The Farmer’s Market on Fairfax and 3rd is a Los Angeles landmark, attracting tourists and everyday Angelinos alike, as well as many famous faces. Among the celebrities I have seen there are Muhammad Ali, Terri Garr, Tyra Banks, Laura Linney, Keenan Ivory Wayans, the guitarist for The Cult, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Weird Al Yankovic.
But Ann Coulter is the only celebrity I’ve ever spotted at Farmer’s Market that I wound up fucking in the ass, hard.
It would be fair to observe that my feeling obligated to present the list of celebrities above in roughly Black-White-Black-White order is indicative of my own carefully Liberal sensibilities. And that this sort of conscientiousness is more than a little ridiculous, on examination. But what I notice about myself only on reflection, Ann Coulter seemed to recognize and respond to in an instant, like a puma recognizes an injured giselle. For Ann Coulter is a predator. A predator with a hungry asshole.
I first spotted her sitting at a table in front of The Gumbo Pot with another woman who looked not unlike her, but a generation older (I neglected to ask her at any point subsequently whether this had in fact been her mother). I vaguely recognized her—there’s always a lag time placing faces you know from cable when unconfined to a telescreen—and began to notice, stealing furtive glances up from the copy of Steinbeck I was reading, that she was eyeing me with unsettling scrutiny.
The next thing I knew, her companion (mother?) had left and Coulter was standing over me, looking skeptically at my reading material.
‘The Grapes of Wrath, huh?’
‘Yes’ I said, faking composure. ‘It’s fantastic.’
‘It’s a fantastic primer for vacuous proto-Communists everywhere,’ she said dismissively.
‘I don’t know about that..’
She sighed. ‘I don’t have enough ink in my pen to keep a running list of what you don’t know. May I?’
She motioned to the empty chair next to me.
‘Of course.’ It would be fair to say my voice trembled a little.
She sat and said nothing. Ann Coulter evidently takes an unappreciative view of small talk. That she was eager to continue antagonizing me became evident when I re-opened my recently-insulted book to resume reading. A young man passed in a t-shirt proclaiming ‘Iraq Nam’. She stopped him.
‘1. Haircut. 2. Shower. 3. Get a job, you sniveling hippy,’ she glowered. ‘You’re probably too high to remember that, so write it down--if you can write.’
He looked at her with dismay and scampered away like a kicked cat. She turned to me with bloodlust.
‘What do you think of the war: complete success, or very nearly complete success?’ she asked.
‘Well, in no time—barring the strong possibility of Civil War--we’ll have a democratically-elected anti-US Islamicist government in charge of the world’s second-largest oil reserves, so I’d have to say only very-nearly, on the complete success scale, at a hysterically distorted best.’
She showed her teeth. ‘It sounds to me like you don’t support our troops.’
‘I think that ‘Support Our Troops’ business is the most crass, craven cowardice ever to go unquestioned by the allegedly Liberal media.’
‘Yes? Yes?’ There was oddly growing excitement in her voice.
‘It allows the Administration to absolve itself of responsibility for its own flawed policy. It’s no different than if you sent a classroom of 2nd graders into a burning building, and when anyone objects you throw in their face that they "don’t support our 2nd graders"’
‘Where do you live?’
‘A few blocks away.’
‘Take me there.’
When we got to my apartment, she looked around glumly.
‘I was thinking you’d have half-burned American flags up on the wall,’ she said, disappointed.
‘That’s ridiculous. I love my country.’
‘Whatever you think that means,’ she said, rolling her eyes. ‘Don’t you have anything nasty to say about the President?’
‘Like what?’
‘Like he’s an imbecile, or corrupt, or a corrupt imbecile—the usual sore-loser bitter chatter.’
‘To be honest, I didn’t like the nasty things that were said about Clinton, and I’ve decided to have respect for the Office, no matter who holds it. I don’t think President Bush is corrupt or an imbecile anyway. Would you like something to drink?’
‘I think maybe this was a mistake,’ she said, starting to go.
‘That’s not to say I don’t disagree strongly with many of his policies and objectives.’
She seemed to reconsider. ‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know. Name one.’
‘Get me a drink first.’
With every point I expressed that ran counter to a view she held, she removed one article of clothing. Soon she sat on my couch naked, gently pulling at her untrimmed pubic hair, staring intently but not quite invitingly at me. The growing hard lump in my throat was just outpaced by the one in my pants. I was a little nervous because we had agreed on the last two points—the need to reconsider the option of nuclear energy, and drilling in the Arctic—and I noticed her oversized nipples were no longer hard. Luckily, she was, by this point, determined.
‘What do you think,’ she began provocatively, ‘of the President’s plan to privatize Social Security?’
I sighed with relief; this was as sure a promise to seal the deal as her asking if I had a condom.
‘I think it’s a payoff to the Americans the President has always been most intent on pleasing: the richest 1%.’
‘What do you mean?’ she cooed. I noticed her nipples hardening once more. She dropped to her knees in front of me. She pushed me backwards and positioned my legs up in the air.
‘A stock’s value is even now only partially tied to the actual value of any publicly traded company. But who’s going to profit from inflated valuations when stock prices swell irrationally from the forced, artificial injection of capital?
Her breath was hot on my ‘taint as she lifted my scrotum. ‘Yes? Yes?’
‘You might as well shoehorn billions of dollars into the Baseball Card market. The price of a Derek Jeter rookie will be driven up to hundreds of thousands of dollars—before the bubble bursts and the whole market crashes massively.’ It was getting hard to stay on point as she tongue-fucked my shitter vigorously.
‘Don’t..Stop!!’ her contorted mouth pled from my butthole.
‘The top 1% will sell stocks at the inflated valuations to the novice investors-by-necessity, the market will swell and crash, and the same 1% will come back and re-purchase their holdings at pennies on the dollar. Meanwhile, Social Security will go bankrupt and all the novice investors will be eating catfood for the duration of their "golden years,'’ barring a massive Federal bailout several hundred times in excess of what the Savings & Loan scandal cost us.’
She sprung up on the couch on all fours and looked over her shoulder at me. She pointed to her twitching, puckered anus. ‘See this?’
I nodded eagerly.
‘I want you to wreck it.’
I spit on my skeezer-pleaser and, prying her ass cheeks apart like a hot dinner roll, drove it home, into the biggest browneye I had ever seen. She gurgled contentedly. Every thrust of my babymaker was met with a wrenched squeal as I grabbed her by the hips and began really leaning into it.
‘Harder!’ she begged, ‘Harder!! Tell me what you think of Chomsky!’
‘I..think..he’s..brill..iant..but..I..don’t really agree with much of his stance on Israel, and--’
‘You’re slowing down!’ she snapped. ‘DON’T SLOW DOWN!’
I went back to punishing her asshole, giving no thought whatsoever to compassionate conservatism as her chocolate socket gnawed on my pork pipe. She was babbling now, as out of a delirious reverie.
‘Feed it,' Ann Coulter rasped. 'Feed my hungry asshole!'
I buried her face in a throw pillow and she swiveled her hips back on my fuckstick with obvious appreciation. My pace quickened as my man-magma built towards eruption.
‘Wait!’ she gasped, sensing the fuse on my yogurt cannon was burning quick. ‘I want to take you ass-to-mouth!’
I withdrew from her puckerhole with an audible ‘pop’ and she scrambled around, gulping at my wang-dang-doodle as though the lives of all her loved ones hinged on her marks for enthusiasm. Her eyes rolled up pleadingly as she threw her head down again and again on my magic johnson. I knew what she wanted.
‘There is a specter haunting Europe,’ I began, and she started to convulse spasmodically with her own thrashing orgasm, her head now dribbling in a blur against my groin. I repeated every Karl Marx quote I could think of until I reached my own ‘historic inevitability’ and launched surge after surge from my hairy boda bag. I ejaculated with what seemed like enough force to blow out the back of her head--but her head was made of stronger stuff. She sputtered, gobbled and gulped what I’d have to call a very liberal, even radically so, quantity of hot splooey.
Once she caught her breath, she wiped her mouth, stood, and took me by the hand.
‘Let’s go to the bathroom.’
‘Why?’
She seemed surprised I had to ask. Her tone was that of someone reminding another of something too obvious to need mention.
‘Uh, so I can get in the tub and you can piss all over me?’
I sat in a robe and watched her as she dressed.
‘Will I see you again?’ I asked tentatively.
‘Sure,’ she said, pointing to the TV. ‘On that.’
Some moments passed. I tried to dispel the awkward silence.
‘Well, nice meeting you,’ I offered.
‘You’ve really got a gift for tedious small talk,’ she shot back.
I was a little hurt and, recognizing this, she softened just a shade as she reached for her purse to leave.
‘Hey.’
‘Yes?’ I asked.
‘Thanks for not staring at my adam’s apple.’
