Netflix’s Witcher trailer is out. Prepare for sperg outs.

157  2019-07-19 by Ghdust2

193 comments

This sub is what happens when minimally educated unintelligent people join together to find common ground and project their own self loathing to the rest of the world. There has never been anything clever that I have ever seen from this sub. I will continue to look for humor but I am just starting to think that loss and anger plus unemployment equals humor

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  1. Netflix’s Witcher trailer is out. P... - archive.org, archive.today

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Oh my god Triss 🤢🤮

Why the fuck does Yen look like an ugly retard at some points?

At least Ciri looks like good casting. Still won't watch it.

What are people mad that they're casting authentic Polack looking people for some characters now? Ugly Yen is a Polish 10

Since when are authentic polacks brown?

Authentic polacks are ugly retards.

Just because it’s based off a game doesn’t mean they magically become gamer words

Slavic women are hot, what you on about

Eh. When they're younger they're eyes look like they have just a slight touch of downs. And when they get older the mustache sets in.

Nah. Slavic women have a healthy average BMI and still remove all the excess bodyhair.

Actual C O P E, wow.

Polish women aren't lol, all their attractive women got dragged off to Germany or Russia or Serbia

Then you never seen big tiddy Iggy r/igawyrwal

A coping brownie, most likely.

Geralt casting looks good too. That's about it.

Ciri is fine too, she was not some hot piece of ass. She was not that good looking in the books.

Didnt yen like change his appeaeance with magic and shit cuz she looked like a fucking subhuman?

All sorceresses are ugly but somehow learning magic made them not ugly. It's never really expanded upon

It seems kind of self-explanatory. They used magic to make themselves not ugly, like supernatural makeup or something.

women today are sorceresses without the magic and a bathroom full of Sephora shit

It all makes sense

Well it is cha based

*witches

I don’t know the difference lol

They all make themselves supernaturally beautiful via glamours because women amirite.

Gamers rise UP.

No wonder so many trannies are into Harry Potter

All women really

Wait why are the male magic users so shit looking then?

I want a swole buffman casting fistings goddammit.

Male mages also alter their appearance, but most prefer more mature look (40-ish).

The Guild is Sorceresses is its own thing with its own practices.

I assume whatever practices is irrelevant when magic works the same.

I then assume, that since this is a mythos based on european shenanigans that The Guild and The Sorceresses Lodge or w.e it was steal from each other all the time.

I'm not that deep into Witcher having only read one book and played one game, but there does seem to be fundamental differences between the magic used by Witchers, sorceresses, elves, the various monsters, etc.

There's a fundamental difference between the elves due to them being interdimensional beings, but iirc their magic doesn't work unless they bring pieces of that dimension with them, IE white frost from the wild hunt.

Witchers are essentially using vancian magic, premade spells from some other source easily done since the entire esoteric application is well documented. While the respective guilds are into R&D for magic in general.

Monsters are a different thing entirely.

More like supernatural cosmetic surgery, breaking bones and setting them straight an shit.

Basically all the ethots using facetune to look like a completely different person

Check out r/instagramreality

Wizards after training abandon their previous life, so although sorceress are high class, families don't have anything from it. It's much more profitable to marry them. If you couldn't you may as well send them, wizards don't care how people look as long they can do magic. After training they are magically fixed (more like painful surgery than hiding behind illusion), not for they good, just for wizard capitol image. So end result are bitter beautiful women, that remember they were ugly, abused and abandoned by families children.

No, the men do. They make themselves look older and wiser so they can sell their services. No one wants to be advised by a 20 year old boy. So usually the men do the older, bearded wise wizard look to bring in the $$$$

It's not illusion either. Wizards drinks elixir that stops aging, they just choose to start drinking it later than sorceress for this older and wiser look. Sorceress longevity is not hiding like Melisandre in GoT, it's you stop aging at age of drinking and can't go back.

I thought they can make themselves look any age they want to?

Probably using some makeup or other things, but no through illusions. Any other mage could see though it. There is one character, who after magic accident is missing jaw, it's than hidden by really strong illusion performed by best mages, and it's described as weird, unnatural and mask-like. So it's not a easy task.

