No u

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You probably don't get bussy because you're the type of guy who fucking nails his dick to a board

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MY SON JAKE, who’s 25, eats mayo. He’s a practical young man who works in computers and adores macaroni salad. He’s a good son. I also have a daughter. She was a women’s and gender studies major in college. Naturally, she loathes mayonnaise.

This can't be real.

Well now I have to support gender studies...thanks Jake's sister

Live footage of Jake

STEMlords BTFO

eating mayo to own the libs

What if I like chipotle mayo? It sounds hispanic

Damn I was seconds away from posting this article.

Anyway here are my favorite parts.

While I wasn’t watching, mayo’s day had come and gone. It’s too basic for contemporary tastes — pale and insipid and not nearly exotic enough for our era of globalization. Good ol’ mayo has become the Taylor Swift of condiments.

But what young people really, really love to hate on is mayonnaise. Back in 2013, BuzzFeed ran an article titled “24 Reasons Mayonnaise Is the Devil’s Condiment.” (The writer called it “slime of Satan.”) Just three years later, BuzzFeed ran another piece, “23 Things You’ll Only Understand If You Fucking Hate Mayo.” By a different author. There was no overlap.

MY SON JAKE, who’s 25, eats mayo. He’s a practical young man who works in computers and adores macaroni salad. He’s a good son. I also have a daughter. She was a women’s and gender studies major in college. Naturally, she loathes mayonnaise.

This lady wrote a dissertation on the decline of mayonnaise and still managed to include a paragraph saying her son is the favorite child lmao

Good ol’ mayo has become the Taylor Swift of condiments.

It's an r/drama implosion

TIL I'm Jake

I'm Jake's hearty love for mayonnaise.

We are all Jake. Who doesn't love macaroni salad? Nazis, and probably women's studies majors.

I don't, I also only like a very specific kind of potato salad.

I just got back from eating potato salad.

Jake the snake 😎

mayo is bad. proof: buzzfeed articles!

I have never been anywhere where deviled eggs, properly prepared, weren’t one of the if not the first thing to go. Chicken salad sales like crazy, they even offer it at Greek restaurants like Taziki’s. Most Europeans dip their damn fries in it.

It’s too basic for contemporary tastes — pale and insipid and not nearly exotic enough for our era of globalization

Damn millennials inventing the spice trade.

It’s too basic for contemporary tastes — pale and insipid and not nearly exotic enough for our era of globalization. Good ol’ mayo has become the Taylor Swift of condiments.

Wtf RUDE

What if you're a "raging" feminist and staunch LGBT advocate but also a software engineer?

Am I an amalgamation of her two children?

This is so dumb that I might actually read the article for once.

Also, I regularly eat mayonnaise, particularly with fries. Always thought it's weird how people signal their... urbane-ness(?) by saying they hate that particular condiment.

Always thought it's weird how people signal their... urbane-ness(?) by saying they hate that particular condiment.

Everything is an identity signal now. Kill me, daddy.

Liking mayonnaise is basically a dog whistle for being alt-right. You have been made head of Identity Europa. Here's your armband.

Hope that's an XXL armband, because my biceps are enormous from consuming nutrient rich mayo, much like the men of the greatest generation.

>Not having onion gains

I grew up in the backwoods of Mississippi and I always hated mayonnaise.

Weirdly I've found I don't hate flavored mayonnaise. Like spicy mayonnaise tends to be pretty good. But if I made a sandwich and put mayo on it, literally I would wretch. I prefer any other kind of fat, literally I'll just pour olive oil on the sandwich rather than use mayo.

literally I'll just pour olive oil on the sandwich rather than use mayo

Disgusting dago detected

Worse, Irish

Mayonnaise is the most American of all foods, incredibly basic and literally just fat. Change my mind.

Ketchup, sweaty

Which is a bastardization of a Asian fish sauce.

Lol no

Egg and vinegar, loser.

1. mayo is just called aioli now

2. i just threw up in my mouth when they mentioned macaroni salad

Aioli has garlic and lemon in it. It's nice but some times you just want some egg yolk and oil on your chips/samich

hipster restaurants just rename mayo to aioli to make it sound fancy

if you look at the writer's twitter you can see a bunch of millenials crying because grandma called them out

Millennial fragility, smdh

Twitter was a mistake

This is satire right?

Philadelphia Magazine is made by, and for, wealthy white suburbanites who tremble at the thought of actually entering city limits.

Why is fucking mayonnaise an identity issue for Americans anyway, I wouldn't even particularly associate it with Americans either like the article does

I'm American and don't really get it either but oh well

Trust me it's just a slow news day and they had some crazy boomer shit out some article for easy controversy.

It's entirely manufactured.

Because of the movie undercover brother.

Mayonnaise was a favorite amongst plantation owners. It’s a big symbol for the oppression of black people to this day. It’s also white.

Just rename Mayonaise as "Aoli" and it'll fly off the shelves along with avocado toast.

Kewpie or nothing.

Japanese mayo is good just not on pizza

I like mayo 👍

she even rambles for a paragraph about how the darn millennials dont eat her favorite restaurants, red lobster and applebees

The nerve of millennials for not wanting to pay $20 for a microwaved steak.

slap some ketchup on that and serve with fries blasted in salt it's a great boomer meal

If I wanted to eat seafood, literally anywhere will give you better crab than red lobster.

But do they have lobster and waffles? Checkmate

For a demographic that idolizes the free market, boomers sure do seem to hate whenever it works perfectly.

My spouse is from Mexico, her sister and her family came up to stay with us for a week in Toronto the other week. Great people, nice family.

I made deep fried hot dogs (try it if you haven't, they're the shit), and these motherfuckers put goddamned mayo on them.

ctrl+f "mayocide"

y'all

vinegar-based potato salad has always been superior tho

identity condiments

Um, excuse me. I fucking love mayonnaise. Plenty of people my age like it as well. What is this bitch on about? What a psycho.

that write seems to want to say something else but cant. I sense some alt-right in there. if it was mearly about mayo I think the article would flow differently.

Let's make up some shit.

Then write an article about it.

Endless source.

I didn't realize the mayocide would be literal.

https://twitter.com/jessesingal/status/1029403494065860608

"My son Jake, who is 25, is a big strong muscly boy who eats mayonnaise like Americans. My daughter, whose name disgusts me, hates mayonnaise almost as much as she hates America. She studied advanced lesbianism in college and every tuition bill was like a punch in my stomach."

Other news outlets have discovered this outlandish article: https://junkee.com/mayonnaise-killed-millennials/171425