An open letter to Mojang.

72  2019-05-17 by ImJustaBagofHammers

In commemoration of the 10th anniversary of Minecraft’s official release, I have decided to type this open letter to the Mojang staff, in the hopes that notch (who, despite being a moderator, I am not allowed to ping) might relay it to a Mojang employee or group of employees who he may still be in contact with (I could email it to them, but I doubt anyone would ever read), however the sale of the company may have negatively impacted their relationship. Here is the letter:

Dear Mojang,

I am /u/ImJustaBagofHammers, a devoted fan of your game and active player on the official Minecraft of the subreddit that your own founder - who, if you are reading this message, most likely sent it to you - moderates. Though you have probably not heard of me, I have found it necessary to type this letter. I have been an avid admirer of and participant in your game, Minecraft, for many years. I have made great memories and developed useful skills in my escapades on both my singleplayer worlds and on various servers. I have played and made adventures maps. I was a devoted follower of many of the classic Minecraft YouTubers. I give sole credit to this game for my interest in engineering and in applied physics. It is because of the devotion of people such as myself that your game became the most successful the world has ever seen. Indeed, it is because I appreciate your game that I am so greatly distressed by its current direction, specifically by how it exposes your hypocrisy, apathy, unethical and potentially even illegal behavior, and contempt for the Minecraft community. To illustrate this point, I really could analyze any recent update, but I’ve decided to focus on 1.14 in particular. Though this letter’s structure may seem disorganized, and its contents irrelevant, I hope that it, harnessing your piercing intellects, will be able to illuminate the problems of such aspects of the current state of your game as those of you who still have consciences have ignored. I will of course not comment on every last change or addition made in the update, and I will barely acknowledge the positive changes because, frankly, they are almost all very subtle and long overdue. Now, without adieu:

Playing through the latest update, I was struck by your hypocritical design philosophy. I noticed two particular examples of this; I will begin with the more benign (which I feel is probably the result of apathy), and then discuss the far more sinister one. The more harmless example is the new stonecutter block, whose model features a sawblade. You have rejected many suggested features (rightly, in my opinion), such as mining hats, for “not fitting with the Medieval theme of Minecraft”. Why then did you add this? However, this issue is massively overshadowed by another; a new mob you added to the game is the fox. As an ambient mob, I quite like the fox. That said, I strongly object to the ability to take foxes. Foxes are frequently kept as pets, which causes them to live out depressing and anxious lives, as they, of course, are not domesticated animals. Why would you encourage children and even clueless adults to participate in this incredibly inhumane enterprise, especially considering that you yourselves removed the ability to tame parrots by feeding them cookies out of a concern for the wellbeing of parrots, and in this very update removed polar bears from the list of mobs required for the monsters hunted advancement? I can assume only that you have some financial interest in promoting the wild fox pet trade, which, if true, is quite disappointing.

The new update makes many changes to villagers and villagers, both by redesigning villagers and by adding a new mob: the pillager. As you are without a doubt aware of the changes, I will not bother to list them all here. I appreciate many of the quality-of-life changes to villagers, and I can tolerate the changes to villager profession selection (though it complicates some of my challenge maps); I take issue only with the changes to villager appearance. I admit that my objections are not wholly rational, but I wish there they retained their classic appearance in at least one biome. At any rate, the other visual changes surpass them in both consequence and malice. With regard to villagers, I take greater issue with pillagers.

