Avoid parenthetical insults—they just diminish your authority. Throughout the post, you're best points seem to be lost in a sea of self-aggrandizement and scattershot thinking
Definitely talk to your wife about adding a third person for your wedding night. It makes the night super special and you bond over a shared experience. If she's not down you can always ask her to blast your butthole. Also a close bonding experience
It worked like a charm for my and my wife’s special day. The bull was especially surprised when I started blasting his ass while he was going to town on my wife. My wife was a sexy matadora, and the bull was, well, a bull, but little did they expect that I would be the picador ;)
Never go to bed red-hot angry. Talk it out so at least you both calm down. Be mad, but know it'll pass.
Wedding day: include your parents and her parents. Pictures, toasts, etc. This is a special moment, share it. They raised you both and assuming you have healthy relationships with them, it doens't hurt to include them.
Make sure no one is surprise proposing. One person at my wedding was planning on it, my best man and a groomsman dealt with that. I found out afterward that they allegedly told him if he so much as twitched for a proposal, it would be, "get down Mr. President," and he'd be under a couple bros (his plan was to pop the question AS THE BRIDESMAIDS WERE GOING DOWN THE AISLE. DUMBASS.). KNOW WHO ARE YOUR LIKELY IDIOTS AND BE AWARE OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THEM. This is your bride's special day and unless they receive her blessing first, you must put that shit down asap.
Don't think the cake thing is a war. She shoved a piece up my nose, I shoved the whole slice in her face. Only two people thought it was funny. Me and her dad. Be playful, be nice.
If you are doing a speech: Write your toast. Practice it and stick to tried and true. Joining of families, blahblah. Don't wing it. LEARN FROM ME ON THIS.
When she gets her wedding pictures back steal her phone. Replace her screen saver with your favorite wedding picture (no, not the cake one).
Congratulations and may you both have many wonderful years and memories together.
Never back down from an argument. If you’re right then tell her she is wrong. Remind her if and when she gains weight. If her father’s political views are different from yours then it is your duty to change his views during the holidays. I hope this helps.
It's your best man's job to keep you half in the bag. HALF. You should be too drink to get nervous and run away but not so drunk that you make a scene. This requires precise balancing from an experienced, high-functioning alcoholic. Choose wisely.
Absolutely I was at a wedding mast year where as the bride was walking down the isle the groom shouted "fuck this" then danced down the isle to meet her and they both b boy danced to the alter together. It was the worst.
At the last minute, walk away from the ceremony. This will assert your dominance and make your new wife stay with you out of desperation when you finally decide to come back.
55 comments
1 SnapshillBot 2018-10-06
Avoid parenthetical insults—they just diminish your authority. Throughout the post, you're best points seem to be lost in a sea of self-aggrandizement and scattershot thinking
Snapshots:
I am a bot. (Info / Contact)
1 MagicHoudini 2018-10-06
Great advice snappy
1 ThinAlbatross 2018-10-06
ASS-LESS CHAPS
1 bareballzthebitch 2018-10-06
Get a pre-nup.
1 ChipChippersonAMA 2018-10-06
I ain't no punk
1 Starship_Litterbox_C 2018-10-06
Found the Belieber
1 alphetasauce 2018-10-06
Definitely talk to your wife about adding a third person for your wedding night. It makes the night super special and you bond over a shared experience. If she's not down you can always ask her to blast your butthole. Also a close bonding experience
1 Imperial_Sardaukar 2018-10-06
It worked like a charm for my and my wife’s special day. The bull was especially surprised when I started blasting his ass while he was going to town on my wife. My wife was a sexy matadora, and the bull was, well, a bull, but little did they expect that I would be the picador ;)
1 Shark_life 2018-10-06
hmmm
1 le_epic_xd 2018-10-06
All balanced out
1 philoponeria 2018-10-06
As all things should be.
1 wewladin 2018-10-06
Thanos capeshit posting, NO!
1 Burnnoticelover 2018-10-06
Thanosposting is forbidden here.
I apologize, small individual.
1 Imperial_Sardaukar 2018-10-06
It’s the ultimate power move. Although I’ll be the first to admit that making her parents watch may have been a little too much.
1 TontoGoldbergCA 2018-10-06
Only if it's MMF.
Nothing says "I love you" like sucking a dick in front of your wife.
1 ChipChippersonAMA 2018-10-06
Hell yea
1 Pizzashillsghost 2018-10-06
I’m going to puke now. 🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
1 rationalhuckleberry 2018-10-06
I'll be serious:
Pre-nup. Trust me on this.
Never go to bed red-hot angry. Talk it out so at least you both calm down. Be mad, but know it'll pass.
Wedding day: include your parents and her parents. Pictures, toasts, etc. This is a special moment, share it. They raised you both and assuming you have healthy relationships with them, it doens't hurt to include them.
