The joke is that this November your vote counts exactly as much as a senile retiree whose political sources are nestled between a thread of gay furry porn and a thread of kids wearing swimsuits.
I once gave a homeless man a blowjob. To be fair I was extremely drunk but I didn't finish as the smell and taste of his cock was so foul it sobered me up, I went and got a taxi afterwards.
I spoke of this before on this account and previous, but basically, there used to be a cruising spot at an old railway station where closeted gays hung out. I frequented there quite often howver one night no one was there but an elderly man drinking.
I was horny and willing so I offered him a blowjob, he accepted. He kinda resembled a bearded Penguin from Batman Returns but I was happy to suck until I really got the taste of his crotch....
Disgusting...It sobered me up, i ended up making an excuse and going home
Does being able to tell asian people's nationality by their facial features count? My buddy was hitting on a Korean girl and called her Chinese, when I corrected him she was impressed. We didn't fuck but later that night we went on a walk and I finger banged her and got head in the woods next to the road
I once "dated" an escort during my senior year in high school. She was blonde with blue eyes and wore her hair similar to how Arianna Grande wears it now, pulled tightly back. I can't remember exactly what she was wearing but I remember it was a skimpy dress that hugged her curves. She had already graduated from high school and lived in a small, one bedroom house on her own. We had met at an 18-21 nightclub where she was with a female friend. She invited me back to her place after the club so my friends and I followed her friend's car to a sketchy part of town. We pulled off the main highway and onto an unpaved dirt road and parked in front of two, small houses. I remember for some reason that we couldn't stay long. But before leaving, she explained that she and her friend were escorts. My friends found this hilarious but it only piqued my interest more than before. Why did she live alone? How long had she been escorting? We all had a million questions and wanted to know how and why a girl our age was escorting and didn't live with her parents or go to college. She was really vague about her living situation but it wasn't enough to bother me that I didn't ask for her phone number before we left.
She later invited me to hang out at her house a week later. She told me she was having a party at her house. When I arrived that night, I was greeted by two guys who looked slightly only older than myself being only 18 at the time. They wore these black leather jackets that were more cut more like a sportscoat rather than the biker jacket style. The dark haired one was short in stature but looked like he was a regular weightlifter. He also had a thick, Eastern European accent. The other guy had blonde, spiky hair with a thin frame, and no accent. I had brought a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice for her and offered it to them but they declined and explained they only drink vodka. The two guys weren't threatening but they definitely weren't very friendly at first. We politely made small talk while I waited for her to finish getting ready.
When she finally finished getting dressed and came out to meet us in her living room, she walked in wearing a club dress and heels so I thought she wanted me to take her clubbing again. But instead, she just wanted me to hang out with her and these two guys who were clearly not enthused with me being there.
After she and I had finished a couple of those Smirnoffs and I had taken a shot of vodka with the two guys, I asked how they all knew each other. That's when she said that she and the blonde guy were siblings. I'm not a retard so I was very aware of the alarm bells going off inside my head that this situation wasn't normal and that I could be putting myself in danger, but I had only had sex one time before and I wanted more of this "sex" thing. What I really wanted to know was how much her own brother knew of her career so I asked him.
He told me without a hint of shame that he was aware of his sister's career choice and was surprised that I wasn't appalled by it myself. I asked them what they did for a living but was only given side glances from the two and no real explanation. She and I finished the Smirnoffs and I had a couple more shots of vodka with her brother and his friend. All of us were pretty drunk by then and went onto her front porch to smoke cigarettes. Her brother and his friend warmed up to me and told me more about him and his sister.
They were born in Russia but moved to America very early in their lives so they had lost their accents. His friend wasn't Russian but was born in a formerly Soviet-bloc country and didn't move to America until much later in his life which was why he still kept his heavy accent. During that whole night, I could never figure out whether her brother and his friend were actually involved in the Russian mob but they sure looked and acted the part. Why I know how Russian mobsters look and act is for another story.
Anyway, the night was getting long and I really wanted to have sex with this girl so I left her and her brother on the porch to go join her in her bedroom. I was super excited but also worried that my newness in the "sex club" was going to leave her disappointed so I did what all young guys do: I put on a jimmy and jackhammered her pussy for over an hour and stopped every few minutes to avoid cumming.
I was determined to prove to this girl that I could be just as good, if not a better lover, than any of the customers she had been with before me. I could feel her getting dry after a while but she didn't complain so I kept hammering away and holding back my climax. When I got her to climax the first time, I was so proud of myself. I seriously wanted us to stop so she could praise me for being the sex god I totally knew I was at that time in my life. She came one or two more times and I eventually came inside her while thankfully still wearing a condom. We quickly fell asleep in her bed and showered together the following morning.
