Lmao imagine being so humorless that not only do you not understand certain types of humor, but you actively seek and destroy humor elsewhere that you don't understand. src
OP says that it was their first time having anal sex, but that they had previously had sex with that particular friend. So obviously there are holes to choose from
While, sure that didn't happen, its fucking brilliant, if you are a 20 something who knows where hipster types hang out in a major metro.
2019, talk about how while you really hated Trump, are wonder if he really was that bad. She'll go off on some brain dead /r/pizzshill speech about Russian baby snatchers and the still on going Muller probe or whatever they are trying to pin on him by then. So then you bring up, "maybe its just because I feel so disconnected since my GF and I broke up, I just miss the closeness and I can't seem to feel my sensitive side, maybe if I can find that connection with a woman again... "
No, encourage his liberal, hipster ass to take more. That way the problem takes care of itself with these piece of shit, millenial know it all dumbfucks
Donald hung his head. It was November 9th, 2 AM. The last of the votes had been counted, but everybody else in the campaign had known for hours what was coming, and gone home. CNN called the election at 4 PM, FOX called it at 6, even Breitbart had waited until midnight to publish an article about how his loss was a win for the globalists. He gazed, bleary-eyed at the muted telecast. 181 electoral votes. He had done well, all things considered. At least, that's what the pundits would be saying the next morning, and week, and potentially longer. It was better than McCain had done, at least.
It was a windy, cool night in New York, and as Donald walked out onto his balcony in Trump Tower, the city was at its most silent. Earlier in the evening, he had heard sounds of festivities and merriment outside, celebrating the new election. The phones had rang constantly, reporters asking if he would accept the results, until he finally had a staffer unplug them from the wall entirely. His family had stayed to comfort him, but he ignored them, staring stoically as a silent yet animated Karl Rove explained to the reporters on FOX about how it was still too close to call. That was hours ago, and Melania, Ivanka, even Eric had long left. Now he was all alone. He looked down on the city. He hadn't cried when his father died, not even when his mother died. He was tough. But on this night, as he gazed down at the near-lifeless city, a single tear eked out of his eye, ran down his nose, and fell off with a solitary drip. He had truly failed. He made a fool of himself in front of all of america. His supporters were riled up, furious, with boundless impotent rage just waiting for him, their mater, The Donald, to direct them as to where to put it. But he was tired. He had aged more in this last year and a half than he had in the prior 10, it seemed. His legs began to ache, and he leaned heavier on the rail.
He was about to turn back and get some rest, when suddenly there was a noise from the elevator. The bright light was nearly blinding, and as he shielded his eyes and looked away, a figure, just a silhouette against the gilded backdrop of the Trump Tower elevator, began to move towards him.
"Who the hell are you?" he shouted, "Who let you in? I'm not taking guests right now, Leave!"
"Oh, Donald," a familiar voice cooed, "I haven't seen you all evening. You know, I was getting worried about you. We were expecting an announcement, you know" The figure removed its heavy coat, as the elevator door slid shut. It was Hillary.
"Hillary?" Asked Donald, incredulous. "Why are you here? I thought you would be sleeping by now, the race was called hours ago and you have a big morning."
"You know why I'm here, Donald. Our, what's it called? Deal. You know, you're said to be the master of those." She smirked as she began removing her petticoat. the blood drained from Donald's face.
"No, you mean...You weren't serious...You can't make me..." Donald stammered, but was silenced by a light slap on the lips form Hillary's riding crop.
"You know, I had this one special made for you. See?" She turned the whip over and Donald saw that it had a large, embroidered, golden T on it. "I thought you would enjoy it."
"Hillary, there's no way-" He was silenced again, this time more aggressively, by the whip, and recoiled.
"Listen Donald, you agreed months ago to the traditional presidential orgy. I have your signature right here. Now taken off your clothes, be a good horsey!" Hillary demanded. Donald obliged, and began to cry. "Man up, Donald! You're better than this!"
"No I-I'm n-not" Donald cried, through sobs. "I-I-I-I'm-"
"Spit it out!" She cackled, as she struck him on his rear, leaving a welt.
"I'm a failure!" he cried, bawling now.
