Bahahhaha. This is totally individualized. First of all. And people don't change, second of all. You should never ever ever get online and preach again. You don't understand reality at all.
People are the exact same they were 1000 years ago, you fucking psycho. People don't change kid. Grow the fuck up and stop whining so much. Your life is your fault. You've been given opportunity most everyone from the past 20,000 years could only dream of. You're a loser and we didn't do it. We tried to help. You did it. You are that
I have noticed several relationship and shaadi threads lately on this sub. I would like to share something with you guys and try to lessen my psychological torture. Since many members here are from Pakistani environment so they may be able to understand some context.
I am using a throwaway and will try to hide as much personal details as possible. Also, trigger warning. Apologies for the wall of text.
Background
I am a male, 33 years old. Average in all aspects, only saving social grace is that I have a PhD and I earn in low 6 figures. Otherwise I am nothing special. I belong to a typical urban middle class, eldest child, parents educated to some extent, mother is a housewife, father was sole bread earner - hopefully you get the picture.
My Childhood/adolescence
I had a rough childhood, being a first born often means that parents are woefully unprepared to handle a newborn. My grandparents died when I was a toddler, so not much family support and my father was laid off when I was 5 and had two other siblings (both really young). This led to sever tensions in our house. Father would be angry if I did something wrong, he would fight with mother who than, in return, would get more angrier on me. I was beaten with such regularity that it is often funny now that it was the only thing that happened regularly. I was considered a spoiled child, my parents would lock me outside my house at night, would regularly tell my relatives that I was the most badtameez person in household, would go and complain to my teachers and school fellows.
This was all going on when I was trying my utmost to not do anything wrong, I never understood what wrong or mistakes I was doing. This led to growing distance between me and my family. I never told them that I was raped and sexually abused from age 9 to 11. I was molested by men and women during my early teens. I was severely bullied to the point that one person (during FSc) nearly broke my leg and when i fought back he called his friends who all beat me together (it was my first fight ever). I never said anything. Also, the communication gap was wide that my parents literally left it upto me to get to know more about religion, namaz, sexuality stuff etc
One good thing happened though, When I was 15, my parents were beating me and breaking several things on me (no kidding), one blow really hurt me and I instinctively took everything out of their hands and threw it away. It was than my parents realized I was more physically powerful than them and switched to psychological abuse (you know Islam and Rights of parents stuff)
My University Days
This made me an introvert, caused me to develop severe social phobias, gave me Generalized Anxiety Disorder which led to Hypothyroidism and my poor health. How do I know this? Well, I cleared the entrance test to an engineering and during the first semester the counseling department conducted a test and single me out. After plenty of sessions, I was sent to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me as on Autism Spectrum Disorder in comorbidity with ADHD, OCD, BPD and Depression. I was suicidal by then and had so much repressed memories that I started crying 5 minutes into the session. I never told me family or few friends but started the treatment. I asked for the psychotherapy and tried to avoid medication as much as possible.
This had the following effect:
My academics improved further, my personal growth occurred, I started doing freelance work, graduated and found a job before my final exams at an MNC with amazing salary. Allhamdulilah.
Another test from Life: Part 1
By the time my job started, our family's finances had improved tremendously. My siblings were on scholarship, I was contributing monthly, My freelance work was going strong and I had started a small company that provided some online services (IT, content writing).
My family had me engaged to my cousin who was 5 years younger than me, although it was not my choice but I did not object as I wanted to settle and move on in life.
I only asked few questions such as to have the girl's explicit consent and please keep everything low profile until I was ready for marriage. So it was low hum affair and everything seemed to be going smoothly.
A few weeks later, I get a message on FB from her that she wanted me to refuse the rishta stuff, I was surprised as we hadn't interact much by that time as I was busy in job and she was doing her bachelors. She was upfront; she wanted to end the engagement and wanted me to be the one to ask our family.
I accepted and said that I will talk to my family at a suitable time.
Fast forward, a week I get another message that she wanted to talk with me. It was our first call and she explained to me that she was okay with the rishta, and wanted me to continue things as they were. I accepted again and told her that she should focus on her education more and complete the degree.
Another test from Life: Part 2
After that we had no more contact for some time. I enrolled in a fully funded MS program with the intention that I will start the wedding process once I had my MS. It was at that time I switched to another city where both my job and university, and started living on my own. I had a good thing going on, I was 26, had a good job, plenty of savings, engaged etc. My family was happy and things were going smooth.
