Cope engaged: Rise of the Seethewalker is finally out

1  2019-12-18 by MikeHuntIsAnAsshole2

177 comments

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The only point you'll ever have is that you represent the sad, fedora-wearing, bloated face of capitalism in the 21st century.

Unfairly made famous and rich through copied ideas and appealing to kids. And yet is driven by some bizarre need for attention to spout insane, teenage edge lord style views. You are clearly not all that up on politics (or anything, maybe you can code?) yet your wealth has given you an oversized platform of confused 12 to 16 year olds to yell "sjwjjwjwj" at over and over again.

Honestly, I don't give a shit if you've been driven mad by fame or some bullshit. When I see amazing creative people dying depressed in poverty every day and you get to sit on twitter and make half assed 'now yur the nazi' comments, it's fucking sickening.

Snapshots:

  1. Cope engaged: Rise of the Seethewal... - archive.org, archive.today

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Not to be an armchair director, but it seems like it was so easy for them to make these movies be well received and make shit tons of money

We mock capeshit but marvel is generally decently reviewed and makes so much money

Star Wars is one of the biggest franchises ever and they fuckin biffed it

This shit is hilarious, they dropped the ball so fucking hard. All they had to do was make a semi-coherent plot and some nice visuals and people would've gobbled it up and asked for seconds. Abrams already raped the corpse of Star Trek, handing him yet another trilogy to fuck into the ground is beyond parody.

Never understood the hype around Abrams. The Spielberg comparisons were ridiculous.

So many of these cunts should be banned from cinema completely. They had one or two flash-in-the-pan moments of glory and then continuously fumble the ball like a man without fingers. D and D threw almost a decade of good will to finish GoT as quickly as possible to jump on the Starwars hypetrain. Lindelof dropped the ball on the Watchmen finale. Abrams had already destroyed Star Trek before being handed this. I cant even imagine being one of these people building their identities on these shows only to be drug through the mud over and over and over

Wait, all of them are Jewish.šŸ˜“šŸ˜“

Really makes you šŸ¤”

I mean, not really. Take it from someone who is building a film studio and subsequently needed to do tons of research into the industry. It's more investment fallacy if anything. If you're writing a 9 figure check, having the comfort of a 'known' quantity lead that project is too much for lizard capital brain to ignore. Simply tacking a 'D&D' or 'JJ Abrams' onto the managing spot of a budget sheet already makes a studio exec feel more comfortable. Even if the things they do are shit, all you need is that first bit of recognition.

Hol up

Nepotism is a hell of a quality dampener.

The watchmen show was never good though

Eh, it was a decent watch with a good amount of mystery. But that was the problem with the finale, all the mystique was waved away and almost everything was generic bullshit. Cyclops was nothing, Treiu became a supervillain for a whopping 20 mins before getting killed in the most retarded and uninspired way, Jon dies even though hes basically God and could just peice himself back together after the clock was destroyed. I really thought they were gonna take some chances but Lindelof played it safe and it turned out boring. It's what I get for trusting him to end a show well.

What happened with out guy ozy? And how the fuck did he not figure out Jon's weakness 20 years ago? I doubt jon is really dead though, he would be back for season 2, if it did happen.

It's simple, the world smartest man couldn't hope to best a strong proud women.

It's almost as if people in the leisure industries are hired based on some criteria other than talent.

> Bitching about how cloakshit was "ruined" in the last season.

Your hardcore adult fantasy show was never good and no amount of COPE will change that.

Lindelof dropped the ball on the watchmen finale

The whole thing was shit. It went against pretty much every theme of the original. Using Dr Manhattan at all was a mistake. A Dr Manhattan that give a quarter fuck about humanity just isn't a thing at this point.

soo i never watched original star trek but i thought abrams star trek was just these fun movies and thats it? What was wrong with them?

The first one was actually ok, the second one was decent but Beyond is unwatchable trash

I think that, if restrained, he can be a good director with a Spielberg-esque feel (albeit an inferior one), but he can't write for shit. >!!<

Dude mystery box lmao

it's actually not even his fault really, that turbo autist johnson basically destroyed any chance of the trilogy being decent

I feel like if they actually let Luke be in the movie and give him a badass son or something people would love it

It's almost like if your priority is being woke rather than making a good movie, it's not a surprise that they didn't make a good movie.

