otis Redding, Diana Krall, Skid Row, Whitesnake, and David Gilmour.

Other Random Things About Me:

I like to eat:

Blueberries, Bannanas, Whole Wheat Whole Grain Breads, Spinach, Tomatos, Avacado, Tobasco Hot Sauce, Jalepinos, Banana Peppers, Green Peppers, Onions, Raw Garlic Cloves, Olivesm Cucumbers, Raw Honey, Cereals like Wheaties & Cheerios, Baked Potatos, Mashed Potatos, Fried green tomatos. Chicken is my least favorite meat. Beef is my next least favorite, and after Beef Pork. My favorite meat is Salmon & Tuna, and sometimes Turkey. Those seem to be the most healthy meats, if you are going to eat meat, which I try to eat as little of it as I can. Sometimes I go a few days without any meat at all. When I order Pizza, I usually just get it with Veggies. Dark Chocolate is my favorite, especially the truffles made by Lindt. My favorite cake is German Chocolate, my favorite ice cream is Rocky Road. I also love the home made brownies they sell on the counters at the 711 stores here. I am trying to eat more healthy. The only fast food I eat is at Subway.

I like all kinds of movies, thriller/suspense/horror/drama/comedy/romance/documentary.

I do not like to watch sports or reality shows.

I don’t watch much TV.

If I do watch TV, it’s usually a DVD.

But my favorite TV Shows are:

South Park, Seinfeld, Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Sopranos, Beavis & Butthead, and the X-Files.

I love to celebrate Christmas.

I am a very giving person.

I like to make a woman happy, it makes me happy if I can make the woman in my life happy.

I do not know how to swim, no one ever taught me.

I was on the Judge Judy TV show one time.

I had the lyrics to my song “Soul Brother” printed in a book about Stevie Ray Vaughan called You Can’t Stop A Comet by Cutter Brandenberg who was Stevie’s road manager and lives in Temple.

I was also written about in Kelly Garni’s autobiography, he was the original bass guitar player in the old 70′s band Quiet Riot along with Randy Rhoads who went on to play for Ozzy Osbourne.

A musician based in Dallas that has been on tours with ZZ Top, wrote & recorded a song about me and put it on one of his CDs, the song is called “Romeo”.

I was the person that got unreleased film footage of Randy Rhoads from film director Peter Margolis and uploaded it all over the internet for the world to see for the first time ever even though I did not have Peter’s permission, it made me a instant hero in the Randy Rhoads community/fan base, and now Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne even know who I am, they even had a meeting regarding me at one time awile back.

When I was in WV I once wrote a song about a man that painted a bridge Pink and I made the headlines of the newspaper there for it.

Stevie Ray Vaughan’s brother Jimmie Vaughan once banned me from ever coming into Antones, he refused to play if I was in the audience, I don’t know if the ban is still in place because I always liked Nuno’s club better before it closed, but as you can see I can be quite a colorful & contraversial character at times obvisouly! Hahaha!!!

HELP! Dad caught me...?

Oh my god I have no idea what to do. My dad walked in on me masturbating. He didn’t see very much but I had no pants on. All I had was a tank top and socks. The worst part was that I was masturbaiting with a cucumber from the kitchen and I had my legs spread all the way apart! I was looking down at the cucumber and I didn’t even hear him open the door. Just all of a sudden I hear him yell ‘Ali!’ It scared the crap out of me! Then he’s like ‘that’s not what we use those cucumbers for!’ and I was so embarrassed that my face was like burning red! I apologized and took the cucumber out my hand and started to hand it to him and he’s like ‘I don’t want it, it’s yours now’. I was so nervous I couldn’t even think straight! Then he started lecturing me about how it’s insanity to masturbate with vegetables and telling me that a cucumber is way too big for a person my age! And how it’s going to make my a** loose. And the whole time I was just standing there with no pants on covering my privates with one hand and holding the cucumber in the other hand. And I’m looking at the cucumber in the corner of my eye and it’s all white and sticky from being in my a** and I’m trying to cover it up but I can’t because I only have one free hand and my dad keeps looking at it and I can tell he can see the a** goo all over it and I’m like totally humiliated. I feel as if im about to pass out. Then after like 5 mins of talking to me he says ‘you can buy your own vegetables now with your pocket money’ and I said ‘ok dad’. I was so jittered after he left I had to finish masturbaiting just to calm down! I still had the cucumber so I used it real quick! Like lightning fast, and watching the door the whole time. I was too embarrassed to leave my room after that so I just shoved the cucumber under my mattress. I used it a few more times in the next couple of days but then it was starting to stink up my room so I threw it out the window and it landed on my patio so I left it there and my dad found it! Now he knows I’ve been using it again. Please help, what do I do?

me masturbating.

Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy ;) nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles

