I'm inclined to believe his claims to the English aristocracy because so much of his post reeks of the sort of hereditary idiocy that inbreeding brings-about:
I spent a few thousand $ acquiring the certificates from the issuing government authority. I am actually marrying a woman in another country as soon as my passport arrives and I will be relinquishing my citizenship in a US Consulate in that country, most likely, anyway.
His lordship spent "thousands" on fake certificates of nobility, can't even order a mail-order-bride properly, and wants to surrender his US citizenship when he finally meets his internet "fiancée."
I was a little disappointed, however, that the answer to "How do I claim my earldom?" was not "With blood & fire, yr grace."
Even better, his account has a profile picture so we can confirm he looks exactly like the type of guy who pins his life’s value on the remote chance he has claim to a meaningless distinction.
Truly a reddit Gentlesir of the old school, c. 2009.
Even better, his account has a profile picture so we can confirm he looks exactly like the type of guy who pins his life’s value on the remote chance he has claim to a meaningless distinction.
Truly a reddit Gentlesir of the old school, c. 2009.
You guys remember the Legal Advice poster who was worried about getting sued about the book he was writing about the Totally Real Gay Affair he had with Prince William? Good times
Pretenders are a rich and untapped source of drama. They're all crazy in some way and cause a ton of trouble. One of my good friends from high school had a pretender father and her childhood was a wreck because of all of the crazy pretender shit. It was really fun to go over her house and get involved in all of the contrived faux-noble happenings but my pal suffered immensely because of it and it eventually ruined her ambitions and potential.
If it's not too specific, can I ask what level of pretension are we talking about? King, prince, duke, earl? I'm just curious about how far people go in their fantasies.
Her use of schadenfreude as a coping mechanism led her to search for obscure forms of online drama. She later became a /r/Drama moderator and is now pregnant with /u/basicallyadoctor's child.
Pretenders are a rich and untapped source of drama.
Sadly a source of drama that has been in great decline since the 18th century. I too fondly remember the all the memes and shit-posting about prince Charles Stuart when he was trying to overthrow King George II.
Does anyone here know about that one amerifat who moved to some random village in Ireland or the UK after tracing his lineage and tried to act like a Lord or some BS like that?
I remember seeing either on a BBC article or YouTube video about it on 4chan like 6 years ago but it was very relevant to this. The guy moved there, submitted his genealogy stuff, got told to fuck off iirc, and was trying to build up support from the villagers there to somehow pressure the government into granting him a title. Everyone there fucking hated him.
God possibly, that fits about the time I'd have read about it.
I could have sworn it was a fat American who'd get ridiculously drunk in pubs wearing all green to act irish and gather support or some shit like that, but I might have mixed 2 things I read around the same time together, maybe something about an American trying to reconnect with his Irish roots by being retarded. Idk I went on /britpol/ (back when it was just a daily thread on /pol/) too much around that time to remember 100% of the hyperborean bullshit I read on there.
There's a whole industry based on selling the idea that you could secretly be a king or a duke or whatever to the sad and desperate. Used to work at Nottingham Castle (now a very dull art museum) and we'd get regular emails and calls, mostly from Americans, with proof of their claim to various titles, including many claiming to have proof of descent from the fictional character Robin Hood (and they'd refer to themselves as descendants of "The House of Loxley" then nicely explain that Robin had been a member of this "noble House").
It's equally sad and hilarious, because they were paying sometimes thousands for meaningless pieces of paper that "proved" their descent, but they were so fucking oblivious and naive you usually ended up laughing when they insist they have a right to the castle and ancestral lands. Even most real titles that arr still active have nothing but a mention in a book noone cares about and an old ring.
What you've done here is textually rape me. Are you proud of what you've done? I'll have to live with these feelings for the rest of my life now, because of you
Its due to the way geneology works technically after a few 100 years you are related to everyone what matters is direct descent and those people are already in noble circles there are no true pretenders as there is no lack of a true heir for any noble line just because you are descended from a pretender in a crisis before doesnt mean shit as another line was chosen
Yeah, I have a vague idea of how these dodgy companies contrive the appearance of ancestry by exploiting the fact that many aristocrats would have huge numbers of living descendants, coupled with very incomplete records until recently, coupled with outright lies.