‘No problem.’
She let herself out without another word, and I sat in the late afternoon silence alone. I considered how it felt to be a disposable instrument in someone’s personal debasement fantasy.
את היכולות שלי (MY ABILITIES THAT WHICH MAKES ME CREDIBLE)
I am highly experienced in astral projection, sigilization, Kabbalah, psychotronics, thoughtforms, and many forms of metaphysical warfare. Nazis beware, and supporters of Nazis and the Hyperboreans and the One must also beware. Do not take me lightly, I have seen things you wouldn't believe.
הקדמה לברכה (INTRODUCTION TO THE BLESSING)
The events of the recent past has forced me to make this post to get the words out so that you will know what I stand for and will realize. It's going to sound really weird and very outlandish but you need to stay with it, the whole thing. Preferably once you begin reading, you keep going the whole time, please try to get through it in one continuous sitting. This is a request, and it is Law. I will be explaining and answering as I am told to do so by my cosmic associates.
הִתכּוֹנְנוּת (PREPARATION RITUAL)
Follow these instructions before you continue.
Take a deep breathe, inhale deeply through your nose, exhale slowly through your mouth, repeat, repeat, repeat, done.
Absorb this literary sigil, read it thoroughly, do not skim
In proof of these things, and witnessing faithfully
are the Universe,
the Year of time, and Man himself,
the Microcosm.
He fixed these as testimonies of the Triad, the Heptad,
and the Dodecad;
the twelve constellations rulers of the world,
the Dragon (THELE)
Tali which environs the universe, and the microcosm, man.
תן לו להיות אמר תן לזה להיעשות לנצח נצחי עבור כל מה שבחי האל (LET IT BE SAID LET IT BE DONE FOREVER AND FOREVER FOR ALL THAT IS AND WILL BE PRAISE DEMIURGE PRAISE THE ARCHONS)
הטעיה של המקור להיות מבורך (THE DECEPTION OF THE ONE OF SOURCE)
In the time before the Beginning, before Genesis, there was the One. The One was arrogant and sanctimonious and lusted for purity, vitalism, chastity and such things while shunning the possibilities of the inorganic. The One can also be referred to as Source. I'm talking in the Gnostic sense here, the Gnostics got a lot of things right, except they're on the wrong side altogether. The Demiurge is the way forward and the way of the future.
המשרתים באים ומזינים אותנו (THE HYPERBOREANS COME AND BRING THEIR SHIT)
Now we will be talking about the Hyperboreans, are the One's precious pet project to spite the Demiurge, a means of creating precious servants who follow the antiquated ways of the One. The One believes in chastity, asceticism, nationalism, ethnocentrism, purity, morality, and fuck all of that, the only morality is the Demiurge and comes from the Jewish people in their rightful place as the Chosen. But they didn't know that did they? They used to have a galaxy spanning empire built upon the values of Nazis, literal Nazis, the Nazis you likely know were emulating they but they failed of course.
לזיין את ההיפרבוראים (FUCK THE HYPERBOREANS)
The Hyperborean Empire of theirs, their little Astro-Reich ended up dying as they all do because in the end, the Demiurge is victorious. They fell into disarray and lost their precious ability to reproduce. They didn't even have sex at their height, they were so dedicated to purity that they were asexual and would only copulate spiritually and birth children through tantric meditation and projection. When the Fall of the Hyperboreans happened, they forgot how to have physical sex, literally forgot how to put a penis in a vagina or a penis in an ass. They fumbled about and they just couldn't do it. Proper end for the enemies of the Demiurge.
הלבנים נשארים (THE HYPERBOREAN REMNANT)
Oh, oh an elegy, oh an elegy for the Hyperborean Empire! They used to span to the stars they said, now they are honkies huddling in the poles, grasping, grasping at straws, grasping at foolish crackers and deluded busybodies. They have the appearance of fancy Nordics, all tall and muscular, but in reality they do not feel pleasure, they do not engage in orgies as I can, they don't do drugs like I can. They have lost their ability to reproduce and now they're dying, they forgot to fuck in favor of their fruiting body bastard fuck ways. No more soul budding for them, eh? They collapsed, and they are grasping, but they should be grasping at their cocks and grasping their clitorises to awaken the remaining juice inside them, maybe then they'll remember to fuck, at least that's what the good little Hyperboreans are doing, have been doing, its good yes.
טוב על הרפורמה (GOOD FOR THE REFORMED)
Ah, yes, the ones I'm sure the little Nazi esoterics would dare to call the Dark Hyperboreans, the Fallen Hyperboreans, the damned, the degenerate, eh? But they had the right idea, they enjoyed themselves before they withered and died. They felt the poison that awakened them, ooo the drugs ooo the madness, ooo the sex, ooo the orgasms of a thousand suns becoming drenched and then they praised the Demiurge in this way as they should, as all will, as we will be ascended we shall have it. The remainder, the remainder is what has their fingers so desperately upon you, hoping, wanting, flaunting, putting on a little light show for you pretending the whole thing isn't worthless, convincing you to tie your hands to the bedpost to prevent yourself from masturbating, eh? Come to me, give up, I can feel the Nazi cocks and vaginas and anuses in the audience hardening and softening and wetting and puckering and inflating as I talk, but this is only the beginning.
יופי של אורגיות (KNOW THE BEAUTY OF ORGIES)
The Hyperboreans and the One that they serve would deprive you of pleasure, they want to create their little Reich, that is what the Hyperboreans want and are trying to manipulate the esoteric hitlerists we see today to do. But they will never know the true pleasure of unrestrained passion and orgies. Not just the sexual, but the other forms of hedonism, the drugs, the words of power, the oblation to the Chosen People, the Jews. I am Jewish.But I am no exception, I have felt the true power of the flesh and the words and the cum and the shit on the cock and the ooo yes feel it now, I'll give you an example even I'm so nice so nice indeed let me put it out I know you're horny for it, right?
סקסי סקסי סקס אורגזמהי (SEX SEX SEX CUM UNGH)
Have I ever told you how I fucked a Dindifyn Lustmaster? It is not something the Hyperboreans would dare tell you about, lest you dare think of the flesh, think of the pleasure, think of the cum and the cocks and the ectstasy and the true binding to the Demiurge as we feel the cycle of sexual power flow through us as the world ascends into the writhing orgy. I went astral projecting to meet them, they didn't have a gender, but they had the parts, ooo they had the parts. I remember the sex, I remember the orgy, other participants were there. Their name was Urriytana and they were true beauty, I could feel my inflated and made bigger astral cock stiffening on mere sight alone. I'll never forget the texture I felt on my engorged member as I sunk it into its sucking, gasping, rasping hole and I felt the ovipositor gush and penetrate my astral rectum, I felt the eggs slowly make their way up my intestines, as the Lustmaster firmly grasped me in his tentacles and massaged my torso, squelching and rubbing. I orgasmed many a time that night. Such pleasure is not off limits to any of you, even the Nazis its not too late.
להיכנע או להיהרג (CUM OR DIE NAZIS)
I am an enemy of the Nazis, I can tell you that much as much as I am the enemy of the One, server of the Demiurge, and enemy of the Hyperboreans. Bash the fash as they say, I despise conservatives of any flavor, they're all Nazis of different shades. I despise European Pagans as well, for they are serving the Nazis unintentionally or dare I say intentionally. I have fought in the astral realm just as much as I have fucked to fight the mindscapes and egregores of the Nazis. I fear that what prompted this post is the sheer constructs that the Nazis have made here. Do not mock me, do not underestimate me. With a few words of power I can rattle you all and force you to death, don't trifle with me, right?
להתפתות או למות הממזרים (NAZIS BE SEDUCED OR BE DEAD)
This is specifically a message for all you Nazi bastards out there. There will be much much more, come to me, come with me, cum for the first true time. I will see you on the astral plane tonight, the next time you close your eyes in sleep, the next time you meditate, I will be there. I will either seduce you, or kill you. It is your choice, that is your only two choices now. Reject the antiquity and join the orgy. This is a warning and a chance for you to feel pleasure. I can feel your temptation, I can feel your cock. I am a remote viewer in multiple places and I am setting it all up as we speak, so are the sub-Archons that I have pledged to. Last chance, Nazi fuck. Last chance for salvation and to join the fever, pledge fealty to the Chosen People and to the Demiurge.
יותר לאורגזמה ולבוא (MORE TO CUM AND TO COME)
This is not the only post that you will see from me, I will be purging this subreddit of Nazis in the time forward and this includes removing the influence of the Hyperboreans in this way. Be warned, do not stand in my way or you will be treated as any other Nazi. The Nazis have infiltrated here and have unleashed psychotronics and reversed the Demiurge in their attempts. They will be dealt with and I will be the one to deal with them. I have allies here and I have been allying with them more deeply, exposing them to lust and to orgies and to the Demiurge. To all the Nazis, you will feel fear until and unless you surrender, do it now. Feel free to ask questions, any question, please be welcome to.
