Hey /r/drama give me your best dating advice.

38  2019-05-31 by caliberoverreaching

89 comments

Fuck you dude. You don't just get to believe what I'd been thinking the whole time now that it's convenient for you. First apologize to me for your original opinions, shithead.

And look: the fact that you just very recently had those problematic opinions does not just mean that you get to be woke within a matter of clicks; you still have a lot of rethinking to do. So shut up. Say you're sorry, SHUT THE FUCK UP, and start listening: the adults are talking, and what we have to say will impact generations to come.

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Take a breath and remember it's a date, not a job interview.

No I need to get a girl first.

Invest in chloroform

a girl

What did he meant by this? 🤔

Buy clonazolam online and take it. You won’t gaf

This is terrible advice lmao. Clonazolam is pretty junkie and too dangerous for most normies. Phenibut is a much more reasonable suggestion.

Phenibut is trash

It's good if you have zero GABA tolerance, trust me.

🤔 maybe so. I’ve had it and it just made me dizzy tbh

You should be persistent, but not persistent over one person. If it isn't gonna happen than accept it isn't gonna happen, and move on to someone else. Talking to girls is a skillset like any other, the more you do it the better you're gonna get.

Also, while doing so isn't gonna make you instantly swim in gussy you need to at least present yourself somewhat well. A good appearance alone won't get you through the door, but a bad appearance will make sure you never get through the door.

Wear cloths that conform to your body without being constructive or too tight, try to learn what is in fashion for your cultural norms, don't dress like a faggot. Don't wear cologne unless it's good cologne, if you need help finding good cologne go to fragrantica.com. Also, a great and extremely affordable cologne is Perry Ellis 360 Red. When I stopped being a proto-incel and start talking to girls I wore it on one of my first dates, a few days later I hung out with her and some of our friends and her friend drunkenly blurted out "Damn, you're right he does smell good". It's been my go-to since, but have more than one scent.

Walk with proper posture, shoulders back but not too far back, head up but not like a stuck up cunt.

Have interesting things to talk about. It matters less about what it is (unless it's anime or some faggot shit lmao) and more about whether you can make it sound interesting.

Actually talk to her about her interests and life, but not like you're on an interview. Look for things you find interesting about her and use it to start a conversation.

Also, start sucking dick on the side so you can give her recommendations when she starts going down on you.

You can type 10,000 characters and you decided that these were the one's that you wanted.

I am a bot. Contact for questions

This is actually good advice, good job

Its normal to be nervous. If it helps, just think about how she won't remember any of it tomorrow

shave yourself below the belt, use a condom, and find a girl in another city. park parallel to the street so you don't get on cameras, but still look for them anyways. most people are raped by people they know so if you want to get away with it this is how you'd do it

Around a foid.

Be paranoid.

Stay single. Get a cat.

how to tell when someone's 50+ pounds overweight

I'm honestly feeling very attacked right now

Slim people are allowed to have pet cats.

How would you rate your looks on a scale of 1-10?

Fugly enough to not be on the scale

Bullshit. You are probably a 10/10 Gigastacy who's pretending to be ugly to avoid being relentlessly sexually harassed and stalked 🙄

Lmaooooo

I’m single and have a cat. I would rate my self 7.5 out of 10

but they don't center their inability to date on the cat

What dating inability?

Your inability to date me.

Cats are jewish tools to help mayos cope with not recreating.

☝☝☝☝☝

Learn to code cook. No matter if you're a foid or moid.

They can't say no if they're not conscious

Date your best friend

Your opinion as a foid isn't really needed here.

Mom is already married though

Depends on the venue. I recommend moaning loudly in a high pitched voice and slowly gyrating in your chair when the food arrives. Stare at them while you do this, ignore the waiter.

Cough-farting rapidly in succession when things get quiet is another chestnut.

Be yourself. If she's into you (assuming you're a straight dude), it won't matter if you fuck up. You don't want to date someone you can't mesh with in the long term anyways. Be picky.

The most effective pick-up line I've found that actually works everytime is "Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?"

Fuck her right in the pussy.

if your date is with a foid you’ve already lost

Most women really like cocaine and they will usually fuck you if you have cocaine.

undeniably so true

Honestly this accounts for most of my sexual history

Women have a bunch of self-contradictory internal dialogue about whether to have sex, so it helps to give them a reason why THIS time it is a good idea.

Blatantly stare at her chest the whole night. Foids are self conscious about their breast size and she will appreciate you noticing them. If she's small chested or is wearing something that hides or minimizes them, you should mention to her about how it doesn't matter if she's flat or has weird boobs, you'll accept them no matter what. This will help her feel more comfortable about herself around you and more at ease.

“Not many people know this but I actually dig chicks with fucked-up boobs. I’m feminist like that.”

That was probably the most progressive thing I've heard today and I listened to NPR for a little bit.