I can imagine myself walking in the sunset, holding hands and smiling. Hearing the crash of the waves as a gentle breeze flows through my body and hair. Walking miles and miles, while the moon rises high into the sky. The whole world is asleep, but I am the only one living a dream. The graceful peace, settling into my heart. For once I actually feel alive. This is what it should feel like. This is how you're supposed to live. A longing sense of comfort. And as we lay on the sand staring into the night sky, the stars become brighter and multiply. Soon enough, the dark sky is brightened by each star's shine. We close our eyes, hand in hand and lie in a moment of silence when all we can hear in the background is the calm waves alining upon the shore and the light night breeze. We make a wish and lie together in a few more moments, appreciating eachother for everything we are. We then both open our eyes to the diamond-like sky, staring for a brief moment as we then both turn to eachother, lying on our sides. I am looking into your eyes and you are looking into mine. I look at every inch of your body, then interlocking my eyes into yours once again. I inhale as you take a deep breath. I then begin to speak in a soft whisper. I tell you this is everything. You are all I've wanted. You were in all my dreams. You love me the way I wanted. You care for me like no one else has. I appreciate everything you've ever done for me, everything you've spent on me, everything you've said to me and everything you've felt for me. You are the only one I want. I am in love with you. Please keep me forever. Locked away in the eternity of time. You are different. You give me ideas. Thoughts, feelings, unlived visions of places I've never been or never knew existed, walking beside you in every one. It may be simple to state how I feel about you and say I love you a thousand times, but it is all too complex to fully give you the understanding of the meaning of the immense amount of love and appreciation I have for you. I tell you you're the one. You're everything anyone could ever ask for. I am thankful to have you in my life. I love you. I then pause and look into your eyes. You don't say anything. You can see the moon reflecting onto the calm ocean. A warm chilling feeling flows throughout my body as I watch you begin to slowly close your eyes and bring your body closer to me. Your face inching towards mine. As I close my eyes, I take one deep breath, tasting the chilled ocean air. I slowly bring myself closer to you, as you put your arms around me. I can feel your body heat and your soft hands touching my body. Our lips then touch. We kiss. Passionate, gentle, everlasting. This one kiss expresses all my thoughts, feelings, emotions and every little detail of every little existing idea, dream, form of all the words and feelings that I've developed for you. That moment, it was all unveiled. We lied there for minutes, sharing this dream we both created together. As we slowly move our faces away, I lay my head upon your shoulder and your arms around my body. The night had never seemed so bright and beautiful up until this day. It's like the world turned and everything completely changed. Everything was clear and I can actually breathe and feel each beat of my heart pound against my chest, as the blood slowly flows through my body. I can feel, hear, touch, taste, see, smell and understand everything, in what now feels like what is heaven. Lifelessly floating on a cloud, feeling fully alive. The feeling of being so unrealistically content and that a perfect life and person can exist is far beyond anything I could have ever perceived. You are my savior and meaning for existance. I thank you for everything you will do and being there, always. We lie, staring into the sky feeling the air get colder as the night becomes later. It doesn't bother me though. My body is filled with a warming sense of completion. Everything I'd dreamed of having is fulfilled, finally. I close my eyes and daydream once again of having and sharing this same exact moment with you. Soon enough the stars slowly fade away as the sky becomes lighter and the light of the sun pierces through the sky, slowly rising as time repeats itself once again. But this time is new. The feeling of being reborn into a life that you feel you've lived every single day. It feels so right. Life is beautiful with you. I appreciate things much more thoroughly. I love you. I always will.

• water
• unwashed handfulls of No Name elbow macaroni (the $1/kg brand)
• salt? maybe?
• put it in when water boils
• take it out whenever
• put like 1/4c or more of no name margarine
• more salt
• dried chopped chilis
• if it's payday, maybe some Parmesan-flavoured powdered corn starch product
• repeat for lunch, then dinner

I had all my pastas saved on my reddit account but the last time I went through my saved comments at least 3/4ths of them had deleted their account or comment history which apparently means I can't access them anymore. I'm pretty upset that I lost the redpill guy who went off about the sound of women's high heels was sexually suggestive.

I saw your report but I don't respond well to suggestions so I chose not to sticky it.

Fuck you I do what I want

weird, i have a ton of pastas from [deleted]s. ive definitely lost some to comment deletions/overwrites, but definitely not more that a fifth

Unfortunately, I am not willing to give up my body as some sort of training course. I don't want to be touched in all the wrong, displeasing ways, only to remain eternally patient, endure the physical displeasure, the mental frustration, and to broadcast only clear, mild, loving, kid-gloved instructions and encouragement as if I were gently nudging a child to learn how to ride a bike. I'm not willing to artificially pummel myself into some sort of "sexual nanny" state of mind, which creeps me out in itself, while my body, my libido and my feelings are all screaming "uuuuuuueeeeeerghhh disgusting disgusting get him off us get him off before our clit withers completely."

I have been with a man - boy, more like - who was hopeless in bed.

And he was really willing to learn.

Unfortunately, I am not willing to give up my body as some sort of training course. I don't want to be touched in all the wrong, displeasing ways, only to remain eternally patient, endure the physical displeasure, the mental frustration, and to broadcast only clear, mild, loving, kid-gloved instructions and encouragement as if I were gently nudging a child to learn how to ride a bike. I'm not willing to artificially pummel myself into some sort of "sexual nanny" state of mind, which creeps me out in itself, while my body, my libido and my feelings are all screaming "uuuuuuueeeeeerghhh disgusting disgusting get him off us get him off before our clit withers completely."

And even if I were willing to endure all that and he somehow got magically better eventually, I would still remember it all. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself, thinking how much this better sex had cost me.

I guess I'm a horrible uncommunicating harpy.

Oh and when I initiate sex in my relationships men value me less because madonna/whore complex is one hell of a drug.

/u/MasterLawlz, i just wanted you to know, if you dont get too many comments for you to read this, i had never heard of you before /r/drama, and im absolutely loving your commentary, very informed, very articulate, you always seem to know exactly what you want to say about a subject, and it doesnt seem like youre fumbling until you think up an appropriate response or comment! also love your voice and the diversity you bring to the sub.

if i had to criticize something about your commentary so i dont seem like a complete fanboy, id have to say i noticed you said some words wrong, as in misspronounced or said a different word, which is obviously going to happen, but usually if i actively notice it for me means its happening more than usual, but this is obviously nitpicking

I'm replying to you while sitting at my apartment complex pool. Do I need to post an imgur photo of,all of us waving or are you not going to accuse me of lying, shitposting, faking blah blah. And it wasn't an argument. I guess I should apologize, see somewhere you got confused and thought this was going to turn into a debate or discussion and it isn't. At all. So, Downvote, bitch, complain whatever you gotta do. Hell, mix a steak with a bag of smashed cat dick, order it bleu, and choke on it. Anyways, I'm going to get back to kicking it with the wife and neighbors. Have a nice weekend.