...I wish we had magic jaw masks

Its called plastic surgery.

yeah because intricate and enormous skin-and-bone grafts are so not-a-big-deal

Sounds like my ex. That's how you score a dime piece with 5 cents worth of game.

They use magic to make themselves not ugly. The women make themselves young THOTs and the men older, mature wise looking. They do that to sell their services and bullshit trinkets and elixers. No one wants to buy from an uggo old chick nor from a young looking handsome boy who doesn't seem wise.

Called glamours the idea is kinda an old one mainly based around the idea that witches where normally ugly as shit or that fucking the devil left marks or whatever really and they could either effect a true change of their appearance or work some kind of illusion that only works under certain conditions.

​

Chances are the whole changing form/magic thing was due to village-wide ergot poisoning causing people to see some really nightmarish shit. Or single cases of it where someone losses there shit totally and comes back ranting and raving about the crazy shit they just saw of at old woman's house.

It is very well explained in the books. Young apprentices' looks are altered during their education by their tutors to better represent their profession in the future. So no, Yeneffer didn't change her looks herself, she was put under magical treatment by her school.

Yeah she was supposed to be a hunchback from what I gathered.

Yeah apparently this is the case from the r/Witcher thread.

Maybe they can still make Triss a white redhead then lol.

Nah I know they'd get cancelled for thst

I don't remember Triss being a redhead in the books.

1 more reason that gaming > reading

🎮😎🎮😎🎮😎🎮😎🎮😎🎮😎🎮😎

She had auburn hair which comes pretty close. Can't find anything in English but I have a quote in Polish

Zsunęła z ramion futrzaną pelerynę, zdjęła lisią czapkę, szybkim ruchem głowy rozrzuciła włosy – swoją dumę i swój znak rozpoznawczy – długie, połyskujące złotem, puszyste pukle o kolorze świeżego kasztana.

She's is an ugly old lady who is almost 100 whenever she doesn't use magic to looksmaxx.

Yen is way over 100

Damn she is? I haven't read all the books but I thought she was 90s

Yeah, definitely much older than G-man and definitely over a century.

Yen looks like she's meth'd out. Accurate portrayal. You're just used unrealistic portrayals of witches in video games.

Because Yen suppose to look like that? She makes herself attractive with her magic powers.

Wait, the uggo with the Habsburg jaw is the same character as the redhead hottie? (Sorry, I played one videogame of this swordshit ~8 years ago.)

it's the one at 0:45

is that who you mean?

My (admittedly vague) recollection was there was a dark-haired hottie (who was the "bad girl") and a red-headed hottie (who was the "good girl").

After going to your timestamp, I think I was confused that the pale ginger is now . . . some Maya Rudolph-looking actress?

you pretty much nailed it bro

The redhead is Triss. This is the other witch he's hung up on. In the story she was a hunchback (so still deformed) before she used magic to get hot.

triss is not a redhead or even white in this show though

Yeah, I know. I'm not even sure if she was in the trailer. I'll have to wait for someone to say her name if I watch the show.

she's at 0:45

Oh so she's got curly hair. Nailed it.

lol

Why does Yen look like an ugly retard?

Because she was an ugly retard until the lodge of sorceresses made her beautiful.

Wasn't Triss not even a redhead? I thought she had brown hair. I read the books but can't exactly remember. She was not some ginger thot, just a thot Gerald threw the D too so well she could not get over him.

I've only read the first two books and they don't have Triss in them. I do know that the video games portrayed her way different & people who read the books with her in are almost entirely in the Yennifer camp as apparently Triss is a real bunny-boiler in the novels.

Nah, she is not a bunny-broiler, just not as alluring as game Triss. She is madly in love with Gerald though.

Game Triss is a litera 10/10.

Because she was a hunchback uggo before learning magic.

I'll watch it if it has boobies.

Isnt it a bit over the top to not watch because you don't like Triss actress? Shes not a redhead in the books you know.

Yennefer is actually a hunchback. She only looks beautiful because magic etc.

Triss is white in the books at least.

Yens actress is Indian British you dummy dumdum

HOLY SHIT AHAHAHAHAHA even the fucking game at poorfag lowest settings looks 10000x better than this

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I don't know what you said, because I've seen another human naked.