But the sad idea that even with a legal claim you'd be able to move to England and take up residence in a stately home or castle and be called milord by all the peasantry and whatever other Game of Thrones shit going through their heads is what gets me. Like the current Earl of Essex is a retired northern schoolteacher. The lands and house were lost a long time ago - most stately homes were demolished a long time ago due to the huge expense of maintaining them, and land sold off. At best, if it turns out this guy is actually the true heir, it'd be a fun story or help you get into bed with an American girl.
Sealand (which is an oil rig in the Channel Islands which claims to be a country) sells noble titles. It probably makes them like £20 a year as a gag gift.
This sounds similar to sovereign citizens, except those guys are usually convicted felons who want to own guns so it makes sense that they would try really hard to figure out how federal law does not apply to them. So it's basically escapism for teaboos I guess, like the middle class Harry Potter fanboy equivalent of being a sovereign citizen
Yeah, I've heard of sovereign citizens on reddit, there's definitely a crossover with them and other fantasists in terms of thinking that if they find the right piece of paper or magic words they can unlock a world that works how they think it should, in their favour.
Dude has no idea how nobility works. He might have a slight case if the earldom was vacant or some shit. He should have saved his money from retarded genealogical research and instead used it to hire some mercenaries or hooligans and try to usurp that shit. Burgers all want to believe that they are descended from kings when most of them are just descended from 2nd and 3rd sons of retarded potato farmers who didn't inherit shit and crazy cultists who wanted to be able to practice their weird ass variety of Christianity.
It’s worth a try. There’s a lot of evidence out there to back up the claim that the true Monarch of England is an Australian textile worker called Simon.
Well, I'm a Scottish Laird, so....there's that. Me cousin married into Scottish nobility, and that somehow extended up to and including me dad and me. Not that it means anything to me. I get invited to galas and festivities and stuff, but da and me always decline. Not our cup of tea.
I haven't the foggiest what this actually means regarding titles and claims and shite. Something in there probably to worth or not, can't be arsed to find out. I like my life. Being called Laird's something extra, but...it's...rather strange.
I'm like fifth cousins with Beyonce on my mom's side and I've never even gotten free concert tickets or anything, but this Amerifat wants a fucking castle and a title? Fuck outta here
Americans defending the British Monarchy: BUt It BRinGs In TouRIsM MoNeY.
British defending the British Monarchy: Oh yeah I forgot they still exist.
British Monarchy defending the British Monarchy: Don’t get into politics, keep the peasants happy with nationalized healthcare, and maybe they won’t overthrow us even though they are directly paying for our lavish lifestyles.
110 comments
1 SnapshillBot 2019-03-23
Don't even try to kinkshame me. My kinks are my business.
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1 IllustriousQuail 2019-03-23
Holy shit, this is good stuff.
I'm inclined to believe his claims to the English aristocracy because so much of his post reeks of the sort of hereditary idiocy that inbreeding brings-about:
His lordship spent "thousands" on fake certificates of nobility, can't even order a mail-order-bride properly, and wants to surrender his US citizenship when he finally meets his internet "fiancée."
I was a little disappointed, however, that the answer to "How do I claim my earldom?" was not "With blood & fire, yr grace."
1 FastConstant 2019-03-23
Even better, his account has a profile picture so we can confirm he looks exactly like the type of guy who pins his life’s value on the remote chance he has claim to a meaningless distinction.
Truly a reddit Gentlesir of the old school, c. 2009.
1 TaysSecondGussy 2019-03-23
His hashtags are making me dizzy. Of fucking course he’s a #genealogist, aside from a #mathemagician, #writer, #programmer, #security, and #whitehat.
1 dramasexual 2019-03-23
Reading this word makes me want to shoot myself in the head. There's nothing left for us here.