Clinton smirked, and bent down to cradle his head. "There there, little Donny. You did your best, don't cry too hard. I'm sure your daddy would be very proud of you if he were here. " She motioned toward the elevator, which opened. "But he's not, so I hope that Bill will do!"
The couple forced the blubbering heap that was once the republican presidential candidate onto his back. His shriveled, limp penis was retreated almost entirely into his fupa, but Bill took a firm grip and pulled the head until it was at its full length. He then wrapped it thick with electrical tape. "We'd hate for the fun to end too quickly" Bill jeered raspily. All this stimulation had given Donald a throbbing hardon, and the tape strained to contain his inflating member. The discomfort was apparent on his face, and Hillary chuckled. She was fully naked now. The couple flipped Donald back into a kneeling position, and bound his hands and feet.
"Now tell your daddy what you just told me!" She screamed.
"Oh, I'm such a failure papa! I failed you, I failed mom, I failed in front of the whole country! I-It didn't mean anything to me when I was just losing your money-that was endless it seemed! But now, I've lost all semblance of credibility and honor I ever had!"
Hillary whipped him. "That's enough!" she wailed. "Bill-I mean, Fred, tell your son what you think of him!"
Bill leaned down close to Donald, pausing to watch him whimper. "Son, I am very disappointed in you. As punishment, I want you to do whatever Hillary tells you."
HIllary smiled, and motioned to some men who had entered the room unbeknownst to Donald. They flipped him over suddenly and he was facing the ceiling again. He looked at their faces and nearly vomited. It was Barack Obama and Jeb Bush, both fully naked - and erect.
"Donald, you have been a very bad boy. So now my friends here are going to punish you." She said.
Jeb! and Obama began rubbing their oiled-up cocks all over Donald Trump's face. His tears streamed down as they taunted him. "Who's low energy now, Donny boy?" cried Jeb!
Obama inserted the tip of his penis into Donald's mouth, and he tried to spit it out. But it was no use. 9 inches of hot, hard, Kenyan cock raced up and down his throat. After just a few minutes of this, Donald gagged so hard that the crew began to worry if he was okay. After catching his breath, Hillary sat on his face and had the other men whip Donald on his legs until he started working his mouth on her wrinkly clit just how she liked. She began to moan, and the rest of the democrats plus Jeb! began furiously masturbating.
Finally, she was satisfied. She stood up, hobbled over to a bar stool, and told the boys, "He's all yours. I'm not as nimble as I once was."
The men wasted no time. They raced to see who could cum fastest. Obama shot first, having already been prepped by Donald. His sticky load rand down Donald's cheek and into his eye. Jeb! and Bill were neck and neck: Jeb! had his relative youth, but years of dicking bimbos in and out of the Oval Office had prepared Bill for just this task. They finally shot near-simultaneously, and agreed that it was a tie. Their "reward" was that they got to clean up.
As Bill and Jeb! licked the ejaculate, oil, and spray tan concoction off of donald's beet-red face, Hillary snapped a photo on a disposable camera. "This was better than that time with the Bushes!" She said. "Too bad Pence was a pussy and cancelled on us."
Finally, Hillary walked over and ripped off the tape form Donald's cock. Cum oozed out and he felt immense relief.
Donald was cleaned up and the boys had left. It was just him and Hill. He was no longer crying. She put her hand on his bare thigh. "Donald, you're no failure. I hope you know that. I don't think so anyway." She said.
"Really?"
"Of course! Just look at the size of your rallies, look at how dedicated your fanbase was! And at 70! By God, they don't call you nimble for nothing!"
Donald sniffed characteristically and chuckled. "Ya know, Hill, you're right." He said. "I bet my dad would be real proud."
"Oh, definitely Donald! Don't be so hard on yourself. All that talk was just a part of the act. It's tradition! I didn't mean a word of it. You should've seen what we got Dan Quayle to say!"
Donald sniffed again and put an arm around Hillary. She leaned in and kissed him on the lips, and he returned the motion.
Clinton pulled away slowly, and then whispered into his ear, "I love you, Donald."
He locked eyes with her, and knew he felt the same.
I have to question what sort of terrible ethics someone has to have to trade a sexual favor for political influence. That's like lobbying but the slut version.
