Michael Douglas' two-fisted masturbation technique violates known laws of physics; scientists astounded

13  2018-01-19 by Redactor0

11 comments

1  SnapshillBot 2018-01-19

I'm not even sure what your point is. Yeah I'd rather sleep with a dakimakura of my waifu Renge-chan than with some random 3D slut but that doesn't mean I'm desperate, it's the opposite, it implies that I have standards.

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1  Redactor0 2018-01-19

"Michael unzipped his chinos and I registered something amiss. Still complimenting my additions to our E.T. imitation, his voice lowered at least half an octave. I peered at him and saw he'd inserted both hands into his unzipped pants. I realized to my horror that he was rubbing his private parts. Within seconds his voice cracked and it appeared to me he'd had an orgasm."

I'd like to see a demonstration in court of how this was supposed to work like the magic bullet scene in JFK.

1  Goatmen1 2018-01-19

Back and to the left.

1  stevemisor 2018-01-19

Michael Douglas being a deviant is the least surprising thing ever

He's made movies that revolve around his character not being able to keep his dick in his pants

1  Redactor0 2018-01-19

According to her, he did keep his dick in his pants along with both his hands. Try wrapping your head around the geometry of that.

1  stevemisor 2018-01-19

I think I could pull it off

It would be the worst jack off experience of life

1  Illyana_Rasputin 2018-01-19

Maybe he likes to tickle his own balls.

1  Le_9k_Redditor 2018-01-19

TIL OP has a small cock

1  The_DJSeahorse 2018-01-19

...so my take away from this is that Michael Douglas is aroused by ET. Huh.

1  Redactor0 2018-01-19

I guess when he holds up his glowing finger or whatever that could look kind of sexual. The human imagination is a wonderful thing.

1  Chanchumaetrius 2018-01-19

I just laughed so hard I jogged 13 blocks home, locked my front door, got into bed and crawled under my quilt