I am for brevity and conciseness, but there is a lot of backstory and I also need to vent some.
We have been together for 5 years. We got married 3 years ago, and have a 12mo daughter.
My mother passed away a little over a year ago and left me her house. The city we live in is very expensive, so at the time we had a small af studio that was in a nice neighborhood. My Mom's house was in the same city (very large city) but in a very bad neighborhood. It's also a 3 bedroom house though, and we definitely needed the extra space (baby on the way).
We decided to move into the house for obvious reasons. The plan was to save some money, spend some money on renovations so we could rent out/sell, and move out in 2 years back to the same neighborhood we used to live in by purchasing a house.
My wife is white. She grew up in a very upper middle class neighborhood, with well off parents. I dont think she had ever even been to an underprivileged neighborhood until she went to college. Imagine her appearance as your stereotypical sorority girl. Hair in a bun, leggings, hoody, starbucks in hand. I am black. I grew up in my moms house that we now live in. Poor and violent, but still homely (british definition), culturally significant, and proud. Imagine my appearance as your average black guy, I guess. This is all important to our situation. We met at a high ranked college.
Once we moved into my moms house, I put a bunch of precautions in place. I explained how this neighborhood is unlike anything she is used to. Live life, but if its dark out and you have errands just head over to the next neighborhood 2 miles over because its safer. Keep the house locked...keep the cars in the garage. Keep OC spray on the keychain. Probably every stranger that speaks to you is most likely trying to hustle you. Just the basics. I never wanted to truly delve into how dangerous it could be in this neighborhood because I didnt want her to live her life terrified. Bad things likely wont happen, especially if you're not involved in that lifestyle, but they are still much more prevalent than what she is used to. I'm with my family every work day after 5:30pm anyway, and 24/7 on the weekends. She's only ever alone during the day, during the work week. Statistically, the safest time.
On to the actual issue, I'm sorry it took so long:
We were driving back from an event for our kid in my car. I hurt my back last week. The event involved a lot of walking. I participated because I like hanging out with my family, but I did too much. Once I sat down for a few minutes my back seized up. My wife took the wheel, I took one of my norcos and one of my muscle relaxers because I needed them. It was around 10pm when we got close to our house which is when she noticed the car was low on gas. We were supposed to go somewhere early the next morning, so she thought lets get gas now so we dont have to stop in the morning. Makes sense, but we were too close to home. I would have said something if I werent still hurting and the pills kicking in. She walked into the gas station with her purse. I would have said something if I werent still hurting and the pills werent kicking in. Put the card in your pocket, lock your purse up.
I watched her walk inside and I noticed 2 unsavory characters off to the side. I saw them staring at her as they talked. I initially assumed they just found her attractive, so I continued to watch the situation, just in case. But after a few seconds one of them walked down towards the end of the entrance to the gas station, while the other one kinda ducked behind the building. At that point I knew what was up.
I have a small safe under the drivers side seat which I keep a 9 with the clip on the side and a small spot for extra bullets. No one knows about it. Its locked with a simple 3 code lock. I grabbed it, popped the clip in, cocked the chamber, and slowly started walking towards the gas station front door. Our daughter was still in the backseat.
She walked out immediately with her purse in hand. I also know her personality. Imagine "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" and you'll have a decent idea. If someone asks her for money, she will always give them a dollar if she thinks they need it. I started yelling at her as soon as she walked out the door. I said, "Grab me some cheetos" just to get her to walk back inside. She didn't know what was going on because I don't eat chips so she kept walking towards me. I'm thinking...fuck...I have no choice.
I start a brief conversation with the guy, very loudly so the guy hiding can hear, and as soon as I get close enough I point it at first guys forehead. I tell him if his homie tries to run out I'll start blasting. They both run off. Wife is screaming.
Once we get home and our tempers settle...I am questioned where the gun came from. I've had this gun since I was 12. It was on my nightstand then, but has always been under my seat since 16. I'm happy I was smart enough to lock it up once I bought my car. I acknowledge I failed my family by not expressing the danger here. I felt as if I could protect them both physically and emotionally by just being there. If I was normal in mind, I would have been driving and would have gotten gas myself. Or if I was normal in mind, I would have never let her stop at that gas stop. Or if I was normal in mind, I would have pressed them without the gun cause I would have been fine fighting with my hands if it came to that. None of those were the case.
Wife is adamantly against guns. Especially after Parkland. We spoke about this a couple of weeks ago. I absolutely agree. I am 100% for a gun free nation. If we lived in a different neighborhood I would definitely be gun free. My point is, we don't. They could have had a weapon. I may have saved our lives by having a gun, because I was entirely incapable of doing so otherwise (if things came down to it). She countered with who cares if they stole her purse that doesnt mean I should kill someone. I fully agree with that as well. I just...I dunno. You cant steal her purse without threatening to hurt her, right? OK, so dont threaten to hurt my wife because I might kill you. I was physically incapable of following thru with that, so I needed it.
She has said she will not live in our home if I don't get rid of it. She is saying she'll take our daughter and go to her parents house (different state). She's not threatening divorce because I said I would for sure get rid of it once we move out next year. We cant move out sooner, too much money tied up in the reno. Moving out for a year and taking my daughter with you is almost the same shit to me. But I cant effectively protect my family without it.
I'm not sure what to do or say. Honestly, I got another gun locked up in my nightstand by my bed that she also has no idea about and I've never brought up.
TL;DR Wife says get rid of the gun(s) or shes gone. We cant live in our house without them.