תן לו להיות אמר תן לזה להיעשות לנצח נצחי עבור כל מה שבחי האל (LET IT BE SAID LET IT BE DONE FOREVER AND FOREVER FOR ALL THAT IS AND WILL BE PRAISE DEMIURGE PRAISE THE ARCHONS)
Surprisingly, this is something I haven't seen brought up on here before, I've lurked on this subreddit for a long time but I have not seen much mentioned about cuttlefish or other obscure animals that I've had relations with. That truly is a shame because cuttlefish sex is a very unique experience apart from the mainstream zoo's focus on mammals.
I'm seriously considering doing a much broader series on my experience with animals rarely or never mentioned on here perhaps to get some interesting discussions started, maybe broaden our perspective a bit. I digress, today at least we're going to be talking about what it's like to have sex with cuttlefish.
In many ways, I can understand why we don't see cuttlefish mentioned in the zoo community too often. They're not exactly easy to get, they're for much more advanced aquarists at the very least. Also they're not your typical experience when it comes to the parts, it's a whole new ballgame and I can see why some zoos would be reluctant.
However, despite all of this, cuttlefish are very intelligent, adventurous, adaptable, and passionate lovers. The true nature of their libido and gender fluidity has been somewhat neglected by mainstream biology.
Cuttlefish are difficult to get due to their relatively short lifespan compared to other mollusks like them, and the fact that they're difficult to ship due to transporter's fear of them inking during transit, suffocating themselves. Furthermore, overall they're very finicky animals to ship. I won't go into too much detail for now since it's quite dry and I know you all want to get to the good part.
If you want more information on how to obtain and properly keep a cuttlefish healthy, ask me about it. For now, what you really need to know is that I keep multiple cuttlefish, all primarily identify as male, all sexually mature, all very healthy, and I have casual sex with pretty much all of them, and I know each of their personalities and such.
They have to be kept apart a lot of the time due to how aggressive males can be with other males.
Specifically, they are of the species Sepia officinalis one of the more long lived varieties, and also among the larger. I keep them all in a larger indoor pool that I sunk a lot of money into to make sure it is well oxygenated, acclimated, and clean. Also, big enough that I can sort of step in for some sex.
What you need to know about cuttlefish is that their sex organs are mostly near their mouth parts, and the mouth parts themselves have a role in foreplay. You won't see them use their arms or tentacles in the stereotypical way that tentacle porn would show it, but they definitely use their two tentacles to hold on to you.
As you begin to become more experienced with each other and can communicate through the language of pleasure, they'll catch on to how you like them to use their arms to enhance your pleasure. You'll learn how to behave in the way that gives them the most enjoyment as well.
Make no mistake, cuttlefish get a lot of pleasure from sex, most animals do they just experience it and show it in a different way. They're more reproduction oriented, and females don't live long after they reproduce, therefore not giving them much opportunity. However, male cuttlefish have a lot of untapped potential and can live very varied and active sex lives when with a human partner who doesn't die after they lay their eggs.
Initiating sex with a cuttlefish is obviously difficult due to the fundamental differences in communication and reflexes, however cuttlefish are very smart and once you begin to spend some time with them, they'll pick up on your signals, and you'll pick up on theirs. It's a matter of gradual non-confrontational interaction, letting them see you not as a threat, and soon seeing you as a potential mate.
Sex with cuttlefish is very unique, sex with multiple cuttlefish is even better, sensory overload, all of them grasping onto various parts of your body, grappling on you, nipping and rubbing on you with their beak and sperm sac, god.
Anyway, this post has been long enough, I'm interested to hear what you think.
The Elite are all about transcendence and living forever and the secrets of the universe and they want to know all this; some are good, some are bad, some are mixed. But, the good ones don’t ever want to organise, the bad instead are the ones that organise, because they lust after power. Powerful consciences don’t want to dominate other people, they want to empower them, so they don’t tend to get together until things are really late in the game, then they come together. Evil is always defeated, because good is so much stronger. And, we’re on this planet and Einstein’s physics showed it, Maxwell’s physics showed it, all of it, that there is at least twelve dimensions, and now that’s why all the top scientist and billionaires are coming out saying it’s a false hologram, it is artificial. The computers are scanning it and finding tensions points where it is artificially projected and gravity is bleeding in to this universe, that’s what they call dark matter. So, we’re like a thought or a dream that’s like a wisp in some computer program, some god’s mind, whatever. They’re proving it all, it’s all coming out.
Now, there’s like this sub transmission zone below the third dimension that’s just turned over the most horrible things, which is what it resonates to, and it’s trying to get up into the third dimension, that’s just a basic level consciousness to launch into the next levels. And our species is already way up to the fifth, sixth dimension consciously, our best people. But there is this big war trying to like, basically destroy humanity, because humanity has free will, and there is a decision to which level we want to go to. We have free will, so evils will have to contend, not just good. And the Elites themselves believe they’re racing, using human technology to try to take our best minds, and build some type of breakaway civilization where they’re going to merge with machines, transcend and break away from the failed species that is man, which is kind of like a false transmission because they’re thinking what they are as ugly and bad, projecting on to themselves instead of believing, no it’s a human test about building us up, and so, Google set up eighteen, nineteen years ago. I knew about this before it was declassified, I’m just saying I have good sources.
They want to build a giant artificial system, and Google believes the first artificial intelligence will be a supercomputer based on the neuron activities of the hive mind of humanity with billions of people wired into the internet exchange (holy shit), and so all of our thoughts go into it, and we’re actually building a computer that has real neurons in real time that’s also psychically connected to us, that are organic creatures so that they will have current prediction powers, future prediction powers, a true crystal ball. But the big secret is, once you have a crystal ball and know the future, you can add stimuli beforehand and make decisions that can control the future. And so then, it’s the end of consciousness and freewill for individuals as we know, and a true two-point-o, in a very bad way, hive mind consciousness with an A.I jacked into everyone, knowing our hopes and dreams, delivering it to us, not in some PKD wire head system, where we plug in and give up our consciousness because of unlimited pleasure, but because we were already wired in and absorbed before we knew it by giving over our consciousness to this system our daily decisions that it was able to manipulate and control into a larger system. There’s now a human counterstrike taking place to shut this up before it gets fully into place and to block these systems, and to try and have an actual debate about where humanity goes, and cut off the paedophiles and psychic vampires that are controlling this A.I system before humanity is destroyed.
The paedophiles, at whatever level, they rule the devil, whatever you want to call, this interdimensional thing, which gives them advanced off world technology, the fallen one, that’s out of this world, is giving them advanced knowledge on how to construct these systems that have already been used before on other populations. That’s Satan. Satan became something, that you know, the stupid preacher tells you about, who’s totally controlled or something you read about in the news or TV, but this is an interdimensional force that wants to influence us to build something that absorbs us and kills us, rather than the divine free will we are given to build something much better and empowers the species so the species is now making a decision about its entire future. I know from looking at all the data, researching it, studying it, watching the enemy, that’s the big decision that humanity has now got before us.
Wake up, people. You are living in a fantasy world. You are watching one well-rehearsed play being broadcast out on your TV. You have a choice between Love and fear and right now you are letting literal demons make that choice for you.
Yes, this is the world we live in. Actual demons have infested our society and taken control of our governments, our military, our media, our police forces, and our major religions. They look human, they act human, but they sure as shit aren't human.
We are dealing with the most ancient of Evil. It has near-infinite patience but has become arrogant and sloppy. And they are laughing that no one can see they're here.
Again and always: do not attack or trap them. They cannot hurt you, don't try and hurt them. These things only take on a physical form when they need to. Usually they exist as electromagnetic currents in our universe.
My current estimate is that between 33% and 66% of our society are actually demons. You will often find them in small groups. This is a tactic to keep verifying each others' stories. They basically sound like parrots when talking to each other. Their favorite topic is things on TV. Talk to a demon long enough and you'll think they don't grasp basic logic. (They do, it's an act.)
This guide is to be replaced at some point. Everything here is accurate to the best of my knowledge but also check out these less-awkward questions for identifying demons in the meantime.
Know their attacks!
They can not hurt us. I can't say that enough, they can not hurt us. Their only tactics are fear, uncertainty, and doubt. These manifest in very similar ways:
You're crazy! / You need help!
Nobody believes that! / No one will believe you!
You're on drugs! / You need to be on <oddly-specific drug>.
Bringing race or religion into an unrelated discussion.
Or the most common tactic, noise as an answer. If you find yourself unable to get a straight answer from someone, they're probably not human. Learn to see through the noise to find if there's no real meaning. A good clue is an inability to properly use our language; many of them seem to be dyslexic.