1 away100 2019-03-23
At least he's not SJW. Phew.
1 IllustriousQuail 2019-03-23
Who would put a profile picture on a reddit account? This is like the concept of poor judgment somehow became a person.
1 ManBearFridge 2019-03-23
Did he remove his pics? I can't find any.
1 FastConstant 2019-03-23
Even better, his account has a profile picture so we can confirm he looks exactly like the type of guy who pins his life’s value on the remote chance he has claim to a meaningless distinction.
Truly a reddit Gentlesir of the old school, c. 2009.
1 Phantom_Engineer 2019-03-23
It would have been (slightly) cheap for him to just buy CK2 and forget about the Earl.
1 Divvel 2019-03-23
1 JonSnowgaryen 2019-03-23
They're knitting neckbeard banners in secret awaiting your return my lord
1 preserved_fish 2019-03-23
They cry out for their true Earl!
1 Eternal_Mr_Bones 2019-03-23
He is claiming it is a Wikipedia conspiracy to protect the false lineage for the Earl of Essex?
1 FastConstant 2019-03-23
By Jove, the jig is up! All Reddit shall hear of this!!
1 IllustriousQuail 2019-03-23
Don your war fedoras, men.
1 AdorableInformation 2019-03-23
And of course when you say by Jove, you really mean by me.
1 MG87 2019-03-23
DEATH TO THE USURPER!
1 Redactor0 2019-03-23
I hope Little Lord Fauntleroy v2.0 doesn't forget all us humble burgers when takes over his earldom.
1 TheHoundsOFLove 2019-03-23
You guys remember the Legal Advice poster who was worried about getting sued about the book he was writing about the Totally Real Gay Affair he had with Prince William? Good times
1 TheLordHighExecu 2019-03-23
Link
1 TheHoundsOFLove 2019-03-23
updated
1 spikeboyslim 2019-03-23
Yeaaaah I’m going to need to read this.
1 TheHoundsOFLove 2019-03-23
updated
1 TheHoundsOFLove 2019-03-23
Orginal links
Other posts
1 noxpallida 2019-03-23
Y’ALL
1 FinchAndMalt 2019-03-23
Imagine caring so much about your fake internet job that you type this
1 noxpallida 2019-03-23
God forbid people have internet conversations while you aren’t actively monitoring them
1 Elite_AI 2019-03-23
Removing posts for insulting OPs is pretty reasonable in a legal advice subreddit I'd say
1 away100 2019-03-23
Slave.
1 Elite_AI 2019-03-23
reported
i hope you're prepared for the storm heading your way
1 Wraith_GraveSpell 2019-03-23
Ye scoundrels behaveth as babes. Thy troublesome rabble hast left me no choice but to locketh thy gates, y'all.
1 snallygaster 2019-03-23
Pretenders are a rich and untapped source of drama. They're all crazy in some way and cause a ton of trouble. One of my good friends from high school had a pretender father and her childhood was a wreck because of all of the crazy pretender shit. It was really fun to go over her house and get involved in all of the contrived faux-noble happenings but my pal suffered immensely because of it and it eventually ruined her ambitions and potential.
1 Redactor0 2019-03-23
If it's not too specific, can I ask what level of pretension are we talking about? King, prince, duke, earl? I'm just curious about how far people go in their fantasies.
1 TheLordHighExecu 2019-03-23
That's sad to hear. How did it ruin her life?
1 HodorTheDoorHolder_ 2019-03-23
Her use of schadenfreude as a coping mechanism led her to search for obscure forms of online drama. She later became a /r/Drama moderator and is now pregnant with /u/basicallyadoctor's child.
1 Psyman2 2019-03-23
We should've never abolished mercykillings for severe cases of trauma.
1 Frptwenty 2019-03-23
Sadly a source of drama that has been in great decline since the 18th century. I too fondly remember the all the memes and shit-posting about prince Charles Stuart when he was trying to overthrow King George II.