I never called her again. A moment of clarity hit me and I realized I couldn't ever date a girl who fucked guys for money, and her brother and his friend gave me the heebie-jeebies.
Tl;dr: I slept with a Russian escort while her Russian mafia brother (and possibly her pimp) and his friend were in the other room
I had a thing going on tinder where I had said I’ll make a song for them if they asked. I wouldn’t put any effort into it, just like 20 seconds of me rhyming their names. It was mostly just an excuse to get their snapchats in less than 3 messages.
I stopped after I ended up with ~3 clingy fat girls annoying me all day
42 comments
1 SnapshillBot 2018-12-23
The joke is that this November your vote counts exactly as much as a senile retiree whose political sources are nestled between a thread of gay furry porn and a thread of kids wearing swimsuits.
Snapshots:
I am a bot. (Info / Contact)
1 Starship_Litterbox_C 2018-12-23
Does rape count?
1 BIknkbtKitNwniS 2018-12-23
We live in a rape culture
1 Starship_Litterbox_C 2018-12-23
BUTTHOLE TEXT
1 slaytina44 2018-12-23
I once gave a homeless man a blowjob. To be fair I was extremely drunk but I didn't finish as the smell and taste of his cock was so foul it sobered me up, I went and got a taxi afterwards.
1 Dramaste 2018-12-23
How did you ever get in this situation to begin with? Do you hang out with the homeless?
1 slaytina44 2018-12-23
I spoke of this before on this account and previous, but basically, there used to be a cruising spot at an old railway station where closeted gays hung out. I frequented there quite often howver one night no one was there but an elderly man drinking.
I was horny and willing so I offered him a blowjob, he accepted. He kinda resembled a bearded Penguin from Batman Returns but I was happy to suck until I really got the taste of his crotch....
Disgusting...It sobered me up, i ended up making an excuse and going home
1 Dramaste 2018-12-23
Only a guy would do something like this.
1 Inceltiers 2018-12-23
L O N D O N
1 snallygaster 2018-12-23
🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🦀
1 SJCards 2018-12-23
Why the crab emoji.
1 alphachapman 2018-12-23
cause obama is gone!
1 charming_tatum 2018-12-23
Does being able to tell asian people's nationality by their facial features count? My buddy was hitting on a Korean girl and called her Chinese, when I corrected him she was impressed. We didn't fuck but later that night we went on a walk and I finger banged her and got head in the woods next to the road
1 AnnoyinTheGoyim 2018-12-23
Are you sure it wasn’t one of your horses?
1 diarrheagram 2018-12-23
I identified as trans-lesbian and threatened to call woke bitches transphobic unless they sucked my feminine penis.
1 Dramaste 2018-12-23
I once "dated" an escort during my senior year in high school. She was blonde with blue eyes and wore her hair similar to how Arianna Grande wears it now, pulled tightly back. I can't remember exactly what she was wearing but I remember it was a skimpy dress that hugged her curves. She had already graduated from high school and lived in a small, one bedroom house on her own. We had met at an 18-21 nightclub where she was with a female friend. She invited me back to her place after the club so my friends and I followed her friend's car to a sketchy part of town. We pulled off the main highway and onto an unpaved dirt road and parked in front of two, small houses. I remember for some reason that we couldn't stay long. But before leaving, she explained that she and her friend were escorts. My friends found this hilarious but it only piqued my interest more than before. Why did she live alone? How long had she been escorting? We all had a million questions and wanted to know how and why a girl our age was escorting and didn't live with her parents or go to college. She was really vague about her living situation but it wasn't enough to bother me that I didn't ask for her phone number before we left.
She later invited me to hang out at her house a week later. She told me she was having a party at her house. When I arrived that night, I was greeted by two guys who looked slightly only older than myself being only 18 at the time. They wore these black leather jackets that were more cut more like a sportscoat rather than the biker jacket style. The dark haired one was short in stature but looked like he was a regular weightlifter. He also had a thick, Eastern European accent. The other guy had blonde, spiky hair with a thin frame, and no accent. I had brought a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice for her and offered it to them but they declined and explained they only drink vodka. The two guys weren't threatening but they definitely weren't very friendly at first. We politely made small talk while I waited for her to finish getting ready.
When she finally finished getting dressed and came out to meet us in her living room, she walked in wearing a club dress and heels so I thought she wanted me to take her clubbing again. But instead, she just wanted me to hang out with her and these two guys who were clearly not enthused with me being there.
After she and I had finished a couple of those Smirnoffs and I had taken a shot of vodka with the two guys, I asked how they all knew each other. That's when she said that she and the blonde guy were siblings. I'm not a retard so I was very aware of the alarm bells going off inside my head that this situation wasn't normal and that I could be putting myself in danger, but I had only had sex one time before and I wanted more of this "sex" thing. What I really wanted to know was how much her own brother knew of her career so I asked him.
