r/drama: How fuckable are skyrim's dragons?

How fuckable are skyrim's dragons?

49 2018-01-29 by InspiringShitpost

How fuckable are Skyrim’s Dragons?

Written from a male perspective

Alduin: Super arrogant fuckboy who says he’s gonna give you the best sex of his life but ends up hurting your ass because his dick is all spiky and shit. Probably gonna insult you or something when he cums. Calls you a slut to his friends the next day. Points given for rad look though. 2/10

Durnehviir: Slimy? Ew. Undead? Ew. Bodily fluids and chunks of himself constantly dripping off of him and revealing his ucking skeleton? Super ew. Loyal? Hell yeah. Durnehviir is a filthy, filthy fucking guy who doesn’t take care of himself at all. But he’s loyal as FUCK and probably super self-conscious of his appearance. I’m mainly judging based on fuckability, not loyalty. Sorry Durnehviir, your score is pretty low. 4/10

Paarthurnax: Okay, Paarthurnax is a DILF. He’s old and wise and he’s been up on a mountain for 4500+ years. You bet your ASS he’s ready to get some sexy shit on. Plus, his name is AMBITION-OVERLORD-CRUELTY. O V E R L O R D. That means he’s kinky as FUCK and is a total dominator. He’s aged, wise, and just looks into your soul. Imagine foreplay with Paarthurnax. He just knows ALL the ways to get my pants off and my dick hard. 10/10

Odahviing: Red scales? Yes. Smooth voice? Yes. Literally gives the Dragonborn a ride the first time they meet. Let me say that again. A R I D E. Odahviing is horny 25/8. And while Paarthurnax is old and knows his way around the bedroom, Odahviing is young and mobile. Sex with Odahviing leaves your body tired, your asshole burning, and your spirit just wanting MORE. MORE, SNOWBACK, RAM ME HARDER. FUCK YEAH. 12/10

37 comments

1 Redactor0 2018-01-29

Found the guy who thinks Skyrim's main plot was anything other than a completely forgettable snoozefest. It's infuriating that I wasn't allowed to just skip through all their dragon-related shit and get back to the real game.

1 InspiringShitpost 2018-01-29

Skyrim is overrated. Everyone knows it only sold so people could enact wild degeneracy through user mods.

1 Ramol0ss 2018-01-29

Honestly the worst in Skyrim was the combat. Be it melee or range it was atrocious.

1 StezzerLolz 2018-01-29

I disagree, I enjoyed playing out my fantasy as the only person in the entire world with a memory longer than 30 seconds.

1 grungebot5000 2018-01-29

you shut your whore mouth, the base combat mechanics and perk system are perfect for a WRPG

now the AI on the other hand

1 toynbeeidea16 2018-01-29

But muh athletics and acrobatics

1 grungebot5000 2018-01-29

oh the lack of movement upgrades is bullshit. I just meant combat-specific perks

1 DumNerds 2018-01-29

Skyrim’s main plot was an excuse to show you dragons to fantasize about fucking

1 grungebot5000 2018-01-29

then they did a terrible job pacing it

1 grungebot5000 2018-01-29

You can play without ever having to encounter dragon-related shit, you know.

But they don't let you kill all the Jarls, which was literally the only thing I wanted to do from the onset. Wasted so many days grinding towards that end

1 Redactor0 2018-01-29

That's a good point. I should have just ignored the main quest.

1 grungebot5000 2018-01-29

I honestly don't understand how so many players even ended up doing the main quest. There's no reason to want to put up with those weird shitheads in Whiterun Hall

1 plurpnslurp 2018-01-29

Wow 🐉

1 ironicshitpostr 2018-01-29

Boring, rate the mounts next once this essential mod is installed

1 HORSECOCK_ENTHUSIAST 2018-01-29

Ah, I see you are a man of culture as well

1 MG87 2018-01-29

There's amod out there that adds dragon cock isn't there?

1 toynbeeidea16 2018-01-29

All that and more on loverslab.

You'll need to install the Sexlab framework, and then the Creature Framework, and then More Nasty Critters. That will give your dragons (and all other creatures) penis meshes if they are aroused.

1 UpvoteIfYouDare 2018-01-29

Humanity deserves extinction for these crimes.

1 wokeaspie 2018-01-29

Skyrim VR + Mods + Pick one = Hnnnnnggg

1 LatieI 2018-01-29

/u/GearyDigit would probably enjoy this

1 InspiringShitpost 2018-01-29

Xhe is the source.

1 zergling_Lester 2018-01-29

I was so going to ping her and it turns out that I'm not even remotely unique in filling my head with this trash :(

1 Matues49 2018-01-29

Begone thot, my one true husbando will always be Kalameet.