Listen up motherfuckers, because this is no ordinary pussy. This pussy is the fucking shit. This pussy bleeds black gold and pisses pure liquid heroin. This pussy queefs helium, in baritone.

This pussy does not fuck around, this pussy fucks around. You could fuck this pussy with a nuclear warhead, 5 minutes later it would snap back tighter than a vice grip. Detonate that same nuclear warhead inside of this pussy, and watch this pussy produce a pussy mushroom cloud.

If you felt this pussy it would feel softer than silk, if you ate this pussy it’d be sweeter than the blackest berry, and if you fucked this pussy it'd be rawer than shit.

You cannot refute this pussy’s greatness, because this pussy defines greatness. This pussy took a picture with Chuck Norris, and everyone who saw it thought he looked like a fucking cunt.

This pussy relocated the 7th layer of Hell to a Whole Foods, in Portland, Oregon.

Holy fuck, does my pussy rule.

This pussy gets fucked in other dimensions. And this pussy learned interdimensional travel by face fucking the answer out of God himself. God did not create this pussy, this pussy created God. God is this pussy’s bitch. This pussy made Buddha a warmonger. This pussy puts images of Muhammad all over the world, and nobody ever says shit, because this pussy made all the threats. This pussy crucified Jesus and took his place three days later. This pussy framed the Jews. This pussy made atheism trendy. This pussy gave Vishnu four arms just so he could finger fuck the shit out of it.

This pussy is Chaos. No order comes from chaos, unless this pussy says so.

This pussy has a logical answer to every paradox.

When this pussy gets crossed, parallel lines collide.

This pussy is the reason abortion exists. This pussy is the reason abortions fail. This pussy has had its tubes tied.

After this pussy anally raped your pro-life dad, he got pregnant. This pussy took your dad to the top of the Eiffel Tower and pushed him down the stairs. This pussy put your mom on the fucking street corner. This pussy pimp slapped every other pimp in the vicinity to death and ran the game. This pussy taught Iceberg Slim everything he knows, and this pussy ghost wrote Pimp: The Story of My Life.

This pussy only listens to old school gangster rap. This pussy is the only one who truly doesn’t give a fuck. This pussy killed Tupac. This pussy fucked his corpse because this pussy is a necrophiliac. This pussy is an Outkast. This pussy spun every track on The Chronic. This pussy was adding the suffix –izzle to words, when Snoop Dogg was shitting in diapers. This pussy gave Eazy-E AIDS. This pussy made Ice Cube sellout. This pussy has no idea what the fuck MC Ren is up to. This pussy got Ice-T into metal and formed Body Count. This pussy wrote Cop Killer. This pussy is the only reason the Beastie Boys never sold out. This pussy is the real Public Enemy. This pussy fought the Wu-Tang Clan. This pussy sewed Method Man’s asshole closed and just kept feeding him, and feeding him, and feeding him…

If you're from Mars, and you have a pussy, you're pussy still ain't shit

This pussy convinced Hillary Clinton to set up the private e-mail server. Just to stir the pot, this pussy convinced Donald Trump to run for president. This pussy gave Bernie Sanders his first erection ever since this pussy faked the moon landing. This pussy made him feel the burn of blue balls. This pussy is the Zodiac Killer.

This pussy is like a mad dog, running through the flames of this Earth.

This pussy could go on for eternity, but this pussy has shit to do.

This pussy is out. Go fuck yourselves.