Radish Drama!

1  2019-11-20 by Giulio-Cesare

A few weeks ago I promised you all that I'd keep you updated on my radish garden (there were many requests,) and due to the craziness of the past week I thought I'd give you an update!

This is the last picture I posted of them here. Look at how happy and full of life they are- you couldn't find a happier radish garden.

I'm sure you were all waiting with bated breath on the update, and unfortunately what happened next was basically a Shakespearean tragedy. 😔😔😔

Thanks to the climate deciding to fuck my radishes with that polar front, and me being a new radish farmer without any experience, my poor radishes were left outside in the cold during a particularly frosty night.

You can't really tell from this picture, but they were basically dead. The leaves were wilted and soggy and shriveled, and the soil had frozen so hard that it was rock solid. I tried to dig into it and it was basically impossible. The soil was an ice cube.

When the water in soil freezes there isn't any way for the plants to access the water, and so it's essentially akin to putting a plant in a bed of sand. Because of this, alongside my own folly for not bringing them inside during the polar front, my radishes were dying of thirst.

When I first went outside that morning and saw them wilted it was like my heart was torn in two. I immediately grabbed them and took them inside, then bought a grow light and set up a little spot for them by the window sill. The soil was frozen solid, and so I tried to melt the frost by using warm water (not too warm though, didn't want to hurt the radishes.)

It worked!

In just three days my radishes were brought back to life from the brink of death, and their bulbs are bigger than ever!

Everyone told me they were doomed and to give up on them, but I didn't. I never once stopped believing in my radishes. They've gone through hell and back, and now they're stronger than ever.

So if you ever feel despondent- if you ever feel like giving up on life- just remember that my radishes never gave up. And neither should you. Be strong, be powerful, be like my radishes.

50 comments

1  SnapshillBot 2019-11-20

Lmao imagine being so humorless that not only do you not understand certain types of humor, but you actively seek and destroy humor elsewhere that you don't understand. src

Snapshots:

  1. Radish Drama! - archive.org, archive.today

  2. This - archive.org, archive.today

  3. but they were basically dead. - archive.org, archive.today

  4. It worked! - archive.org, archive.today

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1  The_Great_I_Am_Not 2019-11-20

Root vegetables are like that, hell most of life is like that.

There is program on pbs/npr called Resilience

https://www.kqed.org/tv/programs/archive/index.jsp?pgmid=25761

that whines the whole program about how children grow all bad off because they suffered some adversity growing up.

While at the time, never mentioned once, the mountain of evidence that living things tend to grow stronger and learn and become more resilient when pushed a little bit.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

Also, did you know that all parts of the radish plant are edible and delicious and very nutritious?

Yes but I'm not sure that I could eat them. I've watched them grow up from little sprouts so eating them would feel like some Epstein grooming shit.

1  Chapocel 2019-11-20

Epstien was pretty good at grooming tbf.

1  Mayos_side 2019-11-20

The radish-farmer of pedophiles, if you will.

1  IBiteYou 2019-11-20

But he did eventually get himself frosted.

1  chimpan_z 2019-11-20

Jeff isn't dead

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

The virgin pedophile ring-leader vs the pedophile chadish farmer.

1  DrunkenRecidivist 2019-11-20

Gardening vegetables is fun and it feels nice to grow your own food. Radishes are one of the easiest things to grow and they finish very quickly.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

That was why I started with them. I researched them and not only are they hardy but they're also quick to mature. They're pretty much the perfect vegetable, which is why they've been commonly christened the 'Chadish.'

1  katzen_kratzen 2019-11-20

This post inspired me to grow my own radishes

1  The_Great_I_Am_Not 2019-11-20

http://scissorspaperwok.com/2011/07/15/radish-to-flower-carving-101/#_

1  katzen_kratzen 2019-11-20

this looks really fresh but with my knife skills I'll probably also chop my dick off in process

1  The_Great_I_Am_Not 2019-11-20

I posit that demonstration of knife handling skills should be a pre-requisite for access to anything more than scholistic access to the internet.

1  katzen_kratzen 2019-11-20

I can cut thin, dice, chop and prepare the veggies I eat, it's good enough for a troglodyte like myself

1  The_Great_I_Am_Not 2019-11-20

Fair enough.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

They're incredibly easy to grow! They're actually known as the starter vegetable for people who are new to growing. They're extremely hardy and can survive through relatively cold weather, and they're generally ready to harvest after just four weeks!

You won't be disappointed.

1  katzen_kratzen 2019-11-20

hell yeah, I wanna start a small farm of good stuff like spring onions, dill, parsley, maybe some hot peppers in my back yard. I don't use it at all and it's all grown with weeds.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

Pretty much any root vegetable is fairly easy to grow. They're extremely resilient and they're able to thrive during colder months.

Onions, carrots, and turnips, etc. are super low maintenance. Hot peppers are also low maintenance, but they usually take around half a year to mature- so you'd have to wait a while.

There's something really invigorating about growing your own food though. I'm not sure how to explain it, but there's a feeling about it that's pretty incredible.