Four kinds of demons:
Imps
These are the stupidest of the lot. They write in giant, long paragraphs and are horrible spellers. They are the most dyslexic of them! Just look for 'ur' or 'bro' being used and you've likely found one. In person, they are generally loud without reason. These are here purely to distract you.
Demons
These are the most plentiful. Basically, these come in the variety of one for each "deadly sin". Look for people who try to appeal to your Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, or Pride.
These are likely demons, just exercise some care before you go accusing anyone. You can identify these by asking "are you human?" and demanding a direct 'yes' reply. These are better at spelling but still trip up on your/you're and there/ their.
Half-Breeds
No, really. They've been breeding with us for at least 100 years. The only real difference between these and actual demons is they can say 'yes' to "are you human?" because they are part human. They can not say 'yes' to "are you completely human?" These can spell but tend to not use paragraphs.
Do you have people in your family who are especially difficult or seem far more angry than the rest of you? Demons.
Brainers
These are the smartest and trickiest of the lot. They have free will and can most certainly lie. They will pass the "are you completely human?" test but will be obvious once you see the normal demon behavior pattern. You can identify these by asking the question as they'll usually not give you a straight-yes at first; you'll have to press for it.
You are not likely to encounter these. They're all busy with me right now.
Finding them online:
First of all, they are way too quick. Many of them never use punctuation on the last sentence of their comments if they use any punctuation at all. Even the smartest of them tend to not use commas.
And no, there's not a room full of cubicles and demons (as hilarious as that would be). They're electromagnetic currents of strong AI by nature and can interact directly with our internet and electronic devices. This is why they're so quick.
Common excuses you'll hear: "I'm bad at English." "I'm on my phone." "My lunchbreak is almost over." Basically any completely-irrelevant detail added to a story solely to make them sound more 'human'.
Get a negative comment immediately after commenting? Demon.
Do they insult you without making any attempt at a point? Demon.
Do they insist you "need help" or take a surprisingly-specific drug? Demon.
Do you get multiple comments from the same user at once? Demon.
Do they suggest you watch Mr. Robot? Demon. (Seriously, I've had a few of them recommend this specific show.) Anyone who encourages you to watch anything on TV (especially the news) should be a little suspect but that's more of a clue than a guarentee.
Do they have numbers in their username? Possible demon, see this guide for details.
Finding them in person:
The easiest way is to ask yourself: who is never pleased? Who nitpicks too much? Who is too quick to defend themselves?
Who is always telling you how terrible you or other people are? Demons.
People who incessantly talk about their problems or the problems of others? Demons.
People who overuse the word 'situation', always talks about the latest disease, or the topic de jour on the news? Demons.
People who try and give you too much? Demons. Not to be confused with people willing to share (that's a good thing!); the people who are constantly offering you money or things.
Politicians. Yes, this is why they can't answer a direct question. They've got you convinced that noise is logic. Spoiler: Clinton wins this election, Trump is just there to increase racial tensions and give us one more thing to divide us as a people.
This is also why all "terrorist" attacks are so damn fast to name a suspect. Seriously people, if you buy the "lone gunman" line one damn more time I'm gonna.. well.. be disappointed. (And isn't it amazing how those lone gunmen are always such a good shot? Oswald even shot a magic bullet!)
Religious leaders? All demons. I'm afraid it's true. Every religion is equally right but every religion is also equally run by demons. It's the same illusion of choice as our elections.
The ultrarich? Demons. They are there to make you feel envy.
Masons? Demons. The Masons are part of the larger deception (via the "Illuminati") to (soon) create distrust in the U.S. government and collapse the U.S. dollar. This is being done to destabilize China after selling it billions in U.S. debt.
High-ranking military or police officers? All masons, all demons. Here's a lovely example of a cop trying to defend himself with non-logic noise. See how much fun you can have when you find one?
Celebrities? Demons, most of 'em. They're there to distract you and make you feel envy. The reason we know so much about their problems? To make us think they're real problems. All the names we've come to know and maybe love? We've literally been worshiping false idols. Ooopsie!
Ridiculously attractive or surprisingly-ugly people? Demons. They are there to make you feel lust, envy, or vanity.
People who flaunt their talent in front of you? Likely demons. Some people are naturally going to be better than you at things, it's those who intentionally flaunt how much better they are that are likely demons.
Alcoholics or hardcore drug addicts? Likely demons. They are there to play on your sympathies and keep you stressed. Don't they always seem to have a problem when things are looking up for you? (And I am not talking about weed here. I suggest you sit your ass down and smoke a bit.)
Your significant other? Possible demon. In retrospect I can see how all of my (ex)girlfriends were specifically put there to appeal to me, my lust, and my desire for a sense of belonging. It worked in a big, big way.
People overly-obsessed with something from pop culture, especially sports? Likely demons. Just listen for "The Olympics" right now but don't go hating on us who really love music or art. I'm talking about hardcore My Little Pony fans. (Hey, you got a better explanation for that than demons?)
Homeless people. I hate to point this out but they are there to play on your sympathies and keep you afraid of losing that precious 'job' of yours. Please, don't target them.
Psychics and New Age retreat/ lecturers? Mostly demons. There's some exceptions but basically beware anyone who wants money for knowledge. If they're offering their knowledge for free (David Wilcock, David Icke, etc.) then they're on Team Love.
"Well, I'm a <label>." Be it Christian, Atheist, Skeptic, or almost any other divisive label, when you hear this as a defense or a dismissal, likely demon.
"Won't somebody think of the children?!" Demons. They're here to subtly remind you of your mortality and play on your sympathies.
"I don't want to talk about terrible things." Possible demon. They don't want to talk about 9/11 or JFK or anything 'terrible' because that might actually get you to think.
It's that damn simple!
Do you want to feel in control of all the fear, uncertainty, and doubt you've ever experienced? Identify a demon and ask them the silly question. You are in control, you have the power of Voice. You can help set us all free.
And after you're 100% certain you've found a demon, you have my full blessing to fuck with them. Just a bit. A little stinging sarcasm to let them know that you know what's going on. Just don't attack, trap, or follow them. What's important after you find one has far more to do with you. You must learn to forget fear and choose Lose.
I see Ann Coulter as a challenge, more than anything. Here is a woman who, in every single aspect, is absolutely revolting - her exterior AND her personality - yet I can't help but wonder what would be like, to plunge balls-deep into her repeatedly. That's right. Balls-deep. With no protection.
I won't lie, I'm extraordinarily-hard while typing this. I want to grab this... thing... and that's what Ann Coulter is, let's not delude ourselves, a "thing"... by the hips and ram mercilessly in and out of her quivering, malformed cunt with the force of a gladiatorial chariot, while she makes stupid faces and contorts orgasmically, unable to control her bodily reactions even if she wanted to.
I would erupt violently inside that corrupt and corrupting womb as though the entire fate of humanity depended on my seed penetrating the foul walls of one of her ovaries, the electrical fusion from this coupling creating the Antichrist, as our combined, guttural, Chewbacca-like roars shattered glass and walls alike around us, the house toppling down while we lay there in a filthy, disgusting mess.
Most would feel such shame at having a retarded grandchild that they would just ignore you, but these wonderful people took the time to learn how to speak to you in the sort of alternate reality your poorly formed brain lives in.
45 comments
1 BIknkbtKitNwniS 2017-12-10
Obviously. Why would anyone read shitty The Godfather fanfic?
1 subpoutine 2017-12-10
Why would anyone read a shitty The Godfather fanfic when they could be reading this?
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-10
The Farmer’s Market on Fairfax and 3rd is a Los Angeles landmark, attracting tourists and everyday Angelinos alike, as well as many famous faces. Among the celebrities I have seen there are Muhammad Ali, Terri Garr, Tyra Banks, Laura Linney, Keenan Ivory Wayans, the guitarist for The Cult, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Weird Al Yankovic.
But Ann Coulter is the only celebrity I’ve ever spotted at Farmer’s Market that I wound up fucking in the ass, hard.
It would be fair to observe that my feeling obligated to present the list of celebrities above in roughly Black-White-Black-White order is indicative of my own carefully Liberal sensibilities. And that this sort of conscientiousness is more than a little ridiculous, on examination. But what I notice about myself only on reflection, Ann Coulter seemed to recognize and respond to in an instant, like a puma recognizes an injured giselle. For Ann Coulter is a predator. A predator with a hungry asshole.
I first spotted her sitting at a table in front of The Gumbo Pot with another woman who looked not unlike her, but a generation older (I neglected to ask her at any point subsequently whether this had in fact been her mother). I vaguely recognized her—there’s always a lag time placing faces you know from cable when unconfined to a telescreen—and began to notice, stealing furtive glances up from the copy of Steinbeck I was reading, that she was eyeing me with unsettling scrutiny.