Well we may have ended up with a toddler in the White House anyway but I freaking respect you for your sacrifice. You did the sane part of the country good
I was high as balls on Monday, just got back from hotboxing with my new friend and like four random black people. I started taking a shit and it felt so good and natural, and that's when it hit me, this was like the reverse of anal. I started wiping and got a little too into it, and I made sure no one was around the public restroom before I fingered my anus, wishing that I had a big fat cock to pound my bussy at that moment.
78 comments
1 SnapshillBot 2018-05-09
Lmao imagine being so humorless that not only do you not understand certain types of humor, but you actively seek and destroy humor elsewhere that you don't understand. src
Snapshots:
I am a bot. (Info / Contact)
1 highsierracarpeting 2018-05-09
Great find, OP.
/u/antitrumpanal learn what lube is, and fucking use it you amateur dolt.
1 ItsSugar 2018-05-09
Actually believing this
When did you find out you had a "special" number of chromosomes?
1 highsierracarpeting 2018-05-09
I've never had a chromosome measurement done, as I don't have medical insurance and the cost would be too high.
1 JustAThrowaway4563 2018-05-09
imagine thinking lube makes first time anal a pleasant experience, necessarily.
1 grungebot5000 2018-05-09
MORE
1 YameteOniichanItai 2018-05-09
Totally happened
1 highsierracarpeting 2018-05-09
100% my n word. Imagine how retarded you'd have to be to NOT vote for Daddy in the first place. Retarded enough to sell your anus for the cause.
1 pitterpatterwater 2018-05-09
Have you seen t_d? They were pretty much at that level during the elections.
1 highsierracarpeting 2018-05-09
Yeah but they all did the right thing.
1 lordtyp0 2018-05-09
Followed their loved ones to the Haley Bop ship?
1 ItsSugar 2018-05-09
Did I missed their Jonestown?
1 KittehDragoon 2018-05-09
The sub shutdown for like 36 hours a while back. Don't you remember?
So no, you didn't, because they couldn't even do that properly.
1 TRANSPHOBOS 2018-05-09
TRANSPHOBOS APPROVES OF THE WEST'S GOLDEN HERO
1 Wraith_GraveSpell 2018-05-09
Your meme account fucking sucks
1 TRANSPHOBOS 2018-05-09
THE CATAMITE SUCKS AND FUCKS IN HADES
1 snitzl 2018-05-09
Full of shit, you are.
1 Power_Incarnate 2018-05-09
Even if it did dude probably still voted for Trump anyways.
1 VidiotGamer 2018-05-09
OP probably posting his fanfiction again with an alt account.
1 grungebot5000 2018-05-09
it makes too much sense NOT to be true
1 bareballzthebitch 2018-05-09
Did he even live in a swing state though?
1 OnlyRacistOnReddit 2018-05-09
I'm guessing California, Oregon, or Washington.
1 rationalhuckleberry 2018-05-09
1) yeh that happened
2) bet money he still went and voted for Daddy after grabbing that ho by the pussy.
1 ffbtaw 2018-05-09
I might believe it if OP is a dude.
1 h8speech 2018-05-09
Nah, OP is a chick.
OP says that it was their first time having anal sex, but that they had previously had sex with that particular friend. So obviously there are holes to choose from
1 ffbtaw 2018-05-09
Oral? Plenty of gay men just have oral sex and anal is a rarity if it ever happens, and lots of people refer to oral as just sex.
1 h8speech 2018-05-09
Maybe our social circles are different like that, my friends and associates distinguish oral from other sex.
But anyway there are a lot more straight women than gay men in the world so OP is still probably female.
1 ffbtaw 2018-05-09
Personally I do too, I just know a fair number of people that don't.
1 grungebot5000 2018-05-09
OP is posted on reddit though
home of the mascu-gays
1 Awayfone 2018-05-09
Totes masc
1 bG9sIG5pY2UgdHJ5Cg 2018-05-09
Sounds like you've never been earfucked
1 the-chinese 2018-05-09
Don’t be such a misogynist. Listen and believe dude.
1 Tetragrade 2018-05-09
Absolutely not a retarded false flag, this is definitely real people.
1 CocoNutsOn 2018-05-09
Swinging votes using the back door... nowt new eh.
1 LeFabulousFaggot 2018-05-09
Jokes on her, I put in an absentee ballot before Election Day.