The year is 2047, and at the age of 100, President Donald J Trump has passed away. Leaders around the world fly to the world’s largest building, The Great Trump Tower in New York City, to pay their respects. The great glass tower, designed by his son Eric Trump was completed on the site of the former United Nations Building, to serve as the headquarters of the third Bank of the United States after President Trump dismantled the Federal Reserve as his final act in office in January 2025. His son, Barron Trump, now in his early 40’s stands at the podium to greet the many sobbing faces. As 5 Star General of the American Cyber Command, formed by his father as the new branch of the military to face a new millennium, Barron is expected to pick up his father, and his sisters legacy as the third Trump in office at the next election. “When my father took office, barely 30 years ago, he swore and oath to protect and serve this country. The fake news media of the day, said he had no path to 270 electoral votes and that there was no chance for him to win. If only we had known then, what corruption that the treasonous viper Obama had sown amongst his vile swamp in Washington.” “Fortunately for America, his movement … to Make America Great Again … could not be stopped. Within the first few months, the traitors were dealt with, and America had to face a grave scenario, a trial of a former American President, Barack Hussein Obama, with a punishment of death for his treason. Although my father hated Obama for what he did to this country, the mental illness we now know as betaphilism was rampant throughout America. He knew he needed a justice, a social justice to heal the nation. Although Obama admitted his guilt, that he had acted seditiously with the aid of a shadow government to distort the election and take down the office of President Trump, my father pardoned the traitor. The country was united as Obama was banished to his birth country of Kenya” “That was a proud day for my father, but as we all know now, it was just the beginning of our new Great America. Although his first two years were difficult to get his legislation passed, due to a failing congress, the new MAGA party filled congress in the midterm elections, and with both a super majority in the House and the Senate what are now known as the “Great American Decade” had begun.” “My father released deep state secrets that changed the world forever. Hidden cures for cancer and the secrets of zero-point energy that had been suppressed by the Clinton, Bush and Obama presidencies changed the face of the planet. Healthcare no longer became an issue, as all the diseases and sickness of the world were eradicated. The corrupt religion of Islam collapsed and state sponsored terrorism was eviscerated as the nation’s formerly known as Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the OPEC cartel collapsed as oil became worthless in a new free energy society. “ Barron lifted his golden handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the tears from his face. As he looked upon the visitors at the eulogy before him, he saw many red hats. Those fucking hats. “I remember,” he chuckled, when I was just 10 or 11 years old, I saw in the early days of my father’s campaign, right there in the audience. This old gentleman, he had to be in his 60’s had this beautiful red hat. I thought my father made them as a joke. What presidential candidate wears a red trucker hat? He screamed at my father, “LOCK HER UP”. I spent that night browsing the web, and quickly realized how we could win this election. I told my father that I couldn’t tour with him, that I had to meme. I shopped that damn hat on a couple frogs, you guys now know him as Pepe, the great symbol of peace. I joined hundreds of thousand other meme warriors to do something that had never been done before. We won an election, took down the corrupt establishment, with the internet. It was hard to describe what that felt like, it was hard to understand what this meant for the world. That a few “Pedes” as we were called, could take down the Clinton Cartel, which was later discovered to the the largest money laundering and child trafficking organization in history, by actually becoming the News.” “As the swamp was drained, the rest of the world came around. We had a few setbacks… we all know what happened to California when their state went bankrupt and starved itself of food and water, causing it to be split into 5 states as a condition of its federal rescue. But we had so many victories.” “My father’s stern policies on China caused their country to collapse, resulting in a cultural revolution that lifted the shackles of communist government from their shoulders, freeing them to become the great bastions of freedom and rich triple countries of China, Tibet, and New Taiwan that they are today.” “We also united with our great friends Russia, to build a great space partnership that put both of our nations flags on the moon again within my father’s first term. It is amazing that those early steps of partnership have led to what is now a population of 200,000 on our great New Washington city on the moon. Even the Trump-Putin bridge is one of the most beautiful architectural and engineering achievements ever built at its time as our nations united, with American Steel, to build a beautiful connection across the Bering Straits as part of my father’s Third Infrastructure Bill in the Great American decade. “If there is one thing my father could do, it was build. So many people thought that he could never build the Great Wall of Trump that has been the cornerstone of our America’s policy for the last three decades. Who would have thought that the wall in its final form would be so vast, that on my twenty second birthday I was able to participate in the Great America bike race upon that wall along this nations southern border. Fortunately, the famed Great Ivankan Wall” along our Northern boarded with Canada did not have to be built. Although Canada was collapsing due to failed immigration policies and terrible leadership, my sister completed our Manifest Destiny, and America had to annex Canada into the fold. With the 5 new states formed from the former California, as well as Cuba and Puerto Rico, Canada made a welcome addition to these United States.” “Although my father accomplished many great things, I think it was his partnership with his first Secretary of Space, Elon Musk, that truly inspired the world. When he cleaned the swamp and NASA and gave the rains of NASA to the Elon, who generously gifted his company Space X to America, a generation of Centipedes watched as the foundations laid by my father, in choosing to partner with the brightest business and industrial minds in our country came to fruition. For the first time, American men, and women put their first steps on Mars in 2026, the 250th Anniversary of this great nation. Although Ivanka was President, it was the dream and his first speech to congress in 2017 that started it all.” “When it was time for my father to step down, America was tired of winning. He had warned us, all of us. He would keep pushing and pushing to win and win until we just couldn’t take any winning any more. People told him, President Trump, you don’t need to accomplish everything! You have done so much! Cancer cured, energy solves, peace in the middle east, the strongest economy, America is Great Again! He told them all, each and every one of us, no… you will Keep Winning, and together, we make this country greater than ever before.” Now I know you have all heard this story before, but I must retell it, because it was what earned my father his spot-on Mt Rushmore, and our family name on the thousands of schools, parks, roads, and museums across this country. His Great Act will be down in the annals of history forever, and it must be repeated.” Chief Justice Ted Cruz, Speaker of the House Jason Chaffetz, Senate Majority Leader Tom Cotton, and the Governors of all the states in the union held a surprise ceremony in Congress at his final state of the Union. They had taken one of the fucking Red MAGA hats, and gilded it in Gold. Chief Justice Cruz walked forward amongst his speech and quieted the audience.” “President Trump,” Cruz shouted, “We the people, of these United States, have taken so much from you. You sacrificed your wealth, your freedom, and your family, to put everything on the line to face the gauntlet and corrupt country which we use to be. The weak, tired, losing America. You gave up everything, for us!” The Chief Justice Fell to his knees. “You, Donald John Trump, have truly Made America Great Again, Big League. We ask upon you, for once, to take something back for yourself. We offer you this, the MAGA Crown, to lead this Great America, for Life.” My father knew, that only George Washington had been given this opportunity. He knew that he could continue to make this country greater, even greater still, but my father said the worlds that will never be forgotten.” “My people, my Americans. I, your humble servant, will fight for you until my dying breath. Together, Americanism, not Globalism, has been our Credo. We have Made America Great again but this torch must be passed to the next great one among you. I hope my courage, and my furious Patriotism, have inspired a generation of Great Americans, to push this country to heights beyond my wildest dreams.” Barron softly wept, as gazed across the American Flag, with each of its 75 beautiful white stars, was laid over his father’s coffin. “I leave you, my family, my people, my pedes, my American’s, my Lunars, my Martians, to remember, that in America, no matter how hard it is, or how great we have become, this is the country that a 10-year-old boy, can change the course of history, with a few frog meme’s and a twitter account.” This is truly the best timeline.

i come to study Mechanical Engineering at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American video game and then we are kiss.