He told me without a hint of shame that he was aware of his sister's career choice and was surprised that I wasn't appalled by it myself. I asked them what they did for a living but was only given side glances from the two and no real explanation. She and I finished the Smirnoffs and I had a couple more shots of vodka with her brother and his friend. All of us were pretty drunk by then and went onto her front porch to smoke cigarettes. Her brother and his friend warmed up to me and told me more about him and his sister.
They were born in Russia but moved to America very early in their lives so they had lost their accents. His friend wasn't Russian but was born in a formerly Soviet-bloc country and didn't move to America until much later in his life which was why he still kept his heavy accent. During that whole night, I could never figure out whether her brother and his friend were actually involved in the Russian mob but they sure looked and acted the part. Why I know how Russian mobsters look and act is for another story.
Anyway, the night was getting long and I really wanted to have sex with this girl so I left her and her brother on the porch to go join her in her bedroom. I was super excited but also worried that my newness in the "sex club" was going to leave her disappointed so I did what all young guys do: I put on a jimmy and jackhammered her pussy for over an hour and stopped every few minutes to avoid cumming.
I was determined to prove to this girl that I could be just as good, if not a better lover, than any of the customers she had been with before me. I could feel her getting dry after a while but she didn't complain so I kept hammering away and holding back my climax. When I got her to climax the first time, I was so proud of myself. I seriously wanted us to stop so she could praise me for being the sex god I totally knew I was at that time in my life. She came one or two more times and I eventually came inside her while thankfully still wearing a condom. We quickly fell asleep in her bed and showered together the following morning.
I never called her again. A moment of clarity hit me and I realized I couldn't ever date a girl who fucked guys for money, and her brother and his friend gave me the heebie-jeebies.
Tl;dr: I slept with a Russian escort while her Russian mafia brother (and possibly her pimp) and his friend were in the other room
1 LongPostBot 2018-12-23
I've known more coherent downies.
I am a bot. Contact for questions
1 uniqueguy263 2018-12-23
That's fucked up. You receive a service from a professional, you pay for it, otherwise you're taking away their hard earned money
1 Dramaste 2018-12-23
She offered her services pro bono that night.
1 Red_of_Head 2018-12-23
did u actually read that?
1 wootfatigue 2018-12-23
The best part about converted trailer strip clubs is when the girls have to crouch down on stage or else hit their heads on the low ceiling.
1 Dramaste 2018-12-23
Lol. I’ve been to some run down strip clubs but this takes the cake.
1 StellisAequus 2018-12-23
Just wanted you to know your garage raccoon post was my favorite thing on this site
1 Ultrashitposter 2018-12-23
I've done an autistic girl
1 ironicshitpostr 2018-12-23
Did she live through it?
1 Ultrashitposter 2018-12-23
no
1 ironicshitpostr 2018-12-23
Hot, send pics
1 dootwthesickness_II 2018-12-23
Exaggerating my accent for romantic effect. Tbf I have a fucking sweet accent, according to all Americans.
1 jewdanksdad 2018-12-23
Dramacels getting laid? Lol, yeah ok
1 Whaddaulookinat 2018-12-23
It happens. Pity fucks are a thing and God bless for them
1 AnnoysTheGoys 2018-12-23
Bought an N64 & Mario Kart 64
1 jlesli4671 2018-12-23
I’ve never had sex, 21 years old and I’m a still a virgin. I even have a BMW but women hate me :(
1 jlesli4671 2018-12-23
I’m beautiful, you can’t deny that.
1 aX10mAt1CaL1Y 2018-12-23
I'm a gentleman. I'm sophisticated.
1 xthek 2018-12-23
hmu
1 LaptopEnforcer 2018-12-23
Fucked a 2 that my roommate brought home just to make sure he knew who was boss
1 ncervo 2018-12-23
I have written/recorded song for girls on 4 different occasions. None of them found me remotely worth their time (rightfully) and I am human garbage
1 DoesntSmellLikePalm 2018-12-23
I had a thing going on tinder where I had said I’ll make a song for them if they asked. I wouldn’t put any effort into it, just like 20 seconds of me rhyming their names. It was mostly just an excuse to get their snapchats in less than 3 messages.
I stopped after I ended up with ~3 clingy fat girls annoying me all day
1 ncervo 2018-12-23
I put an embarrassing amount of effort into these
1 saint2e 2018-12-23
I started giving my wife a back massage when she got into bed.
1 80BAIT08 2018-12-23
Pretended to like indie music.
Pretended to like 80's emo post-punk whatever the fuck that is.
1 transgirltradwife 2018-12-23
Once I got laid