First, public disclosures: I liked this girl quite a lot, and a part of me still does, although the feelings aren't mutual. That said, it didn't stop us from FaceTiming, calling, hanging out several times a week, texting/Snapping/etc every day, etc.
For full public disclosure: I do some of her writing assignments for her that she asks me to help her with, get her food, and overall I did boyfriend-level of nice things & surprises for her. She does do nice things for me though, like make me tea when I am at her house, and did pick me up at 5am once to bring me to the airport (this, however, was back when we probably spent 40-60 hours a week together and I was the only human outside of her family that was legit chatting with her).
My issues: I felt that she disrespected me in an initial setting, and events that occurred in the following couple of days just made me feel worse. All of these events were in the space of about a week. I don't know if it is reasonable for me to be upset at her, if I'm an asshole, too possessive, or what.
I took her out for dinner and drinks, although for nearly the entire time while at the bar, she was obsessed with her phone, to the point where she shushed me and told to go on my own phone while she texted, several times throughout the night.
We were talking about a topic, and I accidentally let slip something personal, but gave no details. She pried it out of me, so now she knows a weird/embarrassing happenstance about me that I'd have preferred her not to know. About 10 minutes later, I make a comment about something I was late to doing in life, and she says, "that kind of explains some things about you." I asked what that meant, her response was, "that feeling sucks doesn't it? I'm not telling you." I ask two more times, she says no, and I let it go because it's just not worth it.
I normally help her pack for her trips, but she opted not to have me help this time, which is fine. That said, when she gets to her destination, she brings up that we didn't hang out and I didn't help her pack this time, that it was our ritual. Okay, that was out in left field to say that...
When she is up in my metro area, we talk every day, hang out, she likes and appreciates my memes/gifs/jokes/texts/etc, Snaps back and Snaps me stuff that's stuff both of us would find funny, and is overall a responsive person. When she visits her friends in the other part of the state, I tend to personally communicate less so as not to bug her, but I do expect something back eventually when I do send it to her, which often isn't the case. Her last trip, she left me on read for 4 days (I see she is very active on social media, however), let our rather long Snap streak expire, and when we do make conversation, it's 1-2 words, a sentence at best, or if she happens to be bored at 12:30am and didn't go out that night because her friends have class or something the next day.
I was pretty irked at her, so didn't respond to any of her Snapchat stories during her flight home (I normally respond to most of her stories making a joke, telling her to be safe, that she is beautiful, a short story, etc). The next day she texts me and asks if I upset her. I say yes, and later that day I tell her points 1, 3, and 4, why I felt disrespected and hurt, but stuff like that happens and that I am glad I can tell her this kind of stuff and we can deal with it together like adults. She doesn't text me back, but an hour after this she likes the last 5-6 of my memes I sent her on Instagram, so I thought okay, she understands stuff from my perspective, knew this gal is awesome!
I still don't get a text back, and the next day she is headed back to visit her friends after her shift at a coffee shop. I had no idea she was going until I see her Snap story, so tell her to be safe driving, especially due to the weather. I see she immediately Snaps me back, and I make a funny/sassy comment about Snapping and driving. She sends me a snarky and snide comment referring to what I said the previous day, and I do the, "wow looks like I made you mad" response. I told her that it didn't change how I thought of her or anything childish like that, and that's simply how I felt and I wanted to be upfront with her, but to be careful when driving and we'll chat when she gets back up here.
Today I responded to one of her stories, and she responded immediately. I responded back, and she responded back with, "Oh, but I thought I disappear off the face of the earth when down here." I responded back to her and told her that I know she is mad and I could always word what I say differently, but it's simply how I felt and I wanted to be upfront with her about it. She hasn't responded back, but has read my snaps, first to view all my stories on Snap and IG, viewed her inboxes elsewhere, and left on read since. She hasn't texted, Snapped, sent me a meme, or anything, so I sense that she is somehow madder today than yesterday, and way madder than when I first told her how I was feeling. I think this might be because I told her I'm not backing down on this one because I felt I have a legitimate reason to be upset.
So, /r/relationships, am I overreacting in being irritated and upset, or not? Was I valid to bring these up to her? I talked with a few of my friends and they said I have valid reason for 1-3, but they pointed out that regardless of how much we normally interacted, she doesn't owe me communication at all, even if it does suck for me, though I should take that as a hint that she isn't making time for me in the morning, day, or night, when others are occupying her time.
TL;DR
Girl chose texting other people instead of conversing with me, played a stupid childish game on me, brings up something we normally do together that she previously declined to do with me, and leaves me on read for days when not home. Am I wrong to feel hurt and upset at her, or is it valid?