Works every time. Usually.

I can't see how it wouldn't. I'd be surprised if your inbox wasn't full of weird looking boob pics.

Pretty much. I have some from HardIsLife, she had to send two to get both nips in.

That sounds hot as fuck. Are her nipples so big just one will fit in each picture? Like all nipple and no boob too?

Nah, one is pretty beefy and the other is dime-sized. The problem is that they are like 2’ apart and facing different directions. The little one is an innie, and judging by the chafing the big one is always erect.

Not gonna lie, I got a little chubby reading that.

I believe it. What red-blooded virile moid wouldn’t?

I know that this one would for sure. No matter how much I may lust for bussy, nothing will over take my love for some weird ass titties.

I’m feminist

Woah, slow down. Don't tell her you're a rapist until the second or third date.

This is the real advice, empathy goes a loooooong way in being successful with women.

Bitches love them some empathy.

Practice semen retention and walk with christ.

Rohypnol is your best bet

Don't.

Tell her about your yu-gi-oh card collection. Offer to help her build a deck. She’ll be all yours after. Or ask if she wants to go to the park with you and your dog.

I play magic tho

A lot of girls are still into that. YGO is a real panty dampener though.

tell her u play 8rack then tbh

You're going to need to talk about Hearthstone, probably.

Oh no I play preist

nm

Just remember that foids literally only want to talk about themselves. There isn't anything you can say that will make any impression at all so don't even try, unless it's something they can brag about to their vapid friends like benching 3 plates or making a bunch of money with your STEM job. Basically just understand that whatever she asks you, just answer vaguely and then ask her the same question back. ez

Work out, get a haircut, and smile a little now and then with your eyes. 😘

Do not believe the roastie's lies When she comes around to proselytize; She'll screech and protest all day long, Denying she's taken miles of schlong.

"Genetics!" she will cry in fear, Praying there is a white knight near; But no help comes, there's no salvation From the omega uprising sweeping the nation!

Innies are alright with me, With their virtue and their purity; They know what womanhood's about, And with one voice cry: "ROASTIES OUT!"

But beware the roastie's tempting calls, Luring betas to her cavernous halls; She'll suck you up, and then you'll be A slave to her vile cuckoldry.

We see now, with our open eyes The plainness of the roastie's lies; We'll stick with innies, and nevermore Shall we lie with an Arby's sandwich whore.

based

Roastie pussies are legit my fetish though... Big lips and big clits.

Send that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

If you're not attracted to their personality don't date them. I wasted a lot of time choosing the most attractive person. I assumed for years that completely losing interest in someone was how it was supposed to be.

The best advice I can give you is: treat people like camp sites, leave them better than you found them. A relationship that ends can still be a success

Everything you are already doing, but gayer.

Take her for a boat ride. Then she won’t say no. Because of the implication.

Stick your dick in crazy, or alternatively get in to the Craigslist gangbang scene.

Okay, first of all, as another commenter pointed out, don't forget to stare obviously at her chest as often as possible. If she doesn't feel like you're attracted to her, I can guarantee that the date will go nowhere. Next, make sure to monologue in depth about all of your nerdy hobbies, the nerdier the better - women love a smart man who's passionate! If she tries to add to your monologue, try to not let her get a word in edgewise. This will make you seem like an authority on the subject, and she'll likely respect you more for it.

If you have any exes, don't be shy about bringing them up. It's natural to talk about your past and besides, men who are experienced in dating are attractive to women. If she asks about how it ended - for one, you need to step up your uninterruptible monologue game - and for two, make sure to be very clear that it was because they were all crazy bitches. This will reassure her that you are indeed the catch that she thinks you are, and that the past relationships didn't end because of anything she did.

Other thoughts, if she orders anything but a salad at dinner, be sure to ask her if she's really going to eat that. She'll be grateful that you are thinking about her figure, and this will signal to her that you would be a good influence on her health in a long-term relationship. Insist on paying for everything, literally no matter how much she may argue that she wants to split the bill. This will show that you would be a good provider for her. This also gives you a good transition to making it very clear that she owes you for the date, if you know what I mean. All you need to do from there is seal the deal, which should be very easy by this point. If you've followed my advice exactly, she should be practically throwing herself at you by this point.

These are just some basic tips off the top of my head. Feel free to pick my brain on the more advanced stuff, I'd be happy to help.

Just trying to help a bro get laid smdh

Just walk up to a chubby friendless girl from a poor family and ask her if she wants to be your gf. Worked like a charm for me back in elementary school.

settle

the "it's not gay if the balls don't touch" is true; fucking a femboy with removed balls isn't gay.

Be yourself except confident bordering on arrogant. That’s it.

Ok thanks dad

TRP without any bullshit or LARPing: It's good for men to be sexually assertive.

Acta non verba est.