Lmao imagine being so humorless that not only do you not understand certain types of humor, but you actively seek and destroy humor elsewhere that you don't understand. ^src

Snapshots:

1. This Post - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, removeddit.com, archive.is

2. /r/Murcia - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is*

3. /r/Islam - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is*

^{I am a bot. (Info / Contact)}

K.

Hello fellow Muslims! Don’t you guys think that Israel and Jews get a bad rap? As a good Muslim I think we should all look deep inside ourselves and realize that our Jewish cousins are really mistreated in our subreddit.

Allahu akbarikum,

Ahmed

Jewish Perversion? In my r/drama?

Safety be upon you, apostate.

Found the Saudi. Nice try, Muhammad bin Salman, no crypto-Jews allowed.

Yeah right, Allahu Ackbar fellow murta- i mean muslims. No god but God and Muhammad is his final messenger and all that.

And so on and so on *sniff*.

Islam, too, is ideology.

So zish i theenk *sniffs* is something which is a very important er question *adjusts t shirt around gut* that is, If i pull off the mask will you die? and the reply is of course that, it would be extremely painful *touches nose* and scho on, however this i zink zis is a very important question because he is a big guy, er a very big guy *sniffs* so the question then is to zink, how are we going to abolish the mask, and what is the next step, in this master plan and scho on, because capitalism has got itself caught, within the ideology, and perhaps the ideology is crashing this plane with no survivors

Rare Banepost, do not steal

Check out https://warosu.org/lit/thread/7113249, it's awesome.

I liked the Blood Meridian one.

There's a lot of excellent ones, but I think I like the Borges the most.

... No less curious is the story of an officer presiding over the interrogation of a band of outlaws. In this story, as it is variously told in the villages surrounding the region of Cuantromenton, the officer is sometimes a spy; the interrogation, a simulated execution; the outlaws captured guerilleros; and their leader, whose head is either masked or covered in a bag, may even be revealed to be something more (or less) than a man. The only point of convergence found between these stories is in the final exchange, held shortly before the men fall to their deaths. As the captor questions this leader of men on a point of mortality, and supposedly on what its loss would entail, the latter replies: "It would be extremely painful". To the officer's retort, protesting that this outlaw is "a big man", he finally answers - "For you". Two versions exist (both using these same words, spoken by the same characters) which are given equal credence. Rumors however persist of a third interpretation, using the same words still, according to which the last two are not an answer directed to the officer, nor to the captive himself, but instead at the very recipient of the tale. ...

> For sale. Big guy. For you

Pottery

Beautiful.

على فكرة قلتَ من قبل أنك عربي بس ما قلتَ من وين.انت أصلك من وين؟

Peace be upon you.

And also with you.

shit

And with your spirit reeeeeeee

Watch out lads, we have a Catholic who's skipped mass for—checks google—9 years?! Fuck I can't believe it's been that long.

I still have to catch myself lmao, though I go considerably less, pardon the heresy.

Haram

Daily reminder that in 2017 there are still people who unironically oppose sharia law

sharia means law. No need to say sharia law. You're just being redundant just like your existence.

You know who seems really jewish these days?

Jews.

they do lots of (((jewish))) things pretty suspicious if you ask me

Inshashalla the commie agendaposters and Trumptards will be driven into the sea.

A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, we have driven the resisters amongst the infidel into the sea, and we have driven the venerated amongst the heretics into the desert. O Messenger of Allah, we have removed the poisoned dagger from the left hand, and from the right hand." The Prophet (PBUH) replied that the fence-sitter would be split by the palisade-stake and impaled in his lower regions.

Then the man came to Abu Bakr to ask him the meaning of words of the Prophet (PBUH) so that he might be taught the aayah (interpretation of the meaning). Abu Bakr replied: "God loves not the lukewarm, and such a man is often of the type who in secret sin is penetrated in his lower regions. For him, whips of iron and he must learn to be filled with fire for Allah and to stop sitting. If continues to sit between two pulling horses, he will be pulled apart bodily, and let him be thrown into everlasting fire."

