I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years and we have 2 small children. I don't want to have sex lately and if he were to read this, he'd know why.

Dear husband, I know you want to have sex more, and I guess I do too. But throughout the years you've forgotten that having sex is an all day affair. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that in order for both partners to feel the connection and desire there must be more attention paid to the relationship. You have no idea how much I want you to desire me all day long and show me. We are at the point where we kiss twice a day (once before we leave for work and once before bed). You don't hug me or touch me. You don't tell me I look beautiful or pretty. We tried implementing a "kiss as soon as we both get home" thing but it lasted a week and then was never repeated. Those little touches and gestures would add up so quickly and they'd cost us nothing. I know you're not one for physical displays of affection, you won't even hold my hand in public, but I need the small physical things to want the bigger physical things.

I also need you to step up and be a parent. We both work full time, we both get little sleep and we are both busy. But that doesn't mean that I should be shouldering nearly 100% of the childcare duties because my work day is 1 hour shorter than yours. I don't feel valued, I feel used and underappreciated. Every morning I get our kids out of bed and dressed, as well as get myself showered and ready before you even wake up. Then you run around the house focusing solely on your own needs while I make sure everyone is ready for their own days. I pack snacks, extra clothes, get bottles, fill up backpacks, feed our dogs and pack my own lunch. You do not offer to help or seem to care about all the tasks I do before 6:30 AM. I do it alone and seethe. We've had multiple conversations about splitting these morning duties and you just get defensive and angry. It's very difficult to look at you and feel desire when I wake up every day feeling like a servant in my own home.

The end of the day is no different. I wrangle our kids home from daycare and then make us all dinner. You come home and quickly eat and then decide it's time to make a 30 minute trip to the bathroom. This used to be a joke, it used to be something I would laugh at and make light of. It's not funny anymore. It's not funny that after being home with your family for 15 minutes you feel the need to take a half hour break from us, claiming you "can't rush these things". I'm once again left taking care of our kids and dogs alone, planning for the next day while you focus on yourself. We still haven't touched since the small peck on the lips in the morning and you want me to feel sexy and sexual?

It's sad that our relationship has arrived at this point. It's sad that even though every single issue I've had with our division of duties and how it relates to our sex life has been discussed, it still doesn't improve. The small gesture IS the big gesture. You have no idea how pathetically grateful I get when you give me a hug or clean the kitchen or you tell me I look nice today. I'm embarrassed that I'm so starved for this level of kindness that it can bring me to tears. If you took on your portion of childcare, picked up the vacuum, made it a point to ask me about my day, volunteered to take our kids out to play once in awhile so I could have some time alone, trust me, my desire for you would skyrocket. We would have sex more and when we have sex more, it solidifies us. Desire begets desire. I love having sex with you, but that feeling just isn't there if I never feel loved and respected all day long.

TL;DR- my husband's lack of showing love and respect for all that I do is the main reason I don't feel desire to have sex anymore