What's behind the rise in childless women in their 40s? In my experience, men
40 2018-02-08 by Starship_Litterbox_B
I always thought I’d have children. Growing up in a family of four, it was simply one of those assumptions I made, in the same way as I assumed my older sister would always be able to draw better than me (she can) and our pet cat would be around forever (he wasn’t).
But it hasn’t turned out like that. I’m now in my late-30s, divorced, single, and the pitter-patter of tiny feet is not to be heard in the hallway. Not least because I don’t have a hallway, and live in a flat in north London.
My professional life is on track. At around the same time I was busily assuming I’d have children, I also nurtured ambitions to be an author and journalist. I’ve managed that. The procreation has been trickier.
I’m not alone: a recently published international league table has found that a fifth of British women are childless in their early 40s – a figure exceeded only by Spain and Austria. The rate of childlessness among UK women is increasing sharply and is up by almost 50 per cent since the mid-1990s.
What lies behind this trend? From my own experience, I think it comes down to two things. The first is that the men I’ve been in relationships with either haven’t been ready or willing to become fathers. That says a lot about the conspicuous failure of my own judgement. But it also speaks to a society that enables men to waft around attempting to find themselves and establish their careers through their 30s while women have to balance job progression with the ticking of a biological clock. (Oh, you didn’t realise women also want to spend time focusing on their career? Yeah. They do. It’s just they’ve had to do it at the same time as everything else.)
The second factor is that, at school, the minimal sex education I was subjected to was entirely focused on the terrors of accidental pregnancy. It was repeatedly drummed into us that contraception was absolutely necessary in order to avoid ruining our lives by allowing a feckless man to impregnate us before we were ready.
I spent much of my 20s fervently avoiding pregnancy as if it were a communicable disease. I went on the pill at 19 and didn’t come off it for 14 years. No-one told me that was a bad idea. No GP informed me of what it might mean for my fertility. I simply embraced the freedom that came with it.
I don’t know if being on the pill for that long contributed to my difficulties in getting pregnant, but I suspect it can’t have helped. After two years of fruitless trying, I had two cycles of (unsuccessful) IVF. Several months later, I got pregnant naturally only to miscarry at three months. Since then, I’ve frozen my eggs in an attempt to take out some sort of insurance policy against the future, but most of the science tells us that’s a process more likely to fail than succeed.
I still hope to be a mother one day, but I’m aware it might not happen - at least not in a conventional biological sense. It’s not because I’ve chosen this or because I’m the career-obsessed harpy of popular imagination; it’s simply the way things have happened.
It would be great if sex education at school could focus on the uncertainty of fertility as well as pregnancy prevention. Most importantly, boys should be taught this too.
58 comments
1 MagicGainbow 2018-02-08
Is this copypasta?
1 fuckyourcontext 2018-02-08
If you seriously need to ask that question you should kill yourself.
1 MagicGainbow 2018-02-08
Wasn't really paying attention and lots of posts lately of peeps treating drama like their own personal blog.
1 in_hazmat_suit 2018-02-08
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/family/behind-rise-childless-women-40s-experience-men/
1 MagicGainbow 2018-02-08
My parents read the telegraph lol.
1 WarSanchez 2018-02-08
Gas them
1 banimemes 2018-02-08
I don't get what makes it a "pasta"... I agree with everything she's saying.
1 DisposableDoc 2018-02-08
That women don't have agency and responsibility for their own choices?
1 Constantdiarrhea 2018-02-08
The way this reads sounds like she wishes she got knocked up by some rando LOL. Definitely not a crazy lady.
1 WarSanchez 2018-02-08
It's never them that's the problem.
Also taking a very strong hormone that fucks with your bodies natural chemistry for 14 years and she thinks it won't affect her? Fucking Christ...
1 Fucking_Christ 2018-02-08
U called
1 Talonek 2018-02-08
XDDDDDDDDDDD /r/beetlejuicing DDDDDDDDDDX
1 shallowm 2018-02-08
Do you have a source for the claim that birth control pills permanently impair fertility?
1 shallowm 2018-02-08
Do you have a source for the claim that birth control pills permanently impair fertility?
She stopped taking the pill when she was 34, and age is something that definitely affects fertility.
1 shallowm 2018-02-08
Do you have a source for the claim that birth control pills permanently impair fertility?
She stopped taking the pill when she was 34, and age is something that definitely affects fertility.
1 LightUmbra 2018-02-08
Interesting post but I'd like to challenge some of it.
8======D~~~( . ) ( . )
1 ironicshitpostr 2018-02-08
kinkshaming jesus christ
we've been over this
1 glorica 2018-02-08
A lack of accountability, a career that consumes your life, no critical thinking skills, and constant self-victimization. If I was going to choose a list of traits that should bar someone from becoming a mother, this lady would be hitting every single one.
1 Subjunctive__Bot 2018-02-08
If I were
1 glorica 2018-02-08
If I were going to create a list of traits that guarantee eternal discontent with oneself, creating a GrammarBot would be on there at least a dozen times.
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2018-02-08
kill your self
1 ModeratorAbuseSucks 2018-02-08
Can we get an Ed bot
1 wow___justwow 2018-02-08
i don't care how many times i get downvoted, Ed IS a bot.
1 KingWayneX 2018-02-08
if i was going to darn /u/sUbjUncTive__bot
1 Darnit_Bot 2018-02-08
What a darn shame..