I am a bot. Contact for questions

I want to kiss your creator

This just proves how retarded your opinion is

I thought that was actually the best part of the trailer

Not that any of it was especially cold

Yeah, for a monster slayer he doesn't really seem to slay a lot of monsters in this show. Maybe its cheaper to show ciri using the force than making a CGI fiend.

When you judge a show based off a 50 second teaser 😎

Doesn't slay a lot in the books either. They mention a few times that monsters are dying out and Geralt is struggling to find steady work.

He slays the most in the short story books. The others is him just traveling around whining about wanting to be balls deep in Yen and needing to find Ciri

(you do know its based off of the books storyline not the games right?)

Imagine being a fantasy fag

Imagine being a gamer and thinking its a equal level of art to even reading polack trash escapism

imagine posting on r/drama

Dude everything has to be serious lmao

Does the book canon explain the shitty color correction set in place by the divine gods of Adobr Premeir?

Its based off of books, not the game.

Fuck Geralt isn't black the polack sperg would have been amazing

Yeah we've known for months that it was Cavill retard.

But we didnt know if he would be in blackface. That would be the true center option.

It doesn't seem to have a certain polish quality to it.

Imagine "witty" Marvel style wise cracks during ever battle. Also I imagine at some point Geralt will look directly into the camera and exclaim that he had sex, like Euron Greyjoy in Game of Thrones.

He will look to the camera and say "Sneed's feed and seed formerly Chuck's"

/tv/ is leaking again

nothin but a /g/ thang

Expect "witty" Marvel style wise cracks between characters during ever battle

plz god no

Also I imagine at some point Geralt will look directly into the camera and proclaim that he had sex, like Euron Greyjoy in Game of Thrones.

I don't remember that happening but tbh it sounds about right for got

Yeah, it looks like shit

So many black people...

Don't you gamer on us.

It's 2019, sweaty: Elves are black now.

wu wuz eldar n shiet

umm

Alfheim (Old Norse: Álfheimr, "Land Of The Elves" or "Elfland"), also called Ljosalfheim (Ljósálf[a]heimr, "home of the light-elves"), is one of the Nine Worlds and home of the Light Elves in Norse mythology.

in the God of War ps4 game they go as far to say as the dökkálfar ("dark elves") are also from Alfheim, and svartálfar is just a misnomer for dwarves

Dwarves and elves are pretty interchangable in Norse mythology. Elder Scrolls got that right.

"NIGGA GET TEH WATUR SOME CRACKA LIGHT THE HOLY TREE ON FIRE YO!"

Reekris protects!

I mean, they could at least have added an orc race if they wanted to shoehorn them in so bad.

Let's take a race based on Tolkein's Aryan blonde-haired ubermenschen and make them negroid!

At least the moat will work

Lmao

The writer literally said she wouldn't remove traditional caucasian characters and make them black. Well, turns out she did. SJW through and through. Of course, the people she recast as black were, surprise, RED HEADS

And people say Fenian-Genocide is just a "conspiracy theory"...

She also casted a black guy for a character that cucks Geralt, happy little coincidence xd

Foids are lying cunts? Who would have imagined the eggcels would revolt

Did I do that? - Urkel voice

Great for dramacoin

I’m cumin Aline f I’m cumin alrund I’m cummin around in cimmun

Who cares? So long as they write good shit they could cast Geralt as an Asian for all i care.

Geralt would be killing all the rare monsters to make magic boner pills

Ironically Geralt is asked to do that a lot.

"diversity is our strength" - nilfguardians

[removed]

cavill looks fucking jacked

I'm not gay or anything but Daddy please cover me in cummies.

Damn, was hoping for some thick and saggy ladies who give me wood.

Reeee cavill's too hot. He's supposed to look sickly and pale all the time

Unironically this.

If I wanted to stare at something sickly and pale for ~12 hours I'll go look in a mirror. I'll take Sword Daddy any day.

Not really. Geralt regularly attracts the attentions of many attractive women. Its the eyes that give him away. Nobody likes yellow eyes of cats in people in Witcher universe.

