The Onion sums up /r/Politics

465  2018-03-22 by HodorTheDoorHolder

85 comments

Could just as easily be the TD idiots who solved the mystery of PizzaGate.

It’s pretty interchangeable really.

But I framed the argument to make fun of /r/Politics. Why are you fucking with my pandering?

Because I like horseshoe theory.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the post. Good OP. Have updoot.

Horseshoe theory but with the autism spectrum

Horseshoe theory is the autism spectrum.

Well, it is Reddit.

At least Pizzagate eventually just fizzled out.

🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺Russiagate is forever 🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺

Exactly, it's not Kevin Spacey ever had sex with a child. Why would any famous person do something like that?

Except this is the people who were laughing at pizzagate investigators doing the same cringe shit except with more link bombs

This is why /r/drama is safe from them

Is there any hard, irrefutable evidence that proves Russia had SOME degree of involvement in the election? Honestly, I don't know much about it - but if I had to guess, I'd say that most of the fuckery came from Trump's own team.

Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections

The Russian government interfered in the 2016 U.S. presidential election in order to increase political instability in the United States and to damage Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign by bolstering the candidacies of Donald J. Trump, Bernie Sanders and Jill Stein. A January 2017 assessment by the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI) stated that Russian leadership favored presidential candidate Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton, and that Russian president Vladimir Putin personally ordered an "influence campaign" to harm Clinton's electoral chances and "undermine public faith in the US democratic process."

On October 7, 2016, the ODNI and the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) jointly stated that the U.S. Intelligence Community was confident that the Russian Government directed recent hacking of e-mails with the intention of interfering with the U.S. election process. According to the ODNI′s January 6, 2017 report, the Russian military intelligence service (GRU) had hacked the servers of the Democratic National Committee (DNC) and the personal Google email account of Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta and forwarded their contents to WikiLeaks. Although Russian officials have repeatedly denied involvement in any DNC hacks or leaks, there is strong forensic evidence linking the DNC breach to known Russian operations.


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Bad bot. No "evidence" exists. The DNC refused to allow the FBI to examine it's "hacked" servers.

Their names are Imran Awan and his family members who did I.T. for Debbie Waserman-Schultz and 40 other Dem Congressmen.

This is why Wikipedia is utter bullshit for anything at all related to anything political or historical.

Yep. Every few months I see posts from an idiot I knew in college. She organizes "Feminist Wikipedia Corrections" or something. Blows my mind.

related to anything political or historical even remotely controversial

There have been pointless wiki wars over fashion, children's cartoons, etc. Wikipedia has the inmates running the asylum and any sufficiently crazy person able to network properly among admins can turn whatever page they want into their own personal fiefdom.

Thanks!

Is that a yes or a no?

words

Yes

Is that a yes or a no?

Have you stopped drinking in the morning, yes or no?

It's obvious that Mother Russia had "had SOME degree of involvement in the election". The real question is how complicit or eager about that was Trump.

That's the real question because letting a third party to wreck your elections by unilaterally supporting some of the candidates is completely retarded. I mean, not them wrecking your elections, but you yourself wrecking your elections. Like, if you pass a law that says that Putin can remove any candidate from the presidential race by anonymously donating $1000 to them and then making it public, you are fucked.

It looks like the answer to the real question is "no", but there's all those other retarded questions that probably have "yes" answers, like yes Russians run "fuck with dumb gringos" projects on facebook: https://www.texastribune.org/2017/11/01/russian-facebook-page-organized-protest-texas-different-russian-page-l/ but the most hilarious thing about it all is that while they played both sides, everyone pretends that they played the enemy side only.

Have you stopped drinking in the morning, yes or no?

Not yet.

the most hilarious thing about it all is that while they played both sides, everyone pretends that they played the enemy side only.

Does that mean russians are running /r/politics and a few hundred anti-Trump subs?

Wikipedia pretty much is /r/politics these days.

it's pretty clear that they tried. there doesn't seem to be any proof that they coordinated with trump though, which is what /r/politics were hoping so he'd be impeached or w/e

I’ll admit I’m a trump supporter, I’m willing to believe Russia tried to intervene, maybe they did buy Facebook ads, but frankly I don’t think the campaign team colluded simply because I don’t believe they were organized enough to.

Literally every world super-power intervenes or tries to intervene in other world super-power politics.

The issue is not whether or not it happened, it undoubtly did, the issue is if there was collision with the Trump Campaign, and so far... no, there is nothing pointing in that direction

I know the first, of course other countries have vested interests in the politics of others, it’s so irritating to hear ‘Russia Russia Russia’ like they’re sending us to a new Cold War, prove it and I’ll believe.

