You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
Huh. I guess the left-wingers don't think that Iraqi children are people. I would be shocked if they hadn't made their anti-child policy so clear over the last few generations.
Most pointed is that right wing terror in the usa is usually aimed at the muslims (sweden lol). It also worked as the hate and pushback for them has dropped all muslim refugees to this country to zero in 2020. Remember kids, terrorism works!
No seriously why does terrorism work it really shouldn't help I'm being held at gunpoint by mossad HELP.
Don't you think it's a bit strange that the graphic link sperates different types of right wing terrorism (anti-abortion/anti-feminism and nationalism are all right wing).
Here’s the source of the gamersriseup post. If you see any terrorist act listed as right wing that's actually a "false flag" or isn't right wing, point it out.
Literally just the usa in the last 25 years ignoring all left wing riot violence just before that and written by hyper left bias adl. Vs, ya know, wikipedia with a giant list of worldwide attacks (99.5% of all TT)? Are you saying the rightoids were incorrect to oppose islam after 9/11 and all the never ending worldwide terror? I don't get it. I used to be a hard lefty 10 years ago and even I opposed islam back then.
Were rightoids incorrect to oppose Islam after 9/11? No, Islam is retarded. But after 9/11, radical Islam just wasn't as big of an issue as it's been hyped up as. Have there been more Islamic terrorist attacks globally? Absolutely, but there's only been a handful of Islamic attacks in the last 20 years in America. There's been more right wing attacks, but unsurprisingly republicans ignore them and focus on radical Islam.
Like 4 of those attacks on the list were people revolting against gun control. Should that even count?
Ya they count, just like the Pulse club shooting counts even though the guy was justrevolting against gay rights. No one took away your right to own guns, you aren't allowed to go shooting people because of gun restrictions.
they include anti government incidents as right wing terrorism, while they are right wing when people say right wing most people aren't thinking of don't tread on me libertarians but conservatives/white supremacists
Imagine using an organization formed to keep a pedophile murderer out of jail because he wore a small hat as proof of anything. Like they totally don't have an agenda and aren't being used because the other small hat organization the splc got in too much legal trouble.
Then why did conservitards try to have them banned from the country? Why did leftoids piss and shid their pants over a ban of right wingers from entering the US?
35 comments
1 AutoModerator 2019-10-30
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1 SnapshillBot 2019-10-30
Damn, you know what?
You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
Snapshots:
I am just a simple bot, *not** a moderator of this subreddit* | bot subreddit | contact the maintainers
1 Redactor0 2019-10-30
Huh. I guess the left-wingers don't think that Iraqi children are people. I would be shocked if they hadn't made their anti-child policy so clear over the last few generations.
1 The_Reason_Pete_Wins 2019-10-30
Abortion is right and good and should be used often
1 Tzar-Romulus 2019-10-30
If you were gonna abort your child you would have been a shitty parent anyways.
1 dramasexual 2019-10-30
This but unironically
1 chimpan_z 2019-10-30
implying rightoids are unpatriotic vermin who have no role to play in our foreign policy and don't support the troops? Oy vey!
1 artemis_m_oswald 2019-10-30
Our wall needs to get higher
1 ClubbinGuido 2019-10-30
Wow bro. What a post. Wow. Yeah. Yeah that's intresting. Shit. Let me click that.
1 2Manadeal2btw 2019-10-30
It is interesting Guido.
1 ClubbinGuido 2019-10-30
Oh okay.
1 employee10038080 2019-10-30
Lmao rightoids always cope so hard when people point out that right wing terrorism is more prevalent than left wing.
1 FearOfBees 2019-10-30
This isn't even accurate and has no source. Here is each ideology by the attacks.
Most pointed is that right wing terror in the usa is usually aimed at the muslims (sweden lol). It also worked as the hate and pushback for them has dropped all muslim refugees to this country to zero in 2020. Remember kids, terrorism works!
No seriously why does terrorism work it really shouldn't help I'm being held at gunpoint by mossad HELP.
1 employee10038080 2019-10-30
See? What did I say about rightoid cope?
Don't you think it's a bit strange that the graphic link sperates different types of right wing terrorism (anti-abortion/anti-feminism and nationalism are all right wing).
Here’s the source of the gamersriseup post. If you see any terrorist act listed as right wing that's actually a "false flag" or isn't right wing, point it out.
1 FearOfBees 2019-10-30
Literally just the usa in the last 25 years ignoring all left wing riot violence just before that and written by hyper left bias adl. Vs, ya know, wikipedia with a giant list of worldwide attacks (99.5% of all TT)? Are you saying the rightoids were incorrect to oppose islam after 9/11 and all the never ending worldwide terror? I don't get it. I used to be a hard lefty 10 years ago and even I opposed islam back then.
1 chimpan_z 2019-10-30
DDF cope
1 employee10038080 2019-10-30
Were rightoids incorrect to oppose Islam after 9/11? No, Islam is retarded. But after 9/11, radical Islam just wasn't as big of an issue as it's been hyped up as. Have there been more Islamic terrorist attacks globally? Absolutely, but there's only been a handful of Islamic attacks in the last 20 years in America. There's been more right wing attacks, but unsurprisingly republicans ignore them and focus on radical Islam.
Ya they count, just like the Pulse club shooting counts even though the guy was justrevolting against gay rights. No one took away your right to own guns, you aren't allowed to go shooting people because of gun restrictions.
1 CapeshitterCOPE 2019-10-30
TL;DR
1 employee10038080 2019-10-30
Rightoids stay coping
1 CapeshitterCOPE 2019-10-30
No u
1 Higev 2019-10-30
Cope
1 Kiru-Kokujin56 2019-10-30
they include anti government incidents as right wing terrorism, while they are right wing when people say right wing most people aren't thinking of don't tread on me libertarians but conservatives/white supremacists
1 GeauxHouston22 2019-10-30
you are adding to the mayonnaise terrorism stats every day with the way you terrorize this sub with serious agendaposts
1 FearOfBees 2019-10-30
Stop baiting me reeeeeeeeeeee
1 GeauxHouston22 2019-10-30
wow you sure owned me
oh wait
https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2017/crime-in-the-u.s.-2017/topic-pages/expanded-offense
1 Shubard75 2019-10-30
Remember the 109 subreddits
1 boyoyoyoyong 2019-10-30
Imagine using an organization formed to keep a pedophile murderer out of jail because he wore a small hat as proof of anything. Like they totally don't have an agenda and aren't being used because the other small hat organization the splc got in too much legal trouble.
1 Sir_Frankie_Crisp 2019-10-30
Every crime committed by wh*tes is right wing terrorism
1 KaaraRaven 2019-10-30
Mayo nonsense comes in both left and right flavors.
1 Tzar-Romulus 2019-10-30
Mayos existing is right wing extremism.
1 aqouta 2019-10-30
Gamers reproduce by rape.
1 aqouta 2019-10-30
Islamist terrorism is right wing terrorism.
1 lol_te_gusto 2019-10-30
The Mayo menace
1 unrulyfarmhand 2019-10-30
Then why did conservitards try to have them banned from the country? Why did leftoids piss and shid their pants over a ban of right wingers from entering the US?