MUH SJWS

shut up nerd

pound sand faggot, with ur dick lmao

Go play marvel strike force loser

uninstalled a month ago UR TOO LATE WITH UR INSULTS also got myself banned from the subreddit for telling someone to suck his wife's boyfriend's dick lmao

Aren't you the capeshitter who was banned?

There was nothing wrong with making Luke a hermit. The problem was making him a bitter asshole hermit who literally does nothing but project a hologram then dies. Just let the guy be the strongest and do some awesome shit or whatever.

Luke looked like a homeless sex offender with that alien titty milk dribbling down his chin.

The initial reasoning was actually sound -- stopping Jedis from existing would mean that the counterbalance in the Sith wouldn't be made by the dumb auto-balancing force known as the Force. The whole making him commit harakiri just to bamboozle his nephew is big ???, and the whole moment of weakness in mordoring his nephew even though he is basically the most pure hearted person is ??? Would be better for him to have actually commited die on an uncharted planet so there really is no more Jedi for the force to counterbalance.

Just let the guy be the strongest and do some awesome shit or whatever.

This flies in the face of the beliefs of everyone involved in this project, first among which is that old white men are human garbage who can do nothing right or good. They shit on him because shitting on him is the entire reason they made the movies; there was no way this group of people would stand for Luke Skywalker not to get shat on.

Who should I see if I agreed with a pol__invictus comment?

It would be so fucking dumb if Luke was a badass in the sequels, the whole premise of Star Wars is that it's based on Campbell's mythic archetypes which are full of heroes who grow old and become tyrannical and pathetic and a new youthful hero needs to be born to overthrow them. Hence why the original Star Wars had the hero fighting a guy named DARK FATHER aka his FATHER who turned to the DARK SIDE, cant get much more obvious than that .... but yeah if you're a soyfacing manchild who just wants EPIC NOSTALGIA FOR THE WIN!!! then you'd probably enjoy it

Sorry the idea of a cool dude doing cool shit triggers your beta male autism or whatever lmao. Have fun working super hard on being boring I guess.

TBF to marvel, they stuck mostly to the plot of the comic end game series. Which is revered as a very well written comic. So all marvel had to do was come up with the screen play to fit the narrative and it would be a good movie series. Same could be said about The Watchmen.

Disney truly fucked up because the EU had plenty of really good stories (lots of bad ones too) that they couldve pulled from and insert whatever the fuck they wanted to fill their toy shelves. But they got greedy, and taken over by ideaologies working behind the scenes (The Force is FeMALE!!) which led to the total failure of this trilogy.

The Force is FeMALE!!

Really dropped the ball on the "the force is actually grey" that they were setting up with Rebels. I was really thinking that's the way they were going with TLJ and then it came out and...yeah

TLJ explored some interesting notions about the Force in the Luke/Rei plotline. The events of the prequels showed that the Jedi were a decadent, failing order, like the UN in robes. I think that's reflected in Luke realizing how he was sold some bullshit by Obiwan and Yoda and then ended up repeating their mistakes in a couple decades.

The rest of the movie was hot garbage tho

Yeah I wanted more of all that stuff but what I got was mostly casino planet bullshit

I could see your point if they had hashed it out properly. But nope.

the guy from That 70's Show better make a recut of TLJ, I think there is enough material for 40 minutes of good movies

They literally could have just took one of the star wars books people like and made a movie of it and people would have been happy

It's insane how much they had to work with and they still put this out lol like it has to be intentional right?

the most widespread conspiracy theory I heard was it's in the Lucasfilm acquisition contract that they owe George rights if they use anything created pre-acquisition, which is why they immediately threw out the EU and the Lucasfilm writing group started mining it for 100% original donut steels.

Tfw we'll never see Thrawn in the big screen.

The virgin Rey vs the CHAD Mara Jade

Diet Thrawn appeared in the Rebels animated show, and died in the finale.

Wraith Squadron is the goddamn easiest trilogy. Its a diverse fucking squad of rejects who become commandos who also pilot X-wings unlike Rogue Squadron which is a semi-diverse squad of X-wing pilots who sometimes have to be commandos.

