[21/F] I’m feeling fed up towards boyfriend [23/M] for his reasoning of wanting kids
Hello, all. Please forgive my wording, I’m really bad at explaining things haha
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. We’ve grown a lot together, and I can see myself eventually getting married and starting a family. We’ve discussed this and came upon an agreement of when we should do that.
But the issue sister when his sister [22/F] got pregnant. We were very excited for her; but unfortunately, she ended up having to go back home (another country) and stay there. There were some issues (on our end) and we couldn’t visit her until a few months after the baby was born.
Once we got everything straightened out, we went straight to there. It’s been great, and I noticed that my boyfriend was very natural with his new niece. It gave me a little bit of baby fever, but I knew better than to actually expect a pregnancy.
One month after that, his sister asked me if I want children. I told her that I really want kids in the future. She asked, “What about now?” And I honestly thought it was a joke, considering I’m still growing as a person. Not to mention, I’m a full time student... it just wouldn’t work. But she kept looking at me for an answer and I finally realized she wasn’t joking. I said, “No I cannot have a baby right now.” And she got upset and said that she wants her daughter to have a cousin around the same age. Keep in mind, she’s 100% serious.
Then she went to my boyfriend and told him to basically get me pregnant. He thought that was ridiculous, but she said, “My daughter needs a cousin. Don’t you think?”
And she kept asking him if we can have a baby within the next year.
Fast forward to a few days later, and he’s actually down with the idea. He came to me and hesitantly asked if we can have a baby soon. I asked his reasoning (because we agreed until this point). He said his reasons were: 1- he loves me, 2- his niece is cute, and 3- he agrees with his sister.
I know I’m not the only who thinks this is ridiculous. I honestly had to ask him to repeat that because I was in disbelief. Why am I expected to put my education on hold just because his sister wants her baby to have a cousin now? And it’s not even my responsibility to give her daughter a cousin, as they have older siblings who are thinking about having children. Furthermore, I don’t think a reason for having a baby is because another one is cute. Like, yeah they’re cute but there’s actually responsibilities with them.
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I’m really irritated. I feel like my boyfriend is being immature and trying to hard to please his sister. He often gets like this: she says jump, he asks how high. I think it’s because she is the only daughter, but that’s beside the point.
Anyway, I’ve told my boyfriend no. I said that I am not willing to have babies within the next year. He said it’s fine and he won’t push the issue anymore. But he still kind of has been hinting. Any time we see his niece— he mentions how cute our kids would be, don’t I want one, he wishes he could have one of his own because she’s cute, etc.
I don’t really know how to approach the situation because this is a strange conflict. He said it’s not a dealbreaker for him and that he’s willing to wait until I’m ready, while in the same breath he’s suffocating me with comments about wanting kids now. As I said, I’m still young and I could use some advice on this.
I also want to say that I don’t care if people have kids my age, or even younger. It’s up to them but I’m just not ready.
Thanks in advance!
TL;DRBoyfriend’s sister recently had a baby. She then asked us to get pregnant so that her daughter can have a cousin close in age. Boyfriend is now on board with her and wants kids soon for the wrong reasons (in my opinion)
His boyfriend is a fucking idiot. Getting a 21 yr old to get pregnant. What a dumbass. That's you don't let idiot people have children in the first place. "Same age cousin" lmao.
4 comments
1 EarnestNoMeta 2018-03-02
[21/F] I’m feeling fed up towards boyfriend [23/M] for his reasoning of wanting kids
Hello, all. Please forgive my wording, I’m really bad at explaining things haha
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. We’ve grown a lot together, and I can see myself eventually getting married and starting a family. We’ve discussed this and came upon an agreement of when we should do that.
But the issue sister when his sister [22/F] got pregnant. We were very excited for her; but unfortunately, she ended up having to go back home (another country) and stay there. There were some issues (on our end) and we couldn’t visit her until a few months after the baby was born.
Once we got everything straightened out, we went straight to there. It’s been great, and I noticed that my boyfriend was very natural with his new niece. It gave me a little bit of baby fever, but I knew better than to actually expect a pregnancy.
One month after that, his sister asked me if I want children. I told her that I really want kids in the future. She asked, “What about now?” And I honestly thought it was a joke, considering I’m still growing as a person. Not to mention, I’m a full time student... it just wouldn’t work. But she kept looking at me for an answer and I finally realized she wasn’t joking. I said, “No I cannot have a baby right now.” And she got upset and said that she wants her daughter to have a cousin around the same age. Keep in mind, she’s 100% serious.
Then she went to my boyfriend and told him to basically get me pregnant. He thought that was ridiculous, but she said, “My daughter needs a cousin. Don’t you think?” And she kept asking him if we can have a baby within the next year.
Fast forward to a few days later, and he’s actually down with the idea. He came to me and hesitantly asked if we can have a baby soon. I asked his reasoning (because we agreed until this point). He said his reasons were: 1- he loves me, 2- his niece is cute, and 3- he agrees with his sister.
I know I’m not the only who thinks this is ridiculous. I honestly had to ask him to repeat that because I was in disbelief. Why am I expected to put my education on hold just because his sister wants her baby to have a cousin now? And it’s not even my responsibility to give her daughter a cousin, as they have older siblings who are thinking about having children. Furthermore, I don’t think a reason for having a baby is because another one is cute. Like, yeah they’re cute but there’s actually responsibilities with them.
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I’m really irritated. I feel like my boyfriend is being immature and trying to hard to please his sister. He often gets like this: she says jump, he asks how high. I think it’s because she is the only daughter, but that’s beside the point.
Anyway, I’ve told my boyfriend no. I said that I am not willing to have babies within the next year. He said it’s fine and he won’t push the issue anymore. But he still kind of has been hinting. Any time we see his niece— he mentions how cute our kids would be, don’t I want one, he wishes he could have one of his own because she’s cute, etc.
I don’t really know how to approach the situation because this is a strange conflict. He said it’s not a dealbreaker for him and that he’s willing to wait until I’m ready, while in the same breath he’s suffocating me with comments about wanting kids now. As I said, I’m still young and I could use some advice on this.
I also want to say that I don’t care if people have kids my age, or even younger. It’s up to them but I’m just not ready.
Thanks in advance!
TL;DR Boyfriend’s sister recently had a baby. She then asked us to get pregnant so that her daughter can have a cousin close in age. Boyfriend is now on board with her and wants kids soon for the wrong reasons (in my opinion)
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/81dmwu/21f_im_feeling_fed_up_towards_boyfriend_23m_for/
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2018-03-02
His boyfriend is a fucking idiot. Getting a 21 yr old to get pregnant. What a dumbass. That's you don't let idiot people have children in the first place. "Same age cousin" lmao.
1 rentqt 2018-03-02
Should just have a kid with his sister and be done with it
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2018-03-02
I like the way you think, son.
1 NotUPromeleeplayer 2018-03-02
Why do they want to ruin their lives so badly?
Has to be the most narcissistic thing I've ever read.
1 kippot 2018-03-02
Yes