1 comments
1 jko831 2018-03-24
First, public disclosures: I liked this girl quite a lot, and a part of me still does, although the feelings aren't mutual. That said, it didn't stop us from FaceTiming, calling, hanging out several times a week, texting/Snapping/etc every day, etc.
For full public disclosure: I do some of her writing assignments for her that she asks me to help her with, get her food, and overall I did boyfriend-level of nice things & surprises for her. She does do nice things for me though, like make me tea when I am at her house, and did pick me up at 5am once to bring me to the airport (this, however, was back when we probably spent 40-60 hours a week together and I was the only human outside of her family that was legit chatting with her).
My issues: I felt that she disrespected me in an initial setting, and events that occurred in the following couple of days just made me feel worse. All of these events were in the space of about a week. I don't know if it is reasonable for me to be upset at her, if I'm an asshole, too possessive, or what.
I took her out for dinner and drinks, although for nearly the entire time while at the bar, she was obsessed with her phone, to the point where she shushed me and told to go on my own phone while she texted, several times throughout the night.
We were talking about a topic, and I accidentally let slip something personal, but gave no details. She pried it out of me, so now she knows a weird/embarrassing happenstance about me that I'd have preferred her not to know. About 10 minutes later, I make a comment about something I was late to doing in life, and she says, "that kind of explains some things about you." I asked what that meant, her response was, "that feeling sucks doesn't it? I'm not telling you." I ask two more times, she says no, and I let it go because it's just not worth it.
I normally help her pack for her trips, but she opted not to have me help this time, which is fine. That said, when she gets to her destination, she brings up that we didn't hang out and I didn't help her pack this time, that it was our ritual. Okay, that was out in left field to say that...
When she is up in my metro area, we talk every day, hang out, she likes and appreciates my memes/gifs/jokes/texts/etc, Snaps back and Snaps me stuff that's stuff both of us would find funny, and is overall a responsive person. When she visits her friends in the other part of the state, I tend to personally communicate less so as not to bug her, but I do expect something back eventually when I do send it to her, which often isn't the case. Her last trip, she left me on read for 4 days (I see she is very active on social media, however), let our rather long Snap streak expire, and when we do make conversation, it's 1-2 words, a sentence at best, or if she happens to be bored at 12:30am and didn't go out that night because her friends have class or something the next day.
I was pretty irked at her, so didn't respond to any of her Snapchat stories during her flight home (I normally respond to most of her stories making a joke, telling her to be safe, that she is beautiful, a short story, etc). The next day she texts me and asks if I upset her. I say yes, and later that day I tell her points 1, 3, and 4, why I felt disrespected and hurt, but stuff like that happens and that I am glad I can tell her this kind of stuff and we can deal with it together like adults. She doesn't text me back, but an hour after this she likes the last 5-6 of my memes I sent her on Instagram, so I thought okay, she understands stuff from my perspective, knew this gal is awesome!
I still don't get a text back, and the next day she is headed back to visit her friends after her shift at a coffee shop. I had no idea she was going until I see her Snap story, so tell her to be safe driving, especially due to the weather. I see she immediately Snaps me back, and I make a funny/sassy comment about Snapping and driving. She sends me a snarky and snide comment referring to what I said the previous day, and I do the, "wow looks like I made you mad" response. I told her that it didn't change how I thought of her or anything childish like that, and that's simply how I felt and I wanted to be upfront with her, but to be careful when driving and we'll chat when she gets back up here.
Today I responded to one of her stories, and she responded immediately. I responded back, and she responded back with, "Oh, but I thought I disappear off the face of the earth when down here." I responded back to her and told her that I know she is mad and I could always word what I say differently, but it's simply how I felt and I wanted to be upfront with her about it. She hasn't responded back, but has read my snaps, first to view all my stories on Snap and IG, viewed her inboxes elsewhere, and left on read since. She hasn't texted, Snapped, sent me a meme, or anything, so I sense that she is somehow madder today than yesterday, and way madder than when I first told her how I was feeling. I think this might be because I told her I'm not backing down on this one because I felt I have a legitimate reason to be upset.
So, /r/relationships, am I overreacting in being irritated and upset, or not? Was I valid to bring these up to her? I talked with a few of my friends and they said I have valid reason for 1-3, but they pointed out that regardless of how much we normally interacted, she doesn't owe me communication at all, even if it does suck for me, though I should take that as a hint that she isn't making time for me in the morning, day, or night, when others are occupying her time.
TL;DR
Girl chose texting other people instead of conversing with me, played a stupid childish game on me, brings up something we normally do together that she previously declined to do with me, and leaves me on read for days when not home. Am I wrong to feel hurt and upset at her, or is it valid?
1 Starship_Litterbox_B 2018-03-24
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