A woman with a “quirky” BF hasn’t had sex for a week. Is this abuse? /r/relationships is divided.

51  2018-02-07 by aGolfHipster

tl;dr: My boyfriend has a goal to do something silly every month, like only drinking orange juice in June, or not masturbating for all of March, etc. For February, his goal is to not have sex for the whole month. I hate it already, it's making me sexually frustrated, and he doesn't want to stop.

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1  aGolfHipster 2018-02-07

Edit: Wow this got a lot more attention than I expected. I'm very surprised to hear how interested people are about my boyfriend's monthly goals so I've put in a few more. There are a few things I've seen below that I wanted to address.

A few people said he was withholding affection from me and that's not the case. We still kiss, cuddle, hug, etc every day and the only thing missing has been sex. About the "make me orgasm every day" in January thing. He never pressured me. I happily let him pleasure me every day, and if I didn't want it he was okay with that because my well-being is more important to him than missing a day from his goal. I'm not 100% sure why he does these things every month. I think it just became a habit for him in high school when he started, and it's followed him into university. Although most of his goals are silly he takes them very seriously and has only failed a few times before.

I don't think he owes me sex in any way, but after doing it 1-2x a day and suddenly stopping for a month it's made me sexually frustrated, coupled with the fact that I don't really like masturbating makes it worse.

Hey Reddit! I could use some advice on an issue I'm having with my boyfriend. When we started dating I learned that my boyfriend likes to do something silly each month. He's been doing this since he was 16, so it's deeply ingrained into his lifestyle, and I've always supported him on this because most of his monthly goals are quite silly and harmless. Here are some of the ones he's done since we've been together:

January 2017: His goal was to date someone for a month (that was me)

February 2017: He wrote daily journal entries.

March 2017: He didn't masturbate for the whole month.

May 2017: He flossed his teeth every day.

June 2017: The only liquid he drank was orange juice.

July 2017: The only liquid he drank was water.

August 2017: He didn't swear for the whole month! (But he practiced before the month started so I'm not sure if it counts)

November 2017: He wrote a short story each day.

December 2017: He wrote me little love letters every day.

January 2018: He made me orgasm every day (Yay).

Like I said, I've never had an issue with him doing his goals until now, because his new goal for February is to not have sex for a month. It's been 6 days and I hate it already. We used to have sex 1-2 times a day, and obviously it's dropped to zero now. I've been begging to have sex with him every day, but he keeps telling me he doesn't want to stop his goal, and I should just masturbate instead. I don't even like masturbating though. I get all my sexual pleasure from my boyfriend and I've been so freaking sexually frustrated this month.

What am I supposed to do? Do I just have to suck it up until the month ends before we can have sex again?

tl;dr: My boyfriend has a goal to do something silly every month, like only drinking orange juice in June, or not masturbating for all of March, etc. For February, his goal is to not have sex for the whole month. I hate it already, it's making me sexually frustrated, and he doesn't want to stop.

1  error404brain 2018-02-07

May 2017: He flossed his teeth every day.

There are people who don't floss everyday? How utterly disgusting.

1  Lawgustmarck 2018-02-07

/u/wxwv

He never said he doesn't want to. He's just choosing not to.

Few questions:

Are you a male feminist?

Do you believe in affirmative consent?

If not affirmative consent, can a husband demand sex when he wants it?

1  Starship_Litterbox_B 2018-02-07

It's simple, women don't owe their bodies and time to any man. Men owe their bodies and time to any woman. It's the Current Year, after all.

1  Lawgustmarck 2018-02-07

And trannies own whatever they lust after.

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

/u/llama_del_reyy

It's not about owing someone sex.

sure sounds like it.

No matter how you dress it up, this is the same shit as "refusing to have sex with me is a form of abuse"

if somehow everyone's sex was switched overnight, 90% of females would instantly become angry incels. they're just not used to not getting what they demand.

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

/u/polite-1

The dude can do whatever he wants. [...] it's selfish and inconsiderate.

pleasure muuh vagene and bob, boy, OR ELSE!

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

/u/CakeByThe0cean

How can you not see that starting a relationship based on an arbitrary goal is hurtful?

lol, let me guess, you're always the victim, aren't ya?

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

/u/krompo7

So how long is he allowed to withhold sex without justification he becomes the bad guy here?

