This tweet serves as an introduction to the issue, and has more spice than the main content below.

The text below is quoted - let me assure you, I personally have never been exploited by an ASOIAF blogger.

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Hand of the Dragon MARCH 17, 2019 I will no longer be doing Mythical Astronomy, Between Two Weirwoods, or any content with Lucifer Means LightBringer. David/LML would like to shroud what happened in ambiguity - not because he wants to do good by me, his fans, or paying patrons but to deflect attention from his own wrongdoing. I won’t do that. I can’t do that. It is important that you all know what happened between us; so that you can see what I saw, the type of person David/LML truly is. I am also withdrawing permission for David to use my art. I created the work without compensation because I supported David, but I can no longer allow him to use my art to create the impression that I either support or endorse him. I will no longer be allowing anyone to use my work to support him as well and am asking that everyone respect my wishes in regards to my work.

Some background: About a year ago, after Con of Thrones 2018, LML asked me to livestream with him. I was thrilled: to draw, joke, and entertain my friend and his youtube viewers. During the process, I thought of David as a friend, and we collaborated well - him serving as leader and writer, myself as the chat mod/superchat puller, and visual entertainer.

I volunteered (pro-bono) to do everything for LML’s Youtube channel that I did on my own. A lot of people aren’t aware that, originally, I was planning on doing a solo interview-style, bi-weekly livestream where I would have guests on and paint/draw whilst having a fun ASOIAF related discussion. David was one of two guests that I had on before I started devoting more time to moderating his streams. ASOIAF fanart and content creation are my passions, and I loved creating art for the community to enjoy.

I thought things were going well, but things changed for the worse. When he asked me to be on weekly livestreams I was psyched after I got through my first livestream with him. I didn’t realize was actually an interview process. He has been known to cut people if they don’t meet his standards, and not invite people back if they don’t live up to his expectations. And on January 27th, 2019 he forgot to invite me on for the his video entitled “Sacred Order of Green Zombies 5”, leaving me out of the planning group and going live without me. The chat noticed, and I forgave LML writing it off as he was busy, and probably just not thinking clearly. He immediately apologized to myself and the chat.

But then he forgot me again - this time for the Con of Thrones 2019 panels after getting annoyed when I asked to be on multiple panels with him. LML proceeded to “sarcastically” tell me to calm down in his Slack group - it was very negative. Thereafter, I stopped asking to be included and was left out of all panels except for one: the live one where I could “perform best” by drawing for him while he spoke.

To briefly describe the series of events leading up to a recent annual ASOIAF convention: First, David began downplaying my partner role in his podcast. My role as has never been a role of partnership. It’s a lesser role, and one he emphasized to be less important to himself as more as time went on. He then stopped talking to me directly - sometimes for weeks at a time - only coming back weeks later in private, to talk to me about “what to paint next” or tell me “how we make a good team.” Our conversations stopped being normal friendship conversations, and more a weekly routine of me receiving the hangouts link and telling him he did a good job after. He would also take this time to compliment me, bolster my self confidence after painting a piece live for him, and suggest the piece for next week. This is when I started asking him what he wanted painted, since drawing the original, silly doodles “distracted the chat” in his opinion.

While all this was going on, and since I was the Hand of the Dragon, I took on additional labor to keep LML’s “community” harmonious -- namely dealing with the fallout of David’s aggressive twitter posts, his constant “dragonfire” and heated discussions with various members of the community; both on twitter and also via youtube. Healthy discourse is fine, but there’s a point of being stubborn and disrespecting someone for disagreeing with your idea that becomes cruel. I constantly reached out to people, or was reached out to, and did just what you’d expect from ME; I soothed them and tried to explain his behavior away. This was emotional labor willfully taken on for the community and the sake of our friendship . I was worried he was driving people away with this behavior, and I did all I could to put out his metaphorical fires.

So, to summarize: LML used me for my artistic abilities in order to bring people to his shows, downplayed my partnership on his Mythical Astronomy streams and belittled me publicly. These events made me feel awful, but I stayed silent. David was my friend. He’s a good guy at heart, I would tell myself. He’s always apologized once he’s realized he made a mistake. Things always seemed to improve afterwards, when he got his way or whatever he deemed was right. There was a definite shift in his personality that multiple community members noticed. At a recent annual ASOIAF convention, I mentioned to him that some of us had noticed he had been 'off' for the past year. I also mentioned we were concerned about him and wanted to know how we could help him.

Eventually, with David’s permission and in order to fulfill outstanding patron promises, I started printing and selling Mythical Astronomy tee-shirts through my website. I’ve sold roughly 75 shirts for an estimated 500 dollars. I volunteered to put all the money I made from these shirts towards our (his and my) room and board at aforementioned ASOIAF convention. If it isn’t clear so far let me put this simply - I am not involved in this fandom for the money.

But I was never paid.

For any of my 5 appearances on David’s livestreams afterwards.

I still kept a positive attitude, I thought he would pay me when he could. But at the convention, things broke down. I will not go into great detail about all the events that happened. If you have questions or want me to clarify any rumors, please feel free to ask via DM. This statement is about how David’s actions previously and at the convention affected me - it is not intended to be a blow by blow recounting of the weekend, nor a public airing of private business.

David and I had a personal disagreement at the convention at my vendor table. It was of a private nature and about something I won’t detail here other than to say that the inciting incident for what occurred between us impacts people beyond David and me -- people who have done nothing wrong. What I will share, is that David cornered me at my vendor booth on Sunday morning, forcing me into a conversation about our private disagreement in public while I was trying to serve customers.

