AITA?

11  2019-06-23 by akfonkin

I hate my birthday and just want to ignore it every year. But every year I get badgered into doing a family gathering for my birthday where my family proves that it's really about them. I get presents that represent their interests, not mine. I get a meal, and cake, that is what they like. Am I the asshole for hating that they do this to me every year?

10 comments

1  OhanaBinLaden 2019-06-23

Jesus Christ you are ungrateful. How horrible your family has a tradition honoring you that is also about strengthening family bonds? It's not 100% about you and not 100% in the way you want to be honored?

All the family time that seems awkward and over obligatory now, you are going to miss later. Savor these on-wheels birthdays while you still have people who have the opportunity and desire to throw them.

1  akfonkin 2019-06-23

If all they wanted to do was have dinner and a good time, I would be fine with it. I dont see it as a big deal and dont want it to be. However, I get ignored and wind up with gifts which are things I am allergic to, would never use, or actively dislike. On the other hand, my siblings get celebrations that are tailored to them with gifts which fit their interests completely. I'm not demanding equal treatment, I'm asking that I just be left out completely without a fuss being made.

1  DeweaponizedAutism 2019-06-23

These problems are (probably) fixable, it's just that you are doing a piss ass job of communicating your thoughts and feelings. Have you ever made what you just wrote here explicit to your mom or dad, or have you just hinted and expected to have your mind read? This basically comes down to you not liking your birthday because of shitty gifts, not because you have anything against the idea of birthdays itself (your ostensible reason). Adopt a stronger, clearer, more honest communication style. It's normal to shy away from clear and honest communication because it can lead to friction and tension but in the long run it's better for everyone.

1  a_la_tour_abolie 2019-06-23

ow old are you? have you made your feelings on the matter clear? you say you get badgered into it but have you communicated your position? have you done so clearly and firmly (firmly, not rudely), as opposed to signaling your discomfort passively? communication can be difficult, particularly within the context of a dysfunctional family, and may not even help the situation regardless of how well you've communicated, but you can't be frustrated with people for not responding to what you haven't communicated. what would you prefer to do?

1  akfonkin 2019-06-23

Mom: What would you like to do for your birthday?

Me: I'm really not feeling it this year. I dont want to do anything. Just let it pass by without doing anything this year. I dont want dinner, cake, or presents. Really, no one needs to do anything.

Mom: Well, I'll do the appetizers that you like and I'll get..........

That was the basic gist of the conversation. I'm an adult and hate my birthday. I get told every year to let my mother do what she wants so that there isn't family drama. I'm just tired of it.

1  twelvefortyseven 2019-06-23

NEET living with his parents =/= adult.

1  DrunkenRecidivist 2019-06-23

I'll bet you were a cutter when you were 14

1  akfonkin 2019-06-23

Yes, because mocking mental health issues makes you look like a big, tough guy. Congratulations on guessing completely wrong.

1  trappysaruh 2019-06-23

cannibalism solves many problems

1  ImNotRobertKraft 2019-06-23

Yo this is bitch shit