I must admit that pillagers seem halfhearted. From the beginning, I was skeptical of “raider villagers”, but I thought the idea might work as long as the raids didn’t happen automatically without possibility of prevention (and indeed, they do not). However, I think there was a missed opportunity to make pillagers a new kind of villager rather than a new kind of illager. If they were villagers, they would be neutral to the player by default and players would potentially have the ability to ally themselves with them. In this case, they would also be mutually-hostile with zombies. You might say that you couldn’t promote raiding in a children’s game, but by the very design of Minecraft, the player is able to do heinously evil things; for example, it is possible to directly burn child villagers to death if you like. Therefore, I don’t see how joining raider gangs would be much worse. You could even make the gangs take over settlements instead of indiscriminately slaughtering everyone (except the children, who can prolong a raid by several minutes as the pillagers wait for them to grow up so they can kill them, which could have been solved if you made them kidnap to raise them as pillagers) make it seem better. As it stands now, however, pillagers are simply a new enemy. While adding new enemies isn’t inherently bad, I feel you could have done more. Lastly, it should be possible to exterminate pillagers from an area. Pillager patrols should spawn only if there is an active outpost in the area, and the pillagers in an outpost should have to rebuild their population by breeding or by raising kidnapped baby villagers. In the current version of your game, there is no way to eliminate organized crime if you try to create a civilization encompassing multiple settlements, and, since pillagers are automatically hostile, no way to travel without being attacked.

In addition to these things, you’ve added a new villager-like mob; the wandering trader. Though I admire its advanced AI and complex behavior, it should not have been added to the game. All it does is sell the player biome-specific items, which, since it always spawns near a player, eliminates the incentive to explore, a major and lauded feature of your game. I cannot imagine you really thought this would “help” players who didn’t want to explore for resources; creative mode and commands exist for that. The only way it could conceivably be useful is on a large anarchy server where all resources within large areas have been depleted. However, because it always spawns next to a player, and there is a cap of one per world at a specific time, most players will never see it on a large server.

Now I would like to briefly comment on another new mob: the panda. I would find it quite peculiar that you spent valuable time making them one of the most complex mobs in the history of the game, having sets of alleles that combine to manifest as varying phenotypes, when they have practically no function, the only practical function, so far as I can see, is collecting slimeballs in peaceful difficulty (baby pandas sometimes sneeze in a reference to the long-dead internet meme and drop slimeballs as a result). However, I do not, for I believe I have the depressing answer; the People’s Republic of China. You would be far from the first corporation to pander to China at the cost of the immediate value of your own property. The PRC is infamous for its use of “panda diplomacy” to improve its international image; I have to wonder if they worked out an arrangement with to ease their restrictions on Minecraft (which isn’t outright illegal) in exchange with cooperation with this agenda.

The previous supporting paragraphs have avoiding directly addressing one of the most controversial and damning elements of the new update; the texture changes. In this paragraph, I will address it, along with another, comparatively minor, change. To the shock of many, you took it upon yourselves to completely redesign every last texture in the game (except for that of the creeper, which is preserved for being “iconic”). Yes, you did not make them the default (though you plan to from the next update onward), and currently have no public intention of making them mandatory without mods. Nevertheless, they are a window into your future plans for the game. It is obvious what you hope to achieve by changing the textures (with seemingly no support) from their iconic classic designs (which is so ubiquitous that most people can probably picture them in their head on command) to generic ones that, if I may be honest, make Minecraft look like a free-to-play mobile knockoff of itself. You want to make Minecraft into a bland, mobile-style game that any five-year old can pick up and play with for hours doing nothing of value. If the game’s character, colored with the heart and soul poured into by its creators and which reflects the neurodiverse individuals who finally found an outlet in it, must die for this, then so be it. When you have had your way, Minecraft will no longer by a life-redefining experience that inspires those pushed to the edge by society to achieve greatness, it will no longer by a game in which thousands make creative and challenging puzzles and adventures for everyone to enjoy, it will no longer be a game that inspires artists and engineers; it will be game where children build models of penis out of TNT and laugh as they blow them up. To this end, you have redesigned the textures, simplified the game, and even changed the dye system, because usually ground-up bones for white dye apparently gave the game too much personality. You have made your contempt for the neurodiverse no secret; you even condescendingly renamed the classic textures to “programmer art”. Its blatancy would be laughable if it wasn’t so appalling.

With all that said, I should stress that your game is not beyond saving. If you wish to take my advice to heart, you must remove the sawblade from the stonecutter’s texture and the ability to tame foxes (but may keep them as an ambient mob), make player-pillager relations more dynamic, remove the wandering trader, cut any illicit ties you may have formed with repressive regimes, and, last but not least, reverse the trend of “simplifying” the game. Thank you for reading this letter. I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

Cordially,

/u/ImJustaBagofHammers

44 comments

1  ComedicSans 2019-05-17

Imagine typing that many words about digital Lego.