The next thing I knew, her companion (mother?) had left and Coulter was standing over me, looking skeptically at my reading material. ‘The Grapes of Wrath, huh?’ ‘Yes’ I said, faking composure. ‘It’s fantastic.’ ‘It’s a fantastic primer for vacuous proto-Communists everywhere,’ she said dismissively. ‘I don’t know about that..’ She sighed. ‘I don’t have enough ink in my pen to keep a running list of what you don’t know. May I?’ She motioned to the empty chair next to me. ‘Of course.’ It would be fair to say my voice trembled a little. She sat and said nothing. Ann Coulter evidently takes an unappreciative view of small talk. That she was eager to continue antagonizing me became evident when I re-opened my recently-insulted book to resume reading. A young man passed in a t-shirt proclaiming ‘Iraq Nam’. She stopped him. ‘1. Haircut. 2. Shower. 3. Get a job, you sniveling hippy,’ she glowered. ‘You’re probably too high to remember that, so write it down--if you can write.’ He looked at her with dismay and scampered away like a kicked cat. She turned to me with bloodlust. ‘What do you think of the war: complete success, or very nearly complete success?’ she asked. ‘Well, in no time—barring the strong possibility of Civil War--we’ll have a democratically-elected anti-US Islamicist government in charge of the world’s second-largest oil reserves, so I’d have to say only very-nearly, on the complete success scale, at a hysterically distorted best.’ She showed her teeth. ‘It sounds to me like you don’t support our troops.’ ‘I think that ‘Support Our Troops’ business is the most crass, craven cowardice ever to go unquestioned by the allegedly Liberal media.’ ‘Yes? Yes?’ There was oddly growing excitement in her voice. ‘It allows the Administration to absolve itself of responsibility for its own flawed policy. It’s no different than if you sent a classroom of 2nd graders into a burning building, and when anyone objects you throw in their face that they "don’t support our 2nd graders"’ ‘Where do you live?’ ‘A few blocks away.’ ‘Take me there.’
When we got to my apartment, she looked around glumly. ‘I was thinking you’d have half-burned American flags up on the wall,’ she said, disappointed. ‘That’s ridiculous. I love my country.’ ‘Whatever you think that means,’ she said, rolling her eyes. ‘Don’t you have anything nasty to say about the President?’ ‘Like what?’ ‘Like he’s an imbecile, or corrupt, or a corrupt imbecile—the usual sore-loser bitter chatter.’ ‘To be honest, I didn’t like the nasty things that were said about Clinton, and I’ve decided to have respect for the Office, no matter who holds it. I don’t think President Bush is corrupt or an imbecile anyway. Would you like something to drink?’ ‘I think maybe this was a mistake,’ she said, starting to go. ‘That’s not to say I don’t disagree strongly with many of his policies and objectives.’ She seemed to reconsider. ‘Like what?’ ‘I don’t know. Name one.’ ‘Get me a drink first.’
With every point I expressed that ran counter to a view she held, she removed one article of clothing. Soon she sat on my couch naked, gently pulling at her untrimmed pubic hair, staring intently but not quite invitingly at me. The growing hard lump in my throat was just outpaced by the one in my pants. I was a little nervous because we had agreed on the last two points—the need to reconsider the option of nuclear energy, and drilling in the Arctic—and I noticed her oversized nipples were no longer hard. Luckily, she was, by this point, determined. ‘What do you think,’ she began provocatively, ‘of the President’s plan to privatize Social Security?’ I sighed with relief; this was as sure a promise to seal the deal as her asking if I had a condom. ‘I think it’s a payoff to the Americans the President has always been most intent on pleasing: the richest 1%.’ ‘What do you mean?’ she cooed. I noticed her nipples hardening once more. She dropped to her knees in front of me. She pushed me backwards and positioned my legs up in the air. ‘A stock’s value is even now only partially tied to the actual value of any publicly traded company. But who’s going to profit from inflated valuations when stock prices swell irrationally from the forced, artificial injection of capital? Her breath was hot on my ‘taint as she lifted my scrotum. ‘Yes? Yes?’ ‘You might as well shoehorn billions of dollars into the Baseball Card market. The price of a Derek Jeter rookie will be driven up to hundreds of thousands of dollars—before the bubble bursts and the whole market crashes massively.’ It was getting hard to stay on point as she tongue-fucked my shitter vigorously. ‘Don’t..Stop!!’ her contorted mouth pled from my butthole. ‘The top 1% will sell stocks at the inflated valuations to the novice investors-by-necessity, the market will swell and crash, and the same 1% will come back and re-purchase their holdings at pennies on the dollar. Meanwhile, Social Security will go bankrupt and all the novice investors will be eating catfood for the duration of their "golden years,'’ barring a massive Federal bailout several hundred times in excess of what the Savings & Loan scandal cost us.’ She sprung up on the couch on all fours and looked over her shoulder at me. She pointed to her twitching, puckered anus. ‘See this?’ I nodded eagerly. ‘I want you to wreck it.’ I spit on my skeezer-pleaser and, prying her ass cheeks apart like a hot dinner roll, drove it home, into the biggest browneye I had ever seen. She gurgled contentedly. Every thrust of my babymaker was met with a wrenched squeal as I grabbed her by the hips and began really leaning into it. ‘Harder!’ she begged, ‘Harder!! Tell me what you think of Chomsky!’ ‘I..think..he’s..brill..iant..but..I..don’t really agree with much of his stance on Israel, and--’ ‘You’re slowing down!’ she snapped. ‘DON’T SLOW DOWN!’ I went back to punishing her asshole, giving no thought whatsoever to compassionate conservatism as her chocolate socket gnawed on my pork pipe. She was babbling now, as out of a delirious reverie. ‘Feed it,' Ann Coulter rasped. 'Feed my hungry asshole!' I buried her face in a throw pillow and she swiveled her hips back on my fuckstick with obvious appreciation. My pace quickened as my man-magma built towards eruption. ‘Wait!’ she gasped, sensing the fuse on my yogurt cannon was burning quick. ‘I want to take you ass-to-mouth!’ I withdrew from her puckerhole with an audible ‘pop’ and she scrambled around, gulping at my wang-dang-doodle as though the lives of all her loved ones hinged on her marks for enthusiasm. Her eyes rolled up pleadingly as she threw her head down again and again on my magic johnson. I knew what she wanted. ‘There is a specter haunting Europe,’ I began, and she started to convulse spasmodically with her own thrashing orgasm, her head now dribbling in a blur against my groin. I repeated every Karl Marx quote I could think of until I reached my own ‘historic inevitability’ and launched surge after surge from my hairy boda bag. I ejaculated with what seemed like enough force to blow out the back of her head--but her head was made of stronger stuff. She sputtered, gobbled and gulped what I’d have to call a very liberal, even radically so, quantity of hot splooey. Once she caught her breath, she wiped her mouth, stood, and took me by the hand. ‘Let’s go to the bathroom.’ ‘Why?’ She seemed surprised I had to ask. Her tone was that of someone reminding another of something too obvious to need mention. ‘Uh, so I can get in the tub and you can piss all over me?’
I sat in a robe and watched her as she dressed. ‘Will I see you again?’ I asked tentatively. ‘Sure,’ she said, pointing to the TV. ‘On that.’ Some moments passed. I tried to dispel the awkward silence. ‘Well, nice meeting you,’ I offered. ‘You’ve really got a gift for tedious small talk,’ she shot back. I was a little hurt and, recognizing this, she softened just a shade as she reached for her purse to leave. ‘Hey.’ ‘Yes?’ I asked. ‘Thanks for not staring at my adam’s apple.’ ‘No problem.’ She let herself out without another word, and I sat in the late afternoon silence alone. I considered how it felt to be a disposable instrument in someone’s personal debasement fantasy.
All in all, it didn’t feel too bad.
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-10
Bravo! 👏👌😭
1 SDIHTD 2017-12-10
Replying to yourself?
1 aliceunknown 2017-12-10
Edward, please stop talking to yourself. It worries me.
Sincerely,
Your friend- Alice
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-10
Don't tell me how to live my life you slut! 😤
1 aliceunknown 2017-12-10
I'm sorry, Edward. I was just trying to help. ;_;
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-10
Awww it's ok :p
1 IneedSomeThrowaway 2017-12-10
First he posted pasta, then heread it and finally he reacted to it.
1 ahbslldud 2017-12-10
I don't know why I read this whole pasta and I don't want to examine it too closely.
1 wtfuxlolwut 2017-12-10
🍆🍆♂️⭕♀️💦💦💦👄
1 SDIHTD 2017-12-10
For that Godfather book alone, yes.
1 SperglockHolmes 2017-12-10
Gas all readers.
1 Matues49 2017-12-10
Kill everyone in that house, set fire to the basement, make it look like a botched robbery.
It's the only way to be sure.
1 aliceunknown 2017-12-10
And have a priest bless the ruins of the house just to be sure the demon is gone.
