Am I the antagonist for selling my stuff?

19  2019-07-05 by Thrwaway-likea-grnde

Throwaway since my wife follows my normal account.

So my wife was planning a vacation to Disney for a few months and we were doing everything necessary to get funds and such together. It was to be she and I, our child, and her parents and siblings.

Near last minute something came up at work and I was not able to go. I tried everything but if I had gone, I would have lost my job so it couldn't be helped. At this point, her parents had everything in order, scheduled vacation from work, allotted money for the trip, bought tickets for themselves and siblings so I just told my wife to go without me and spend the 2 weeks with her family. She seemed upset but agreed that taking the vacation away from our child after getting them so excited would be wrong.

So they went, leaving me to work. I was disappointed but I understood the fairness in it. But here's where the bigger issue came in. While they were away, we had a serious string of rain. 4 days straight. Our roof started leaking, starting with drips and progressing to full blown flooding in our bathroom and hallway. I immediately called a contracting company based on my insurance and I had to pay a 3000 deductible to get it fixed. I had no choice, the longer it went unfixed, the more damage the water would cause and this was on day 2 of 4. The problem was it would pull a SERIOUS chunk out of the money set aside for the family in disney. I didn't want to ruin their trip. So I made a hard call.

I've been a collector of certain items for many years. My collection was fairly large and some pieces were valued in the hundreds. So I went to a local coin and collectables shop with a large number of items and sold them for just over 3500, taking my collection down to less than half. Honestly, it hurt to do it since some pieces I had were in my collection for more than half my life. But for the sake of my daughters first trip to disney and my wife's enjoyment, I bit the bullet and let it go. Paid the deductible and that was that.

Fast forward a week and wife returns, still riding the post vacation high. After the normal welcome home stuff, she goes into the living room and sees my display case is noticeably emptier. She asks me what happened and I explain about the roof. She's quiet for a bit then seems to cop an attitude. Confused, I ask her what's up, and she says I was wrong to do it. She says I made that call without her, as if she didn't need to be involved in our financial issues and that I think of her as some spoiled high maintenance woman. I tried to explain that I was trying to be considerate for her and her family trip but she doesn't see it that way.

She's had an attitude with me since, more than 3 weeks now, and I don't know what to do. I honestly was doing this just to make sure my wife and child had the most fun possible on vacation. But now she feels I look down on her when it comes to financial decisions in our marriage.

Am I the antagonist here?

17 comments

1  HodorTheDoorHolder_ 2019-07-05

You need to get a lawyer ASAP and move all your funds into a separate checking account. Ask for shared custody.

1  Starship_Litterbox_C 2019-07-05

I wanted to say this. But you beat me to it 😎 Good luck OP!!

1  Slump_o 2019-07-05

looks like you need to lawyer up and get some therapy yoikers

1  cfbsympathizer 2019-07-05

You're an antagonist of masculinity, but a protagonist of maturity for selling what I assume to be a childish collection of nonsense.

1  Thrwaway-likea-grnde 2019-07-05

Actually, they were old pieces of government memorabilia (stamps, photos, a signed letter from a president that was in office during my grandfather's time in the military [that I didnt sell])

1  cfbsympathizer 2019-07-05

so kid shit? Pretty sure every kid back in the old days had stamp collections.

1  aocfeet 2019-07-05

YTA. What you've done is textbook gaslighting.

1  Thrwaway-likea-grnde 2019-07-05

Care to elaborate?

1  aocfeet 2019-07-05

No. I don't talk to emotional abusers. If you're too dense to see why you're TA for emotional manipulation, there's no reasoning with you.

1  Real_Jordan_Peterson 2019-07-05

Making the victim give their point of view so that you can tear it down and replace it with your own warped view of reality. A classic gaslighting tactic. You should be ashamed of your self, if things like you can even feel remorse.

1  XhotwheelsloverX 2019-07-05

Ugh you're going to have to pay me for that amount of emotional labor.

1  jahdeadLOL 2019-07-05

Yikes. Yikes yikes yikes. YTA 1000x OP. Let’s unpack this, starting with the problematic manner in which you infantilized your wife, demanding that she go to Disneyland like some child. I was already getting some serious incel vibes, but selling shared property (realistically her property due to reparations you owe her due to emotional damages from your misogyny) without her explicit permission wholly exposes you as an incel. You should be on your knees, sucking each and every one of her toes individually, begging for her forgiveness. A good first step would be for you to temporarily open up your relationship, and seek out a hung bull that can satisfy her sexually. This demonstrates that your masculinity isn’t fragile, and shows that you are willing to make sacrifices for her happiness. Best of luck OP, let this be a learning experience to allow you to change your manchild behavior

1  Kasseltov 2019-07-05

Lmao is this a machine learning bot copy pasta of all time yta threads

1  shitty_take 2019-07-05

I'm on OP's wife's side, those chibi figurines were a family heirloom and it's not up to OP to make a unilateral decision like that.

1  DoubleBullfrog 2019-07-05

Your wife cares about you and your happiness more than she cares about her Disney vacation. She knows that you really care about your collection and that it makes you happy. Your wife is mad because you don't realize how much she cares for you and is willing to sacrifice for your happiness.

uh i mean

Selling your personal property to avoid making your wife unhappy is a real beta cuck move. You should have been the man in the relationship and told your wife that her stupid childish Disney vacation has to end, you've got actual problems to deal with. Then slap her when she gets back, just to be sure she knows who's in charge.

1  BasedFortnitecel 2019-07-05

YTA yikeeeeees! I feel sorry for your wife and would like to make a donation to her. (Pm me her PayPal) you treat your wife like a child wtf yikes. This is gaslightning and manipulative. Also you sound like an incel. I hope she divorces you.

1  alien122 2019-07-05

You should have discussed with your wife before selling your collection to get money for the roof. She's probably thinking something along the lines of that you don't really think she's necessary in decision making processes for the family. Remember that she is your wife(works other way around as well), she doesn't want just herself to enjoy life. She wants to enjoy her life with you. Trust in your wife some more, you guys are adults.

That being said, she shouldn't be holding it that harshly against you. Shit happens. People don't always make perfect decisions. This is just an opportunity to learn and become better people. She certainly shouldn't be holding it against you fro 3+ weeks.