Wraith Squadron is easy money. A white chad, a bothan, a Tatooine Rosa Diaz, a force sensitive redhead ranger, a half bionic doctor whos allergic to the miracle drug, a washed up actor, a literal pig alien, an older white guy with PTSD, etc. The chance to roleplay as a cybernetically enhanced Ewok mercenary who flies a TIE fighter. Easy money.

knowing this

The woman in charge doesn't seem to even realize those books exist. In an interview, she said there's no source material.

Frankly, she should have been let go for the "force is female" thing. You should never have anyone with any kind of ideological axe to grind in charge of a movie. And this goes both ways, just to be clear. I wouldn't want someone in charge who was going on and on about MGTOW and TRP. I'd be cringing in the theater if Han Solo were delivering lines about hypergamy and gynocentrism - just as much as I cringed when the purple lady called the gay guy out for mansplaining.

Oh she knows they exist she's the one who made them all un canon. And you're wrong, MGTOW star wars would be incredible

"Luke, use the misogyny"

They announced EU wasn't cannon during the first release. I thought it was because they had actually a plan, but I like the other guys theory that they didn't have executive rights over those stories.

You should watch a movie called dragged across concrete

As an example that mature creators can tell nuanced stories? The director is conservative, and there is dialogue brought up you would never see acknowledged in a mainstream Hollywood film, but the ghetto black guy with a prison record turns out to be the most honorable character and portrayed well.

Political ideology fails in escapism because good escapism speaks to the balls and not the brain.

The problem with ideologues on either side is they'd both have their reasons for fucking up the way Han Solo should have been portrayed, as a charismatic, heroic Gigachad. Not because ideology calls for it, but because it's cool and you can project onto it and want to be him.

Ideologues are too busy writing characters who are the on-screen version of the lectures they want us to listen to from themselves to write characters who you can project onto and then lose yourself in for a couple of hours, because they want us to project onto their idea of what we should want to project onto, instead.

Star Wars is cool but Star Wars books and shit are super nerdy and if Kennedy et al made movies based on them they would have got called nerds and beat up by the other film producers.

Which would have been great.

They knew only two things going, its gotta be generic to appeal to everybody and its gotta be woke.

Not to get all serious in the drama sub but if they had JJ do all 3 instead of bringing in Rian Johnson in the middle to throw everything off, I bet it would have been a more competent as a whole trilogy.

Star Wars is a big franchise but back when they were looking for directors for EP7, nobody wanted to touch it. I don't think its as easy as everyone thinks.

They should have given the trilogy to Nicolas Refn. You see Luke smoke cigarettes and stomp sith skulls

To be fair what other shit is on theatres these days but this kind of shit?

itā€™s much more fun to like Star Wars than to be mad about it

Treating Star Wars like the this is fine meme

It really is a delicious amount of cope

Iā€™ve been excited for some time about this cope.

I walked out do the last Jedi and just thought that it sucked but apparently that made me alt-right. I canā€™t wait to see where the Seeth goes on this one

Weirdly almost everybody agrees its trash, except the few retards who will defend literally anything about this trilogy because they think it makes them brave resistors to the alt right. Remember how TFA came out 4 years ago and everyone started calling themselves "the Resistance"? Those are the people throwing money at this dumpster fire.

It seems pretty simple to fix the galaxy. Just genocide the skywalkers, everything seems to be their fault.

It is also pretty obvious Disney knew they had a turd when they held back reviews until today.

Damn, I didn't even think of that šŸ˜‚

I thought it was coming out next week until yesterday. They waited until all the seats that could get bought then let everyone know how big of a turd it is.

Had they been hyped there would have been showings a week or two ago

Kid I work with has been all excited, bought imax tickets 2 months out and everything. Took every fiber of my being not to tell him what a pile of shit it's going to be. I take solace in knowing I can ask him about it tomorrow around 9 when it lets out lol

Do you work at a chucky cheese?

Yeah that's always a bad sign

CONSOOM BITCH.

Overdosing on cope

This one just reeks of a PR talking point. Not sure if it's a paid shill, or he's been brainwashed by it.

I hate this take, because it implies that Iā€™m trying to not like Star Wars.