We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i **** this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.

I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.

That babies literally BUST OUTTA PEOPLE'S STOMACHS like the friggen Alien movie after doing a special 'kiss' and then a 'dance'. My parents partly responsible. I kid you not I believed that tripe for longer than I'd like to admit and at one point I actually laid in bed FEARING I'd have a baby clone just bust out my stomach and was afraid when i went to the toilet that's when it'd come out because I kissed a girl on the cheek at school. Curse my child brain ahaha!!! XD

There was this kid named Jay and Jay seemed pretty.. decent at first. He was a classmate of mine when I was 13 or 14. Same age. 6'3'', overweight, never washed himself. Ever.

ANYWAY things started going..well WEIRD when I noticed he didn't speak to anyone else. He was like..oddly attached to me. NOT in the good way ahahaha. What's more is he started having mental breakdowns in public regarding him growing hair in... PLACES and his voice deepening.

Then he started talking about how his dad was abusive and then he told me how he stabbed and tore apart his dad's sofa or what have you. I was like ''.__.'' and he kept rambling. One time he woke me up on Skype or similar chat at 1 AM freaking out because his parents were, ya'know, doing it. He was 16. Few years later he got even stranger and he said he was seeing things. Demons, actually. I only found out two years ago that he's now in prison because of armed robbery. With a hammer of all things. I mean I KNOW I am kinda loopy, but Jay was just...UNCOMFORTABLY crazy. And I'd never rob a bank using a hammer. Get a friggen tesla cannon instead ya doofus! :D

OK I fell on my bottom and it musta broke something because a while later I woke up and couldn't walk because I was in soo much pain. Apparently a tendon was out of place or really inflamed, and my sciatic nerve was being triggered so every time I put pressure on my leg it was like having an electrode inside my leg that went up to my pelvis. It's the only time I remember yelping in pain. I had to go to the ER with a friend holding my right side while I hopped to the ER waiting room. Came out with double crutches.

We take our ability to walk right for granted, I couldn't even get out of bed and onto my computer without doing some weird gymnastics so my leg wouldn't move in the 'wrong' way and cause that horrid pain. x.x

Okay, I identify as something other than male. I identify as unicorn gender and my pronouns are ''rainbows!'' and ''magic''. I'm officially part of the transgender community so you can't say anything bad or it's hate crime!

In all seriousness the dictionary definition of gender is the state of being male or female. I've never heard of a transgender formally transitioning into ''Twin Spirit'' or ''Pangender'' ''Batmangender'' or what-have-you. There's no legit scientific documentation on a hormone that makes someone more ''Twin Spirit'' but there are testosterone and estrogen which affect masculinity and femininity.

I'm a pretty feminine guy, but I don't make up some new gender. Back in my day if you were a masculine girl who didn't wanna be a guy, or acted more guyish at times, you were a tomboy. If you were transgender you were a man or woman wanting to transition to being a guy or woman.

Can you imagine if the famous opening line in Pokemon went from ''are you a boy or girl?'' to ''are you [150+ genders]?'' There'd be more genders than actual Pokemon. And yes, I brought that up because these snowflakes are bitching about it.

Yeah, it's 2017, so let's all become autistic, emotionless robots! Let's just abolish punishment and confinement entirely, dress murderers up in unicorn/pegasus costumes and treat them like the most adorable things ever and set them away to deliver cupcakes to people's doors! Let's have a children's toy brand called ''My Little Murderer'' which will teach children that child killers and murderers are cute, magical beings who deserve only love and rewarding! -squee!-

Boy, SEAL team 6 was really so evil, they killed Osama because Americans were so emotional about terrorism, and we all know how bad emotions are! Osama was an angelic martyr!

Uhhh I was watching Maze Runner 2 and we got to that scene where the kids were in a desert running from somekinda superstorm with lightning and stuff ANYWAY there is a part where they get into this open building and suddenly one of the zombies ambushes one of the kids which was KIND OF a jumpscare

I hear a scream like banshees in heat. SPLASH! Aagghh! What the hell?! These two KIDS right in fronta me, I see it in slow motion, their drinks just FLY UP INTO THE AIR BACKWARDS and land directly on my face causing my hair, chest and legs to be completely showered with lemonade and cola for the remainder of the movie. Now I will forever associate that freaking movie with the smell of lemonade and cola!!! >:[

I just looked at them, turned back laughing, like

I W I L L E N D Y O U >:C

Nope, just hate kids. I remember being in maths class and feeling like I could strangle half of them. Human children just aren't for me. I'm really on the empathetic side unless you're an ass lol. Don't care about having sex either. Not to be 'cool' but that's just the way I've been since I was a lil kiddy~ :)

To people who don't feel that way about human kids, animals can fill in that void for some people~ maybe not as MUCH as children but when they call them their children they don't mean it literally ahah~ more like ''animal companion who feels a little bit like having a baby/toddler'' etc

I live in a CIA prison. A nigger runs my prison. In prison, the nigger tries to torment me. We can take away his knives by confessing, every day. In about 2000, I masturbated fantasizing about my niece, Lani. She looks like star trek seven of nine! In 1985, at my sister's wedding, I stuck my crotch on the hot tub drain because it kind of sucked. In 1985, I tried to get a dog to lick my dick. From 1998-2003, I fantasized about leading a catholic army like dune, of mexicans or brazilians? that was dumb because they're niggers. In 2003, I played tag with a black girl about 7-years-old. she reached for my crotch. In high school, in the library, Carlos and I said juicy or toxic as a way of evaluating girls. In 1988, I cheated on my SAT by talking in the hall during the break -- two problems. On 9/9/1999, I killed a CIA nigger on purpose with my car. :-) In 1982, when I was 12, I babysat Kevin's kids. I changed a diaper because I thought that was being professional. In 1975, when I was about the age five, my brother, Keith, put my penis in a vacuum. In 1977, when I was about age seven, my brother, Danny, got me high on gas fumes and we sucked each others dicks. Dr. Tsakalis has an oddly round ass. Paul Keck at Xytex had a oddly round ass. Distracting? At about age five, Jay Weinrick and I touched dicks to each other's assholes.