She contacted me again and told me that she was having some issues in her studies, she was doing an economics degree and was supposed to be in the third year (junior year) but she had failed most of her classes and was in fact still stuck in lower semesters. I agreed to help her and I started teaching her daily via skype/later FB. I would do her assignments, help her revise, teach her concepts etc.
Fast forward a year, I start my thesis, get a promotion, she gets better education, she completes requirements to move ahead and is in her 6th semester.
By the time, we start getting really close. We communicated daily, my schedule allowed me more time now since my research was simulation based and i would do it from my apartment.
There were somethings I learned about her: she had an affair with someone before my rishta, her parents refused because the boy had "poor reputation", she told me I was the right person because I was always quiet and never asked her anything etc etc
I lowered my guard, I told her about my diagnosis and it was the first time she made fun of me, called me a gandu. I was petrified, we were on the phone and my BP dipped, I started sweating with anxiety. I, however, laughed along and did not think of it much. We met later at a wedding for the first time and it was strange because she met me like I was her lover, you know all smiles and tears, hugs and cheek kisses etc I was floored. Till that point in my life I had not touched a girl, had no GFs, nothing. This point was the only thing I was inquired about, she went back in my life and contacted people to see if I was telling the truth, once she was satisfied that I was STUPID in all sense, she knew she had me. Her friends and close cousins called me and set up dates around the wedding, I had cash and I was stupid enough to tell her about my salary.
It was during that time I knew what is the power of sex, why it is said that this thing is the most powerful force in world. In our first meeting, she was all over me and after that I could not resist. Every time I regretted it, she would get me online and we did it. She had all the responses, she knew where I was weak and where I was vulnerable. She was experienced, she taught me as If she was a pro. I still remember her one line: shaadi say phelay bhi muhabbat hoti hai. She repeatedly asked me to meet her on dates, thankfully after one meeting I refused everytime. I lied but I avoided her meeting in person.
I complete my MS, get more funding for PhD. She fails more courses and still is at the university.
The Truth
Her mobile malfunctions, she messages me from another number to log in her FB account and download some wedding pictures her friend was sending her.
I was unable to find pics so I reluctantly opened more of her messages to find them. One particular name caught my attention, than two, than three. than more.
She was actively communicating with her ex, more male friends, remember that wedding? the brother of the bride was proposing her, another person was proposing her, a fucking FSc boy was asking her about me so he could convince me to break off the wedding.
I was petrified, I was sorry for breaking her privacy but I wanted to know what was going on.
When I asked her about the messages, it was as if a dam had broken. She said I was not trusting her, how dare I look into other messages, invade her privacy, lanat ho meray per, she would change after getting married, I was not spicy enough for her (her exact words).
Unable to bear more, I called my family and told them that I am not ready for this rishta anymore, the only reason I said was of ex. BOOM as if a bomb went off.
She shared the sexting videos, she said I only wanted her for sex, she told everyone I was gay and had a relationship with men, I was already married so I was just "gaming" her, I was cheap and poor (because she asked for an iPhone as a gift and I said no I could not afford it at the time).
Result
I had a nervous break down, went into depression, got brain injuries (some aneurysm), lost my job due to unable to work, got called a zaani etc etc
My family boycotted me for three years. Few years ago, my mother became depressed and had got diagnosed with hypertension, my father had a episodes of angina. I got worse as well.
Ending:
Few years ago, I got a call from my family after several years and they told me that the details of all the stuff she said turned out to be a lie. She later almost repeated the same with someone else but unlike me that person threatened to throw acid on her.
Btw she later called me to take her back and start over, I never replied.
A few weeks ago, my mother called me again and said that that woman was engaged again to some very wealth person. However, by that time I was done and told my family that I will be going abroad soon and start my life again.
I already have PR from Australia, I have a job offer as a researcher there. I will also receive disability support in case I leave my job, I hid nothing. I am still undergoing therapy and have a scheduled ECT in a month.
I am sorry and I ask Allah for forgiveness everyday for my actions, I am sorry that I was not strong enough.
I also urge anyone reading this to please consult a mental health professional if your life is going down words.
13 comments
1 SnapshillBot 2019-03-24
Bahahhaha. This is totally individualized. First of all. And people don't change, second of all. You should never ever ever get online and preach again. You don't understand reality at all.
People are the exact same they were 1000 years ago, you fucking psycho. People don't change kid. Grow the fuck up and stop whining so much. Your life is your fault. You've been given opportunity most everyone from the past 20,000 years could only dream of. You're a loser and we didn't do it. We tried to help. You did it. You are that
Snapshots:
I am a bot. (Info / Contact)
1 ForumPolice 2019-03-24
And the link is dead.