1 Whaddaulookinat 2019-03-23
You mean the offspring of William and Mary were the pretenders. Bonnie Prince Charlie was the rightful heir by God's grace.
1 Frptwenty 2019-03-23
reload... reload... reload... reload... reload... reload... reload... reload... BLAM
1 Elite_AI 2019-03-23
No Catholic could be the rightful anything
1 Enron_Energy 2019-03-23
Prot thot
1 mcslibbin 2019-03-23
papist rapist
1 Enron_Energy 2019-03-23
luther goofer
1 ManBearFridge 2019-03-23
Did you take the opportunity to get knighted?
1 away100 2019-03-23
She can't be ruined if she still has her vagina. Women can get anything they want by using that thing.
1 elephantofdoom 2019-03-23
Reminder that as an American it would be illegal for him to actually accept a title of nobility.
1 TheLordHighExecu 2019-03-23
Only if he's in the government
1 General_Insomnia 2019-03-23
"proposed amendment" It's in the first sentence dood. It's only prohibited for the government to issue titles of nobility.
1 fsdgfhk 2019-03-23
Is he black? If he's black, then he's completely correct, and I 100% endorse his righteous quest for justice.
But if he's a mayo, not interested.
1 Wraith_GraveSpell 2019-03-23
Everyone knows the first britons were black. We wuz earls n shite
1 mcslibbin 2019-03-23
wasn't there something about early humans in ireland being dark skinned or something?
i loved the facebook reactions to that
1 serialflamingo 2019-03-23
Oh good point. If he's black I'll swear fealty to him.
1 DoesntSmellLikePalm 2019-03-23
Does anyone here know about that one amerifat who moved to some random village in Ireland or the UK after tracing his lineage and tried to act like a Lord or some BS like that?
I remember seeing either on a BBC article or YouTube video about it on 4chan like 6 years ago but it was very relevant to this. The guy moved there, submitted his genealogy stuff, got told to fuck off iirc, and was trying to build up support from the villagers there to somehow pressure the government into granting him a title. Everyone there fucking hated him.
1 teddyrooseveltsfist 2019-03-23
Was it this asshole ?
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.irishmirror.ie/news/irish-news/man-who-thinks-related-ancient-4196755.amp
1 DoesntSmellLikePalm 2019-03-23
God possibly, that fits about the time I'd have read about it.
I could have sworn it was a fat American who'd get ridiculously drunk in pubs wearing all green to act irish and gather support or some shit like that, but I might have mixed 2 things I read around the same time together, maybe something about an American trying to reconnect with his Irish roots by being retarded. Idk I went on /britpol/ (back when it was just a daily thread on /pol/) too much around that time to remember 100% of the hyperborean bullshit I read on there.
1 collectijism 2019-03-23
This guy thinks hes on twatter his profile has #programmer #gaming #startup
1 _throawayplop_ 2019-03-23
You missed like some 200 years of history there, fam
1 MG87 2019-03-23
Right? Has he not heard of the French Revolution?
1 serialflamingo 2019-03-23
I'm the Catholic Queen of England.
1 smedwed 2019-03-23
The only way is Essex: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt1737565/
He should probably ring them up, rather than bothering the college of arms.
1 none_to_remain 2019-03-23
Imagine consulting Reddit instead of retaining the services of a professional chancellor
1 imguralbumbot 2019-03-23
Hi, I'm a bot for linking direct images of albums with only 1 image
https://i.imgur.com/2llDEg2.jpg
Source | Why? | Creator | ignoreme
1 tottenhamcockspur 2019-03-23
There's a whole industry based on selling the idea that you could secretly be a king or a duke or whatever to the sad and desperate. Used to work at Nottingham Castle (now a very dull art museum) and we'd get regular emails and calls, mostly from Americans, with proof of their claim to various titles, including many claiming to have proof of descent from the fictional character Robin Hood (and they'd refer to themselves as descendants of "The House of Loxley" then nicely explain that Robin had been a member of this "noble House").