1 Senator_Chickpea 2018-05-09
You know he's gonna demand a blumpkin in 2020, right?
1 htmlcoderexe 2018-05-09
Nope, a rusty trombone.
1 grungebot5000 2018-05-09
blumpfkin*
1 grungebot5000 2018-05-09
blumpfuckin’*
1 Chicup 2018-05-09
While, sure that didn't happen, its fucking brilliant, if you are a 20 something who knows where hipster types hang out in a major metro.
2019, talk about how while you really hated Trump, are wonder if he really was that bad. She'll go off on some brain dead /r/pizzshill speech about Russian baby snatchers and the still on going Muller probe or whatever they are trying to pin on him by then. So then you bring up, "maybe its just because I feel so disconnected since my GF and I broke up, I just miss the closeness and I can't seem to feel my sensitive side, maybe if I can find that connection with a woman again... "
1 sevgee 2018-05-09
Lay off the fentanyl Cletus, it's affecting your coherence.
1 snitzl 2018-05-09
No, encourage his liberal, hipster ass to take more. That way the problem takes care of itself with these piece of shit, millenial know it all dumbfucks
1 pitterpatterwater 2018-05-09
He's referring to /u/Chicup being a milko.
1 SWIMsfriend 2018-05-09
fuck off this makes too much sense for it not to work
1 pitterpatterwater 2018-05-09
Nigga stop posting your incel fantasies here.
1 AndrewJackingJihad 2018-05-09
This turns me on
1 snitzl 2018-05-09
Fucking deviant degenerate
1 Keep_Yourself_Safe 2018-05-09
> Posts in TD, LabiaGW and CringeAnarchy
> Calls someone else a degenerate
1 pitterpatterwater 2018-05-09
What is this degeneracy?
1 mmzznnxx 2018-05-09
It's not real, but I had to laugh at this comment:
Yep, he totally supported Trump because he knew the OP would offer up her pooper. And totally his fault for OP offering it up.
1 TRANSPHOBOS 2018-05-09
TRANSPHOBOS DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR PREFERRED PRONOUNS
1 snitzl 2018-05-09
Trans people are mentally ill and don’t have a say in this. Or anything else. Literally nobody gives a shit what those fucked up people think.
1 grungebot5000 2018-05-09
it’s the good kind of mental illness though, like what Beethoven had. or John Lennon, if you like wifebeaters
1 pitterpatterwater 2018-05-09
1 michgot 2018-05-09
kill trans
1 rightwingnutcase 2018-05-09
Butthole mastery is an important component to anarchist philosophy. I approve.
1 westofthetracks 2018-05-09
i dont care that this didnt actually happen, im still gonna jerk off thinking about it
1 Capital_Rope 2018-05-09
That's pretty hot.
1 TaylorSwiftOfRdrama 2018-05-09
There's a joke in there somewhere about getting fucked regardless
1 imissyouseattle 2018-05-09
Donald hung his head. It was November 9th, 2 AM. The last of the votes had been counted, but everybody else in the campaign had known for hours what was coming, and gone home. CNN called the election at 4 PM, FOX called it at 6, even Breitbart had waited until midnight to publish an article about how his loss was a win for the globalists. He gazed, bleary-eyed at the muted telecast. 181 electoral votes. He had done well, all things considered. At least, that's what the pundits would be saying the next morning, and week, and potentially longer. It was better than McCain had done, at least.
It was a windy, cool night in New York, and as Donald walked out onto his balcony in Trump Tower, the city was at its most silent. Earlier in the evening, he had heard sounds of festivities and merriment outside, celebrating the new election. The phones had rang constantly, reporters asking if he would accept the results, until he finally had a staffer unplug them from the wall entirely. His family had stayed to comfort him, but he ignored them, staring stoically as a silent yet animated Karl Rove explained to the reporters on FOX about how it was still too close to call. That was hours ago, and Melania, Ivanka, even Eric had long left. Now he was all alone. He looked down on the city. He hadn't cried when his father died, not even when his mother died. He was tough. But on this night, as he gazed down at the near-lifeless city, a single tear eked out of his eye, ran down his nose, and fell off with a solitary drip. He had truly failed. He made a fool of himself in front of all of america. His supporters were riled up, furious, with boundless impotent rage just waiting for him, their mater, The Donald, to direct them as to where to put it. But he was tired. He had aged more in this last year and a half than he had in the prior 10, it seemed. His legs began to ache, and he leaned heavier on the rail.
