Fuck you dude. You don't just get to believe what I'd been thinking the whole time now that it's convenient for you. First apologize to me for your original opinions, shithead.
And look: the fact that you just very recently had those problematic opinions does not just mean that you get to be woke within a matter of clicks; you still have a lot of rethinking to do. So shut up. Say you're sorry, SHUT THE FUCK UP, and start listening: the adults are talking, and what we have to say will impact generations to come.
The only thing being a stay at home parent is hard is when the kids an infant when they going to school that's the best time to get a job my brother is suppose to be Sahd but he somehow works two jobs
Why assume that we haven't spoken? It's an ongoing discussion, as with all things in a marriage. I absolutely don't agree with commenters trashing on my husband, calling it abusive and that I'm entitled to HIS money.
I am in a supportive role. He chooses to work hard because his career is his passion. He discussed with me wanting to put more hours in to grow the business and thanked me for handling everything outside of work so he has the ability to further his dreams and have the love of a wife and family. We are fulfilled and happy.
I purely wanted to know where I stood with the extra money that grows from our team effort. Yes. Even when the effort is distributed unevenly. The "latest iPhone" is in keeping with my efforts as a sports car is to my husband's efforts. I ask for nice things because we can afford those nice things. This seems to make people jealous and angry, but I'm not going to apologise for our financial situation.
Even though my AITA thread was a resounding "girrrrl you're entitled to it all! Don't be abused!" it doesn't make me part of that line of thinking. My husband is a leader, strong and driven. I am more than happy to spend the majority of my time and life to supporting such an admirable force. It doesn't mean he is infallible, exempt from family or provider duties, or any other bullshit that comes with "he's the worker, he gets to keep everything. She's just lucky to be there" line of thinking (which is simply the other side of the "girl you deserve free run of that money" coin BTW) the truth lies somewhere between, within compromise, respect and care.
I assumed you hadn't because the the only communication you mention is the conversation about the family trip vs kitchen renovation.
If you feel you've communicated your concerns to the best of your ability, your next step is needing a mediator, somebody who can keep both of you calm and focused on the main issue of household finances and not let it divulge in to arguments or off topic tangents. Obviously he wants to see his family and doesn't realize your struggles with the degrading kitchen whereas the kitchen renovation would make your daily life a lot more comfortable and weigh that over visiting his family.
From my standpoint, neither of you are wrong, but you need to come up with something both of you can agree on or you're going to resent him because he doesn't let you use "his money" for things that "only help you" (these are in quotes because I'm assuming this is how he sees it, not because it's true) and he's going to resent you for asking consistently. That resentment isn't going to go away until you can figure this out, it's just going to build and build until you hate each other over a very solvable issue.
I'd be willing to bet you already know all this already, though.
Thank you. We've worked out there is a communication break down when it comes to talking about earnings truthfully. He is a wonderful man who wants his family to have the things they ask for, and goes ahead with "yes! Let's look at houses!" or "yes let's renovate!" but his wages are obviously directly linked to his business. If his business takes a hit, we take a hit. But he doesn't tell me when that happens. So he sets me on a "yes to renovation" path but is secretly sweating because the money was there, but then may need to be put back into the business. He told me he struggles with disappointing people, that's why he doesn't tell me when the business turns. I told him I could never be disappointed, but he really does need to be honest with what money we have available so I'm not off accidentally putting pressure on him by making plans that he set me on to.
Of course there's many other intricacies, but that was the biggest. Communication is always the winner
An actually countless number of NTAs and 3YTAs and 2 people who wouldn't say she was the asshole but suggested she get a job. And at least 5 people claiming it's abuse including this one:
NTA for wanting things. You are though for keeping children in a situation where it's normal for mom to be abused through money control. Get therapy or get out for your kids.
He won't buy the phone you want? Call the police and take the kids!
NTA. This sounds abusive. Start charging him for childcare. You do work, you just aren't employed outside the home. If he doesn't want to share "his" money, tell him to hire a nanny and go get your own job.
Him having unilateral control of how, when, and on what the household budget is spent is 100% abuse. What should be happening is that you, as a couple, decide what your budget is. What's happening now is that he sees all the money as his money, and he is benevolently "allowing" you and the kids to have a little bit of it. I'm sure he loves you and he has many amazing qualities, but he does not respect you or your contribution to the household - and from your responses here I think he's convinced you of this as well.
38 comments
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1 SnapshillBot 2019-07-18
Fuck you dude. You don't just get to believe what I'd been thinking the whole time now that it's convenient for you. First apologize to me for your original opinions, shithead.
And look: the fact that you just very recently had those problematic opinions does not just mean that you get to be woke within a matter of clicks; you still have a lot of rethinking to do. So shut up. Say you're sorry, SHUT THE FUCK UP, and start listening: the adults are talking, and what we have to say will impact generations to come.
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1 RamRanchSamsquanch 2019-07-18
Ok but where’s the lie though.
1 ImJustaBagofHammers 2019-07-18
If the genders were reversed, they'd probably use those exact words to explain why the husband isn't entitled to anything.
1 SocialAppropriation 2019-07-18
🤡👩🏻🦳1 FoundMyNietzsche 2019-07-18
>Bill the man who's the sole moneymaker
Imagine being this retarded
1 TrollFarm4 2019-07-18
Yeah I was unable to work full time and do chores when single...
1 MightiestPhallus 2019-07-18
😂😂😂
1 smokeyphil 2019-07-18
Fuck choirs maid service its cheaper and you don't have to live with the judgey stares about your choice in well . . . . anything.
