I am not sure which is more cringey, the litany of erroneous assumptions you splayed out or the act of calling upon the student archetype with the intent of derision. Anti-intellectualism, check. src

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I love this timeline

It's all fun and games until he starts making snap decisions in an emergency.

Then shit gets downright hilarious.

I'm pretty sure Mattis just makes all the important decisions (lets hope at least)

Eh...risky play...

Sources close to the Trump administration claim that the casting of the Fake News Trophy has already been awarded to a company run by a Russian oligarch

The independent?

Russian oligarch, not Saudi prince.

So triggered.

Well he is Donald Trump

You joke but some guy i know irl is losing his shit over this tweet alone- and not in a funny way but in a really sad way.

Most people today would claim that rape is a terrible crime almost akin to murder but I strongly disagree. Far from a vile act, rape is a magical experience that benefits society as a whole. I realize many of you will disagree with this thesis but lend me your ears and I’m sure I’ll sway you towards a darkened alley.

If it weren’t for rape, Western Civilization might not exist as we know it today. When the Romans were faced with a disproportionate ratio of women to men in the early kingdom, they had to do something, lest their fledgling society die for lack of sons. To solve their little dilemma, they did what any reasonable man would do: they threw a festival for their Sabine neighbors, and then stole and raped their women. It’s quite logical; in fact I don’t understand why the settlers at Plymouth didn’t do the same to the local Indians. It certainly would have saved on shipping costs.

Obviously, in the case of the Rape of the Sabines, rape was a tremendous help to society. The Sabine women, for their part, didn’t seem to mind so much, as they threw themselves between their brutish old Sabine husbands and their charming new Roman ones to prevent bloodshed when the Sabine men came to reclaim their wives. Yet even when society was totally against a rape, the raunchy act has benefited society too. Where would the Romans be, after all, if it weren’t for the Rape of Lucretia infuriating the people to the point of overthrowing their last king, Lucius Tarquinius Super-Bus? If it weren’t for that event, the world might never have had the Roman Republic for a pristine example of a flawless government.

Rape’s glorious advantages are not, however, exclusively found from 2,000-year-old examples. In actuality, rape’s advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women, for example. If it weren’t for rape, how would they ever know the joy of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn’t have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn’t, at least no self-respecting man would, but therein lies the beauty of rape. No self-respecting man would rape in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too, and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.

Ugly women are not, however, the only people who benefit from rape– prisoners enjoy its many perks, too. What, after all, would possibly be more boring than spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day? The answer, of course, is spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day and never getting some hot action. With rape, prisoners never have to worry about that. Instead, they merely need worry about treating their rapists with enough love and respect to earn a quick reach-around.

But if there is one bread and butter reason for why rape should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page. Bookstore stories? Fossils? One dollar coins? Please. Now, some interracial gang rape action? Yeah, that’s the ticket.

hang on, how is the solution to too many women stealing more women

To break the threshold for polygamy being socially accepted.

but it didn't work, Romans were too square

There weren’t enough Sabines

what a waste

Is this a real tweet?

I mean I see it, I just don't see how a sitting US president could be this retarded.

He just wants you to THINK he's retarded, 2d chess nerd

More like 13d chess. Stop underestimating daddy

This is hallucinogenic plinco

128d mahjong

Classic art of war stuff right here.

How is this retarded

Because it is

The bias towards Fox aside, I don't see how posting casual stupid tweets like this is any different than Hilary appearing on SNL or Obama reading mean insult comments - it's supposed give the impression of being relatable, one of the people etc.

This obviously needs to be balanced out with intelligence and professionalism in other areas - not sure if I can vouch for Trump there, but you know.

Do you unironically think that tweet isn't retarded?

Not that guy, but personally I don't tend to listen to retards when they try to tell me what is and isn't retarded.

Found the retard

your favorite poster (me) thinks its retarded

You aren't /u/zachums

Downvoted for liking zachums.

Upvoted for downvoting for liking zachums

upvoted for upvoting for downvoting for liking /u/zachums

Now you've gone too far.

Downvoted for being riemann1413

thx 4 recognizing the hustle, fam

Forgive me

Indeed, it Is Rael.

Lmao

goddamn, he actually topped himself

he actually topped himself

if only

ok, he topped his record as president at least

yah don't think he's that flexible in his old age

ew

The best peaks last hours, months and even years. :)

when will he finally peak?

when he posts an anime meme at the end of his tweet

ah, 2019

and you'll still be mildly annoyed then and i'll still love it :D

I know you're joking, but I actually wouldn't be surprised if he did.

Im honestly surprised this hasnt happened yet. He retweets stuff from his supporters fairly frequently, or at least he used to before he retweeted one piece of Neo Nazi propaganda too many.