Make sure no one is surprise proposing. One person at my wedding was planning on it, my best man and a groomsman dealt with that. I found out afterward that they allegedly told him if he so much as twitched for a proposal, it would be, "get down Mr. President," and he'd be under a couple bros (his plan was to pop the question AS THE BRIDESMAIDS WERE GOING DOWN THE AISLE. DUMBASS.). KNOW WHO ARE YOUR LIKELY IDIOTS AND BE AWARE OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THEM. This is your bride's special day and unless they receive her blessing first, you must put that shit down asap.
Don't think the cake thing is a war. She shoved a piece up my nose, I shoved the whole slice in her face. Only two people thought it was funny. Me and her dad. Be playful, be nice.
If you are doing a speech: Write your toast. Practice it and stick to tried and true. Joining of families, blahblah. Don't wing it. LEARN FROM ME ON THIS.
When she gets her wedding pictures back steal her phone. Replace her screen saver with your favorite wedding picture (no, not the cake one).
Congratulations and may you both have many wonderful years and memories together.
1 alphetasauce 2018-10-06
Any chance you remember your speech?
1 duckraul2 2018-10-06
Ross
1 wewladin 2018-10-06
One in pink one in stink XXXDDDE
1 rationalhuckleberry 2018-10-06
It was a three minute stammer about our guests supporting us (da fuq) we appreciate them being there, and yeh.
It was sheer cringe.
1 ChipChippersonAMA 2018-10-06
Thanks for the advice and well wishes
1 HumongousGentleman 2018-10-06
Look at this guy over here lol
1 bG9sIG5pY2UgdHJ5Cg 2018-10-06
How can anyone be this stupid.
Rule #1 of attending weddings: don't 👏 make 👏 the 👏 day 👏 about 👏 you
1 cultish_alibi 2018-10-06
You're right, getting married is pretty stupid.
1 MildlyCat 2018-10-06
Imagine being such a sperg you try to steal the limelight on someone else's wedding day by proposing.
Great bit of advice btw
1 Starship_Litterbox_C 2018-10-06
Get out while you can tbh
1 petty_wop 2018-10-06
Definitely invite all of your exes, especially the ones you're on bad terms with
1 fsdgfhk 2018-10-06
https://www.porn.com/videos/white-bride-fucked-by-2-bbc-on-wedding-night-cuckold-4359343
1 Aimless_Drifter 2018-10-06
don't
1 HodorTheDoorHolder 2018-10-06
Never back down from an argument. If you’re right then tell her she is wrong. Remind her if and when she gains weight. If her father’s political views are different from yours then it is your duty to change his views during the holidays. I hope this helps.
1 VidiotGamer 2018-10-06
r/ShittyLifeProTips/
1 bG9sIG5pY2UgdHJ5Cg 2018-10-06
Also if she starts getting emotional just tell her she's acting like her mother
1 YameteOtosanItai 2018-10-06
Getting married is for faggots. Can you imagine something more gay and beta than pledging to only one woman to spend the rest of your life with her?
1 Assy-McGee 2018-10-06
especially if she’s 3D-PD ugh
1 Ranilen 2018-10-06
It's your best man's job to keep you half in the bag. HALF. You should be too drink to get nervous and run away but not so drunk that you make a scene. This requires precise balancing from an experienced, high-functioning alcoholic. Choose wisely.
1 ChipChippersonAMA 2018-10-06
Then I'm in good hands lol
1 ILieToCaptchas 2018-10-06
Congratulations!
1 ChipChippersonAMA 2018-10-06
Thanks
1 -Stormcrow- 2018-10-06
ask to see your wife's bussy lmao
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1 Cdace 2018-10-06
Have the priest replaced with a member of the dino cult so that you can be married properly.
1 carpanzzaro 2018-10-06
Also don't try make you wedding unique, stick to boring traditions. Expect many will skip the ceremony. Good luck and all the best
1 bG9sIG5pY2UgdHJ5Cg 2018-10-06
Boring is good, boring means predictable, predictable means not too many things will go wrong.
1 carpanzzaro 2018-10-06
Absolutely I was at a wedding mast year where as the bride was walking down the isle the groom shouted "fuck this" then danced down the isle to meet her and they both b boy danced to the alter together. It was the worst.
1 Verdreht 2018-10-06
What the shit
1 carpanzzaro 2018-10-06
Worst part was people seemed to enjoy it, I'm a lot less bitter and cynical now so I bit my tongue, also the stag do was Harry potter themed....
1 TSwizzlesNipples 2018-10-06
Don't get shot at like I did. #LifeProTips
1 bG9sIG5pY2UgdHJ5Cg 2018-10-06
Speeches:
1 ArlenBilldozer 2018-10-06
https://twitter.com/ultimoDANK/status/1045760559759720448?s=19
1 CocoNutsOn 2018-10-06
You’re allowed to say no.
1 froibo 2018-10-06
Why would you do this to her?
1 Jimbo_B_Beterson 2018-10-06
At the last minute, walk away from the ceremony. This will assert your dominance and make your new wife stay with you out of desperation when you finally decide to come back.
1 Kat_B0T 2018-10-06
My main man Chip! Way to go. Don’t give it all up in one night. Save your bussy for the honey moon.