They wouldn't dare. With u/notch's billions and whatever NEET bucks the rest of the mods can scrape together, they'd be making some very wealthy enemies.
Also, they keep pointing to merari's stickied comment in that post as being evidence of wrongdoing on our part, but I thought he was just making light of the dumpster fire while locking it (which you'd think they'd view as a positive thing). Also, who doesn't love the golden girls
What's the issue here? I thought reddit was full of 6 figure salary earning liberals who vote Democrat against their own interests because they have morals or whatever..?
/r/The_Donald is literally a safe space for Trump supporters. Not that I care if people have safe spaces, but the hypocrisy of protesting safe spaces at the same time must be lost on them.
This instance of /r/conservative is notable because they're pretty much acting like their sworn enemies by surpressing free speech. It's the hypocrisy that makes it worth noting.
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
66 comments
1 SnapshillBot 2017-12-03
Have you posted bussy yet?
Snapshots:
I am a bot. (Info / Contact)
1 HANG_ONTO_YOUR_HATS 2017-12-03
Other links (because effort):
The post that started it all:
https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/7h2o3s/rconservatives_reaction_to_the_bill_passing/
The ban message:
https://i.imgur.com/NnWm3rI.png
The /r/facepalm modmail:
https://i.imgur.com/s3yANID.png
/r/conservative REEEEEing:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Conservative/comments/7h7y17/where_the_trolls_come_from_rfacepalm/
https://www.reddit.com/r/Conservative/comments/7h64jl/the_leftist_invasion_problem_on_rconservative/
https://www.reddit.com/r/Conservative/comments/7h53lb/thank_you_mods/
I'd link more threads here, but honestly, just /r/conservative is probably enough.
1 starship_litterbox 2017-12-03
I wonder what it's like to be such a cuck for my political party that my taxes getting increased inspires me to high-five my Thai child bride?
1 siouxsie_siouxv2 2017-12-03
RIP /r/drama mod team.
1 TheEquimanthorn 2017-12-03
They wouldn't dare. With u/notch's billions and whatever NEET bucks the rest of the mods can scrape together, they'd be making some very wealthy enemies.
1 neveryousay3 2017-12-03
Perhaps we should send our Navy Seals on them?
1 siouxsie_siouxv2 2017-12-03
Also, they keep pointing to merari's stickied comment in that post as being evidence of wrongdoing on our part, but I thought he was just making light of the dumpster fire while locking it (which you'd think they'd view as a positive thing). Also, who doesn't love the golden girls
1 comebepc 2017-12-03
That's just stupid
1 awkwardtheturtle 2017-12-03
There's nothing stupid about loving the Golden Girls my dude
Estelle Getty 😍😍😍
1 DeathBahamutXXX 2017-12-03
How dare you! Bea Arthur is where it's at!
1 an_experimenter 2017-12-03
There's more brigading on rconservative than just from rfacepalm
1 grungebot5000 2017-12-03
use slashes you fuck
1 an_experimenter 2017-12-03
1 PM_ME_FREE_FOOD 2017-12-03
What's the issue here? I thought reddit was full of 6 figure salary earning liberals who vote Democrat against their own interests because they have morals or whatever..?
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-03
I'm not implying anything but...
1 nanonan 2017-12-03
THIS IS SERIOUS MUM
1 GARBAGE_MACHINE 2017-12-03
Jorge wants to be autistic but his mum won't let him
1 PM_ME_FREE_FOOD 2017-12-03
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-03
Jews did the holocaust. Not me. REEEEEEEEE
1 TesticleMayhem 2017-12-03
Nah, most autistic people are smarter than conservatives.
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-03
(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
1 grungebot5000 2017-12-03
rain man strikes me as a ron paul supporter
1 shallowm 2017-12-03
You might as well just combine them to get "conservautism".
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
So when Right wing subs start to do the same as left leaning subs NOW it's a problem? Ok then.