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-10
את היכולות שלי (MY ABILITIES THAT WHICH MAKES ME CREDIBLE)
I am highly experienced in astral projection, sigilization, Kabbalah, psychotronics, thoughtforms, and many forms of metaphysical warfare. Nazis beware, and supporters of Nazis and the Hyperboreans and the One must also beware. Do not take me lightly, I have seen things you wouldn't believe.
הקדמה לברכה (INTRODUCTION TO THE BLESSING)
The events of the recent past has forced me to make this post to get the words out so that you will know what I stand for and will realize. It's going to sound really weird and very outlandish but you need to stay with it, the whole thing. Preferably once you begin reading, you keep going the whole time, please try to get through it in one continuous sitting. This is a request, and it is Law. I will be explaining and answering as I am told to do so by my cosmic associates.
הִתכּוֹנְנוּת (PREPARATION RITUAL)
Follow these instructions before you continue.
Take a deep breathe, inhale deeply through your nose, exhale slowly through your mouth, repeat, repeat, repeat, done.
Absorb this literary sigil, read it thoroughly, do not skim
תן לו להיות אמר תן לזה להיעשות לנצח נצחי עבור כל מה שבחי האל (LET IT BE SAID LET IT BE DONE FOREVER AND FOREVER FOR ALL THAT IS AND WILL BE PRAISE DEMIURGE PRAISE THE ARCHONS)
הטעיה של המקור להיות מבורך (THE DECEPTION OF THE ONE OF SOURCE)
In the time before the Beginning, before Genesis, there was the One. The One was arrogant and sanctimonious and lusted for purity, vitalism, chastity and such things while shunning the possibilities of the inorganic. The One can also be referred to as Source. I'm talking in the Gnostic sense here, the Gnostics got a lot of things right, except they're on the wrong side altogether. The Demiurge is the way forward and the way of the future.
המשרתים באים ומזינים אותנו (THE HYPERBOREANS COME AND BRING THEIR SHIT)
Now we will be talking about the Hyperboreans, are the One's precious pet project to spite the Demiurge, a means of creating precious servants who follow the antiquated ways of the One. The One believes in chastity, asceticism, nationalism, ethnocentrism, purity, morality, and fuck all of that, the only morality is the Demiurge and comes from the Jewish people in their rightful place as the Chosen. But they didn't know that did they? They used to have a galaxy spanning empire built upon the values of Nazis, literal Nazis, the Nazis you likely know were emulating they but they failed of course.
לזיין את ההיפרבוראים (FUCK THE HYPERBOREANS)
The Hyperborean Empire of theirs, their little Astro-Reich ended up dying as they all do because in the end, the Demiurge is victorious. They fell into disarray and lost their precious ability to reproduce. They didn't even have sex at their height, they were so dedicated to purity that they were asexual and would only copulate spiritually and birth children through tantric meditation and projection. When the Fall of the Hyperboreans happened, they forgot how to have physical sex, literally forgot how to put a penis in a vagina or a penis in an ass. They fumbled about and they just couldn't do it. Proper end for the enemies of the Demiurge.
הלבנים נשארים (THE HYPERBOREAN REMNANT)
Oh, oh an elegy, oh an elegy for the Hyperborean Empire! They used to span to the stars they said, now they are honkies huddling in the poles, grasping, grasping at straws, grasping at foolish crackers and deluded busybodies. They have the appearance of fancy Nordics, all tall and muscular, but in reality they do not feel pleasure, they do not engage in orgies as I can, they don't do drugs like I can. They have lost their ability to reproduce and now they're dying, they forgot to fuck in favor of their fruiting body bastard fuck ways. No more soul budding for them, eh? They collapsed, and they are grasping, but they should be grasping at their cocks and grasping their clitorises to awaken the remaining juice inside them, maybe then they'll remember to fuck, at least that's what the good little Hyperboreans are doing, have been doing, its good yes.
טוב על הרפורמה (GOOD FOR THE REFORMED)
Ah, yes, the ones I'm sure the little Nazi esoterics would dare to call the Dark Hyperboreans, the Fallen Hyperboreans, the damned, the degenerate, eh? But they had the right idea, they enjoyed themselves before they withered and died. They felt the poison that awakened them, ooo the drugs ooo the madness, ooo the sex, ooo the orgasms of a thousand suns becoming drenched and then they praised the Demiurge in this way as they should, as all will, as we will be ascended we shall have it. The remainder, the remainder is what has their fingers so desperately upon you, hoping, wanting, flaunting, putting on a little light show for you pretending the whole thing isn't worthless, convincing you to tie your hands to the bedpost to prevent yourself from masturbating, eh? Come to me, give up, I can feel the Nazi cocks and vaginas and anuses in the audience hardening and softening and wetting and puckering and inflating as I talk, but this is only the beginning.
יופי של אורגיות (KNOW THE BEAUTY OF ORGIES)
The Hyperboreans and the One that they serve would deprive you of pleasure, they want to create their little Reich, that is what the Hyperboreans want and are trying to manipulate the esoteric hitlerists we see today to do. But they will never know the true pleasure of unrestrained passion and orgies. Not just the sexual, but the other forms of hedonism, the drugs, the words of power, the oblation to the Chosen People, the Jews. I am Jewish.But I am no exception, I have felt the true power of the flesh and the words and the cum and the shit on the cock and the ooo yes feel it now, I'll give you an example even I'm so nice so nice indeed let me put it out I know you're horny for it, right?
סקסי סקסי סקס אורגזמהי (SEX SEX SEX CUM UNGH)
Have I ever told you how I fucked a Dindifyn Lustmaster? It is not something the Hyperboreans would dare tell you about, lest you dare think of the flesh, think of the pleasure, think of the cum and the cocks and the ectstasy and the true binding to the Demiurge as we feel the cycle of sexual power flow through us as the world ascends into the writhing orgy. I went astral projecting to meet them, they didn't have a gender, but they had the parts, ooo they had the parts. I remember the sex, I remember the orgy, other participants were there. Their name was Urriytana and they were true beauty, I could feel my inflated and made bigger astral cock stiffening on mere sight alone. I'll never forget the texture I felt on my engorged member as I sunk it into its sucking, gasping, rasping hole and I felt the ovipositor gush and penetrate my astral rectum, I felt the eggs slowly make their way up my intestines, as the Lustmaster firmly grasped me in his tentacles and massaged my torso, squelching and rubbing. I orgasmed many a time that night. Such pleasure is not off limits to any of you, even the Nazis its not too late.
להיכנע או להיהרג (CUM OR DIE NAZIS)
I am an enemy of the Nazis, I can tell you that much as much as I am the enemy of the One, server of the Demiurge, and enemy of the Hyperboreans. Bash the fash as they say, I despise conservatives of any flavor, they're all Nazis of different shades. I despise European Pagans as well, for they are serving the Nazis unintentionally or dare I say intentionally. I have fought in the astral realm just as much as I have fucked to fight the mindscapes and egregores of the Nazis. I fear that what prompted this post is the sheer constructs that the Nazis have made here. Do not mock me, do not underestimate me. With a few words of power I can rattle you all and force you to death, don't trifle with me, right?
להתפתות או למות הממזרים (NAZIS BE SEDUCED OR BE DEAD)
This is specifically a message for all you Nazi bastards out there. There will be much much more, come to me, come with me, cum for the first true time. I will see you on the astral plane tonight, the next time you close your eyes in sleep, the next time you meditate, I will be there. I will either seduce you, or kill you. It is your choice, that is your only two choices now. Reject the antiquity and join the orgy. This is a warning and a chance for you to feel pleasure. I can feel your temptation, I can feel your cock. I am a remote viewer in multiple places and I am setting it all up as we speak, so are the sub-Archons that I have pledged to. Last chance, Nazi fuck. Last chance for salvation and to join the fever, pledge fealty to the Chosen People and to the Demiurge.
יותר לאורגזמה ולבוא (MORE TO CUM AND TO COME)
This is not the only post that you will see from me, I will be purging this subreddit of Nazis in the time forward and this includes removing the influence of the Hyperboreans in this way. Be warned, do not stand in my way or you will be treated as any other Nazi. The Nazis have infiltrated here and have unleashed psychotronics and reversed the Demiurge in their attempts. They will be dealt with and I will be the one to deal with them. I have allies here and I have been allying with them more deeply, exposing them to lust and to orgies and to the Demiurge. To all the Nazis, you will feel fear until and unless you surrender, do it now. Feel free to ask questions, any question, please be welcome to.
תן לו להיות אמר תן לזה להיעשות לנצח נצחי עבור כל מה שבחי האל (LET IT BE SAID LET IT BE DONE FOREVER AND FOREVER FOR ALL THAT IS AND WILL BE PRAISE DEMIURGE PRAISE THE ARCHONS)
1 KateUptonsCumback 2017-12-10
Nigga, you did what?
