Congratulations on becoming a citizen of this proud nation! We have no doubt you'll find assimilating to our culture an easy and pleasing experience. After all, you've practically been here your entire life.     However, we do have a few laws and comments about our culture to go over. If you have any questions, just ask. We have no problems repeating ourselves.     1. Everyone cares very deeply about your political opinions! Please, feel free to share them whenever possible. Whether its by subtly sharing articles from your favorite news sites that reaffirm your convictions or posting high effort two-thousand word long fully sourced responses to a meme, we value them all. Opinions are changed all the time in this country because we are OBJECTIVE, so please continue!     2. Everything you encounter is extremely personal. Did an anonymous commenter on an anime image board talk poorly of your favorite television show? This is an affront to your moral being and must be punished.     3. Depressed? Anxious? Suicidal? Afraid? Awkward? You are probably suffering from some mental illness outside of your control! Make sure everyone knows about it so they don't start thinking your character flaws are your own fault. No, you're not just unsocialized and spiritually empty, you're mentally ill! Lack of friends and crippling social anxiety are all signs that you are a TRUE individual!    4. Absolutely no religion, ever. God and religion is for retards. We have evolved to a higher realm of thinking where we don't need made up idols to worship!    5. Marvel movies are cultural beacons of art that enlighten us through all feelings of pain and emptiness and present to us a path to finding our place in this world.    6. We possess the secret to viewing information objectively and all others outside our circle are brainwashed radicals easily susceptible to propaganda.     7. Twitter,  subreddits and forums are great representations for the population as a whole. Due to our mental illnesses,  not all of us get to interact with others outside the internet, so it's a great practice to build our worldview off the content of online communities.     8. We're all just here cause it's funny. We only post political arguments online as a hobby. Just an exercise of the brain,  you know? None of us actually emotionally involved in this because we're objective, fact-based thinkers. It's all just a joke, only those other people get angry and irrational.    

Failure to assimilate to the culture of the United Sites of the Internet is punishable by Twitter harrassment. Failure to speak in the approved language is punishable by dox.

Remember, five hundred years from now a historian will be combing archived databases of the internet and evaluating our culture by our every day posts to various online communities. This is your culture. Take a look around you. Are you proud?