Prior to this event, I hadn’t been sleeping or eating well during this con at all. I was tied down to my vendor table for most of the day, had a panel to worry about, and was incredibly stressed out. But my world came crashing down on me after David aggressively cornered me. I was realizing that the David we had seen online, the David who was my friend and someone I looked up to was not the person I thought he was.

After that incident with David, I was ready to pack up my things, and go home. The recent ASOIAF convention is the only physical place I sell my artwork, it’s huge for me and I spend a ton of time, money and effort getting everything there and selling it. I was the only one manning my table, and I needed to leave my table early that day. I took some time to calm myself down and tried my best to ignore the David as politely as I could at an intimate space with roughly 200-300 community members, for the rest of the con.

Ultimately, David cornering me and aggressively invading my space cost me sales, but I was so embarrassed and shaken that I needed to get away from my table for the sake of my mental health.

At this point, I knew that nothing would ever be the same again. No amount of words could change my feelings: I was hurt, I felt used, and manipulated. I started questioning everything about our friendship, and all of our previous interactions.

This is why I cannot stay silent, I have been in too many situations where I’ve been controlled, forced, or told how to feel and what to do about the situation I am experiencing. I have always been afraid of losing my ability to be on streams with David if I made him angry, upset him, or did not do what he asked. I am not saying that I was afraid of a physically violent retaliation, but physicality is just one aspect of manipulation and abuse. The fear I had of being removed from my position was enough to get what he wanted out of me.

I had 15 minutes after closing up my vendor table to decide what to do about the pregame NOWIE--the Game of Thrones TV show livestream David hosted on his channel. For the sake of the community, I powered through and did my best to hold it together. I felt pressured by him and a few others to just put a brave face and keep going. I quelled my personal upset and wanted to attempt a quiet exit from the con, despite knowing that after that weekend, I would never be a stream with LML again; the last thing that I wanted. In doing that livestream, I was not trying to mislead everyone by going live with him. Instead, what you saw was David’s attempt to publicly pressure me into pretending everything was fine.

I maybe slept an hour Sunday night, the day before a 12 hour drive I was dreading because I knew that I had to once again be confined to close quarters with him, as I had to drop him back off at the airport. I did not want to do this, it was very difficult, and I needed distance from the situation and events that had unfolded. I had done my best at this point to be as kind as possible to him -I knew that he was going through his own personal issues and it was not the appropriate time in my mind to start discussing my issues with our “partnership,” his show, and ultimately our friendship. I needed the space to process everything, which I had told him multiple times at this point - he was still discussing it with me regardless of my wishes. I felt helpless to do anything but get back home. I was in survival mode.

But I feel that David turned my kindness and need to process my feelings against me. He told our mutual friends in the Slack group that we were still friends and “stronger than ever” when I was still feeling deeply hurt. “It can wait, I’m not as important as him, I should be a good friend and just bite my tongue and we can sort it out later” was the thought running on repeat through my head to get me through this. I was mad, but I was trying to determine what could be salvaged at this point, and did not want to create anymore arguments or tension between the two of us. I had hoped that if I was given the time and space I requested, we could go depart from each other with our friendship intact, mutual respect, and understanding.

Ultimately, and overall; I learned a lot of lessons and woke up to who LML really is, deep down. He presents himself as an ally; an advocate of mental health, survivors and victims of abuse and manipulation, but really he is not. A classic maneuver by manipulators is to cover their true nature by making public outcry against these behaviors and showing support to victims, only to cover up the fact that they, themselves, are guilty of the same behavior.

I was manipulated to feel like a subordinate rather than a partner on Mythical Astronomy. I was used for my artistic abilities and held back from realizing the true place I had established myself within the community.

I am a non-confrontational person, but I am aware that there are issues with LML other that what I have listed here. I see the negative comments, I hear about the drama, I am aware of the rumors. I did not want to believe that David was actually a manipulator with narcissistic tendencies, but he proved himself to be so in front of me and others in public at the convention.

And now, he expects to face no consequences for his behavior.

Initially, I wanted to make no statement. However, as time goes on, I fear that if don’t speak up now, not just myself, but everyone he has wronged will be forced into silence and swept under the rug forever.

I will not be a silenced woman.

I have to speak against his unacceptable behavior, not just for myself, but for the interest of protecting the community above all.

I am not asking anything from anyone, other than to read this statement and honor my request not to use my artwork to support/endorse or promote him.

But I will not be a doormat either.

Those in positions of power with platforms have a responsibility, and that is to protect those who cannot protect themselves, to be strong when others can’t, and to stand up for what is right.

This is me standing up to someone who has wronged me.

I appreciate anyone and everyone who has taken the time to read this. The decision to write and publish this was not undertaken lightly, and I do not want you to feel the need to to take sides. There are no sides; David made his bed and now he has to lie in it. He has to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Do not feel pressured to reach out to me, but please do so if you would like to. Now that I’ve had the time and space needed, been able to understand how and why I feel the way I do, and discussed this with my therapist - I’m ready to talk about it.

I am not leaving the internet, I am not deleting myself, and I am not running away. I will keep making art and have plans to start something new, as well as continuing to make livestream appearances with other content creators. I have faith in this community to do the right thing, in whatever manner they choose.

It was my pleasure and honor to draw for you brillant symbolism loving folk, and an even greater joy to see your reactions in the chat, interact with you on twitter and make you smile. However, something shitty happened in our community, and it needs to be made clear that this behavior is not acceptable, our voices cannot be controlled, and we will not stand for grinning and bearing it to save face.

This has been a message from Sanrixian, signing out as “Hand,” and in as Good Queen, thank you for your time.