1 UnregulatedPope 2019-07-18
Bill Burr classic on the difficult life of stay at home moms
1 loldongzer 2019-07-18
What a legend
1 BernieMadeoffSanders 2019-07-18
blackpilled
1 Alicesnakebae 2019-07-18
The only thing being a stay at home parent is hard is when the kids an infant when they going to school that's the best time to get a job my brother is suppose to be Sahd but he somehow works two jobs
1 Platycel 2019-07-18
Somehow I knew it's AITA by just reading the title.
1 Logios_AW 2019-07-18
He runs a business and works after hours plus weekends, she sits on her ass all day watching Oprah and Dr. Phil.
Foid logic is fascinating
1 JuliusEvolasSkeleton 2019-07-18
Redditor logic is even wilder.
1 YaBoyStevieF 2019-07-18
Imagine
1 vtesterlwg 2019-07-18
yes, that's fucking insane phones last more than two years...
1 YaBoyStevieF 2019-07-18
But the kids are at school so she's sitting at home all day and how is she supposed to browse Reddit all day with a 2 year old phone?
1 JuliusEvolasSkeleton 2019-07-18
I bet she can't even properly play candy crush with that old piece of junk, smh.
1 errderper 2019-07-18
holy fuck people are starving and are homeless but your mad because your husband couldn't buy you a fucking iPhone x.
1 jimmahdean 2019-07-18
"I haven't communicated fuck all to my husband and assume he knows what I'm thinking when I ask for nice things AITA?"
This is textbook mutual resentment due to lack of communication. Apparently that's abusive to some people.
1 RealPowerThePower 2019-07-18
Because the dopamine hits of feeling morally superior to braindead mayos is the only thing preventing your descent into insanity
1 Abcdyxz 2019-07-18
Why assume that we haven't spoken? It's an ongoing discussion, as with all things in a marriage. I absolutely don't agree with commenters trashing on my husband, calling it abusive and that I'm entitled to HIS money.
I am in a supportive role. He chooses to work hard because his career is his passion. He discussed with me wanting to put more hours in to grow the business and thanked me for handling everything outside of work so he has the ability to further his dreams and have the love of a wife and family. We are fulfilled and happy.
I purely wanted to know where I stood with the extra money that grows from our team effort. Yes. Even when the effort is distributed unevenly. The "latest iPhone" is in keeping with my efforts as a sports car is to my husband's efforts. I ask for nice things because we can afford those nice things. This seems to make people jealous and angry, but I'm not going to apologise for our financial situation.
Even though my AITA thread was a resounding "girrrrl you're entitled to it all! Don't be abused!" it doesn't make me part of that line of thinking. My husband is a leader, strong and driven. I am more than happy to spend the majority of my time and life to supporting such an admirable force. It doesn't mean he is infallible, exempt from family or provider duties, or any other bullshit that comes with "he's the worker, he gets to keep everything. She's just lucky to be there" line of thinking (which is simply the other side of the "girl you deserve free run of that money" coin BTW) the truth lies somewhere between, within compromise, respect and care.
1 LongPostBot 2019-07-18
I've known more coherent downies.
I am a bot. Contact for questions
1 jimmahdean 2019-07-18
I assumed you hadn't because the the only communication you mention is the conversation about the family trip vs kitchen renovation.
If you feel you've communicated your concerns to the best of your ability, your next step is needing a mediator, somebody who can keep both of you calm and focused on the main issue of household finances and not let it divulge in to arguments or off topic tangents. Obviously he wants to see his family and doesn't realize your struggles with the degrading kitchen whereas the kitchen renovation would make your daily life a lot more comfortable and weigh that over visiting his family.
From my standpoint, neither of you are wrong, but you need to come up with something both of you can agree on or you're going to resent him because he doesn't let you use "his money" for things that "only help you" (these are in quotes because I'm assuming this is how he sees it, not because it's true) and he's going to resent you for asking consistently. That resentment isn't going to go away until you can figure this out, it's just going to build and build until you hate each other over a very solvable issue.
I'd be willing to bet you already know all this already, though.
1 Abcdyxz 2019-07-18
Thank you. We've worked out there is a communication break down when it comes to talking about earnings truthfully. He is a wonderful man who wants his family to have the things they ask for, and goes ahead with "yes! Let's look at houses!" or "yes let's renovate!" but his wages are obviously directly linked to his business. If his business takes a hit, we take a hit. But he doesn't tell me when that happens. So he sets me on a "yes to renovation" path but is secretly sweating because the money was there, but then may need to be put back into the business. He told me he struggles with disappointing people, that's why he doesn't tell me when the business turns. I told him I could never be disappointed, but he really does need to be honest with what money we have available so I'm not off accidentally putting pressure on him by making plans that he set me on to.
Of course there's many other intricacies, but that was the biggest. Communication is always the winner
1 Dingo-thatate-urbaby 2019-07-18
It's not just his money. You two are married. These guys are assholes.
1 mynameJef6969 2019-07-18
I haven't looked at the comments yet but im going to guess they are saying she innocent simply for being a foid.
1 JuliusEvolasSkeleton 2019-07-18
Yep.
1 googleussliberty 2019-07-18
>Live for free(TM)
>"You're abused"
How can I get abused?
1 Clean_lt_Up_Jannie 2019-07-18
Be a woman in a relationship with a man.
1 NikolaiKardashev 2019-07-18
WTF is wrong with foods on Reddit.
1 Clean_lt_Up_Jannie 2019-07-18
An actually countless number of NTAs and 3YTAs and 2 people who wouldn't say she was the asshole but suggested she get a job. And at least 5 people claiming it's abuse including this one:
He won't buy the phone you want? Call the police and take the kids!
1 Futhermucker 2019-07-18
amitheasshole is actually the worst sub on reddit
a new phone after 2 years?! my $75 s4 works perfectly fine
1 SocialAppropriation 2019-07-18
Why does this make my blood boil
1 Luigichu1238 2019-07-18