Not nothing, but saying "yeah, sure, tell us dirty shit about Clinton" is a dickhead move, but no one is getting impeached for that level of dumbness.

Pretty much this. All the retards from the campaign who did other shit with Russia have already been indicted on charges that are completely unrelated to collusion. There's no one really left to point fingers at.

Also, it's hard to make the argument that if they did have any proof it wouldn't have been leaked by now.

Most countries do interfere with other elections. Hell, the US does it more than anyone. The issue is if Trump colluded with them which hasn't been made clear yet.

Yes, however all definite evidence points to Russia trying to stop Hillary from getting elected, as she had more anti Russian stances than Trump and Bernie. I have not seen any definite evidence that they specifically tried to get Trump over anyone else elected, but, to be fair, I don't give a shit and haven't looked too far into it.

Problem is that we don't know what counts as interfierens. If officials say that they stand behind this cantitade in this country or running positive news stories about one cantitade and negative about other. If that kind actions count then yes. But if we are talking about doing intelligence work for trump and Putin mobilizing FSP to get trump elected, Then we don't got evidence.

What's important to remember is that any oligarch could have sponsored light interferences but heavy espionage, you need some top brass guy.

Someone needs to read the bestof threads

unless any of us are robert mueller or one of his team, no-one can really answer that. it's not like the guy is giving daily evidence tallies or something.

I get that. What motivated the investigation in the first place though?

It was her turn

I mean, just today it was confirmed that Guccifer 2.0 was working for the GRU. The same Guccifer that hacked the DNC and leaked it to WikiLeaks. The same Guccifer that Roger Stone contacted and claimed was just some overweight hacker in New Jersey.

Dozens of indictments and several guilty pleas as a result of the still ongoing Mueller investigation shows that there is plenty of irrefutable evidence that Russia had a hand in meddling with the election.

Russians? Yes, there were the infamous 13 Russian trolls indicted by Mueller. They existed and they don't even hide. Russian government aka Putin? Nope.

Also fan fact - DNC didn't allow the FBI to check the hacked servers, so the FBI doesn't actually know if the hackers were Russians or not.

No. Its fake news pushed by liberal and jewish controlled media. Just look up any news channel on wikipedia then trace its owners till you reach a parent organization. Those organizations are like 90% owned or ran by Jews.

You mean to tell me that /r/politics Reddit detectivestm haven't completely solved the Russia investigation? Like the true high IQ (200+) Richard and Mortimer fan that I am, I get all my news from redditDOTcom - just the comments, not the linked articles like some plebeian - and was under the impression that Trump was already on his way to Guantanamo for high treason.

All we need is /u/poppinKREAM here with one of his walls of text where the first sentence seems related to the topic at hand, and then turns into Black Dynamite cracking the case wide open.

I still remember when The Reddit Detective Agency solved the case of the Boston Marathon Bomber.

We did it, Reddit!

No cringier words were ever spoken.

Can you imagine a future where they were actually right?

I think reddit would be secretary of state right now

My favorite comments in /r/Politics are the ones put Mueller on such a high pedestal they are borderline erotic fan fiction.

It's not often you see /r/politics fellating a Republican.

Square jaw, steely gaze, massive co- wait a minute what were we talking about?

The guy that was fine with imprisoning muslims for being brown and thought up that stupid color code for homeland security

I remember as a kid/young teen after 9/11 going to the airport and seeing that stupid fucking color code shit for security and thinking its dumb. At least it makes sense for fire safety levels, but for "homeland security" its retarded lol

Sounds like daddy tbh. Wait. Is Mueller the left's daddy??

Mussolini

if he exonerates trump they're gonna turn on him so fast

I still think it's funny that people think Mueller is going to go, Trump won't touch him because deep down we all know the investigation is going to result in 3 years of sidetracking before he's cleared for 'insuficcient evidence'.

The left will think Mueller was bought out and Trump is really a paedo rapist who bought the Presidency from Putin and the right will think he did nothing wrong at all. Everyone gets to continue their personal agenda regardless of the result.

so you're saying trump IS pizzagate

This bummed me out, mainly cause it's true. Don't we have enough mentally unstable and heavily armed nuts in this country to do something about our politicians?

“Something fucky was probably going on, but since we couldn’t condense it into a Huffington Post article, we just let it go.”

-Trump Investigation Committee

Horseshoe theory once again proven to be true.

American politic in a nutshell.