It's equally sad and hilarious, because they were paying sometimes thousands for meaningless pieces of paper that "proved" their descent, but they were so fucking oblivious and naive you usually ended up laughing when they insist they have a right to the castle and ancestral lands. Even most real titles that arr still active have nothing but a mention in a book noone cares about and an old ring.
1 Captaincous21 2019-03-23
I'd take a ring in a heartbeat
1 Elite_AI 2019-03-23
I'll take your ring in a heartbeat
1 Captaincous21 2019-03-23
Gotta say "I do" first
1 Elite_AI 2019-03-23
Consent is unnecessary.
1 Captaincous21 2019-03-23
What you've done here is textually rape me. Are you proud of what you've done? I'll have to live with these feelings for the rest of my life now, because of you
1 Dreadfullskelly 2019-03-23
Its due to the way geneology works technically after a few 100 years you are related to everyone what matters is direct descent and those people are already in noble circles there are no true pretenders as there is no lack of a true heir for any noble line just because you are descended from a pretender in a crisis before doesnt mean shit as another line was chosen
1 tottenhamcockspur 2019-03-23
Yeah, I have a vague idea of how these dodgy companies contrive the appearance of ancestry by exploiting the fact that many aristocrats would have huge numbers of living descendants, coupled with very incomplete records until recently, coupled with outright lies.
But the sad idea that even with a legal claim you'd be able to move to England and take up residence in a stately home or castle and be called milord by all the peasantry and whatever other Game of Thrones shit going through their heads is what gets me. Like the current Earl of Essex is a retired northern schoolteacher. The lands and house were lost a long time ago - most stately homes were demolished a long time ago due to the huge expense of maintaining them, and land sold off. At best, if it turns out this guy is actually the true heir, it'd be a fun story or help you get into bed with an American girl.
1 serialflamingo 2019-03-23
Sealand (which is an oil rig in the Channel Islands which claims to be a country) sells noble titles. It probably makes them like £20 a year as a gag gift.
1 YoungMoneyGetMoney 2019-03-23
This sounds similar to sovereign citizens, except those guys are usually convicted felons who want to own guns so it makes sense that they would try really hard to figure out how federal law does not apply to them. So it's basically escapism for teaboos I guess, like the middle class Harry Potter fanboy equivalent of being a sovereign citizen
1 tottenhamcockspur 2019-03-23
Yeah, I've heard of sovereign citizens on reddit, there's definitely a crossover with them and other fantasists in terms of thinking that if they find the right piece of paper or magic words they can unlock a world that works how they think it should, in their favour.
1 Ashurnibibi 2019-03-23
Why are burgers so obsessed with nobility? Didn't they fight a war so that they could get fat and fuck their cousins without royalty?
1 iprobablyneedahobby 2019-03-23
Dude has no idea how nobility works. He might have a slight case if the earldom was vacant or some shit. He should have saved his money from retarded genealogical research and instead used it to hire some mercenaries or hooligans and try to usurp that shit. Burgers all want to believe that they are descended from kings when most of them are just descended from 2nd and 3rd sons of retarded potato farmers who didn't inherit shit and crazy cultists who wanted to be able to practice their weird ass variety of Christianity.
1 TheGoldenWhale1995 2019-03-23
/r/Genocidebywords
1 UrMumsMyPassword 2019-03-23
Nah it's one potato boy talking shit to other potato boys because he thinks taking pride in being a potato boy somehow negates his shitty blood
v. v. unfortunate
1 brixtonslag 2019-03-23
It’s worth a try. There’s a lot of evidence out there to back up the claim that the true Monarch of England is an Australian textile worker called Simon.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Abney-Hastings,_15th_Earl_of_Loudoun?wprov=sfti1
1 serialflamingo 2019-03-23
Lol Louden Castle got turned into a theme park which got shut down because it was so shit.
It did have qt llamas tho.
1 brixtonslag 2019-03-23
Wasn’t it a ruin anyway?
Didn’t know about the theme park though.
1 2029393029e9e 2019-03-23
COPE
1 CosmicSlopadelic 2019-03-23
Is monarchy centrist ?
