Dadrock sacred cow Maynard James Keenan

I love you for this

I was raging at the title initially but then realized Tool fans have probably reproduced unfortunately.

So I actually saw him perform a while ago when a friend had an extra ticket. I'll give him points for the entertaining stage show, but his fans are the most unfortunate bridge & tunnel, I have kids but never moved out of mom's you've ever seen.

Bridge and tunnel?

urban-adjacent trashy mayos

^

raging at the title

Me too, just a little.

I can totally believe this one he's a known asshole

I know nothing about him other than I watched some doc about him making wine and he was an incredibly self-aggrandizing pud. There was also an actress that was in a band with him that he was acting really creepy toward. As a woman, it gave me major creep out and I felt anxious for that actress because she seemed genuinely uncomfortable but was trying to play it cool.

There was also an actress that was in a band with him

Mia Jokavich

Mia Jokavich

"actress"

It's funny how the sex-addicted old rock star seems to have a better handle on consent than male feminists.

Most of those stories just seem like jelly men and women mad that is constantly surrounded by groupies.

Granted it's completely possible he assaulted someone but calling someone getting free sex from groupie slags skeevy is just bitterness.

yeah but 17? i dont think is illegal anywhere

It's illegal in some states. Most have the age of consent at 16 or 17 though.

Tool sucks. Its music for dumb people who think they are smart.

ur dumb and not smart

Hey did u know that song sounds like really scary German, but *snicker*, it's akshuly a cookie recipe! NO EGGS LOL

To be fair you have to have a really high IQ and safe form of suburban rebellion to reminisce about. Do high schools have that nerdy Tool kid now like there's that nerdy Pink Floyd kid?

Pink Floyd is actually good tho, very good.

Especially the Syd Barrett years. But most schools had that weird kid that wore nothing but the same five Floyd tees

I knew that dude in my high school. Fuck that guy, he was banging all the cute emo and rocker girls. Who the fuck does he think he is that asshole, you are supposed to be a nerd you lucky prick. Fuck you Robert and fuck your vinyl collection. I don't give a shit about your acoustic guitar and no you can't play I Wish You Were Here with any sense of rhythm or skill, despite what that cute timid girl with a naruto t shirt tells you. I didn't even like those emo and rocker girls anyway. I didn't even like that dumb naruto t shirt girl anyway. You can bang all of them, i dont give a shit. Im not jealous, i got my own thing going on, i got tons of chicks waiting for me bro. You are dumb that naruto shirt chick anyway and then shes come running to me, cause you are an asshole Robert. Fuck Robert, and you know what fuck Pink Floyd too, they are overrated anyway.

Your school got the wrong model. The one in my HS was just autistic and really into drumming. If there's still a video store left on this earth, he works there.

But not you. You work at Yogurt Story like a respectable human being.

I don't know what Yogurt Story is, but it sounds delicious!

Couldn’t think of any Frozen Yogurt joints so I made it up tbh

gamers rise up

Syd was the man!

I could go the rest of my life without hearing another Pink Floyd song and be totes happy. Yet another thing ruined by stoner culture.

Tru.

Dark Side of the Moon is black back up singers making child birthing noises over out-of-tune saxophones for 3 hours.

It's that real?

Unfortunately

Like ugh.

gross. creepy.

yeah i know that one

Everyone who downvotes you is an idiot.

Edgy

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Tool. The lyrics are extremely complex and without a solid grasp of the Fibonacci sequence most of the words will go over a typical listener's head. There's also Tool's uncommon time signatures which is deftly woven into their characterization - Maynard's personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these songs, to realize that they're not just music- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Tool truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Maynard's famous song "Hooker With A Penis, " which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Maynard James Keenan's genius unfolds itself on their record players. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have an Ænima tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

[NSFW]The Kiss pass, fuggin glorious

I have the Playboy with the Kiss girls spread. Those guys pulled some serious ass in the day, mad respect.

(((Those guys)))

While your post is full of autism, your title game is on point.

+1 bussycoin

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I think what really bothers people is that women want to sleep with famous people but not redditors.

Anyone who uses the words "gross" or "skeevy" to describe fucking groupies is peanut butter and jealous.

Ewww numeral.

Lol they aren’t numetal. They’ve been around since 1992.

What would be the point of making A Perfect Circle-type music if it's not to lure 17-year old girls into your van?

Damn, Maynard got metoo'd as well? I just hope they never come for Varg, i want him to remain pure and innocent in my eyes.

I'm going to burn down your pussy like I burned down that church.

I mean murder is one thing, but sexual harrassment is just too far

Fear not, there isn't a doubt in my mind that /u/vargas is a completely normal person.

I've got some surprises in me.

I hope you understand by now that Maynard does not and will not meet normal Tool fans. Never. Has he appeared at any of the Tool clinics? No. Has he ever appeared at any of the APC VIP events? No. I only met him once backstage and he was not thrilled with my concert total. Actually told me that I shouldn't see them that many times.

lmao

to be fair, nobody wants to meet Tool fans

Most people don’t want to meet Tool either.

oh no i completely empathize with maynard (never thought id be saying that), im just delighted to discover that even tool hates tool fans

Tool's been hating Tool fans since at least 1996. The song Hooker with a Penis is Maynard bitching about his fanbase.

That hatred has only deepened after they took 10 years off after the last album and people were constantly bitching about it.

Lol Jesus Christ Tool fans are terrible.

Saw them in Glasgow and Dublin back around then, Glasgow in the summer and Dublin in the Autumn - saw the exact same story that's being mentioned play out with a spectacularly hot girl who was staying at our hotel. She got picked up at the Glasgow gig by someone who offered her backstage passes - she ended up being transported around Europe all summer, during that tour, to fly out and fuck whoever it was she was fucking, then they dumped her in Dublin - not that she was complaining. She had a great time by the sounds of it.

Manyard is what happens when /r/Atheism, /r/Im14AndThisIsDeep, and /r/ChapoTrapHouse have a baby. I've fucking had a distaste for this fuck for the longest, and I'm glad my shade-throwing produced delicious mushrooms.

Maynard

That new album should be ready any day now.

MJK confirmed it's coming out next year. Anyway if this is true, it wouldn't be a shock

Serves him right for making the new APC album terrible.

I also didnt really like the new one, the old 2 are still fantastic though and emotive has also some nice songs on it.

MFW

People are still taking about the metoo movement?

Tool is pretentious nu-metal not dadrock. Ironically, all the true Dadrock sacred cows (Everyone in Led Zeppelin, everyone in the Eagles, Jim Morrison, KISS, all those shitty hair metal and power metal bands etc., etc.) all fucked underaged girls on the reg and then all died before anyone bothered to give a shit about it. If your mom went to concerts any time between like 1965 and 1980 there is a 100% chance Gene Simmons jizzed on her titties.

Every time I read a "well, he never said anything mean, never threatened me, and I forgot to tell him I didn't want to have sex...but I was completely paralyzed" story, I really want to ban women from leaving their houses without a male family member serving as escort.

If you're really that fragile, you need to be stripped of all adult privileges and responsibilities.