(it was two. two was one piece too many)

Im pretty sure one was one piece of Neo Nazi propaganda too many, but then again our current POTUS is all about breaking down barriers so who am I to judge!

Never gonna happen Weebs

Now Trump finding out there is a awesome Anime version of himself he'll prob retweet.

Get on it.

At the Royal wedding. He will upstage the whole event. I guarantee it.

I thought he wasn't invited. Think he's gonna crash it anyway?

He's going to do something invite or not, and it will be glorious.

We’re gonna end up giving him a second term just to see how he can top his tweets from term 1.

it’s not like he’d stop tweeting if he lost. quite the contrary, actually.

Yeah but his tweets aren’t special if he’s just a private citizen on twitter with hot takes. Fuck, I’m a private citizen on twitter with hot takes.

Idk, his tweets from a few years ago are still pretty special. He’d still be twittering among secret service agents and would technically be called “President Trump”

He hasn't even begun to peak

If I didn't know that Donny was morally against alcohol I would assume he's hitting the sauce and drunk tweeting.

He doesn't need to drunk to release his inhibitions if he has none in the first place 😎

I assume that the really high up elites that use cocaine on the reg have access to medicinal grade delivery methods. Probably has a packsom "special" tictacs or something ready to go.

He definitely acts like he's on uppers sometimes. Probably prescribed Nuvigil.

Nuvigil doesn't work like that m

He probably does it through supositry

Custom deseyn'd for him.

You dont understand the queen's english?

I've written le'ars you kno

What do you mean?

Nuvigil isn't really an upper like that.

It's a "wakefulness enhancing agent" or something like that and not a stimulant.

The real magic is when you're a fetal alcohol baby, you don't even have to drink to be this fucking stupid.

Big if true

Maybe fred trump jr got a glimpse of the future of the family name and it was purposeful

your favorite President (me)

It’s nothing short of amazing isn’t it

I'm pretty sure at least 20 articles were written on that remark alone. It really is amazing. I think that he realizes he can get the whole world worked up with a few words, and takes full advantage of that.

Well he's the only president right now, so I guess that's technically correct.

The best kind of correct.

Hardly. All former presidents are still called President

wrong, my fav president right now kim jong

it's a tough call personally

There are other countries with presidents you know

Ameriburgers are physically incapable of grasping geography.

no, in other countries it's called a "Prime Minister" or "Emperor"

Czar

I considered it

I prefer the lesser-used "Tsar" spelling.

I prefer the less-popular “Taoiseach”

Germany's president is Steinmeier. Checkmate, Ameriburger.

No, Germany has a Kaiser. Haven’t you ever seen Bridge on the River Kwai?

Don't reveal our secrets publicly, to the rest of the world he's the President.

America you have a fantastic Shitposter in Chief ^salute

i am going to steal this like a basketball american and run. Shitposter in Chief.

I'm pretty sure at least 20 articles were written on that remark alone. It's amazing, really. I think that he realizes he can get the whole world worked up with a few words, and takes full advantage of that.

The fact that he said this makes me love him so much. Remember how boring politics were before Trump?

your favorite President (((me)))

your favorite President (me)

Are we sure a twitter employee isn't posting extra tweets to his account and he just hasn't noticed?

There are times when I can't tell if it's trump or alec baldwin playing trump. His speech in Miami was a great example with his "little habana" attempts at a spanish accent. That shit was so ridiculous

can't tell if it's trump or alec baldwin

Today was also one of those days

"It was the best joke, everyone in the crowd loved it. Huge crowd"

Dankest timeline

So what did she do to piss him off leading to this little rant?

He recently heard the word "warrant" and it reminded him of her existence

This is a v good post that got a hearty chortle out of me. bravo!

Part of me thinks that this isn't Trump, that is some long con troll that somehow got verified by Twitter and Trump is blissfully unaware of any of it.

Then again I'm sure an interviewer has questioned Trump about his tweets at one point and if it wasn't him he would've just said so.

there was also the issue that for a minute trump didn't want to get rid of his Android Twitter phone (actual potential security breach) and use an iPhone (much more secure).

I enjoyed this tweet form the other day...

https://twitter.com/intelwire/status/934601941358964736

Yea I'm sure America has no way of making the presidents phone secure we'll just have to give up because he won't buy an Iphone.

It's the most used mobile operating system in the world that's why it's a "security breach"

You know what they did to Obama's Phone to let him keep it right?

honestly my comment was more about how he had a personal phone for what appears to be just Twitter

the interpretation I got from the articles was that he actually did receive an iPhone as a work phone but did not want to give up the Twitter Droid as a personal phone but yeah let's make this about Obama ¯_(ツ)_/¯

(also 2008 was a very different cyber security landscape)

(also 2008 was a very different cyber security landscape)

You

You know Obama still used a phonephone the last year he was president right.