I agree that itā€™s more fun to like Star Wars. I loved all the prequels, I loved TFA, I loved the Mandalorian, I loved the clone wars, I cannot stand The Last Jedi and it sucks. I have re-watched it, I have tried to think like OP and just tell myself, ā€œjust try to enjoy itā€, and I canā€™t.

I hate not liking a Star Wars movie, but I canā€™t control that I think the movie is awful and i donā€™t feel happy or satisfied while watching. And then I come on here and everyone acts like Iā€™m a bitter fan and I can never be satisfied because I hate it. No! Iā€™m an easy to please fan. Iā€™m not trying to be upset about the last Jedi. I wish I could love it like so many of you could but I just canā€™t .

This is like a straight guy watching gay porn

This is straight up brainwashing.

you just reiterated what I said but for dummies

Do you know any straight gay men willingly trying to watch gay porn like that? Because no matter how they posture on the internet, when it comes time to wank, they're going to get off to whatever centaur porn site is in their bookmarks.

Exactly now try and watch gay porn and jack off. Canā€™t get hard? What are you homophobic?

I get what you're trying to say. To me this Star Wars thing is on an entirely new level though. At least with sexuality there's all this moral and societal complexities, but doing this to yourself over a movie franchise is what really makes it concerning.

The guy forced himself to like a fucking movie lol.

The pinnacle of cope. I bet hes straight and watches hardcore gay porn because "it's really not that bad guys!"

Are you kinkshaming and posting anti-bussy rhetoric on r/drama? MODS

This is the bargaining phase of cope.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MAN I HAAVE TO BE IN TUNE WITH THE MAINSTREAM POP CULTURE

That's called lying to yourself

I honestly would have liked it if it were like a deliberate parody of Ghostbusters. Like Ghostbusters is a huge product of its time as well, right? Like itā€™s full of Reaganesque propaganda/conservative-only humor that doesnā€™t really work anymore, plus like they were shooting for a 2016-style trope inversion and really landed it in some ways. My understanding is that thereā€™s a lot of cutting room floor stuff that definitely would have helped the messaging more than the dumb jokes. Maybe even undercut some of the bad-faith rage baiting issues that Star Wars is still facing because of three decently-written female characters. That the villain had like some hyper-online alt-right conspiratorial slant to him before they recut it to be way less obvious.

Also I disagree, itā€™s still Ghostbusters, itā€™s just not in the same timeline as the original. Like we arenā€™t making a Cobra Kai here, itā€™s a reboot for the current-day SNL viewership.

What the fuck? Snl is down to like 50 people watching it now. The og ghostbusters came out snl was something the entire country watched

Imagine writing 'Reganesque conservative only humour' in any way at all.

Seriously, fuck me for quoting it.

Every great comic came from snl had huge movie careers. Now itā€™s like a comedy death sentence to be on that show full of nobodies. Can you even name a cast member in the last 20 years?

Bill Hader is pretty based

What movies he in?

If you really don't know who Bill Hader is you're living a boomer life

Ok so no movies got it. Heā€™s funny just not make a million comedy movies funny like the previous generations of snl

I propose a vote of no confidence to declare these non-cannon.

Absolute dogshit. I waited my whole life to see a continuation of the OT on screen and the one chance we get it's this. No do overs from here. And I remember all the people saying the leaks were obviously fake because they make no sense and are so shit. Well I wonder where they are now because they're probably feeling a lot worse than me.

And I just spent 20 dollars a week ago for Resistance Reborn since I was optimistic about this film since, hey, can't fuck it up any more from TLJ, right? Fuck me. I'm a goddamn idiot for ever trying to be positive. Guess I wanted back on that wave I was riding when I saw TFA and the trailers before it but I lack the will to be so ignorant on command. I'd rather of just never gotten this trilogy.

This franchise meant something to me. I've spent so much money, so many afternoons, and at least half my birthdays before I was 18 entirely around this series and they made me just not care. There's no passion any more, just my stupid philosophy of sunk costs.

Guess there's always Mando.

You faggots need to move on. I also have things I like, but that doesnā€™t mean I need endless sequels. I like those things as they are for what they are. I donā€™t build my identity and mentality around my own ideas of them.

Spaceshit nerds are worse than Pottercels.

I kinda wanna watch this movie just to better be able to understand the /tv/ shitposts and spaceshit threads here on reddit...