Darn Counter: 65265
1 SethRichOrDieTryin 2018-02-08
if I was a chic-fil-a darn broke-ass man good bot 528 miles
1 CarnistHappyCamp 2018-02-08
She obviously got a bit too much Feminism
1 Talonek 2018-02-08
Or maybe they're intellectuals like me who learned of the evils of crotchfruit from /r/childfree
1 Starship_Litterbox_B 2018-02-08
They're not wrong
1 boyoyoyoyong 2018-02-08
has a woman ever taken responsibility for their own actions
1 PussMonster_ 2018-02-08
Andrea Yates
1 error404brain 2018-02-08
This is why we need the mayocide.
1 fsdgfhk 2018-02-08
I'll impregnate you OP. My super-fertile sperms are guaranteed to fertilize the shit out of even the dustiest, most withered old ovaries.
……………………„„-~~„-„„_ ………………„-*'' : : „'' : : : : -„ …………..„- : : :„„--/ : : : : : : : '\ …………./ : : „-* . .| : : : : : : : : '| ……….../ : „-* . . . | : : : : : : : : | ………...\„-* . . . . .| : : : : : : : :'| ……….../ . . . . . . '| : : : : : : : :| ……..../ . . . . . . . .'\ : : : : : : : | ……../ . . . . . . . . . .\ : : : : : : :| ……./ . . . . . . . . . . . '\ : : : : : / ….../ . . . . . . . . . . . . . -„„„„-' ….'/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . '| …/ . . . . . . . ./ . . . . . . .| ../ . . . . . . . .'/ . . . . . . .'| ./ . . . . . . . . / . . . . . . .'| '/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .'| '| . . . . . \ . . . . . . . . . .| '| . . . . . . \„_- „ . . . . .'| '| . . . . . . . . .'\ .\ ./ '/ . | | .\ . . . . . . . . . \ .'' / . '| | . . . . . . . . . . / .'/ . . .| | . . . . . . .| . . / ./ ./ . .|
1 ModeratorAbuseSucks 2018-02-08
You even got the vein right, you get a gold Star of David for your efforts
1 niggerpenis 2018-02-08
!redditpenis
1 reddit-x-bot 2018-02-08
Here's your Reddit Penis, fsdgfhk!
/u/fsdgfhk has received penis 1 time. (given by /u/niggerpenis) info
1 TommiH 2018-02-08
Where is your foreskin?
1 UmbellateSaxhorn 2018-02-08
Have you tried dieting?
1 UnluckyImp22 2018-02-08
Big if true.
1 UnluckyImp22 2018-02-08
You could also just adopt, btw. There's loads of children in need of loving homes.
1 o11c 2018-02-08
But not white children with no major disabilities.
1 UnluckyImp22 2018-02-08
Yeah, OP is probably a racist.
1 PussMonster_ 2018-02-08
Adopting doesn't placate the narcissisim, which is the root of the problem
1 wow___justwow 2018-02-08
Also adopting is a complete pain in the ass. Of course children need to be protected but paying a social worker 5 grand to come inspect my home, none of which is returned if I'm deemed unworthy, I'd rather neck myself.
1 ModeratorAbuseSucks 2018-02-08
Link to original op?
1 ffbtaw 2018-02-08
I think you meant to write original op post.
1 ModeratorAbuseSucks 2018-02-08
Please be patient I have autism. “Link to original op post?”
1 PervertedBatman 2018-02-08
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/family/behind-rise-childless-women-40s-experience-men/
1 ModeratorAbuseSucks 2018-02-08
Ty
1 ason 2018-02-08
The author is honestly a cutie. I'd throw a baby in her.
1 Starship_Litterbox_B 2018-02-08
Ew hag roastie. Can you imagine her disgusting bagina?
1 rainfal 2018-02-08
Really I think this sums it up
1 captainpriapism 2018-02-08
yeah, men not wanting to fuck bitter ugly women
i remember this article she looks exactly like youd think too
1 Che_Gueporna 2018-02-08
Bullshit, we all know dudes who are thirsty enough to fuck anything with a vagina.
1 TransexualWiener 2018-02-08
yeah but not date them long term and marry them. i'll eat sloppy junk food once in a while cause there is nothing else open and it's cheap, but this would be asking me to go on a sloppy junk food diet for life.
also i'd have to raise our ugly crotch spawn too.
1 Che_Gueporna 2018-02-08
You don't need a husband to get pregnant.
1 TransexualWiener 2018-02-08
really she is just doing what male incels do, and not understanding her own league. she can't get the men she thinks she deserves but won't date ugly/average dudes so it's "men's fault" she is still single.
if you talk to this kind of woman enough you learn they are fat and unattractive, but "lol at the idea of dating a man under foot who isn't buff and hot". these kind of harpies are all over dating and dating advice subs on reddit. i think it's dumb that we only have subs mocking men like this but not the women, women are a gold mind for autism as well, maybe even moreso.
1 captainpriapism 2018-02-08
yeah and these women dont want pathetic dudes, they want something out of their league
1 Che_Gueporna 2018-02-08
LOLSSSSSSSSSSS.
I love the studity of thinking that guys don't know this. They do.
1 SurelyGoing2Hell 2018-02-08
I'm going to suggest something else too.
A lot of men would leave university, get established in a career for 10-15 years whilst playing around before finding a younger fertile wife to settle down with. Nowadays there seems a lot of disapproval with dating much younger women, so the men who are down to have children are told they are dating much younger because they haven't got their shit together.
Women also want a career nowadays. Despite the best attempts of society, it is unfortunately true that having children will hold you back in your career, so women are reluctant to have children until later on, sometimes too late.
tl;dr; women have to some extent stopped themselves from having children.