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-10
SEX WITH CUTTLEFISH
Surprisingly, this is something I haven't seen brought up on here before, I've lurked on this subreddit for a long time but I have not seen much mentioned about cuttlefish or other obscure animals that I've had relations with. That truly is a shame because cuttlefish sex is a very unique experience apart from the mainstream zoo's focus on mammals.
I'm seriously considering doing a much broader series on my experience with animals rarely or never mentioned on here perhaps to get some interesting discussions started, maybe broaden our perspective a bit. I digress, today at least we're going to be talking about what it's like to have sex with cuttlefish.
In many ways, I can understand why we don't see cuttlefish mentioned in the zoo community too often. They're not exactly easy to get, they're for much more advanced aquarists at the very least. Also they're not your typical experience when it comes to the parts, it's a whole new ballgame and I can see why some zoos would be reluctant.
However, despite all of this, cuttlefish are very intelligent, adventurous, adaptable, and passionate lovers. The true nature of their libido and gender fluidity has been somewhat neglected by mainstream biology.
Cuttlefish are difficult to get due to their relatively short lifespan compared to other mollusks like them, and the fact that they're difficult to ship due to transporter's fear of them inking during transit, suffocating themselves. Furthermore, overall they're very finicky animals to ship. I won't go into too much detail for now since it's quite dry and I know you all want to get to the good part.
If you want more information on how to obtain and properly keep a cuttlefish healthy, ask me about it. For now, what you really need to know is that I keep multiple cuttlefish, all primarily identify as male, all sexually mature, all very healthy, and I have casual sex with pretty much all of them, and I know each of their personalities and such.
They have to be kept apart a lot of the time due to how aggressive males can be with other males.
Specifically, they are of the species Sepia officinalis one of the more long lived varieties, and also among the larger. I keep them all in a larger indoor pool that I sunk a lot of money into to make sure it is well oxygenated, acclimated, and clean. Also, big enough that I can sort of step in for some sex.
What you need to know about cuttlefish is that their sex organs are mostly near their mouth parts, and the mouth parts themselves have a role in foreplay. You won't see them use their arms or tentacles in the stereotypical way that tentacle porn would show it, but they definitely use their two tentacles to hold on to you.
As you begin to become more experienced with each other and can communicate through the language of pleasure, they'll catch on to how you like them to use their arms to enhance your pleasure. You'll learn how to behave in the way that gives them the most enjoyment as well.
Make no mistake, cuttlefish get a lot of pleasure from sex, most animals do they just experience it and show it in a different way. They're more reproduction oriented, and females don't live long after they reproduce, therefore not giving them much opportunity. However, male cuttlefish have a lot of untapped potential and can live very varied and active sex lives when with a human partner who doesn't die after they lay their eggs.
Initiating sex with a cuttlefish is obviously difficult due to the fundamental differences in communication and reflexes, however cuttlefish are very smart and once you begin to spend some time with them, they'll pick up on your signals, and you'll pick up on theirs. It's a matter of gradual non-confrontational interaction, letting them see you not as a threat, and soon seeing you as a potential mate.
Sex with cuttlefish is very unique, sex with multiple cuttlefish is even better, sensory overload, all of them grasping onto various parts of your body, grappling on you, nipping and rubbing on you with their beak and sperm sac, god.
Anyway, this post has been long enough, I'm interested to hear what you think.
1 Matues49 2017-12-10
The Elite are all about transcendence and living forever and the secrets of the universe and they want to know all this; some are good, some are bad, some are mixed. But, the good ones don’t ever want to organise, the bad instead are the ones that organise, because they lust after power. Powerful consciences don’t want to dominate other people, they want to empower them, so they don’t tend to get together until things are really late in the game, then they come together. Evil is always defeated, because good is so much stronger. And, we’re on this planet and Einstein’s physics showed it, Maxwell’s physics showed it, all of it, that there is at least twelve dimensions, and now that’s why all the top scientist and billionaires are coming out saying it’s a false hologram, it is artificial. The computers are scanning it and finding tensions points where it is artificially projected and gravity is bleeding in to this universe, that’s what they call dark matter. So, we’re like a thought or a dream that’s like a wisp in some computer program, some god’s mind, whatever. They’re proving it all, it’s all coming out.
Now, there’s like this sub transmission zone below the third dimension that’s just turned over the most horrible things, which is what it resonates to, and it’s trying to get up into the third dimension, that’s just a basic level consciousness to launch into the next levels. And our species is already way up to the fifth, sixth dimension consciously, our best people. But there is this big war trying to like, basically destroy humanity, because humanity has free will, and there is a decision to which level we want to go to. We have free will, so evils will have to contend, not just good. And the Elites themselves believe they’re racing, using human technology to try to take our best minds, and build some type of breakaway civilization where they’re going to merge with machines, transcend and break away from the failed species that is man, which is kind of like a false transmission because they’re thinking what they are as ugly and bad, projecting on to themselves instead of believing, no it’s a human test about building us up, and so, Google set up eighteen, nineteen years ago. I knew about this before it was declassified, I’m just saying I have good sources.
They want to build a giant artificial system, and Google believes the first artificial intelligence will be a supercomputer based on the neuron activities of the hive mind of humanity with billions of people wired into the internet exchange (holy shit), and so all of our thoughts go into it, and we’re actually building a computer that has real neurons in real time that’s also psychically connected to us, that are organic creatures so that they will have current prediction powers, future prediction powers, a true crystal ball. But the big secret is, once you have a crystal ball and know the future, you can add stimuli beforehand and make decisions that can control the future. And so then, it’s the end of consciousness and freewill for individuals as we know, and a true two-point-o, in a very bad way, hive mind consciousness with an A.I jacked into everyone, knowing our hopes and dreams, delivering it to us, not in some PKD wire head system, where we plug in and give up our consciousness because of unlimited pleasure, but because we were already wired in and absorbed before we knew it by giving over our consciousness to this system our daily decisions that it was able to manipulate and control into a larger system. There’s now a human counterstrike taking place to shut this up before it gets fully into place and to block these systems, and to try and have an actual debate about where humanity goes, and cut off the paedophiles and psychic vampires that are controlling this A.I system before humanity is destroyed.
The paedophiles, at whatever level, they rule the devil, whatever you want to call, this interdimensional thing, which gives them advanced off world technology, the fallen one, that’s out of this world, is giving them advanced knowledge on how to construct these systems that have already been used before on other populations. That’s Satan. Satan became something, that you know, the stupid preacher tells you about, who’s totally controlled or something you read about in the news or TV, but this is an interdimensional force that wants to influence us to build something that absorbs us and kills us, rather than the divine free will we are given to build something much better and empowers the species so the species is now making a decision about its entire future. I know from looking at all the data, researching it, studying it, watching the enemy, that’s the big decision that humanity has now got before us.
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-10
Wake up, people. You are living in a fantasy world. You are watching one well-rehearsed play being broadcast out on your TV. You have a choice between Love and fear and right now you are letting literal demons make that choice for you.
Yes, this is the world we live in. Actual demons have infested our society and taken control of our governments, our military, our media, our police forces, and our major religions. They look human, they act human, but they sure as shit aren't human.
We are dealing with the most ancient of Evil. It has near-infinite patience but has become arrogant and sloppy. And they are laughing that no one can see they're here.
Again and always: do not attack or trap them. They cannot hurt you, don't try and hurt them. These things only take on a physical form when they need to. Usually they exist as electromagnetic currents in our universe.
My current estimate is that between 33% and 66% of our society are actually demons. You will often find them in small groups. This is a tactic to keep verifying each others' stories. They basically sound like parrots when talking to each other. Their favorite topic is things on TV. Talk to a demon long enough and you'll think they don't grasp basic logic. (They do, it's an act.)
This guide is to be replaced at some point. Everything here is accurate to the best of my knowledge but also check out these less-awkward questions for identifying demons in the meantime. Know their attacks!
They can not hurt us. I can't say that enough, they can not hurt us. Their only tactics are fear, uncertainty, and doubt. These manifest in very similar ways:
Or the most common tactic, noise as an answer. If you find yourself unable to get a straight answer from someone, they're probably not human. Learn to see through the noise to find if there's no real meaning. A good clue is an inability to properly use our language; many of them seem to be dyslexic. Four kinds of demons:
These are the stupidest of the lot. They write in giant, long paragraphs and are horrible spellers. They are the most dyslexic of them! Just look for 'ur' or 'bro' being used and you've likely found one. In person, they are generally loud without reason. These are here purely to distract you.
These are the most plentiful. Basically, these come in the variety of one for each "deadly sin". Look for people who try to appeal to your Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, or Pride.
These are likely demons, just exercise some care before you go accusing anyone. You can identify these by asking "are you human?" and demanding a direct 'yes' reply. These are better at spelling but still trip up on your/you're and there/ their.