1  IBiteYou 2019-11-20

I do not grow tomatoes anymore. I live in the suburbs. I had magnificent tomato plants. One day my cherry tomato plant was about bursting with ripe little fruits. I said, "Tomorrow I'm going to harvest and have some wonderful cherry tomatoes."

I went out the next day and all my ripe little tomatoes were gone.

Every once in awhile after that I'd pull a few off and they were great, but I'd harvest them when they weren't quite ripe. In the meantime, my large tomato plant was growing some nice fruits.

I started to notice some of them on the ground with bites missing.

Then one day I went out at probably 2 in the afternoon to look and peeked around the plant and sitting there next to the tomato plants was...I shit you not... a rat, fully sitting back on its haunches cradling a tomato in it's lap like something out of a Disney movie...but this was a daytime nightmare. The rat just sat there with its tomato and looked up at me.

It was then I realized that I had opened a goddamned healthy free food pantry for rats.

I thought about growing some eggplant and zucchini and hoping for that Disney moment... but naw, I was providing lunch for vermin.

So I haven't had any tomatoes in two years.

1  Redactor0 2019-11-20

Yeah, vermin seem to love tomatoes. I guess that's another point in favor of root crops. You don't have to worry unless you've got a problem with wild pigs or something.

1  IBiteYou 2019-11-20

I love tomatoes, too, though.

But not enough to have rats around sunbathing while eating them lazily.

1  Ingelri 2019-11-20

That means you're vermin

1  IBiteYou 2019-11-20

Supreme

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

Not necessarily!

I ended up having to create a cage for the radishes because squirrels kept fucking with them.

1  TomDeLongeAlt 2019-11-20

I've given up on growing tomatoes. In fact, I fucking loathe the idea of growing tomatoes ever again.

I've tried like 6 summers now, and squirrels and raccoons always get to them. The few I can save are always underripe and never mature into something better than I can get at my farmers' market. And yes, I've tried the chicken wire cages and it never works.

Honestly, it's something like 95% of tomatoes suck anyways so it doesn't matter unless you have a reliable seed hookup. Just buy from a trusted farmer.

1  IBiteYou 2019-11-20

I can't get good homegrown tomatoes anywhere.

God, the ones my family grows in the midwest and the ones my dad grew in Maryland were incredible.

I just usually stick to grape tomatoes.

1  Redactor0 2019-11-20

I've tried the chicken wire cages

The worst part is when your mom doesn't really communicate with you about them and they're basically like fucking punji stakes that stick you 3 years after she forgot about them.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

Wait how do they get through the wire? I bought some hardware cloth to deal with the squirrels and it's totally stopped them.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

this defeats the rat

1  McFluff_TheCrimeCat 2019-11-20

I was worried you were going to scrap them in the middle there.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

I'd never give up on my radishes.

I have a larger radish garden that I planted way too late in the year. They're growing incredibly slowly because of the weather, and they almost all died during the polar front, but I've been covering them with blankets during the night and it's working out well for them so far.

They're incredibly resilient plants!

1  snallygaster 2019-11-20

This is a good comeback story. You should save some seeds from those hardcore survivalist radishes so you can eat their offspring

1  The_Great_I_Am_Not 2019-11-20

rosemary>thyme

1  kurwamacja 2019-11-20

Hahahahahahahaha How The Fuck Are Polar Fronts Real Hahahaha Nigga Just Build A Greenhouse Like Nigga Put Your Radishes Inside Haha

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

I did bring them inside but the larger box didn't have such luck.

Have you ever tried to drag 250 pounds of frozen dirt into the garage?

It's a bitch.

1  kurwamacja 2019-11-20

Just ask your bull to drag it with you. It's not supposed to be a one-sided relationship

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

My wife's bull is strictly a cauliflower gardener, unfortunately.

1  kurwamacja 2019-11-20

then how come he gives your wife eggplants every day

1  chimpan_z 2019-11-20

Appetizer

1  The_Great_I_Am_Not 2019-11-20

I hope you keep yourself safe. Fucking faggot

smh

1  [deleted] 2019-11-20

[removed]

1  pewkiemuffinboo 2019-11-20

I've provided you with the appropriate user flair that you shall always have.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

Thank you, I will cherish it always as a reminder of how close I came to losing my radishes.

1  Pomodorodorodoro 2019-11-20

be like my radishes

Are you... trying to tell us to take a shower and get some sunlight?

1  chimpan_z 2019-11-20

Redpill me on radishes

1  refugeeinaudacity 2019-11-20

When the admins decide to ban r/drama they will be deleting such great, inspiring content as this post.

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

Yes, the only reason the admins would ban /r/drama is due to radishophobia. Thankfully I've got a sister that works at the ACLU and so if they do decide to oppress us they'll be sued for all they're worth.

1  pepperouchau 2019-11-20

Based plants.

I had a chili pepper plant in a pot outside this summer that was struggling. Just as it started to finally produce one solid pepper, something plucked it off the stem overnight. 😱😭

1  Giulio-Cesare 2019-11-20

😢

Reminds me of the banana tree I had when I was a kid. Roadrunners used to always steal its fruit.