HIS *clap* BODY *clap* HIS *clap* CHOICE!

1  krompo7 2018-02-07

Poor choice of words on my part here. I was meaning until this becomes an issue worth ending the relationship over, but I see how it comes across. My bad. It got locked before I could edit it.

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

why that's not a dramatic response at all :((

1  krompo7 2018-02-07

I'm sorry. I'm a reddit casual and r/Drama scares me.

1  wwyzzerdd 2018-02-07

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oi3D6NeBtw

1  hesh582 2018-02-07

come on in, the waters warm even if it smells a little like piss and there's a guy over in the corner selling you prime bussy for less than you might expect but more than it's really worth.

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

he doesn't bite he only wants to play

1  zwiebelhans 2018-02-07

This is a good choice.

1  SombreroEnTuBoca 2018-02-07

Nothing about bussy is scary.

1  heavenlytoaster 2018-02-07

No it wasn't, and you're a moron for backtracking

1  krompo7 2018-02-07

Seems harsh. Respectfully disagree. I maintain that what he as doing is wrong headed and bizare, but I wouldn't call someone a bad guy for something so mild and personal.

1  Therekrerf 2018-02-07

This is why rape culture is still a thing in 2018. Because people you can't seem to fathom that people have a right to their own bodies.

1  krompo7 2018-02-07

Of course he has a right to his own body- I never said he didn't- but that is not mutually exclusive with this still being kind of a dick move. If you want to live your life accourding to dumb challenges, go ahead- but you probalby shouldn't be in a situation where they are imposed on other people. No need to be so dramatic.

But whatever. I swore I would never be that guy who gets in slapfights on r/drama, and I'm getting dangerously close to that.

1  Therekrerf 2018-02-07

but you probalby shouldn't be in a situation where they are imposed on other people. No need to be so dramatic.

I'm not being dramatic here... Like what are you even implying above? The guy choosing to be the master of his own body somehow imposes on other people? This is rape culture at work, and I say that without any irony.

You concede that he has a right to his own body(Geeh, how generous of you by the way)... but you also imply that it's "kind of a dick move". As if he somehow obligated to give up his body to please others.

That very implication, the fact that he is in any way SHAMED for not wanting giving up his body, is perpetuating rape culture.

1  llama_del_reyy 2018-02-07

I think I explained myself fully on the original thread, so I'm loathe to repeat myself.

The main point is that the boyfriend didn't owe OP sex, he owed her healthy communication and consideration for her feelings. Instead, he treated their sex life- a pretty important part of most couples' relationships- like an afterthought, on par with the decision to drink orange juice. That's disrespectful and immature.

It's absolutely the boyfriend's right to go a month without sex, and OP has no justification to pressure him for it. But she has every right to feel disrespected and ignored, and to see this as a wider issue in his communication style.

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

so he's nothing to her but a walking sex toy????

HIS clap BODY clap HIS clap CHOICE!

1  llama_del_reyy 2018-02-07

Yep, that's exactly what I wrote. 10/10 on verbal reasoning, Mr. Bimbos.

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

misandry :O

1  theRagingEwok 2018-02-07

thats right whitey open that mouf wide

1  j-v-t 2018-02-07

i also come into r/drama hoping to engage in a reasonable, moderate discussion where everyone leaves thinking well of the other participants

1  llama_del_reyy 2018-02-07

Honestly, I've never been to this sub- that poster tagged me, so I came and responded. Probably more sincerely than the sub etiquette dictates, haha.

1  Raving_Dave 2018-02-07

Stop rape apologising BIGOT

1  churm92 2018-02-07

that poster tagged me, so I came and responded.

Aaaaaand that was your first mistake. That's where your 9-month-old account age shows through.

Still we're not supposed to downvote lolcows so I'll do my part.

1  VapeOnYourNape 2018-02-07

God you are bad at this. When I become a mod I’m banning you first thing.

1  TSwizzlesNipples 2018-02-07

It's 👏 [Current Year] 👏 And 👏 You 👏 Can't 👏 Emoji?!

MODS! Ban this cretin!

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

my device does not even display emojis

1  Ennui2778 2018-02-07

Lmao, imagine being this poor.

1  shallowm 2018-02-07

my device

What are you using?

1  TransexualWiener 2018-02-07

a ouija board.

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

Amiga 500

1  aqouta 2018-02-07

He donates all his emojis to ed to help with his disease.