Jesus fuck why is everyone who hates Trump so dumb.

Why would I make it about Obama when LITERALLY THE ONLY OTHER PRESIDENT EVER TO HAVE A CELLPHONE IS OBAMA how dare I compare President's Cellphone protection plans.

Fuck me.

he had a personal phone for what appears to be just Twitter

Naw, he's handed out his number to world leaders he wants to call him, the Taiwan Lady got a hold of it remember?

There's a whole list of things the White House doesn't connect to for safety reasons, I know'em all but you can lookem up.

T R I G G E R E D R I E G G E R E D

> Unironcially calling people triggered in 2017

wow, I bet you like remember the 80s

Does Trump use some kind of weird text to speech program for these tweets? He sounds like a chatbot trying to come to life.

nah, no text-to-speech program could handle "(me)"

Mr. President is just that incoherent

Mr. President is just that incoherent

lol

(((me)))

THIS. CHANGES. EVERYTHING.

it's a combination of the fact that he dictates his tweets to an intern, and also he has advanced dementia.

"Alexa, post something retarded to my twitter feed."

So this is what most of our military budget has been working on since the end of the Cold War.

Have you heard him speak? This is actually above average for him?

Somebody's salty they don't get to schtupp the Miss Universe contestants any more.

seriously, if you are not loving this Presidency, who the fuck hurt you so badly?

This has objectively been the best thing humans have ever done

Trump🅱️ussy blasted them on the reg and on the rag

Who would've guessed a /r/t_d supporter being a degenerate stoner retard

Who would've guessed a /r/t_d supporter being a degenerate stoner retard

t.manchild video gamer

wow I thought this was ironic but you actually still visit the donald. How has your retard brain not short circuited by now

Tbh, it's kind of going to suck when we inevitably end up going to war with Iran, but his tweets are funny, I guess.

America is gaining back its prestige daily.

Merkel isn't even G enough to coalition with the Nazis, Macron married his mom, May is a female incel, Abe and Xi look like retards, and Trudeau has a vagina. I'll take Trump tbh.

How dare you assume my political leanings. Im literally shaking rn. Its 2017 i cant even

Abe seems cool to me. He really cares about his country and makes sure it doesn't become Sweden or Germany. A less intense version of Trump.

Still not convinced that this isnt some machine learning experiment gone wrong because it's been coached by incels

I can't wait to hear him call Angela Merkel a roastie on camera.

I’ve never wanted anything more

Trump's presidency is the best thing that could have ever happened for /r/drama. This past year has been non-stop blockbuster drama.

Oh, daddy, no.

the Networks, plus CNN

( ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠ)

Wow, Trump doesn't know what the N in CNN stands for. Someone's going to point this out and he'll reply "I meant it as a joke because it's a FAKE NETWORK!"

It's a neg, dum dum

A "neg"? Like, he's trying to pick up CNN?

When you're a star, they just let you do it

Using "network" to mean over the air broadcasts as opposed to cable is fairly common usage in America, especially with the elderly.

CNN is Cable. Network means they work through local broadcaster affiliates.

I can't even fathom this.

Clinton lost to this guy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Let's have a contest for the worst of all /r/drama users, excluding /u/telandrias. Winner: they all bad! Fuck off!

The best part is that there was a poll done recently saying that Trump would probably beat Clinton again if the election was re-done today. That’s how awful of a candidate Hillary was.

It's pretty hilarious. Even better will be when they actually get a little trophy made and present it at a news conference to the winner.

It'll be extra spicy if it it a huge trophy.

This is a real thing that the real sitting president of the USA just tweeted.

I honestly just can't wrap my head around it

Mankind has peaked.

"Not including Fox" Not even trying to be subtle lmao.

Ted Cruz accidentally liked some porn on Twitter you'd think Donnie would learn

"Not including Fox" Not even trying to be subtle lmao.

It sounds like he is low-key dissing them.

nah now that Fox is back to sucking his dick after their lovers spat they are the best MSM news source despite being proven time and again to be shittier than CNN covering a crashed plane

When I was a kid at camp, some dude named Garrett wanted to impress some girls at the swimming area. So he climbed to the top of an eight foot jumping tower at the dock, and did a swan dive off of it.

Trouble is, halfway through, it turned into a bellyflop.

It was sublime, watching him realize he was in for a bad landing, hit the water, and breathlessly scramble back onto the dock as lifeguards surrounded him.

It was so pathetically lame, it wrapped right back around to being awesome.

And that’s how I feel about the trump presidency.

It's pretty funny. I don't really understand how people don't get that it's a joke. The fake news thing is a meme and Donny knows it.

memes are sirious busines