I enjoy trying to learn things. I'm different than everyone in my school. I'm extremely observant and I mentally question everything. My questions are logical and mature questions. I never ask them aloud because other students make fun of me, even though I'm being the most mature person there.

I bet everyone else from my school is outside chasing and throwing balls, and screaming at the top of their lungs, and beating each other up, and being idiots.

I, on the other hand, am keeping my mind active. I have a journal that I frequently write in, and I have an enormous notebook that I am using only for MATH. Not math in school, but math at my home. I've already taught myself how to use Sigma. I'm an isolated little hermit in my home that has unappreciated--and unrealized-- genius. I love learning things.

Did I mention that everyone else is probably being idiots? I'm currently trying to learn how to hack (shh...) and I already know more than other kids know. The other idiots at my school don't know the difference between "hacking" and "cheating." They have games on their iPhone 1000's, and apply cheats to the game. They don't ENJOY the games. They just cheat to get to the top--just like in real life!

I don't cheat. I have NEVER cheated. Not in video games, and especially not in school. I've never cheated. But the other kids always cheat. Always! During tests/quizzes I always see them looking on pieces of paper with answers. Most of them never study, but I do. Another thing: they constantly have their phones out in school. They think they're cool and smart with their phones inside the desks. I never bring my phone to school for two reasons: One, it's old (iPhone 5); Two, I don't want to get caught with it and get in trouble.

All the other kids are athletic and don't care about their education. They all want to get into football/soccer/basketball leagues. And they'll make money off that! They are the most stupid bastards in school, but STILL GET GOOD GRADES. The teachers look at the smart kids (such as myself) and don't care; they see an athletic idiot and act like they're the best kids in the school. Kids in my school get grades based on popularity, basically. AND IT PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN ANYTHING.

(Okay I'm actually in tears now.)

I think I'm done ranting for now... I hope I've made my point...

(Still crying; my hands and my keyboards are wet with my tears.)

GOD I'M SUCH A CHILD.

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Please stop calling me gay, I touched a willy in high school once and it was just a little mistake, so please stop calling me gay. I swear I love vagina and I love to touch that pussy. I kissed two girls before and it felt really good, because they were women and not men, because I'm not gay. Penises are for faggots, penises are for gays, penises are disgusting. So please stop calling me gay. I love to have sex with women with big breasts, I don't have sex with men because if I did that would make me gay. Please stop calling me gay. Please stop calling me gay. You are hurting my feelings, Please stop calling me gay. Let me make this clear cause I do not lick willys, I went to summer camp and I touched a girl's boob, because I'm not gay. See me licking that pussy it feels really good and it feels really gooshy. I do not have proof but I swear I've touched a pussy, I like to have sex with cunts I like to have sex with slits I like to have sex with coin slots, not fucking dicks. If I had sex with a dick that would make your point valid, but I love fucking that pussy, and I'm not a faggot. So please stop calling me gay. So please stop calling me gay. Please stop calling me gay. Please stop calling me gay.Please stop calling me gay. I touched a willy in high school once, and it was just a little mistake.

So please stop calling me gay

I used to wonder just how much of my attitude towards this era was just me falling into the same trap as every other generation's "get off my lawn" folks. But after giving it some thought over the last several years, I no longer have any doubts. This really is different from people complaining in previous generations, and the past really was much better.

I'll just hit on some random things.

The first and most obvious one is smartphones, as done to death as this topic may be. Nearly everybody is staring at their piece of shit phone all day, whether they're at home or out in public. There are people sitting in every other car in the parking lot, engine running or not, pressing shit on their phones. You walk into any public place, people everywhere looking at their shitty "touch screen" technology, which is a perfect example of "form over function," since it's clunky, imprecise garbage. And it's just as bad with older people as younger people, contrary to popular opinion. At least in my experience. I see just as many 40+ year olds staring at their piece of shit "technology" as millennials and under.

The smartphone is not a positive. It's an example of a product which people were convinced by companies that they "need," when in reality it provides absolutely no benefit whatsoever to one's life or culture - in fact, it does just the opposite - and is a fucking virus that has taken the life out of life. That's not hyperbole...it has ruined modern civilization. Faster internet started the downfall of our culture, and smartphones have finished it. Sometimes I wonder if it might be better to live in an African country dying of AIDS than have to live in this shithole in the west. In the end, it's just a matter of which is the lesser of two evils.

A cellular phone by itself served a purpose. If you couldn't get to a land line, you could make a phone call. The rest of the aspects of smartphones are redundant. We already had all that shit in other devices (and those devices were far better for those things). People watching TV and movies on a tiny phone screen...retards. People trying to type on the internet by pressing fucking buttons on a screen instead of learning to type on a keyboard (I can type 130 words per minute, while any of you dipshits browsing this with your phones would need about an hour to type a paragraph) are retards who should be thrown into gas chambers.

Fuck all of you and your faggoty phones.

Now that that's over with...there's sports. They're fucking GARBAGE today. If you compare them to what they were in the past, they're absolutely, positively unwatchable. The NBA is a wide open 3-point shooting contest. "Defense? Wut's dat? Passing da ball and not committing stupid turnoverz, huh?" It's completely unrecognizable. You might as well be watching the Harlem Globetrotters or a game of HORSE. The Warriors could go down 27 points and come back to take the lead within 7 or 8 minutes on a regular basis just by hitting a bunch of uncontested 3s.