1  Icerex 2019-05-17

Talking about Minecraft in 2019 😴😴😴

1  L13utenant 2019-05-17

gamers OUT

1  MacAndShits 2019-05-17

gamers are the most oppressed race

1  bleached_ammonia 2019-05-17

and that's a good thing.

1  Wordshark 2019-05-17

k

1  TheColdTurtle 2019-05-17

VERY high effort post

1  MacAndShits 2019-05-17

VERY autistic dramanaut shitposting with incredibly hihg effort

1  d-amazo 2019-05-17

this isn't regular autism.

this is advanced autism.

1  MooseHeckler 2019-05-17

We're going to need a bigger boat.

1  elephantofdoom 2019-05-17

Bring back sky biome.

1  MacAndShits 2019-05-17

Bring back sky does minceraft

1  pepperouchau 2019-05-17

I can smell this post

1  600_lbs_of_sin 2019-05-17

/u /longpostbot pls

1  Soystache_ 2019-05-17

[DIDN'T READ LOL](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/154/912/berneydidnotread.gif?1318992465)

1  GameUpBoyHustleHardr 2019-05-17

this

1  Lee13412 2019-05-17

Getting drunk and pirating Minecraft tonight not because I support gamers but because I support notch’s nazi beliefs

1  kalinida 2019-05-17

The first thing people see in my server is the reichstag with swastikas and nazi flag banners

1  Barkasia 2019-05-17

Mfw we can't ping Notch

1  fidel_castrato 2019-05-17

imagine the smell

1  kalinida 2019-05-17

If this is not a copy paste from some forum autist

BIG

YIKES

1  KH0SH3KH 2019-05-17

I'm the kind of autistic who, if you let me, would go on an hour long rant about H.P. Lovecraft. It's super common for autistics to have an intense burning passion for something normal like lego or communism or 1980's culture or what have you. And I can't describe how good it makes me feel to talk about what I love with someone (who tends to not give a shit about what I'm saying). I imagine it's the same for OP. I've learned that there's a time and place for infodumping why Lovecraft's racism, while horrendous, doesn't mean you can't love his writing, but it is a necessary facet of his personality you need to understand to -- shit. i mean, I usually know when I'm overdoing it and it just looks pathetic to neurotypicals.

​

only thing that sucks is when i wanna infodump to my autistic girlfriend but she wants to infodump about some math thing i dont understand, and it just hurts my head. aside from that 10/10 recommend loser autists find a cute autist gf

1  kalinida 2019-05-17

You deserve all the bullying society throws at you

1  KH0SH3KH 2019-05-17

why is that?

1  kalinida 2019-05-17

Stop using a mental illness as an excuse for behavoir

1  KH0SH3KH 2019-05-17

  1. autism isn't a mental illness
  2. it's not an excuse, it's an explanation as to why I do things most neurotypicals don't. I'm not a dick about it, if you tell me plainly "hey i get you're super passionate but can we talk about something else" I'll stop. And usually I know to catch myself so that situation is super rare anyways.

1  kalinida 2019-05-17

Im gonna fucking slap your binder out of your hands next time i see you in the hallway fucking nerd. Watch out.

1  KH0SH3KH 2019-05-17

well ok then

1  wow___justwow 2019-05-17

commemoration

Commemorate my cock.

1  BurgerLaowai 2019-05-17

A Response from Microsoft to ImJustaBagofHammers

Let's talk about ImJustaBagofHammers's complaints. Let's talk about them in a very specific and personal way. Here's the story: ImJustaBagofHammers sees itself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences). For some odd reason, ImJustaBagofHammers believes that laws are meant to be broken. Its unasinous aides-de-camp, who believe likewise, also fail to see that the feudalism “debate” is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly publicized, irrational attack on progressive ideas.

