I can take a 9-inch dildo up my butt, because I'm an adult and I solve my own problems

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Pretty funny considering they also launched Patriothole like a year ago which is the exact opposite.

Holy shit this is amazing

https://resistancehole.clickhole.com/absolutely-perfect-the-san-diego-zoo-just-totally-stuc-1825123091

USA is Russia's bitch!

It reads like the Protocols of Zion with "Jews" swapped out for "Russians".

So just your typical blogger post, then?

that's because it is

why are clickhole and resistancehole so funny while the onion itself is not

Eh the onion is about on par with clickhole. Resistancehole on the other hand appears to be something above and beyond.

it’s exceptional and not just because they’re mocking sacred cows

I like Clickhole. Resistancehole is better tho.

Because you like it when they make fun of people you disagree with but not when they make fun of people you like.

ehhh like this made me laugh but who disagrees with women who pee after sex to avoid utis

https://www.clickhole.com/into-darkness-this-modern-day-explorer-traversed-some-1825783196

it took a big downturn after univision bought it, im pretty sure they offloaded a bunch of gawker writers on it

ahh that makes sense

This is the same thing that Alex Jones did, "hahaha of course I'm a Russian pawn." The Russians are the only ones I know who make their assets prove themselves like that.

Analyst for governments.

Riiiiiiiight.

(((governments)))

Do you think he has access to the dimension where they hide the children?

Is that the pizza factory or Q's lair? I'm really confused on where the dimensional gate is hidden.

Q is a FBI plant, and it's actually calzones not pizza. Get W O K E

The fact that what was one of Clintons top financial supporters controls the onion makes this even better

https://theintercept.com/2016/01/26/ha-ha-hillary-clintons-top-financial-supporter-now-controls-the-onion/

Univision too

So in order to mess with U.S. politics, Russia invested into a satirical news site?

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Boris and Natasha are 4D Chess Masterminds and they're playing the long game, comrade.

Not to mention that the Russian who bought the Onion was actually one of Hilldog's top donors.

Among every ideology there is some unfalsifiable conspiracy theory that lays blame upon a shadowy group of people: with conservative people it's usually globalists or The Deep State, with feminists it's the patriarchy, BLM has white supremacy, the alt-right has Jews, but I never thought mainstream Democrats would be rehashing the Red Scare.

What is it for centrists?

"Extremists of any stripe"

Yeah, fuck those guys.

(((Miracle Whip)))

Jewish miracle whip is just mayonnaise

Russians.

That's democrats.

Yes, mainstream Democrats are centrists.

2018's democrats are basically 50s republicans who have wised up and now use black folk as a shield instead of a target

Doesn't someone close to Clinton own the onion or something? I remember everyone bitching that they were going to make TheOnion pro democrat or something.

I think the guy that did the Power Rangers shows bought it a few years back, and he's a yuuuuuuuuuuuge Hillary supporter.

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too—big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!

What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife—even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But, believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things, but it's all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, chest, and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures—like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

eric garland unironically might have the worst case of brain worms on twitter

i dunno man louise mensch exists

im still not entirely convinced louise mensch isnt pulling some kind of incredibly autistic long con, whereas i know garland lacks the imagination to attempt such a thing

i read a thing that speculated about her being a disinfo agent on behalf of her old conservative buddies but its hard to tell because shes pretty crazy either way

Does this guy really think every Russian with money is some sort of FSB front?

This is /u/The_Reason_Trump_won/

!Trump, a guy who knows fuck all about politics won because his opponent was full of herself to the point when she don't make effort to won (i'm not downplaying role of russian trolls tho, surely they convinced some people to pure pizzagate-tier hatred to Clinton)!<

<!so that's how you spoilers!>

Post >!G!<ussy

Trump, a guy who knows fuck all about politics won because his opponent was full of herself to the point when she don't make effort to won

True. Netherless the issue is that foreign country can influence election via internet trolls.

This time burger had the chance to get trump who even if he were actually on russian payroll wouldn't be stable enough to actually do anything for them. But for a next election, it is worrying for burgers, as I am sure people don't want to vote for either china candidate or SA one.

Netherless the issue is that foreign country can influence election via internet trolls.

The issue is that Americans can't read.

The issue with american is their lack of dedication to the mayocide.

True.

True. Netherless the issue is that foreign country can influence election via internet trolls.

dont worry about israel or the saudis though, only russia

SA is saudi arabia fam.

And israel don't really need internet troll for to get their candidate in burgerland. :^)

thats what gets me about all this russia stuff tbh, even if they were doing their worst its hardly going to counteract the other countries influence

If you are forced to eat shit, having more people shit on you is not okay.

but youre hardly going to point at one of the tens of people shitting and be like "that particular dude is shitting wth get him and him only out of here"

youd be like "boy thats a lot of shit lets get rid of all the shit"

unless you secretly liked and wanted the other people to keep shitting

I mean, pointing out at the new shitters and new way of shitting seem like a sensible idea to me. Easier to have them be thrown out. Then you continue.

what if its one of the other countries already doing it thats heading up the effort to root out russia, because theyre scared of competition

If it were, there would be more bi partisan support.

unless that same group happened to own all the media and had bribed every single congressman of course, but what are the odds of that

If it were the case, there would be more bi partisan support once again.

The Russian thing is just the lefts version of "da jooz"

Garland was unironically claiming Kanye is a Kremlin agent because apparently Kanye met with a Russian fashion designer a couple of days after Trump was elected.

He actually posted on Twitter a few months back about how the police paid him a visit to do a wellness check, the implication being that his friends or family or neighbors thought he was mentally ill and at risk of hurting himself, and used that to claim Russia was setting him up by having the police plant evidence somewhere in his home.

game theory

I have no patience to wade through his timeline, so can anyone tell me what's his take on Trump pulling out of the Iran Deal? Also, what's Louise Mensch's?

Someone please explain the difference between the Russians, the Jews and the Illuminati?

Are they all one and the same person?