Note to readers: this isn't actually a real narration, it's good fanfic though.

There is no god but allah and mohammed is his prophet

^{^(plz} don't shoot me plz don't shoot me plz don't run me over plz don't blow me up with a suicide bomb plz plz plz)

Over my white male corpse you filthy pigdogs.

You're going to end up being some Dagestani dude's third wife.

Since we are all finally converting to Islam I will answer your Muslim questions here.

So like I know I can't fly a rainbow flag and do that fag marriage shit, but it's ok to be gay as long as I'm:

1. Fucking my teenage twink boi toy dancer
2. Being a slutty teenage twink dancer
3. Sleeping in the same bed as my bff fellow jihadist and fucking the shit out of each other, as long as we don't go gayer than holding hands in public

Do I have it down?

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: no

Allaah knows best.

Is Lena Dunham Halal?

Praise be to Allaah.

There is no doubt that what you have done is a kind of zinaa (unlawful sexual activity), although it is not the worst kind, so you must repent sincerely to Allaah, give up this sin, regret what has happened and be determined never to go back to it. Avoid bad friends and bad places, lower your gaze and keep your distance from women to whom you are not related (non-mahram). If you repent to Allaah, He will accept your repentance. You are still a Muslim, but you have committed an act of disobedience towards Allaah by doing this sinful act, so come back to your Lord and seek His forgiveness for what you have done. Do more good deeds to expiate for and cancel out your bad deeds, do those things that will help you to remain chaste, and hasten to marry according to Islam. Finally, we will leave you with a story from which you may learn a valuable lesson:

Ibn Mas’ood reported that a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him that he had kissed or touched a woman, or something similar, as if he was asking how he could expiate for this (according to another report: a man had done something with a woman that fell short of actual intercourse. He came to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, who regarded it as something very serious; then he came to Abu Bakr, who regarded it as something very serious. Then he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)). Then Allaah revealed the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e., small sins). That is a reminder (advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice).” [Hood 11:114]. The man asked, “Is this concerning me, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said: “It is concerning whoever of my ummah does this.” (Reported by Muslim, may Allaah have mercy on him, in his Saheeh, 4963).

According to a report narrated by ‘Abd-Allaah, a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I fondled a woman in the furthest outskirts of Madeenah but I did not actually have intercourse with her. Here I am, judge me as you wish.” ‘Umar said to him: “Allaah had covered you, you should have covered yourself (i.e., you should not have spoken of it).” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not reply at all, so the man got up and left. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent a man to follow him, call him and recite to him the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e., small sins). That is a reminder (advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice).” [Hood 11:114]. A man who was present said: “O Prophet of Allaah, is this just for him?” He said, “No, it is for all the people.” (Reported by Muslim, 4964).

Allaah knows best.

What does the prophet say about traps? Are they gay?

Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

The Prophet (ﷺ) cursed men who imitate women and women who imitate men, and he said, "Turn them out of your houses." The Prophet (ﷺ) turned out such-and-such man, and `Umar turned out such-and-such woman. (Sahih al-Bukhari 5885)

Why hasn't /r/GenderCritical turned to Islam yet?

Wtf i hate islam now!! I need to find some twisted retarded theological way to make traps halal. Maybe convert to a non islamic religion like shiism?

Wait, allow me to seriouspost for a second - Islam had the answer to the age old question all along? Shit dude, I'm putting my finest towel on my head as we speak.

This is what I've been saying the whole time.

Do you see this moral and societal degeneration happening in your average Muslim country? I'll answer that for you: fuck no, because they don't let this degeneracy slide, like fucking liberal CUCKS in the USA. There's only one solution, and that is for everyone to convert to Islam.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) didn't tolerate degeneracy like gay marriage or gender bending—nay! He mandated the ostracization and execution of gays, and made sure they would not become commonplace or accepted by the rest of the community. He made sure to establish clear gender roles and didn't tolerate this "gender identity" trash.