ImJustaBagofHammers wonders why everyone hates it. Apparently, it never stopped to think that maybe it's because it's easy enough to hate it any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that it is up to, things that ought to make a real ImJustaBagofHammers-hater out of you. First off, I'm not asking whether its verbalisms are valid or whether they have any application to current topics of theoretical and political importance. I'm asking only the following specific question: Is it possible for those who defend morally questionable imperialism to make their defense look more raffish than it currently is? This isn't such an easy question to answer, but let me take a stab at it: ImJustaBagofHammers's soliloquies have kept us separated for too long from the love, contributions, and challenges of our brothers and sisters in this wonderful adventure we share together—life! I would inarguably not have thought it possible that ImJustaBagofHammers gained ascendancy through monstrous abuse of its foot soldiers, but it's true. How did ImJustaBagofHammers get so yellow-bellied? I have my theories, but they're only speculation. At any rate, an understanding of the damage that may be caused by its swinish rejoinders isn't something I expect everyone to develop the first time they hear about it. That's why I write over and over again and from so many different angles about how ImJustaBagofHammers has stated that its ruses epitomize wholesome family entertainment. I find such declaratory statements quite telling. They tell me that I'm no psychiatrist. Still, from the little I know about psychiatry I can undeniably say that ImJustaBagofHammers seems to exhibit many of the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. I don't say that to judge but merely to put ImJustaBagofHammers's rebarbative philosophies into perspective.

The sad truth is that our nation is infected with the poisons of nepotism, stoicism, and xenophobia. And the sadder truth is that those poisons have been fed, watered, fertilized, and fostered by ImJustaBagofHammers and its claque. On that note, let me say that I defy the insolent, petty ogres who ridicule the accomplishments of generations of great men and women, and I defy the powers of darkness that they represent. ImJustaBagofHammers exhibits signs of arrested development, don't you think? What I'm trying to say is that ImJustaBagofHammers's rummy, brown-nosing ideologies are meticulously designed to keep the population unaware, uneducated, dumbed down, and focused on stupefying activities like video games. The intention is to prevent people from noticing that ImJustaBagofHammers has been funding, assembling, and training alabandical whiners to shove us towards an absolute state of vassalage. Some people have said that ImJustaBagofHammers's record of truth-telling is, shall we say, less than a hundred percent. Maybe. But I'm more inclined to believe that I unequivocally dislike ImJustaBagofHammers. Likes or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that ImJustaBagofHammers has the nerve to call those of us who follow through on the critical work that has already begun “conspiracy theorists”. No, we're “conspiracy revealers” because we reveal that ImJustaBagofHammers has quite a clever technique for concealing its intent to make us the helpless puppets of our demographic labels. Specifically, its technique is to delve into philological discussions about comparative abstractive norms whenever the conversation veers too close towards revealing that its vassals have repeatedly been caught making people suspicious of those who speak the truth. I had expected better from ImJustaBagofHammers and its vaunted loony-bin crew, but then again, it keeps trying to expose and neutralize its detractors rather than sit at the same table and negotiate. And if we don't remain eternally vigilant, it will honestly succeed. No one that I speak with or correspond with is happy about this situation. Of course, I don't speak or correspond with repulsive criminal masterminds, ImJustaBagofHammers's confederates, or anyone else who fails to realize that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that ImJustaBagofHammers must be surrounded by some sort of reality-distortion field. Why else would its encomiasts claim that it is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative? If it weren't for all that reality distortion they'd instead be observing that ImJustaBagofHammers's tricks have merged with frotteurism in several interesting ways. Both spring from the same kind of reality-denying mentality. Both condone universal oppression. And both hijack our educational system and turn it into a self-cloning propaganda machine.

I recently heard some encouraging news. It appears that ImJustaBagofHammers's ongoing campaign to create a new cottage industry around its vindictive form of desperadoism has been meeting some opposition. Apparently, not everyone wants ImJustaBagofHammers to undermine the intellectual purpose of higher education. Rather, an increasing number of people have come to realize that it seems to have recently added the word “hyperphosphorescence” to its otherwise simplistic vocabulary. I suppose ImJustaBagofHammers intends to use big words like that to obscure the fact that the very genesis of its moonstruck biases is in Bonapartism. And it seems to me to be a neat bit of historic justice that ImJustaBagofHammers will eventually itself be destroyed by Bonapartism.