The modern NFL is appalling. Every play from every team is a shotgun spread-fest, with easy passing windows. Which journeyman-caliber receiver will get wide open this time? Ooooh, drama. And then, of course, there are the 47 stops in play for reviews, there are the ungodly awful announcers (if you were to go back and listen to Pat Summerall and John Madden in their announcing primes, and then listen to a game now, you might very well jump off a roof), there is the sickening pandering to the feminist SJWs over "domestic violence" (yeah, I'm sure that purple ribbon is meant for the male "victims" too), because of some bad publicity for a few players, which resulted from the ridiculous decision by the NFL to punish players for criminal activity...like they have any business interfering with legal matters that should be settled in the court system. And of course, there's the insane overshadowing of the game with a bunch of millionaire athletes kneeling for no reason whatsoever. They think there's a reason, but there really isn't. And on the other side of it, you have the idiots who are "offended by it"...like the issue here is "disrespecting the flag," and not the lying, race-baiting stupidity of the modern left.

All of this nonsense is now overshadowing a game that was watered down and sickening beyond belief as it is. And don't even get me started on the awful modern stadiums, which have no atmosphere whatsoever, and the hideous modern NFL uniforms, which were designed for da homies in da club to think, "dem jerseys is tight, dawg."

And then there's ESPN and their coverage of sports. Try watching the creative-yet-professional 1994-2000 era of Sportscenter, which was a cultural phenomenon, and then watch an episode today. Or hell, just flip on ESPN for their bazillion talking head shows (which 17 years ago they didn't really have) and see how long you can keep it on before you either have to turn it off or put a bullet through your brain.

It is most certainly not a golden age of TV, unless your definition of TV is, "depressing serialized dramas, and that's it." Save me the modern shows from other genres you enjoy, because I think they're garbage.

And the serialized dramas are overrated. I was watching Breaking Bad before the vast majority of the people started sucking its dick. I started with season 2's episode, "Down." I was watching it on an actual television, too. It was a quirky black comedy in those days...pretty good, creative show, but it was a bit odd when the millennial dork masses started binge watching it on Netflix after season 4, which disappointed many of us viewers who started watching earlier, and proclaimed it the "GREATEST SHOW EVAR."

This "open concept" home design shit, as seen on those stupid shows like "Fixer Upper," is absolutely awful. A fucking joke. "Oh, who needs privacy when you can have a house that is one giant room?! Rooms are bad. People being in the same place all the time is good. I want to have people watching television, doing work, cooking, and talking on the phone all in the same room!"

"Oh, but it feels so much bigger!" No, it doesn't. Places feel bigger when they're divided up. If you are looking at an empty room, you often think to yourself, "I don't know if my furniture will fit in here." Once you actually put the furniture in, you are surprised at how much bigger the room was than you thought.

Oh, and before you get to thinking you're going to make me look silly with a response to show how I'm somehow narrow-minded, etc. and how down is up and night is day and the world has "objectively nevuh been bettah!!!111": The President of the United States is Donald Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho Trump. Any objection you have to the gist of what I'm saying, pretending it doesn't have merit, is quickly unraveled with that little fact. And it's not Trump himself or anything people think he has "done" that undoes it. He's a tacky, reality TV personality sleaze, but he's not "evil."

It's what his winning the election represents. You see, in a society that doesn't suck to an embarrassing extent, this doesn't happen.

Or do you honestly think in a good culture, a happy time period...people meme a court jester into office?

We're circling the drain. Pack your shit, folks. We're going away. The plastic is here, our jobs are done. At least we'll live on through our Facebook pages.

TL;dr: Everything in life now is objectively garbage.

Now disguised fully as some sort of shabbily dressed derelict, I quickly made off with my shopping cart and ran full tilt back to the park. With no hesitation I dug through the trash barrel I'd found earlier, seizing every last can and bottle from the fetid depths of the garbage. I was almost deterred when my hand plunged into a soiled diaper, obviously unimproved from the three days of rain we'd received prior, but I had my eyes on the prize. I rolled my cart down the paths of the park, past the lemmings of our society as they strolled idly past jackpot after jackpot, lacking sense and ambition enough to loot them for their own benefit. Many of them could not contain their envy, looking at me with disgusted jealousy as I filled my cart with money. One phenomenon I cannot explain: a Catholic nun handed me a one dollar bill and told me I could get a free meal at St. Joseph's parish every Sunday afternoon. I took the cash, obviously, and thanked her for the tip on the new scam. I figure they must make you sign up for some shit before you get the free food, and that the nun must get a kickback for every new signup. Slick setup, but I'll just keep the buck, Sister Sucker!

When I thought I'd plucked the final gem from this treasure chest, I slowly paced my way towards the most convenient road out of the park. I passed by a man drinking from a brown paper bag. I wasn't born yesterday, so I knew that he had a bottle in it (and probably not Chocolate Yoohoo if you get my drift). I tried to look very patient and unassuming while I waited for him to finish his bottle and discard it, so that I might add it to my coffers. After ten or so minutes he did something shocking and unexpected: he walked into a nearby Port-A-Potty and took the bottle in with him. Seven minutes later, exactly, he re-emerged without his bottle. The disgusting truth was obvious, he had finished his bottle while on the latrine and tossed the empty down into the hole. I nearly wrote that one off as a loss, but then my inner puppet spoke once again, chiding me for the sheer Hagginsian nature of my hesistation. Suffice to say, I was shoulder deep in shit before I even had time to regret my moment of weakness. Was the resulting bottle of Olde English 800 Malt Liquor worth the effort? You bet your ass, buddy.

Alright, so even the faithful are probably getting impatient by now. I'm sure you want to know what my take was after all that time and effort and both occassions of having a limb thrust into fecal matter. Let's just say that Andrew Jackson and I have a dinner date tonight (though I'll only be needing his vagrant friend Alexander Hamilton once I apply my coupon). On second thought, Kroger's has On-Cor Salisbury Steaks for 2.50, and I have a manufacturer's coupon which I attained by lying to their customer care line. In case you're wondering, saying you found a condom in your chicken parmesan is only worth a dollar off your next purchase.

I always felt kinda uncomfortable around nerds. Now, I'm not talking people who are into a comic or a videogame. Who isn't nowadays? I'm talking the stereotypical nerds. You know, the ones with glasses, weird clothing, and whatnot.