1  aqouta 2018-02-07

He donates all his emojis to ed to help with his disease.

1  UmmahSultan 2018-02-07

That's a clap? I thought it was a chicken.

1  heavenlytoaster 2018-02-07

OP has no justification to pressure him for it.

Jesus Christ were a generation or retardards

1  cheers_grills 2018-02-07

I don't quite understand what you are trying to say, but I agree.

1  hesh582 2018-02-07

here's a thought experiment. Reverse their genders... what now? then reverse their genders again, but stop halfway. Really makes you think, right?

But lets take this a step further - would you feel the same if he had a vagina and a dick? What are his obligations then? What if her clit was in his bussy? Should he have to let her rub it? Think about this logically.

You're so sure you're right, but I doubt you've thought about how this would play out on the Holodeck from the series "Star Trek: The Next Generation". Would her frustrations and his lack of communication justify her getting pounded out by a bunch of proud African studs?

Get back to me when you can see past the trivial and think about the underlying ramifications of something like this....

1  llama_del_reyy 2018-02-07

Upvoted just for bussy, tbh

1  SombreroEnTuBoca 2018-02-07

Remember the Holodomor from Star Trek: The Next Generation? It was a bit slow (starving to death is a long process!) but at least it got rid of the fatties on that show.

1  VapeOnYourNape 2018-02-07

I’m printing this off and putting it in my art exhibit, do you consent?

1  hesh582 2018-02-07

all art is rape, consent is impossible with modern power dynamics

1  Thrownawayaccount69 2018-02-07

That's ridiculous - so according to you a women should consult with her BF before abstaining from sex?

1  llama_del_reyy 2018-02-07

Yes, absolutely! She should talk to him, explain why she wants to abstain, figure out if there's any other forms of fun they can have together to maintain a sexual connection. Sex is a key part of intimacy and love, for most people.

1  Raving_Dave 2018-02-07

WHAT.

1  TransexualWiener 2018-02-07

you're a literal rapist.

1  morerokk 2018-02-07

I wonder if you would say the same thing with the genders reversed. You might just scream something about her not owing him sex, for whatever reason.

1  uniqueguy263 2018-02-07

90% of women on /r/Relationships are angry incels

FTFY

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

obviously

1  Starship_Litterbox_B 2018-02-07

If she can't take him by knife point then she's not much of a woman, anyway.

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

it's not legitimate rape if he gets an erection. the male body has a way of shutting this down.

1  tickthegreat 2018-02-07

nice 4 year old reference

1  DickingBimbos247 2018-02-07

nice reference you got there, would be a pity if something happened to it ...

1  a_normal_human 2018-02-07

I didn't see any Islam reference?

1  shallowm 2018-02-07

I know you're making a joke, but it's something a politician said a while back.

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors, (pregnancy from rape) is really rare,” Akin told KTVI-TV in a clip posted to YouTube by the Democratic super PAC American Bridge. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Akin added: "But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”

1  TheRootinTootinPutin 2018-02-07

Oh fuck that was 6 years ago

1  Ed_ButteredToast 2018-02-07

Bait post. And everyone took it lmao. 🎣

1  Sethyboy0 2018-02-07

Trolling is an artform

1  Eternal_Mr_Bones 2018-02-07

OP's BF is clearly committed to getting those wizard powers.

1  die_rattin 2018-02-07

She'll be sorry when he's conjuring sweet demon babes on from his wizard tower

1  Always_Shy 2018-02-07

/u/caca_milis_ how come this guy owes her sex but women never owe men sex?

1  caca_milis_ 2018-02-07

Yes because this

He's absolutely entitled to say no to her requests and then she can figure it out from there.

Is me saying he "owes" her sex, lol.

1  seshfan 2018-02-07

I think the posters of /r/relationships absolutely can't imagine sticking to something for one month straight.

1  shallowm 2018-02-07

RED FLAG BREAK UP IMMEDIATELY

1  GenitalGesticulation 2018-02-07

It's so easy to bait /r/relationships posters into supporting rape and abuse.

1  Korn_Bread 2018-02-07

Seems kinda mean to go from making you orgasm every day to no sex for a month. At least he picked the short month, but still. Not well thought out.

Women are OWED sex

1  headasplodes 2018-02-07

The guy sounds like an in sufferable spastic

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