1 comments
1 seshfan2 2018-03-25
original post:
I am for brevity and conciseness, but there is a lot of backstory and I also need to vent some.
We have been together for 5 years. We got married 3 years ago, and have a 12mo daughter.
My mother passed away a little over a year ago and left me her house. The city we live in is very expensive, so at the time we had a small af studio that was in a nice neighborhood. My Mom's house was in the same city (very large city) but in a very bad neighborhood. It's also a 3 bedroom house though, and we definitely needed the extra space (baby on the way).
We decided to move into the house for obvious reasons. The plan was to save some money, spend some money on renovations so we could rent out/sell, and move out in 2 years back to the same neighborhood we used to live in by purchasing a house.
My wife is white. She grew up in a very upper middle class neighborhood, with well off parents. I dont think she had ever even been to an underprivileged neighborhood until she went to college. Imagine her appearance as your stereotypical sorority girl. Hair in a bun, leggings, hoody, starbucks in hand. I am black. I grew up in my moms house that we now live in. Poor and violent, but still homely (british definition), culturally significant, and proud. Imagine my appearance as your average black guy, I guess. This is all important to our situation. We met at a high ranked college.
Once we moved into my moms house, I put a bunch of precautions in place. I explained how this neighborhood is unlike anything she is used to. Live life, but if its dark out and you have errands just head over to the next neighborhood 2 miles over because its safer. Keep the house locked...keep the cars in the garage. Keep OC spray on the keychain. Probably every stranger that speaks to you is most likely trying to hustle you. Just the basics. I never wanted to truly delve into how dangerous it could be in this neighborhood because I didnt want her to live her life terrified. Bad things likely wont happen, especially if you're not involved in that lifestyle, but they are still much more prevalent than what she is used to. I'm with my family every work day after 5:30pm anyway, and 24/7 on the weekends. She's only ever alone during the day, during the work week. Statistically, the safest time.
On to the actual issue, I'm sorry it took so long:
We were driving back from an event for our kid in my car. I hurt my back last week. The event involved a lot of walking. I participated because I like hanging out with my family, but I did too much. Once I sat down for a few minutes my back seized up. My wife took the wheel, I took one of my norcos and one of my muscle relaxers because I needed them. It was around 10pm when we got close to our house which is when she noticed the car was low on gas. We were supposed to go somewhere early the next morning, so she thought lets get gas now so we dont have to stop in the morning. Makes sense, but we were too close to home. I would have said something if I werent still hurting and the pills kicking in. She walked into the gas station with her purse. I would have said something if I werent still hurting and the pills werent kicking in. Put the card in your pocket, lock your purse up.
I watched her walk inside and I noticed 2 unsavory characters off to the side. I saw them staring at her as they talked. I initially assumed they just found her attractive, so I continued to watch the situation, just in case. But after a few seconds one of them walked down towards the end of the entrance to the gas station, while the other one kinda ducked behind the building. At that point I knew what was up.
I have a small safe under the drivers side seat which I keep a 9 with the clip on the side and a small spot for extra bullets. No one knows about it. Its locked with a simple 3 code lock. I grabbed it, popped the clip in, cocked the chamber, and slowly started walking towards the gas station front door. Our daughter was still in the backseat.
She walked out immediately with her purse in hand. I also know her personality. Imagine "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" and you'll have a decent idea. If someone asks her for money, she will always give them a dollar if she thinks they need it. I started yelling at her as soon as she walked out the door. I said, "Grab me some cheetos" just to get her to walk back inside. She didn't know what was going on because I don't eat chips so she kept walking towards me. I'm thinking...fuck...I have no choice.
I start a brief conversation with the guy, very loudly so the guy hiding can hear, and as soon as I get close enough I point it at first guys forehead. I tell him if his homie tries to run out I'll start blasting. They both run off. Wife is screaming.
Once we get home and our tempers settle...I am questioned where the gun came from. I've had this gun since I was 12. It was on my nightstand then, but has always been under my seat since 16. I'm happy I was smart enough to lock it up once I bought my car. I acknowledge I failed my family by not expressing the danger here. I felt as if I could protect them both physically and emotionally by just being there. If I was normal in mind, I would have been driving and would have gotten gas myself. Or if I was normal in mind, I would have never let her stop at that gas stop. Or if I was normal in mind, I would have pressed them without the gun cause I would have been fine fighting with my hands if it came to that. None of those were the case.
Wife is adamantly against guns. Especially after Parkland. We spoke about this a couple of weeks ago. I absolutely agree. I am 100% for a gun free nation. If we lived in a different neighborhood I would definitely be gun free. My point is, we don't. They could have had a weapon. I may have saved our lives by having a gun, because I was entirely incapable of doing so otherwise (if things came down to it). She countered with who cares if they stole her purse that doesnt mean I should kill someone. I fully agree with that as well. I just...I dunno. You cant steal her purse without threatening to hurt her, right? OK, so dont threaten to hurt my wife because I might kill you. I was physically incapable of following thru with that, so I needed it.
She has said she will not live in our home if I don't get rid of it. She is saying she'll take our daughter and go to her parents house (different state). She's not threatening divorce because I said I would for sure get rid of it once we move out next year. We cant move out sooner, too much money tied up in the reno. Moving out for a year and taking my daughter with you is almost the same shit to me. But I cant effectively protect my family without it.
I'm not sure what to do or say. Honestly, I got another gun locked up in my nightstand by my bed that she also has no idea about and I've never brought up.
TL;DR Wife says get rid of the gun(s) or shes gone. We cant live in our house without them.