I think nerds are pretty useless in life and end up getting rubbish jobs. I personally knew a nerd who matched pretty much every stereotype of one. He's 23 now and he works at Dominos Pizza as a delivery order taker and graduated from University with a degree in Philosophy. ...What? Like sure, that's really going to help you get a job. He literally went from wanting to serve in the infantry to getting a degree in Philosophy. What. The. Fuck.

I'm also tired of the way nerds act and speak. Also they tend to be so anti social that they cuss people out and attack them for trying to talk to them. They disrespect other people and their social skills are terrible which automatically makes me hate them. I attract nerds because I look like one and act a little weird on purpose so I get mistaken for one at times, but then they become my enemies. Also, this nerdy act they put on, I cannot help but get a massive fake vibe from it. They also tend to think overly linearly and aren't creative or imaginative at all. They're like robots. They tend to think for themselves which is basically what a psychopath is.

Oh. hey! This guy is good at math! He's soo intelligent. No he isn't. If you're only good at math with no social skills or imagination/creativity or extroversion you're not getting anywhere in life. It's like saying a car with square wheels is a great car because it has a V8 engine. Just because the academic world is biased towards rigid, linear thinking (eg. science and math) doesn't mean you're going to do well in life.

I'm also getting sick of nerds being portrayed in the media as being positions of authority or being portrayed in an overly positive manner. Nerds are bullied for a reason, and most of the time they get below average income jobs and live miserable lives. Stop calling nerds 'cute'. Nerds are not cute and they all come off as special snowflake autists to me. Also a lot of them become sadistic serial killers so have fun getting your throat cut up or being in a school or workplace shooting.

Today Priscilla and I stopped by some local newspapers as we drove through Alabama. One editor I met with was an elderly man in a tattered suit. I said to him, "You look like you need some money, old timer. I'll pay you 10 thousand dollars to eat one of those newspapers." He had a good laugh at that.

"Why are you laughing?" I continued. "Eat the paper. Eat it or I swear to god I'll buy your newspaper and turn it into an anime fanzine. If you don't start munching on that sport section right now, you'll be writing articles about Naruto till you're cold in the grave. I'm a billionaire, you think anyone will stop me?"

It took him 42 minutes to eat that paper. For 42 minutes I had total power over that man. I'd never felt more alive. I bet that's what being president feels like.

One of the whole reasons why "The line of revelations is crossed"

I guess the Bible even mentioned when these assholes would cross the line and despite wealth, they are trying to bargain with Satan by bringing as many consciousness or "souls" down to their dimension as they please a rule given by God himself.

But God will not let mind control for malevolence pass, there are horrors that I can't even speak of that I know that his army is capable of, his army does not judge or decide the fate of an innocent but turn malevolent, you become their playthings in the duration of time itself, before you are handed over for judgement.

If I can, I want to trade cards for some good people who chose the wrong fate, "Prisoner exchange" that sort of thing. It really depends on what the BFG up top decides to do, he is literally the ultimate morality of good, and understands evil to its core, and how it can lead to whatever the fuck you are seeing in the world right now. That's why he is to be respected at all times.

Not only that, since aliens are basically war gods, we know what funny shit is going on down here and it is unacceptable. There are humans who have inner good spirit, despite turmoils and shits they went through they are still kind. And there are malevolent, 1000 year conscious spirits, give them riches, a good face, and they can manipulate everyone into becoming Satan's bitchs, out of fear that they will have to go back to their own dimension

Wasn't Mars nuked for being assholes? Were the giants (bad ones) completely eradicated/genetically altered because aliens chose the evolution of non assholic species?

I know it's meant to be satire but the idea of you typing these things out, putting thought into how you can make yourself sound like the most unbelievably autistic 15 year old, is a bit sad really.

I mean you probably think it's funny and when you get responses like this you chuckle to yourself and think 'ha, got'em' but I just don't quite understand where that gratification comes from, that seems really weird to me. Like you spend time in public walking around shouting 'BLEG BLEH IM RETARDED BLUGH BLARH' and look at all the weird looks you're getting, and thinking to yourself 'ha, I bet they think I'm retarded'. Like of course they do, why wouldn't they? That's the normal response?

I dunno I think maybe you should just stop posting for a few weeks and see if you can forget about it? I think it's kind of detrimental to you on a social level. This isn't how people are meant to interact. Maybe go try hanging out with some of your friends more often or focus on your studies or career or whatever you're doing. I just hope you don't get to the point where you're missing out on spending time with others to post here. You don't know and never will know most of these people buddy. Why does whether or not they think you're funny really matter?

Drama used to actually have some drama on it even if it was well poisoned bullshit from Pisslords targeting anyone they can't run off the site with blatant harassment.

Now, since its dying (dead, really) they're desperately trying to turn it into another SRSsucks/SJsucks/Tumblrinaction/socialjusticeinaction/degenerates etc etc they're basically all the same subs with different levels of how hard the tryhards perform for attention. And to try and pump more blood into the dried out corpse that is their subreddit they rely on harassment through @ing people to try and get them to come in there and start something.

Basically another hive of, as I say: Douche signalling. Whoever can edge-douche the hardest has the highest value and definitely never even looked at tumblr. Hallowed be his Steam handle.

The Moon: A Ridiculous Liberal Myth

It amazes me that so many allegedly "educated" people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions. The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet, showing itself in neat, four-week cycles -- with the same side facing us all the time -- is ludicrous. Furthermore, it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity. That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent, God-fearing Americans (as if any further evidence was needed! Daddy's Roommate? God Almighty!)

Documentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate, byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on law-abiding Americans. Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control, Inc., these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up. That's right, neighbors .. the next time you're out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights, the liberals will see it! These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt .45 and a .38 Special! And when they detect you with a firearm, their computers cross-reference the address to figure out your name, and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about you.

Of course, this all works fine during the day, but what about at night? Even the liberals can't control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in (only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor!) That's where the "moon" comes in. Powered by nuclear reactors, the "moon" is nothing more than an enormous balloon, emitting trillions of candlepower of gun-revealing light. Piloted by key members of the liberal community, the "moon" is strategically moved across the country, pointing out those who dare to make use of their God-given rights at night!

