wtf I hate Mike Pence now

That's worse than dude butt sex tbh.

A buddy tried to hand me an O'Doul's once. I told him I don't bend that way and we haven't talked since.

but why?

Yeah, seriously. I like the taste of beer, but not enough to drink it if I’m not getting drunk.

Impeach now, tbh.

Can we impeach just the VP? We need trump to continue this drama shitatorm but pence is truly disgusting

Yeah, it’s the same process as the president.

hahaha real soyboys drink ipa, mike pence.

Is there a branch of heretics protestants that don't drink? Jesus was literally a fount of wine, I don't think he had an issue with alcohol.

Baptists don't drink. (wink wink)

Most religions teach you not to imbibe alcohol and Evangelicals are particularly hardcore about not drinking.

and now for some shitty jokes

What's the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist? The Methodist will tell you "howdy" when he sees you in the liquor store.

and

Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Son of God. Protestants don't recognize the pope as the Ruler of the Church. Baptists don't recognize each other in a liquor store.

That's strange, the last supper was Jesus and 12 dudes getting shitty off wine. Catholics give it to kids on Sunday mornings....okay bad example.

My personal theory is it's a power play. You load down people with a laundry list of rules and tell them if they break the rules it's a sin and they need counseling. So you break the rules and then you go tell your mom or dad or deacon or pastor and you talk it out and they get to hold this over your head about how you're an imperfect person and you need to commit more to the church or donate more money or whatever. It's all about keeping the masses in line.

It's true that Jesus turned water into wine and called his own blood wine. I know in baptists churches at least (I was raised southern baptist) they do communion once a month (I think that was the frequency at the time I was forced to attend) with grape juice instead of wine. (I don't know if that's typical in Roman Catholic masses or not--I am under the assumption wine is used.)

It could also be about banning all things fun because life is supposed to be about serving God and since people are sinful we should be devoting our time to praising God fully so that we can make it to heaven and experience eternal pleasure or whatever.

Mike Pence likes to say I'm a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican in that order. So he and his wife playing up how goody two shoes they are that he drinks non-alcoholic beer is a perfect line walk between the type of Good Christians^TM that don't drink and those that think it's okay to imbibe responsibly.

Getting tanked is the only good thing about being raised Catholic

Preach it, nice if you had a laid back Catholic family because then the excuse for everything was drinking

Goddamn Irish.

A bunch of Protestant movements that started in the 18th/19th century when alcoholism was rampant have total bans on it, or at least heavily frown on it. The way they square that with Jesus is always little dodgy.

Jesus drank wine faggot

Jesus was not the last prophet. That would be Muhammad SAW. During the early days, alcohol wasn't prohibited but with time, verses were revealed where God stated that alcohol is forbidden. Mainly due to man not being in his senses and especially in the case of alcohol, leads to lewd and/or violent actions.

Alcohol is a huge drain on the healthcare system plus it's a contributor to significant amounts of weight gain. Then there's driving accidents too. All in all, alcohol should be forbidden as God wanted it to be 1400 years ago.

Thank you and god bless 🙏

Wow you are non ironically hocking Islam now. And use Telegram.

Hopefully you non-ironically get waterboarded for a few months in Gitmo.

Don't blaspheme you kafir!

*hawking

😘

He avoids everything that might trigger his inner homosexual rapist. What kind of man calls his wife "mother"? a closet gay man

i dont know what says "homosexual rapist" more than o'doul's so hes not doing a very good job

Literally raping homosexuals is less rapey than drinking O'doules

notmyvicepresident

That's the gayest thing I've ever heard

don't think there's a gay alive that would stoop to drinking an O'Doul's.

Trump does kegstands with liberal tears on a daily basis though.

Trump can't see his feet let alone do a kegstand

Lmao literally look at his silhouette and tell me he’s capable of inverting his body without assistance

Being this fucking literal in my /r/drama SMGDH

being surprised by a stupid, flippant reply to a stupid, flippant comment

in MY /r/drama?

Using the “i was just pretending to be retarded” excuse. IN MY /R/DRAMA.

I am non ironically wondering if I can share the party with a guy that drinks O'Doul's alcohol-free beer.

He had me at the electroshocking the homos, but lost me at the 0% ABV beer

Wild

“He has always wanted a horse. And I think riding horses is really the only place he truly relaxes,” she said.

I relate to Michael a lot here, but I disagree ideologically with riding horses.

Lame

How is that supposed to help him relax after Mother pegs him every night?

Once again, Trump proves to be the distraction from the real evil in the White House. Pence is probably a lizard person tbh.