I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief. “Bad news, detective. We got a situation.” “What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?” “Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.” The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm.

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Read that in the chans some time ago, never would've immagined it was actually a published piece.

This sub is what happens when minimally educated unintelligent people join together to find common ground and project their own self loathing to the rest of the world. There has never been anything clever that I have ever seen from this sub. I will continue to look for humor but I am just starting to think that loss and anger plus unemployment equals humor

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!ThesauriseThis.

Koko, my dog, only now do I feel the loss of your passing

an obsession with female nipples

If that's considered antisocial then society will SHOCKED to learn what some of us get up to behind closed doors.

They should have just given her porn and none of this would have happened

I for one, am appalled by such degeneracy.

lol gross

Considering the fact that gorillas don't wear clothes, wouldn't covering your nips be antisocial in gorilla society? 🤔🤔🤔

I wonder how much of this true given that Koko’s caretaker seemed to keep exaggerating her life when she realized the media would buy whatever she said.

It's as true as I want it to be true

I'll bet Koko didn't even know sign language and this was all just a big scam by the caretaker to check out some juicy tittays

Anti-social for whom? The ape in a cage? lmao

This was the best part. If Koko's handlers claims are true, those "victims" would be considered much worse criminals, since they were enslaving a sentient and coherent being for their own publicity stunts.

TITS OUT FOR KOKO

It started here.

If Vice doesn't credit you in their article raging about this, i'm going on strike.

Finally a movement for equality! Dicks Out For Harambe! Tits Out For Koko!

I bet Robin Williams taught her that

Stop talking like that about Oprah

🦍 🦍 🦍

Great title, got me good, I love this post 😻

They're even denigrating the name of a beautiful animal who wouldn't hurt a kitten.......day of the rope when?

I know I’ve said this is epic before, but okay. Now THIS is what I call epic, volume 12. 🦍🤱🏿🤱🏿 (.)👌🏼

article is about a literal gorilla

oh

What's shaq done this time?

Yur mom

Who gives a shit about showing your titties to a monkey? Well ape but same difference. Koko was fucking awesome and the fact that she loved titties as much as I do only reaffirms that. I would whip my shit out and helicopter if it would bring a moment's happiness to that gentle giant.

Would you let her suck it though. Be real with me.

Nipples out for Koko!

It's over for gorillacels

a-list superstars such as Robin Williams and William Shatner

The Shat has never been A-list. He's like, the third-best captain of the Enterprise.

When a fucking ape gets #metoo'd, we are truly living in the best of all possible realities.

Officially the dankest timeline

As Penny tries to communicate with Koko, the gorilla repeatedly replies 'Nipple' to each of her questions.

Lmao she thirsty

I'll never forget that day I taught Koko to say 'Show us your n0rks, luv'"