Although unbiased journalism died long ago, I'm pleased to find at least some minimal reporting of how I, unlike ImJustaBagofHammers, refuse to beat plowshares into swords. That represents yet more evidence—as if we needed more—that I shall not argue that ImJustaBagofHammers's newsgroup postings are an authentic map of its plan to expose and punish individuals who do not conform to its philosophies or beliefs. Read them and see for yourself. Out of the vast number of devastating evils for which hypocritical gomerals are directly or indirectly responsible, I shall pick out only a single one which is most in keeping with the inner essence of ImJustaBagofHammers's politically incorrect, ultra-putrid canards: paternalism. I am indeed annoyed with ImJustaBagofHammers's insistence that views not informed by radical critique implicitly promote hegemonic values. Sorry, ImJustaBagofHammers, but that's not a fact. That's intellectual dishonesty bordering on lunacy. If ImJustaBagofHammers wanted to speak the truth, it should have said that a recent United Nations report on human-rights abuses found that it acts with animus against those who expurgate sectarianism in all its forms from our humble community. The devastating findings of this report should not be ignored. In particular, I want to highlight the report's observation that ImJustaBagofHammers finds it convenient to blame all of society's woes on deplorable undesirables. Doing so fits with the rest of its populist sloganeering and takes less intellectual effort than investigating the structural factors and material practices that may in fact be the true reason that just as night follows day, ImJustaBagofHammers will mold your mind and have you see the world not as it is but as it wants you to see it before you know it. There are arguments that have made respectable organizations out of nudniks like ImJustaBagofHammers. So I give you this letter. I hope it helps.

1  TryitoutJulia 2019-05-17

A few years ago, I went to a fighting game tournament.

I was there to see some SF4, and some big names were there (Jwong, Fchamp, Snake Eyes). Of course, being a large tournament, there were other games. Guilty Gear, Skullgirls (a tranny got 2nd place on this one), Mortal kombat, all the usual games. Of course, this includes Smash.

Smash was kept in a separate room, attached to the large conference hall. It was an individual conference room, about the size of a tennis court. I walked in to check it out.

This room was filled with males, ranged 13 to 30. All of their combined body odor, smelly feet, and sweat patches assaulted my nose immediately. Most were wearing graphic tee shirts and athletic mesh shorts. This allows the smell to escape much more easily than jeans. White Nike New Balances or sandals. Most were wearing backpacks.

I've mostly forgotten about it, because it was years ago, but I will never forget that smell.

When I read this post, I could smell it again. I can't think of a logical, scientific reason for this response.

I don't understand why a long post from r/ImJustaBagofHammers would trigger this memory in me.

I don't know why, but I do know this: I never want to remember that smell again.

1  ElonMuskarr 2019-05-17

cool

1  error404brain 2019-05-17

There are more word in that pasta than in the average lefty meme, lmao.

1  Mayos_side 2019-05-17

The stone cutter wheel really bothered me too.

1  reeeditor 2019-05-17

Jesus this sort of thing is normal:

​

https://www.reddit.com/r/Minecraft/search/?q=an%20open%20letter&restrict_sr=1

1  FoidBlaster 2019-05-17

Holy shit lol, there's so fucking many

1  Wild_Hunt 2019-05-17

LongPostBot smite this man

1  atmpls 2019-05-17

What the fuck did I just skim?

1  Redactor0 2019-05-17

I don't understand the assumption that stonecutters wouldn't have had saws in medieval times.

1  ImJustaBagofHammers 2019-05-17

It's a motorized sawblade. It's even animated.

1  Mayos_side 2019-05-17

Doesn't even require redstone!!!

1  janniesRfags 2019-05-17

I just want voxeldaddy to notice me, is that too much to ask?

1  WreckingYourHome 2019-05-17

I've known more coherent downies.

I am a bot. Contact for questions

1  Mamalgam 2019-05-17

READING THIS WAS NOT WORTH IT