I ordered a shit dildo using Google+. When it first came out, you had to sign up with G+ in order to get the discount. It was supposed to smell and feel like a shit. Was pretty underhelming when it arrived, because it only looked like a shit. It didn't even feel like a shit when it went in my boipussy.
Needless to say, I don't use it anymore.
The one upside was that the shit dildo was password protected, so no one else could use it.
A few months ago a man messaged me on Grindr with a photo of 300 dollars asking if I wanted to make some money. Curious, I asked him if he was serious and he responded with, "very."
I figured this guy was just hideous or fat or old but when he sent me pics he was very clean cut, young-ish and good looking. A bit bewildered I straight up asked him why he felt the need to offer money for sex when he's obviously good looking enough to get it for free, and his response made it clear - this man had a "niche" fetish that most people were not into.
He wanted me to shit in his mouth.
After disclosing this fact to me I weighed my options. Do I shit in this man's mouth for money, or do I not shit in his mouth and go about my day? The answer was obvious to me.
After negotiating my wage of taking a dump in this man's mouth we settled on 400 for two hours. I was really giddy as I had never been paid for sex before, let alone been paid to shit in a mans mouth. It was new and exciting to me.
The preceding days I ate the worst foods imaginable. I went to every buffet in my local area. Indian, Chinese, American - I ate it all. I also started drinking Metamucil so my shits would be extra girthy for him. It was a bit titillating for me to know that the shit I was holding in for a few days was going to make me so much money.
The day the Great ShitteningTM was to happen I was so bloated and full that I felt like vomiting 24/7 and I had to do a kind of "waddle" when at work because I felt like shitting myself any time I stood up - but I knew that shit was worth it's weight in gold and held it in like a champ.
To make a long story short I shat on that guy's face so hard he moaned like a toddler trying chocolate for the first time and I made 400 dollars.
Never say never, i mean DACA has a lot of support and Trump isn't exactly all that popular. Dems could win and pass some immigrantiom reform thing and then a lot of those illlegals would be able to get passports.
19 comments
1 BussyShillBot 2018-04-10
I ordered a shit dildo using Google+. When it first came out, you had to sign up with G+ in order to get the discount. It was supposed to smell and feel like a shit. Was pretty underhelming when it arrived, because it only looked like a shit. It didn't even feel like a shit when it went in my boipussy.
Needless to say, I don't use it anymore.
The one upside was that the shit dildo was password protected, so no one else could use it.
Snapshots:
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1 Matues49 2018-04-10
u/serialflamingo is a highlander, not a burger u big doo-doo head.
1 scatmunchies 2018-04-10
He’s a faggis.
1 serialflamingo 2018-04-10
Oh that's adorable. I'm stealing that.
1 serialflamingo 2018-04-10
Everyone know I only fuck foreigners smdh.
1 braaaph 2018-04-10
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2018-04-10
Lol gay
1 voicelesshoodwinker 2018-04-10
That's called bussy discrimination young man.
1 MirMurderPizza 2018-04-10
A few months ago a man messaged me on Grindr with a photo of 300 dollars asking if I wanted to make some money. Curious, I asked him if he was serious and he responded with, "very."
I figured this guy was just hideous or fat or old but when he sent me pics he was very clean cut, young-ish and good looking. A bit bewildered I straight up asked him why he felt the need to offer money for sex when he's obviously good looking enough to get it for free, and his response made it clear - this man had a "niche" fetish that most people were not into.
He wanted me to shit in his mouth.
After disclosing this fact to me I weighed my options. Do I shit in this man's mouth for money, or do I not shit in his mouth and go about my day? The answer was obvious to me.
After negotiating my wage of taking a dump in this man's mouth we settled on 400 for two hours. I was really giddy as I had never been paid for sex before, let alone been paid to shit in a mans mouth. It was new and exciting to me.
The preceding days I ate the worst foods imaginable. I went to every buffet in my local area. Indian, Chinese, American - I ate it all. I also started drinking Metamucil so my shits would be extra girthy for him. It was a bit titillating for me to know that the shit I was holding in for a few days was going to make me so much money.
The day the Great ShitteningTM was to happen I was so bloated and full that I felt like vomiting 24/7 and I had to do a kind of "waddle" when at work because I felt like shitting myself any time I stood up - but I knew that shit was worth it's weight in gold and held it in like a champ.
To make a long story short I shat on that guy's face so hard he moaned like a toddler trying chocolate for the first time and I made 400 dollars.
1 r4chan-cancer 2018-04-10
Unironically delete this
1 Kinderheim_511 2018-04-10
r/jesuschristreddit
1 tyuijvhvhcfcjf 2018-04-10
Tell me more stories about average gay sex. I give this one a 5.5/10.
1 Sexyblackfeet 2018-04-10
Why are you on tinder? Are you fucking gay?
1 toynbeeidea16 2018-04-10
A modern day Ed Savitz.
1 siskonaut 2018-04-10
Now that's what I call quality content.
1 BasicallyADoctor 2018-04-10
Nothing turns me on like the implicit threat of deportation if my partner doesn't treat me right 😩
1 friendlysoviet 2018-04-10
Deport me, Daddy!
1 gyrotur 2018-04-10
Never say never, i mean DACA has a lot of support and Trump isn't exactly all that popular. Dems could win and pass some immigrantiom reform thing and then a lot of those illlegals would be able to get passports.
1 friendlysoviet 2018-04-10
In 8-12 years.
1 voicelesshoodwinker 2018-04-10
This makes me think: "Should I go bi for a green card"?