1 VapingCyanide 2019-03-24
Link is dead?
1 ForumPolice 2019-03-24
Its not letting me click it. Like it’s just a retry symbol over and over
1 VapingCyanide 2019-03-24
Maybe you've been quarantined to this sub?
1 elephantofdoom 2019-03-24
Works for me. But just because I am feeling charitable today I'll post it for you.
1 elephantofdoom 2019-03-24
I have noticed several relationship and shaadi threads lately on this sub. I would like to share something with you guys and try to lessen my psychological torture. Since many members here are from Pakistani environment so they may be able to understand some context.
I am using a throwaway and will try to hide as much personal details as possible. Also, trigger warning. Apologies for the wall of text.
Background
I am a male, 33 years old. Average in all aspects, only saving social grace is that I have a PhD and I earn in low 6 figures. Otherwise I am nothing special. I belong to a typical urban middle class, eldest child, parents educated to some extent, mother is a housewife, father was sole bread earner - hopefully you get the picture.
My Childhood/adolescence
I had a rough childhood, being a first born often means that parents are woefully unprepared to handle a newborn. My grandparents died when I was a toddler, so not much family support and my father was laid off when I was 5 and had two other siblings (both really young). This led to sever tensions in our house. Father would be angry if I did something wrong, he would fight with mother who than, in return, would get more angrier on me. I was beaten with such regularity that it is often funny now that it was the only thing that happened regularly. I was considered a spoiled child, my parents would lock me outside my house at night, would regularly tell my relatives that I was the most badtameez person in household, would go and complain to my teachers and school fellows.
This was all going on when I was trying my utmost to not do anything wrong, I never understood what wrong or mistakes I was doing. This led to growing distance between me and my family. I never told them that I was raped and sexually abused from age 9 to 11. I was molested by men and women during my early teens. I was severely bullied to the point that one person (during FSc) nearly broke my leg and when i fought back he called his friends who all beat me together (it was my first fight ever). I never said anything. Also, the communication gap was wide that my parents literally left it upto me to get to know more about religion, namaz, sexuality stuff etc
One good thing happened though, When I was 15, my parents were beating me and breaking several things on me (no kidding), one blow really hurt me and I instinctively took everything out of their hands and threw it away. It was than my parents realized I was more physically powerful than them and switched to psychological abuse (you know Islam and Rights of parents stuff)
My University Days
This made me an introvert, caused me to develop severe social phobias, gave me Generalized Anxiety Disorder which led to Hypothyroidism and my poor health. How do I know this? Well, I cleared the entrance test to an engineering and during the first semester the counseling department conducted a test and single me out. After plenty of sessions, I was sent to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me as on Autism Spectrum Disorder in comorbidity with ADHD, OCD, BPD and Depression. I was suicidal by then and had so much repressed memories that I started crying 5 minutes into the session. I never told me family or few friends but started the treatment. I asked for the psychotherapy and tried to avoid medication as much as possible.
This had the following effect:
My academics improved further, my personal growth occurred, I started doing freelance work, graduated and found a job before my final exams at an MNC with amazing salary. Allhamdulilah.
Another test from Life: Part 1
By the time my job started, our family's finances had improved tremendously. My siblings were on scholarship, I was contributing monthly, My freelance work was going strong and I had started a small company that provided some online services (IT, content writing).
My family had me engaged to my cousin who was 5 years younger than me, although it was not my choice but I did not object as I wanted to settle and move on in life.
I only asked few questions such as to have the girl's explicit consent and please keep everything low profile until I was ready for marriage. So it was low hum affair and everything seemed to be going smoothly.
A few weeks later, I get a message on FB from her that she wanted me to refuse the rishta stuff, I was surprised as we hadn't interact much by that time as I was busy in job and she was doing her bachelors. She was upfront; she wanted to end the engagement and wanted me to be the one to ask our family.
I accepted and said that I will talk to my family at a suitable time.
Fast forward, a week I get another message that she wanted to talk with me. It was our first call and she explained to me that she was okay with the rishta, and wanted me to continue things as they were. I accepted again and told her that she should focus on her education more and complete the degree.
Another test from Life: Part 2
After that we had no more contact for some time. I enrolled in a fully funded MS program with the intention that I will start the wedding process once I had my MS. It was at that time I switched to another city where both my job and university, and started living on my own. I had a good thing going on, I was 26, had a good job, plenty of savings, engaged etc. My family was happy and things were going smooth.