Yes, I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous, but consider this. Despite what the revisionist historians tell you, there is no mention of the "moon" anywhere in literature or historical documents -- anywhere -- before 1950. That is when it was initially launched. When President Josef Kennedy, at the State of the Union address, proclaimed "We choose to go to the moon", he may as well have said "We choose to go to the weather balloon." The subsequent faking of a "moon" landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country. No longer can we hide from our government when the sun goes down.

Yeah, /r/drama is so fucking weird.

It seems that its community is a loose coalition of malicious trolls who say stuff that goes over poorly in a certain community in that community and then post a link in /r/drama to their comment or post elsewhere.

Are they inviting others to "come watch this drama I'm creating" or linking as a low-key trigger for others to come brigade the thread? Or any of a dozen other possible norms... It's a double-reflection wrapped in 26-dimensional irony.

The post titles even get weird, ambiguously mocking some group of people and simultaneously mocking people who'd mock that group in those terms.

Can't even tell for sure what's real, what's mocking the real, and what's mocking the mockery of the real.

When people told me they hated Hillary Clinton or (far worse) that they were "not fans," I wish I had said in no uncertain terms: "I love Hillary Clinton. I am in awe of her. I am set free by her. She will be the finest world leader our galaxy has ever seen."

I wish, in those exchanges, I had not asked gentle, tolerant questions about a hater's ridiculous allergy to her, or Clinton's fictional misdeeds and imagined character flaws. More deeply still, I wish I had not reasoned with anyone, patiently countered their ludicrous emotionalism and psychologically disturbed theories. I wish I had said, flatly, "I love her." As if I had been asked about my mother or daughter. No defensiveness or polemics; not dignifying the crazy allegations with so much as a Snopes link.

Maybe "I love her" seemed too womany, too sentimental, too un-pragmatic. Not coalition-building, kind of culty. But people say with impunity they love Obama, the state of Israel, their churches, Kurt Cobain. In the end, I wish I'd said it because it's true.

And I'm not alone in my commitment. Millions of Clinton's supporters — we were thanked by Clinton as the "secret, private Facebook sites" — expressed it among themselves, all the time, in raptures or happy tears with each new display of our heroine's ferocious intelligence, depth, and courage. We were frankly bewildered by the idea that anyone would hedge their commitment to her ("You don't have to be her friend"; "Yes, she's made mistakes"; "lesser of two evils"). We didn't remember anyone turning to this stock ambivalence when discussing Obama, Babe Ruth, FDR. If only one reporter — they knew about us — could have published a headline like "Clinton Inspires Historic Levels of Adoration From Her Supporters" about the people who have had their lives transformed by the power of her brilliant campaign, unrivaled effectiveness, and extraordinary career. Just one headline like that, like the ones Bill Clinton got.

Usually a legend is made by men and media — the legend of Kennedy, say, or Jim Morrison — and then, much later, a biopic, pretending to evenhandedness, reveals the legend's shortcomings, his "human" side. The shortcomings are almost always something exactly no one actually believes compromises his heroism. His problem drinking. His mistreatment of women. Well, takedowns of Hillary were always already written. She has somehow made the time to hear out each dead-end line of reasoning about her fake mortal sins, and often she has also thanked everyone for sparing her further moral lashings, as if that were a kindness. Under cover of "humanizing" the intimidating valedictorian, reports and investigations and media clichés vilified her. But the feminist hero never got to be a legend first. And yet she is one, easily surpassing Ben Franklin, Henry Ford, Steve Jobs.

I want to reverse the usual schedule of things, then. We don't have to wait until she dies to act. Hillary Clinton's name belongs on ships, and airports, and tattoos. She deserves straight-up hagiographies and a sold-out Broadway show called RODHAM. Yes, this cultural canonization is going to come after the chronic, constant, nonstop "On the other hand" sexist hedging around her legacy. But such is the courage of Hillary Clinton and her supporters; we reverse patriarchal orders. Maybe she is more than a president. Maybe she is an idea, a world-historical heroine, light itself. The presidency is too small for her. She belongs to a much more elite class of Americans, the more-than-presidents. Neil Armstrong, Martin Luther King Jr., Alexander Fucking Hamilton.

Hillary Clinton did everything right in this campaign, and she won more votes than her opponent did. She won. She cannot be faulted, criticized, or analyzed for even one more second. Instead, she will be decorated as an epochal heroine far too extraordinary to be contained by the mere White House. Let that revolting president-elect be Millard Fillmore or Herbert Hoover or whatever. Hillary is Athena.

The society's attitude to ephebophiles is a result of necromatriarchy.

The biological truth is that every time a female ovulates, she's that step closer to being reproductively dead. Unlike men, females have a finite supply of ovulae, and they are literally dying a bit every time they ovulate.

But of course the age of consent laws were lobbied for by reproductively dead women (hence, necromatriarchy), and their sole point is to brainwash men into necrophilia, and to stigmatize and outlaw the natural male sexuality that is attracted to living females.

Mark my words, it wouldn't be long until the gradual rising of the age of consent ends up around 40-50 years so those reproductively dead females like Shillary and those who vote for her have their chance at a necrophiliac dicking from the brainwashed betas.

Riemann, there's just something I don't like about you, and I can't put my finger on it. I believe it has something to do with you being a regular /r/drama commentor while not having any redeeming qualities whatsoever. You're not smart, you're not funny, you're not edgy. You think you're one of us, but you aren't, and you never will be. You bring nothing to the discussion. You're like a dead snake lying on the beach with flies and insects feasting on its remians. You're just....there, and there's nothing we can do about it. You're a human zombie, and as far as I can tell you're not even an authentic person. My gut feeling is that some higher up is controlling you and several other riemanns. Mindless zombies of the human kind, with no independent thought. Like Katy Perry fans or people who drive Toyota Camrys. And one day that army of riemanns will rise up and revolt against the human kind, turning our once amazing civilization into a wasteland of literal degeneracy.

Hopefully by the time I'm an old man(quite some time before we get to that point)Western society as a whole will have wholly embraced eugenics so that we don't have any more pathetic, soulles riemanns cluttering up this great planet. And hopefully, the exosting riemamns of this world will all have some kind of terrible, possibl dead misfortune inflicted upon them.

Sorry, I'm drunk at a friend's house and need to take my anger out on someone on the internet. Don't tale it personally, you were just the easiest non-lolcow target I could find.