He was about to turn back and get some rest, when suddenly there was a noise from the elevator. The bright light was nearly blinding, and as he shielded his eyes and looked away, a figure, just a silhouette against the gilded backdrop of the Trump Tower elevator, began to move towards him.
"Who the hell are you?" he shouted, "Who let you in? I'm not taking guests right now, Leave!"
"Oh, Donald," a familiar voice cooed, "I haven't seen you all evening. You know, I was getting worried about you. We were expecting an announcement, you know" The figure removed its heavy coat, as the elevator door slid shut. It was Hillary.
"Hillary?" Asked Donald, incredulous. "Why are you here? I thought you would be sleeping by now, the race was called hours ago and you have a big morning."
"You know why I'm here, Donald. Our, what's it called? Deal. You know, you're said to be the master of those." She smirked as she began removing her petticoat. the blood drained from Donald's face.
"No, you mean...You weren't serious...You can't make me..." Donald stammered, but was silenced by a light slap on the lips form Hillary's riding crop.
"You know, I had this one special made for you. See?" She turned the whip over and Donald saw that it had a large, embroidered, golden T on it. "I thought you would enjoy it."
"Hillary, there's no way-" He was silenced again, this time more aggressively, by the whip, and recoiled.
"Listen Donald, you agreed months ago to the traditional presidential orgy. I have your signature right here. Now taken off your clothes, be a good horsey!" Hillary demanded. Donald obliged, and began to cry. "Man up, Donald! You're better than this!"
"No I-I'm n-not" Donald cried, through sobs. "I-I-I-I'm-"
"Spit it out!" She cackled, as she struck him on his rear, leaving a welt.
"I'm a failure!" he cried, bawling now.
Clinton smirked, and bent down to cradle his head. "There there, little Donny. You did your best, don't cry too hard. I'm sure your daddy would be very proud of you if he were here. " She motioned toward the elevator, which opened. "But he's not, so I hope that Bill will do!"
The couple forced the blubbering heap that was once the republican presidential candidate onto his back. His shriveled, limp penis was retreated almost entirely into his fupa, but Bill took a firm grip and pulled the head until it was at its full length. He then wrapped it thick with electrical tape. "We'd hate for the fun to end too quickly" Bill jeered raspily. All this stimulation had given Donald a throbbing hardon, and the tape strained to contain his inflating member. The discomfort was apparent on his face, and Hillary chuckled. She was fully naked now. The couple flipped Donald back into a kneeling position, and bound his hands and feet.
"Now tell your daddy what you just told me!" She screamed.
"Oh, I'm such a failure papa! I failed you, I failed mom, I failed in front of the whole country! I-It didn't mean anything to me when I was just losing your money-that was endless it seemed! But now, I've lost all semblance of credibility and honor I ever had!"
Hillary whipped him. "That's enough!" she wailed. "Bill-I mean, Fred, tell your son what you think of him!"
Bill leaned down close to Donald, pausing to watch him whimper. "Son, I am very disappointed in you. As punishment, I want you to do whatever Hillary tells you."
HIllary smiled, and motioned to some men who had entered the room unbeknownst to Donald. They flipped him over suddenly and he was facing the ceiling again. He looked at their faces and nearly vomited. It was Barack Obama and Jeb Bush, both fully naked - and erect.
"Donald, you have been a very bad boy. So now my friends here are going to punish you." She said.
Jeb! and Obama began rubbing their oiled-up cocks all over Donald Trump's face. His tears streamed down as they taunted him. "Who's low energy now, Donny boy?" cried Jeb!
Obama inserted the tip of his penis into Donald's mouth, and he tried to spit it out. But it was no use. 9 inches of hot, hard, Kenyan cock raced up and down his throat. After just a few minutes of this, Donald gagged so hard that the crew began to worry if he was okay. After catching his breath, Hillary sat on his face and had the other men whip Donald on his legs until he started working his mouth on her wrinkly clit just how she liked. She began to moan, and the rest of the democrats plus Jeb! began furiously masturbating.