In the meantime, you have Western society accepting gays, slut pride, gender-mixing, new genders, no genders, LGBT, and who knows what else?! Western society is truly degenerating without guidance, and I fear that as time passes, these degenerate groups only gain more and more power.

Muslims and conservatives might think they're enemies, but in reality, they're closer to each other than they think! An alliance would prove very fruitful for both sides.

Just repeat the declaration of faith after me:

أشهد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له وأشهد أن محمدا عبده ورسوله

and you'll be right on your way to becoming a great Muslim!

Salaam, is it Sunnah to troll for downvotes on Reddit?

Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly this is a problem from which the ummah suffers from time to time, especially when it is faced with trials and tribulations and these hypocrites feel secure and feel that they will not be punished if they attack the foundations of this religion and try to spread division and tribulation.

Undoubtedly the damage that these people do is greater than that caused by the kuffaar whose kufr is obvious, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They are the enemies, so beware of them. May Allaah curse them! How are they denying (or deviating from) the Right Path?”

[al-Munaafiqoon 63:4]

Because of that, it is prescribed to wage jihad against them and to treat them harshly.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said concerning the Nusayris, among whom were some who expressed their kufr and heresy openly and others who made a hypocritical show of loving Ahl al-Bayt (the members of the Prophet’s household):

Undoubtedly waging jihad against these people and carrying out the hadd punishments against them is one of the greatest acts of obedience and most important obligatory actions. It is better than waging jihad against those mushrikeen and people of the Book who do not fight the Muslims, for waging jihad against these comes under the same heading as waging jihad against the apostates. Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq and all the Sahaabah started with jihad against the apostates before they engaged in jihad against the kuffaar of the people of the Book, for jihad against these (the apostates) is a means to protect the lands that are already under Muslim rule, and to deter anyone who wants to apostatize. Jihad against the mushrikeen and people of the Book who are not fighting us is an additional manifestation of the power of this religion. Protecting the capital takes precedence over making profit.

Moreover the harm that these people (hypocrites) cause to the Muslims is greater than that caused by others (kaafirs), indeed their harm is like that caused by the mushrikeen and people of the Book who fight the Muslims. The damage that they do to the religious commitment of many people is worse than the damage done by those mushrikeen and people of the Book who wage war on us. Every Muslim must do as much as he can of his duty. It is not permissible for anyone to keep quiet about anything that he knows about them, rather he must broadcast it so that the Muslims will know what they really are. It is not permissible for anyone to help them to remain among the troops and government employees, or for anyone to keep quiet and refrain from carrying out against them that which Allaah and His Messenger have enjoined. It is not permissible for anyone to speak against carrying out what Allaah and His Messenger have enjoined. This is one of the greatest types of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, and of striving in jihad for the sake of Allaah. Allaah said to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning):

“O Prophet (Muhammad)! Strive hard against the disbelievers and the hypocrites, and be harsh against them”

[al-Tawbah 9:73]

These people are included in this phrase “the disbelievers and the hypocrites”.

The one who helps to put a stop to their evil and to guide them as much as he can will have of reward that which is known only to Allaah, for the primary purpose is to guide them as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“You (true believers in Islamic Monotheism, and real followers of Prophet Muhammad and his Sunnah) are the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:110]

Abu Hurayrah said: You are the best of people for people, you bring them in chains and fetters until they enter Islam. (al-Bukhaari, 4557).

The purpose of jihad and of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, is to guide people to what is best for them in this world and in the Hereafter, as much as possible; then whomsoever Allaah guides will find happiness in this world and in the Hereafter, and whomsoever He does not guide, his evil will be contained.

