Hey sweetheart. As I read-- told you in the email, I wrote you a poem recently. Wrote it in my...

[Pulls out his 3DS]

...notebook. So I'm gonna read it to you now. Soon as I get it [the camera] right... [Fiddles with the camera's position.]

Camera adjustment... yeah. Okay. Anyway. "The Red-Maned Deer," from me, written yesterday on the eleventh, came to me when I was waking up.

The Red-Maned Deer is quite an elusive and majestic creatcha [sic] of any forest of this planet earth...and even of the universe. She gallops with sweet grace and style in her hooves of twinkling glitter. Her dazzling coat not only keeps her warm, but beautiful with sexy flair.

Her shimmering red mane is long and w-wild and when the beams of sun and moon shine through, it's godlike majestic. She has eyes of green...like a slice of lime. [He says lime with a strange accent.] Her snout is so cute, like a bunny or a kitten. And her smile and voice, truly cute, and sweet like a lute.

I trekked after her for months, keeping observation in camouflage. She has an interesting family, including her birth mother and a father a step away. They treat her sadly like a Cinderella, keeping her from seeing her Prince.

Yet the Red-Maned Doe is fully grown, and is very wise and aware of the forest laws. One day, as I followed, to much my surprise, [sic] she turns her head and looks directly at me! I hid for a short moment, until she spoke in my language very clear: "Come out, come out my dear, my dear watcher. I have been very aware of you all these months. I've watched you as you rested, and dined of the forest fruits, and write, pen to tree skin. Please come closer. Stroke my coat, and mane. Allow me to admire your face, close to mine." I approached with erect elation, her coat smooth as silk, her mane brushing my fingers like a spring breeze. I looked into her eyes, and she to mine. Entranced with her temptation and beauty, I was truly surprised...when she kissed me deep. Damn! And then I kissed her back...and we made truest sweet love.

This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named Jacklyn Romy [pronounces it "Raw-mee"].

[Turns the 3DS to the screen.] I love you!