1 hmind4 2019-03-23
Well, I'm a Scottish Laird, so....there's that. Me cousin married into Scottish nobility, and that somehow extended up to and including me dad and me. Not that it means anything to me. I get invited to galas and festivities and stuff, but da and me always decline. Not our cup of tea.
I haven't the foggiest what this actually means regarding titles and claims and shite. Something in there probably to worth or not, can't be arsed to find out. I like my life. Being called Laird's something extra, but...it's...rather strange.
1 bussysmalls 2019-03-23
Go and bring a bunch of black dudes. Turn that fancy shit into a 90s rap video.
1 serialflamingo 2019-03-23
Where are you Laird of?
1 preserved_fish 2019-03-23
You should invade England with your fellow lairds in the name of the House of Stuart.
1 hmind4 2019-03-23
Too much hassle. I also kinda like the Iron Queen.
1 MarioBuzo 2019-03-23
Good find OP!
1 TheGoldenWhale1995 2019-03-23
Apparently, I am distantly related to some Dutch nobility somehow, but I honestly don't care.
It's meaningless to me.
Imagine thinking you are special just because a distant cousin of yours may be descended from some British pretty boy.
1 bussysmalls 2019-03-23
I'm like fifth cousins with Beyonce on my mom's side and I've never even gotten free concert tickets or anything, but this Amerifat wants a fucking castle and a title? Fuck outta here
1 FastConstant 2019-03-23
Does he think someone will give him a castle if he produces the right piece of paper and says the right words?
His supposed ancestors had to earn those castles by killing thousands of people and enslaving the rest!
1 ProMikeZagurski 2019-03-23
All this effort just so he can live in a castle and own a dragon.
1 Cardboard-Samuari 2019-03-23
Theres 2 things Englishmen hate
1) The French
2) Yankee dankee doodle fucksticks pretending to be from another country because of a distant relative
3) The French
1 preserved_fish 2019-03-23
No hate for the Huns anymore?
1 Tzar-Romulus 2019-03-23
The Earl of Sussex is returning home 😍
1 tunicaintima 2019-03-23
itscominghome
1 tunicaintima 2019-03-23
#itscominghome
1 Stopwatch064 2019-03-23
From his profile.
This guy lives a in world all his own
1 BoldBaby 2019-03-23
Americans defending the British Monarchy: BUt It BRinGs In TouRIsM MoNeY.
British defending the British Monarchy: Oh yeah I forgot they still exist.
British Monarchy defending the British Monarchy: Don’t get into politics, keep the peasants happy with nationalized healthcare, and maybe they won’t overthrow us even though they are directly paying for our lavish lifestyles.
1 YoungMoneyGetMoney 2019-03-23
There are like 6 people who still draw a salary from the Sovereign Fund, even Beatrice and Eugenie got cut off (which is an outrage btw)
1 FastConstant 2019-03-23
The rest of them get their wealth from their land holdings which they got by murdering the local owners and enslaving the rest in the 11th century.
1 YoungMoneyGetMoney 2019-03-23
Your point being what?
1 BoldBaby 2019-03-23
The British Monarchy is unamerican
1 FastConstant 2019-03-23
They didn’t earn the initial wealth, the ones who are still rich just managed not to lose it.
Unless you count murder and slavery “earning” it, which is a legitimate argument in the big picture.
1 YoungMoneyGetMoney 2019-03-23
So r/Drama/ is now a republican board? S-m-d-h
1 FastConstant 2019-03-23
I didn't say it was the winning argument in my opinion, but I'm saying it's not fair to dismiss it.
1 throwawayainteasy 2019-03-23
Royalty is so weird.
Who don't they just worship whoever has the most money or YouTube followers like normal countries do?
1 lifesbrink 2019-03-23
Are we allowed to link his incel Twitter, or is that banned?
1 miraoister 2019-03-23
... so they are spending thousands of pounds/dollars on research, yet they need to use Reddit's help?