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-12-03
Says the pussy.
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
Should I know your or something?
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-12-03
Well, I know you're a cucked soyboy, and you know I'm not, so no.
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
Got some evidence or just talking out your ass?
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-12-03
Just like a soyboy to whine about stuff. It's as visible as your bitch tits.
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
Someone seems sensitive today.
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-12-03
We know you are, soyboy.
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
I feel great today actually. Thanks for asking! <3
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-12-03
Obviously you're lying since you've whined a lot today.
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
Where?
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-12-03
It's as obvious as your soy tits. You have a disturbing obsession with me, since you're disturbed by reality.
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
Can we share drugs together?
1 AlohaWarrior34 2017-12-03
I abstain from drug use, unlike degenerates such as yourself, because I take responsibility for my life. You should seek help for that.
1 444455555666666 2017-12-03
you should slit your throat
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
Wah.
1 TheGreatWolfRuss 2017-12-03
The right leaning subs have always done this shit retard. Horseshoe theory confirmed.
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
Such as?
1 blacknblue12 2017-12-03
Acquaint yourself with the business end of a revolver
1 GoblinVapes 2017-12-03
Any recommendations?
1 MugenBlaze 2017-12-03
R8
1 Think_Once 2017-12-03
There is this bald secret service agent who protects Trump.
http://thehill.com/sites/default/files/blogs/secretservicetrump.jpg
He has a wonderful gun. Just jump him on the next possible occasion and try to get it.
1 GeoStarRunner 2017-12-03
A high point glock 1911
1 scatmunchies 2017-12-03
Taurus Model 85. Enough to work if it goes off, decent chance of it jamming. It’s kind of meta Russian roulette.
1 shallowm 2017-12-03
A Glock 21, to match with that extra chromosome.
1 shallowm 2017-12-03
/r/The_Donald is literally a safe space for Trump supporters. Not that I care if people have safe spaces, but the hypocrisy of protesting safe spaces at the same time must be lost on them.
1 Bronafide 2017-12-03
All this does is show the superiority of centralism
1 lascanto 2017-12-03
HEY GUYS I WATCH SOUTH PARK IM CENTRIST
1 Pablopubes 2017-12-03
It’s always bad you fucking retard.
1 shallowm 2017-12-03
Everyone already knows that places like /r/LateStageCapitalism are cancer.
This instance of /r/conservative is notable because they're pretty much acting like their sworn enemies by surpressing free speech. It's the hypocrisy that makes it worth noting.
1 grungebot5000 2017-12-03
pretty sure it went /r/Pyongyang -> /r/Conservative -> everybody else
1 nonplussed__ 2017-12-03
r/LateStageConservatalism
1 PM_ME_FREE_FOOD 2017-12-03
What's latestageconservatism? We super dooper preserve institutions?
1 shallowm 2017-12-03
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
1 DeathBahamutXXX 2017-12-03
That is hilarious. Where did this originate from?
1 shallowm 2017-12-03
It was in The New Yorker.
1 WorldStarCroCop 2017-12-03
I forget which ones are the jews.
1 shallowm 2017-12-03
I wonder...
1 nithingpole 2017-12-03
Building a wall between subs
1 Tiepilot789 2017-12-03
This must have really subredditcancers narrative about librulz
1 hexane360 2017-12-03
No, they just compared them to LSC a couple of times and now think it was a "misunderstanding" and everything is okay now.
1 Karmaisforsuckers 2017-12-03
Republicans are the Muslims of white people
1 MayoIsSpicy 2017-12-03
I can't tell the difference between /r/conspiracy and them sometimes
1 celocanth13 2017-12-03
/r/upliftingnews mods did this to CB2 mods too because the top mod of UN is a bitch
1 thesnakeinthegarden 2017-12-03
r/conservative banned me for asking if they thought a a cited article was a credible source.
Then they called me a snowflake.
Then I cried.