Finally, she was satisfied. She stood up, hobbled over to a bar stool, and told the boys, "He's all yours. I'm not as nimble as I once was."
The men wasted no time. They raced to see who could cum fastest. Obama shot first, having already been prepped by Donald. His sticky load rand down Donald's cheek and into his eye. Jeb! and Bill were neck and neck: Jeb! had his relative youth, but years of dicking bimbos in and out of the Oval Office had prepared Bill for just this task. They finally shot near-simultaneously, and agreed that it was a tie. Their "reward" was that they got to clean up.
As Bill and Jeb! licked the ejaculate, oil, and spray tan concoction off of donald's beet-red face, Hillary snapped a photo on a disposable camera. "This was better than that time with the Bushes!" She said. "Too bad Pence was a pussy and cancelled on us."
Finally, Hillary walked over and ripped off the tape form Donald's cock. Cum oozed out and he felt immense relief.
Donald was cleaned up and the boys had left. It was just him and Hill. He was no longer crying. She put her hand on his bare thigh. "Donald, you're no failure. I hope you know that. I don't think so anyway." She said.
"Really?"
"Of course! Just look at the size of your rallies, look at how dedicated your fanbase was! And at 70! By God, they don't call you nimble for nothing!"
Donald sniffed characteristically and chuckled. "Ya know, Hill, you're right." He said. "I bet my dad would be real proud."
"Oh, definitely Donald! Don't be so hard on yourself. All that talk was just a part of the act. It's tradition! I didn't mean a word of it. You should've seen what we got Dan Quayle to say!"
Donald sniffed again and put an arm around Hillary. She leaned in and kissed him on the lips, and he returned the motion.
Clinton pulled away slowly, and then whispered into his ear, "I love you, Donald."
He locked eyes with her, and knew he felt the same.
1 WhoaItsAFactorial 2018-05-09
70! = 1.1978571669969892e+100
1 BasicallyADoctor 2018-05-09
I wrote this
1 imissyouseattle 2018-05-09
Well done.
1 ComedicSans 2018-05-09
Arousing.
1 the-chinese 2018-05-09
This is just wrong. She should have deescalated the situation with a series of strategic blowjobs before triggering the anal option.
1 respaaaaaj 2018-05-09
So uhh does it clarify if the OP was a dude or a chick? I need these details to get off to this fan fic.
1 TransexualWiener 2018-05-09
i'm imaging them as a hot futa with a 13 inch vascular cock. that's all i jerk off to these days so i have to have that visual if i'm going to cum.
actually, they are both futa in my imagination.
1 snitzl 2018-05-09
Any dude receiving anal sex isn’t someone that would vote for trump anyway. What a bunch of disgusting queers you people are.
1 pitterpatterwater 2018-05-09
You have to go back.
1 cuteman 2018-05-09
So she's a prostitute... How's her business since back page shut down?
1 automatic_chuck 2018-05-09
/u/antitrumpanal LOL GAY
1 futurologyisntscienc 2018-05-09
This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever.
1 Sentient_Atom 2018-05-09
I have to question what sort of terrible ethics someone has to have to trade a sexual favor for political influence. That's like lobbying but the slut version.
1 pitterpatterwater 2018-05-09
It's about ethics in political prostitution.
1 ticktockwarrior 2018-05-09
this sounds like a good idea. i too will use my bussy to lure people to my desired political outcoome
1 Jimbo_B_Beterson 2018-05-09
/u/maddylikessoccerr are you serious, or trying to make the OP feel better?
1 Rambo1stBlood 2018-05-09
Did anyone say "Fart of the Deal" yet? I am not saying they should, i am just asking if they did.
1 loli_esports 2018-05-09
Reply to me if you’ll be my gf for votes
1 n_o_o_d_l_e_s 2018-05-09
I was high as balls on Monday, just got back from hotboxing with my new friend and like four random black people. I started taking a shit and it felt so good and natural, and that's when it hit me, this was like the reverse of anal. I started wiping and got a little too into it, and I made sure no one was around the public restroom before I fingered my anus, wishing that I had a big fat cock to pound my bussy at that moment.
1 Awayfone 2018-05-09
Cool story, dude
1 n_o_o_d_l_e_s 2018-05-09
a/s/l?