I'm 25 and woke up December 25th already dead. The world before me is am empty shell of what it used to be. I can recognize the faces and the places but it's as if I'm seeing them for the first time. Unfamiliar and foreign, everyone and everything is a machine of reaction and action to me. My pain consumes every fiber of my soul and mercilessly rips away the rose colored glasses I've worn for 25 years. The truth about women has become apparent and in that I clearly see the mechanical nature of behavior and reality. All men are not created equal and despite the wests attempts at a disney like narrative, life is a game of power and value. If you don't participate in the game, then you lose. No one is special and people are replaceable. We are a white canvas upon which other beings project on to. Your family is only held together by conditioning and the belief of what a family should be. Same goes for friends and intimate relationships. Consider that you get what you put in work for. How you're perceived is what holds the key to what people will let you get away with. The world works hard at hiding this truth, but I'll never unsee what I now see. I'm no special snowflake, I'm as good as buried. All concerns for meaning and love can be discarded. Today you're a somebody, tomorrow you're old news. A new paradigm a new world with no people in it. Just nature and conditioning doing what it does. 100% indifferent to anything. Facts not comfort. Awake but unable to go back to sleep. Thank you.