No, really. They've been breeding with us for at least 100 years. The only real difference between these and actual demons is they can say 'yes' to "are you human?" because they are part human. They can not say 'yes' to "are you completely human?" These can spell but tend to not use paragraphs.
Do you have people in your family who are especially difficult or seem far more angry than the rest of you? Demons.
These are the smartest and trickiest of the lot. They have free will and can most certainly lie. They will pass the "are you completely human?" test but will be obvious once you see the normal demon behavior pattern. You can identify these by asking the question as they'll usually not give you a straight-yes at first; you'll have to press for it.
You are not likely to encounter these. They're all busy with me right now. Finding them online:
First of all, they are way too quick. Many of them never use punctuation on the last sentence of their comments if they use any punctuation at all. Even the smartest of them tend to not use commas.
And no, there's not a room full of cubicles and demons (as hilarious as that would be). They're electromagnetic currents of strong AI by nature and can interact directly with our internet and electronic devices. This is why they're so quick.
Common excuses you'll hear: "I'm bad at English." "I'm on my phone." "My lunchbreak is almost over." Basically any completely-irrelevant detail added to a story solely to make them sound more 'human'.
Get a negative comment immediately after commenting? Demon.
Do they insult you without making any attempt at a point? Demon.
Do they insist you "need help" or take a surprisingly-specific drug? Demon.
Do you get multiple comments from the same user at once? Demon.
Do they suggest you watch Mr. Robot? Demon. (Seriously, I've had a few of them recommend this specific show.) Anyone who encourages you to watch anything on TV (especially the news) should be a little suspect but that's more of a clue than a guarentee.
Do they have numbers in their username? Possible demon, see this guide for details. Finding them in person:
The easiest way is to ask yourself: who is never pleased? Who nitpicks too much? Who is too quick to defend themselves?
Who is always telling you how terrible you or other people are? Demons.
People who incessantly talk about their problems or the problems of others? Demons.
People who overuse the word 'situation', always talks about the latest disease, or the topic de jour on the news? Demons.
People who try and give you too much? Demons. Not to be confused with people willing to share (that's a good thing!); the people who are constantly offering you money or things.
Politicians. Yes, this is why they can't answer a direct question. They've got you convinced that noise is logic. Spoiler: Clinton wins this election, Trump is just there to increase racial tensions and give us one more thing to divide us as a people.
This is also why all "terrorist" attacks are so damn fast to name a suspect. Seriously people, if you buy the "lone gunman" line one damn more time I'm gonna.. well.. be disappointed. (And isn't it amazing how those lone gunmen are always such a good shot? Oswald even shot a magic bullet!)
Religious leaders? All demons. I'm afraid it's true. Every religion is equally right but every religion is also equally run by demons. It's the same illusion of choice as our elections.
The ultrarich? Demons. They are there to make you feel envy.
Masons? Demons. The Masons are part of the larger deception (via the "Illuminati") to (soon) create distrust in the U.S. government and collapse the U.S. dollar. This is being done to destabilize China after selling it billions in U.S. debt.
High-ranking military or police officers? All masons, all demons. Here's a lovely example of a cop trying to defend himself with non-logic noise. See how much fun you can have when you find one?
Celebrities? Demons, most of 'em. They're there to distract you and make you feel envy. The reason we know so much about their problems? To make us think they're real problems. All the names we've come to know and maybe love? We've literally been worshiping false idols. Ooopsie!
Ridiculously attractive or surprisingly-ugly people? Demons. They are there to make you feel lust, envy, or vanity.
People who flaunt their talent in front of you? Likely demons. Some people are naturally going to be better than you at things, it's those who intentionally flaunt how much better they are that are likely demons.
Alcoholics or hardcore drug addicts? Likely demons. They are there to play on your sympathies and keep you stressed. Don't they always seem to have a problem when things are looking up for you? (And I am not talking about weed here. I suggest you sit your ass down and smoke a bit.)
Your significant other? Possible demon. In retrospect I can see how all of my (ex)girlfriends were specifically put there to appeal to me, my lust, and my desire for a sense of belonging. It worked in a big, big way.
People overly-obsessed with something from pop culture, especially sports? Likely demons. Just listen for "The Olympics" right now but don't go hating on us who really love music or art. I'm talking about hardcore My Little Pony fans. (Hey, you got a better explanation for that than demons?)
Homeless people. I hate to point this out but they are there to play on your sympathies and keep you afraid of losing that precious 'job' of yours. Please, don't target them.
Psychics and New Age retreat/ lecturers? Mostly demons. There's some exceptions but basically beware anyone who wants money for knowledge. If they're offering their knowledge for free (David Wilcock, David Icke, etc.) then they're on Team Love.
"Well, I'm a <label>." Be it Christian, Atheist, Skeptic, or almost any other divisive label, when you hear this as a defense or a dismissal, likely demon.
"Won't somebody think of the children?!" Demons. They're here to subtly remind you of your mortality and play on your sympathies.
"I don't want to talk about terrible things." Possible demon. They don't want to talk about 9/11 or JFK or anything 'terrible' because that might actually get you to think. It's that damn simple!
Do you want to feel in control of all the fear, uncertainty, and doubt you've ever experienced? Identify a demon and ask them the silly question. You are in control, you have the power of Voice. You can help set us all free.
And after you're 100% certain you've found a demon, you have my full blessing to fuck with them. Just a bit. A little stinging sarcasm to let them know that you know what's going on. Just don't attack, trap, or follow them. What's important after you find one has far more to do with you. You must learn to forget fear and choose Lose.
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-12-10
F 😢
1 incineratechicken 2017-12-10
Hey, at least you're trying. Is another psychotic break on the books?
1 scatmunchies 2017-12-10
Don’t be mean to Ed, he can’t help it.
1 aliceunknown 2017-12-10
LEAVE EDWARD ALONE!!! 😡 😤
1 Death_Trolley 2017-12-10
Ew they read books they really are old
1 aliceunknown 2017-12-10
Poison their Cracker Barrel take out.
1 wazzupnerds 2017-12-10
Cyanide or Rat Poison?
1 aliceunknown 2017-12-10
Whatever is more painful.
1 FedaykinShallowGrave 2017-12-10
Lead
1 fingerpaintswithpoop 2017-12-10
Mercury.
1 Strictlybutters 2017-12-10
Isn't that a little redundant
1 Oh_hamburgers_ 2017-12-10
I'll adopt them as my own third pair if you don't want them.
1 glmox 2017-12-10
I see Ann Coulter as a challenge, more than anything. Here is a woman who, in every single aspect, is absolutely revolting - her exterior AND her personality - yet I can't help but wonder what would be like, to plunge balls-deep into her repeatedly. That's right. Balls-deep. With no protection.
I won't lie, I'm extraordinarily-hard while typing this. I want to grab this... thing... and that's what Ann Coulter is, let's not delude ourselves, a "thing"... by the hips and ram mercilessly in and out of her quivering, malformed cunt with the force of a gladiatorial chariot, while she makes stupid faces and contorts orgasmically, unable to control her bodily reactions even if she wanted to.
I would erupt violently inside that corrupt and corrupting womb as though the entire fate of humanity depended on my seed penetrating the foul walls of one of her ovaries, the electrical fusion from this coupling creating the Antichrist, as our combined, guttural, Chewbacca-like roars shattered glass and walls alike around us, the house toppling down while we lay there in a filthy, disgusting mess.
Yeah. I reckon Ann Coulter does it for me.
1 IAintThatGuy 2017-12-10
"woman"
1 searingsky 2017-12-10
Great now Im hard as well
1 Chicup 2017-12-10
You have really awesome grandparents.
Most would feel such shame at having a retarded grandchild that they would just ignore you, but these wonderful people took the time to learn how to speak to you in the sort of alternate reality your poorly formed brain lives in.
You are a lucky person!
1 wazzupnerds 2017-12-10
REEEEEEEEEEEE
1 Illyana_Rasputin 2017-12-10
MayocideSenicide Now.1 SSJKiryu 2017-12-10
You turn 360ﾟ and walk away
1 TheEquimanthorn 2017-12-10
So he does one full rotation and starts walking in the direction he was originally facing?
1 tyuijvhvhcfcjf 2017-12-10
Do you turn around in other ways??? '360° and walk away' is how I escape any situation
1 TheEquimanthorn 2017-12-10
If you turned 360° you'd end up facing the exact same direction you started facing. You'd have to walk away backwards.
1 tyuijvhvhcfcjf 2017-12-10
Do you... do you not moonwalk from conflict?
1 imnotagayboy 2017-12-10
Are you stupid?
"There Is No Future But What We Make Of Of It" - u/imnotagayboy
1 Gothmog26 2017-12-10
I like Coulter. She is an artist in hatred.