She contacted me again and told me that she was having some issues in her studies, she was doing an economics degree and was supposed to be in the third year (junior year) but she had failed most of her classes and was in fact still stuck in lower semesters. I agreed to help her and I started teaching her daily via skype/later FB. I would do her assignments, help her revise, teach her concepts etc.
Fast forward a year, I start my thesis, get a promotion, she gets better education, she completes requirements to move ahead and is in her 6th semester.
By the time, we start getting really close. We communicated daily, my schedule allowed me more time now since my research was simulation based and i would do it from my apartment.
There were somethings I learned about her: she had an affair with someone before my rishta, her parents refused because the boy had "poor reputation", she told me I was the right person because I was always quiet and never asked her anything etc etc
I lowered my guard, I told her about my diagnosis and it was the first time she made fun of me, called me a gandu. I was petrified, we were on the phone and my BP dipped, I started sweating with anxiety. I, however, laughed along and did not think of it much. We met later at a wedding for the first time and it was strange because she met me like I was her lover, you know all smiles and tears, hugs and cheek kisses etc I was floored. Till that point in my life I had not touched a girl, had no GFs, nothing. This point was the only thing I was inquired about, she went back in my life and contacted people to see if I was telling the truth, once she was satisfied that I was STUPID in all sense, she knew she had me. Her friends and close cousins called me and set up dates around the wedding, I had cash and I was stupid enough to tell her about my salary.
It was during that time I knew what is the power of sex, why it is said that this thing is the most powerful force in world. In our first meeting, she was all over me and after that I could not resist. Every time I regretted it, she would get me online and we did it. She had all the responses, she knew where I was weak and where I was vulnerable. She was experienced, she taught me as If she was a pro. I still remember her one line: shaadi say phelay bhi muhabbat hoti hai. She repeatedly asked me to meet her on dates, thankfully after one meeting I refused everytime. I lied but I avoided her meeting in person.
1 elephantofdoom 2019-03-24
I complete my MS, get more funding for PhD. She fails more courses and still is at the university.
The Truth
Her mobile malfunctions, she messages me from another number to log in her FB account and download some wedding pictures her friend was sending her.
I was unable to find pics so I reluctantly opened more of her messages to find them. One particular name caught my attention, than two, than three. than more.
She was actively communicating with her ex, more male friends, remember that wedding? the brother of the bride was proposing her, another person was proposing her, a fucking FSc boy was asking her about me so he could convince me to break off the wedding.
I was petrified, I was sorry for breaking her privacy but I wanted to know what was going on.
When I asked her about the messages, it was as if a dam had broken. She said I was not trusting her, how dare I look into other messages, invade her privacy, lanat ho meray per, she would change after getting married, I was not spicy enough for her (her exact words).
Unable to bear more, I called my family and told them that I am not ready for this rishta anymore, the only reason I said was of ex. BOOM as if a bomb went off.
She shared the sexting videos, she said I only wanted her for sex, she told everyone I was gay and had a relationship with men, I was already married so I was just "gaming" her, I was cheap and poor (because she asked for an iPhone as a gift and I said no I could not afford it at the time).
Result
I had a nervous break down, went into depression, got brain injuries (some aneurysm), lost my job due to unable to work, got called a zaani etc etc
My family boycotted me for three years. Few years ago, my mother became depressed and had got diagnosed with hypertension, my father had a episodes of angina. I got worse as well.
Ending:
Few years ago, I got a call from my family after several years and they told me that the details of all the stuff she said turned out to be a lie. She later almost repeated the same with someone else but unlike me that person threatened to throw acid on her.
Btw she later called me to take her back and start over, I never replied.
A few weeks ago, my mother called me again and said that that woman was engaged again to some very wealth person. However, by that time I was done and told my family that I will be going abroad soon and start my life again.
I already have PR from Australia, I have a job offer as a researcher there. I will also receive disability support in case I leave my job, I hid nothing. I am still undergoing therapy and have a scheduled ECT in a month.
I am sorry and I ask Allah for forgiveness everyday for my actions, I am sorry that I was not strong enough.
I also urge anyone reading this to please consult a mental health professional if your life is going down words.
Thank you all
1 elephantofdoom 2019-03-24
I understood about 65% of that.
1 grep_var_log 2019-03-24
What is Urdu for 'Rolltide'?
1 Power_Incarnate 2019-03-24
Obviously his mistake was not throwing acid on her
1 captainkadin 2019-03-24
#EXPOSED #FORTNITE #DAB #DRAMAALERT #IHATEDRAMA #IMSODONEWITHDRAMA #DRAMAISSTOOPID
1 [deleted] 2019-03-24
[deleted]