I find all news is best consumed by reinterpreting it as erotic fanfiction. imagine not doing that in 2018 smdh

r/bestof highlights those every other day "redditor finds missing link in drumpf-russia collusion".

Is it that hard for people to say "i don't know what's going on how about we let the investigation find what it finds?"

"i don't know what's going on how about we let the investigation find what it finds?"

This is the answer that pisses everyone off for some reason.

because everyone is a federal prosecutor or defense attorney when it comes to a big case.

That would be something a centrist would say, and they're basically nazis.

“Gosh golly goodness, you’d think if this were important, the people who get paid for this shit would take note, but nope. Guess I’m just smarter.”

I for sure don't know what's going on.

Yes Yes towariszcz, public shouldn't be interestet what is going on, they should sit down and wait for results. Trust the leaders my friend.

Praying all the time for protection for Donald J. Trump and Mike Pence and their families children and grandchildren - the gates of hell have opened against Trump especially ! Praying he has the wisdom of Solomon. Everyday as this unfolds I am more and more convinced THIS is Yah's Man! He is right it took courage to run for Pres. - much more when you actually purpose to do what you have campaigned on. This is all very instructive for the average American to see what has been afoot in our country for decades undermining America from within.

! I cancel every word of the enemies plans - break off his strategies: I thank you Father of Lights - Yahuah Almighty that you have mighty warring angels encamped around your servant - that no weapon formed against him, his family, Mike Pence or his family prospers - I pray that those that dig ditches fall in the ditch of their own making, those that set snares - get ensnared in their own snare - that their evil deeds come down on their own pate - I thank you Yah that only those that are there by Divine Plan have access to our Pres and his family - that any you have not purposed to be there are removed -I speak Shalom and Protection in the mighty name of Yahshua

tl;dr?

Allah Who Akbar Comrade

When even your fellow liberal satire news organization is roasting you you know it's bad.

and r/worldnews, and r/latestagecapitalism, and r/news, and r/politicalhumor, and r/russialago, and r/chapocuckhouse, and r/the_mueller, and r/bestof, and r/pics, and r/enoughtrumpspam, and r/esist, and r/marchagainsttrump, and r/trumpget

If the onion added comments they could totally replace reddit.

Can anyone explain why Americans wear touques indoors and outside year round? I've seen cholos rocking them with shorts and wife beaters at Venice Beach when it's 22C° AND in Las Vegas on the Strip when it's 32C°.

Like WTF, a touque is to stay warm, not a ex-con badge of honour.

Da fuq is a touque?

Found the typical Merican.

"'This Will Be The End Of Trump's Campaign', said increasingly nervous man back in 2015"

Well done The Onion for still producing fresh and relevant stuff 25 years on.

What's funny is this article was published the same day this glorious comment was posted and gained a ton of traction in the drumpfosphere

Who actually reads those massive "sourced" comments? I can't get more than a few lines into one before my eyes glaze over due to the sheer amount of speculation being supported by nothing but news articles and op-eds. It seems like people just eat up anything that has some links it it since "if the words are light blue, it must be true".

There is nothing more cringe than thinking some pathetic cunt sat down and actually wrote that shit.

Probably spent a few hours of their life putting that together in Word or some shit. And the real sad thing is how they likely view themselves. At least conspiracy nuts kinda know they're a bit out there. You know this is some biology grad working in a bar who is just so angry that Hillary couldn't beat the pussy grabber

I suspect they might be journalists. The people who write those comments have crazy familiarity with the news reporting surrounding the Russia investigation. I wouldn't be surprised if some news outlets have assigned some poor saps to write up comments on this shithole site in the hope that people might actually click on a few of the links and read their articles/generate ad revenue since barely anybody actually reads the main linked article.

IMO they are posted way too quickly for it to be a random loser with too much time on their hands. It has to be a template of some sort where they choose which one to post based on key words in the linked article. They're basically glorified "news" copypastas.

MARK AND A RUSSIAN ATE DINNER?? THIS IS IT BOIS

No one mentioned that they use the photo of a balding soyboy nu male for this article.

Absolutely disgraceful from /r/drama denizens. SAD!

why would anyon want to sum up a bunch of russian commie bots fighting a bunch of american statist bots?

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand the Westboro Baptist Church. Their beliefs are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of the theoretical physics, most of the points of their protests will go over a typical hater’s head. There’s also Phelps’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The followers understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these moral values, to realise that they’re not just about sin- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike the Westboro Baptist Church truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in their existential catchphrase “God Hates Fags,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev’s Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Fred Phelps’s genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them.