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 35/159-160

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The Muslim ummah must respond in kind when it is attacked. So with regard to those who fight Islam with ideas and words, we must explain the falseness of what they say using rational evidence as well as shar’i evidence, so that the falseness of what they say will become apparent.

With regard to those who fight Islam by economic means, we must ward them off and attack them if possible, by using the same means with which they attack Islam. We must explain that the best way to strengthen the economy in a just manner is the Islamic way.

With regard to those who attack Islam with weapons, we must resist them in a similar fashion. Hence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O Prophet (Muhammad)! Strive hard against the disbelievers and the hypocrites, and be harsh against them, their abode is Hell, — and worst indeed is that destination”

[al-Tawbah 9:73]

It is well known that jihad against the hypocrites is not like jihad against the kuffaar, because jihad against the hypocrites is fought with knowledge and argument, whilst jihad against the kuffaar is fought with swords and arrows.

Fataawa ‘Ulama’ al-Balad al-Haraam, p. 1733.

Allaah knows best.

Well I'm fucked

Too try hardy.

Someone call Serbiaball, we need their kebab removal services.

Deus Vult, infidel.

The last time you guys shouted 'Deus Vult', you ended up getting butt-blasted by a bunch of Turks and losing Constantinople.

Bring it on, Christcuck.

Time to remove kebab.

the absolute state of eurocucks

انا انيك ام امك يابن القحبتين يابن الفتالة انا انيك امك سنوووبي وابوك قهودي واختك ميدل يا ابن الفتالة انا انيك اختك الصغيرة ثلاث مرات في اليوم جعل سامي، ومنيع، ومحمد، ونجيب، والخبرة وانا وصالح ابو لحوم (الاحول) وزيد المهندل وعيال الحارة واهل اليمن والوطن العربي والصين الشعبية يابن زبي المخنث

I don't speak sand-people.

You were supposed to have recruited HK-47 into your party to do that.

Is this like when the drill sergeant tells the guys in basic, "From now on, I will be your mother and your father, your brother and your sister. The only thing I won't be is your girlfriend, because I don't like getting screwed."

It's actually a comment I found on this video (pretty much all the Arabic comments are raging at the uploader).

There are a couple words I don't understand because I think it's in the Yemeni dialect, but I'll try my best:

I fuck your mom you son of two whores you son of a whore^1, I fuck your mom snoopy² and your dad [?]³ and your sister middle^4, I fuck your little sister 3 times a day and get Sammy, Muni', Muhammad, Najib, and the experienced ones, me, Saleh, and Abu Lahum the cross-eyed and Zayd the handler^5, and the boys of al-Harra and the people of Yemen and the Arab world and the People's [republic of] China you son of my faggot dick.

^{1. I think it means whore, it's a different word than the previous word used for whore but it's definitely an insult}

^{2. I think it might be slang for a sex position, not sure}

^{3. Might be the same as 2, not sure}

^{4. Probably the same as 2}

^{5. I think it's like "Zayd who can handle things"}

Al-Harra, Syria

Al-Harra (Arabic: الحارة‎‎ or (Turkish: El Hara, Arabic: برق‎, translit. al-Hārrāh‎), also spelled Khirbet al-Harra; translation: "the Hot") is a town administratively belonging to the al-Sanamayn District of the Daraa Governorate in southern Syria. Situated in the Hauran plain, it is 37 kilometers (23 mi) north of Daraa, just west of Beer Ajam and the Golan Heights, northwest of Jassem, west of al-Sanamayn and southwest of Kafr Shams. In the 2004 census by the Central Bureau of Statistics, al-Harra had a population of 17,172.

^{[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source | Donate ] Downvote to remove | v0.28}

It's nice to see that youtube comments are always the same no matter what culture they come from.

/u/80BAIT08 Please update the post to include that the subreddit's official language is now Arabic.

I agree fuck wh*TOIDs!

When is the designated riot time?

Sweet. I'm off to bash some imaginary windows in r/drama.