Surprisingly, this doesnt look too bad. What I'm not looking forward to is a deluge of "Praise Geraldo!" faggots crawling out of the woodwork in every thread about it.

I give it two seasons max.

Its already been cleared for season 2

I can never tell how good action fantasy will be from the trailers because it always looks like the editors cut the shit according to the same boring dramatic template.

"Praise Geraldo!" faggots

r/gamingcirclejerk is unironically worse than r/gaming. The smug hangs like a miasma over those effete losers.

Have their been any good movies/shows based on video gaymes?

Depends on your definition of good. Lots of good parodies get poor reviews because some people dont get what they're about

Irrelevant since this is based off of books.

Fair point. It’s still probably gonna suck.

🤦

The live action streetfighter show was actually good

https://youtu.be/8GL8hK-nygQ

Mortal kombat was dope

Only the OG. Everyrhing since has been ass. Especially the web series.

Especially the web series.

Sweet fuck there was a web series?

Wreck-it-Ralph?

The Wizard?

1994 street fighter movie was pretty much flawless (perfect casting AND MC Hammer did the soundtrack)

Raul Julia's final role, too.

Detective Pikachu.

Resident evil!

The Postal movie was surprisingly good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tuNvLjo1ko

Gamers rise up?

? How tf is linking to a trailer = drama?

Every little drip of news about this show so far has caused someone to REEEEEEEEE about something. Leftoids were looking to cancel someone because a property based on medieval Poland didn't have enough POC's; Netflix fixed that and the rightoids had seizures because their translucent-skinned waifus were now strong women of color.

The wise centrist, however, knows that swordshit is for garbage people.

Other Discussions

As someone unfamiliar with the games: the trailer gave me chills, it looked so bad. It's like Netflix's answer to GoT, but with a twentieth of the budget. Writing, acting, events; I couldn't get through more than 45 seconds of that poor pretension.

This is the same network as Ozark, right? These projects related? Bad writing plus dark filter equals project all done, I guess.

The TV is based off the book, not the game. The book has a lot of differences that is going to make gammers spurg over.

The book has a lot of differences

I can already hear the REEEing over ugly Yen

And Triss, and Ciri.

"dark filter"

It looks good overall but when was the last time Netflix made a new show worth a shit? Much less avoid running it into the ground?

Idris Elba should have been cast as Geralt. Henry Caville looks like shit in this trailer.

Idris Elba should have been cast as Geralt

I would unironically watch Idris Elba in a witcher movie

Yes we know, you’d also watch him impregnate your wife.

Gussy

lol no

Based

Compared to the Cats trailer this looks fine.

Is this the most generic fantasy ever or what?

You can't outrun destiny just because you're terrified of it.

Jesus Henry Christ the writing.

How old is Gerald suppose to be? I never played the games and always thought he was an older guy, but this trailer makes him seem like a younger guy.

Somewhere around 80-90, at least in the books. In TW3 he's close to 100.

Oh ok so he has like immortality or something?

Yeah Witchers barely age

No one knows exactly how long they live for since their lifestyle is so dangerous that they inevitably get killed before they can die of old age

Yeah, he was looking mature for sure in the books. He was over 80 but I think looks either a rough late 30s or over 40.

Oh ok so he has like immortality or something?

No, the mutations done on him during the trial of grasses gives him slower aging and extended life span.

No Gwent

0/10

From what I’ve seen literally everyone is hopping on the hype train now. I’m sure there will be some hour long YouTube sperg outs from useless people

If you or a loved one have no idea what these virgins are rambling about, just know you're not alone.

the fuck is going on with ciri's eyes

"Elves were the original sorcerers of the continent, when the humans came blah de blah"

The humans were here first, then the elves and all the monsters came from alient planets. This is the whole plot of the third game, which is the only one normies know about.

No retard elves got there first and humans arrived with all the other shit.

This is based off of books, not the game.

Lots of Slavic cope under the video. 🔥

Dryads are way too overdressed, stupid puritan burgers :(

How is this drama content you mongoloid?

Personally I just want an episode of him playing cards telling a story like a Christmas special

BLACKED!!!!!!!!!! POZZED!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S MULTI CULT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its like game of thrones but more like game of hoes

Zerrikannied.com