I want to see the trainwreck myself too but I'll be dead before the mouse gets any of my money

I want to watch it just to see how bad it is but only if I pirate it.

Let me know if you find a decent rip

Here's clip of Rey v Palpatine

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What in the actual fuck?! "I'm all the Sith." "And I'm all the Jedi!" Did a fucking 10 yr old write this script while playing with his action figures?! And then Palps is gonna nuke himself cause he wont stop shooting lightning? And shes going to walk away from it?! I'm fucking dead bro, this is the best Christmas present I've ever gotten. Thank you dude, sincerely

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Did a fucking 10 yr old write this script while playing with his action figures?

Have any of you retards ever watched a star war?

Can that plain foid actor make any other expression besides bearing her teeth?

Imagine paying for shit online

completely manic: It leaps from plot point to plot point, from location to location, with little regard for logic or mood.

Every SW movie is like that.

At least now, they have that middle part where someone actually sits down and explains, in words, the whole first part of the movie.

Show but also tell is the new paradigm of movie making.

Lmao sounds accurate

This person actually like The last Jedi and still thought this movie was atrocious I can't even imagine how bad this is

If all the critics that defended TLJ hate this one, does that mean it may actually be good? ƒvĆ“

Jesus what a fag lol

to me that's just evidence that this one might be more bearable.

No one saw this coming

Except literally everyone who didnā€™t have their heads up their asses praising spaceshit 24/7

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Seethe of the Starwatchers is amazing to watch how long before people are called racist sexist incels

Trust me, I've seen some comments floating around already

Could have been mine tbh

Lol even TLJ at least had a high critic score, just all the audiences hated it. Makes you wonder how bad this must be.

If the critics couldn't find any excuses for it then it must be a steamer.

I'm absolutely loving it, this is gonna be GoT s8 x100. Trump could secure his next term now if he said he was going to throw Kennedy and Abrams in jail for life lol

best possible Christmas present

Holy shit! šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

BIG OOOF. Abrams proved he could miss the mark that bad in "Star Trek Into Darkness," but WTF. That is not gonna be better in context.

Taken down. What was particularly notable about this scene?

It's Rey and palp in the equivalent of a Kamehameha lock, sheev says "I am all the sith" and Rey says "I am all of the Jedi" then pulls out a second lightsaber and reflects sheevs lightning back at him and he dies

Wow, typing that out really drove home for me how bad it is. The webms are all over /tv/ and /wsg/ which have audio

Rey goads Sheev into using force lightning while he's in the bathtub.

Does this mean we can finally stop talking about Star Wars?

Watching a certain group do everything in their power to pretend to enjoy these last two movies do they can dunk on redditors in internet arguments has been hilarious to watch.

There are still people in the starwars sub thread saying TLJ was their favorite movie of them all. How much does your mother have to drink while pregnant with you to lack even basic cognitive function?

They aren't saying that because it's true. They're saying it because the incel menace hates the movie, and thus by the laws of culture wars, must adore it themselves. Its purely that if you drill down into it. The "alt right" hates it so they feel compelled to defend it, because they can not dislike something their perceived enemy does.

And you know they see the downvotes as vindication lol it's so sad

this is why /r/subredditdrama would have 800+ comment threads defending it to the death every time it got brought up lmao

The day of the can wonā€™t come early enough.

What is the can

The natural habitat of the SRDine

lol

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So who's getting fired over this?

I love how these reviewers are so terrified to call a turd a turd. Can't talk shit about the mouse so let's just talk in circles about how it "doesn't achieve what it set out to achieve."

Theres been a few that pulled no punches but yeah most of them are mealy mouthed faggots to afraid to simply say "This was hot garbage. There was no plan and it shows." out of fear of the mouse or being called a sexist or some shit. Spineless pussies.

It's got 56% on Rotten Tomatoes.

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Pew pew! Whooooosh! Star wars! Yay! (pls no spoilers)

pew pew pew lasers pew pew

Space battles!

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What I fundamentally don't get is How in the fucking hell do people believe this is the "the end of star wars" lmao?

The fucking mouse ain't gonna just drop this shit and flush it. They've built theme parks and tv shows around it. Everyone could legit hate this movie and it would never die. There is probably gonna be a spaceshit movie that comes out when we are on our deathbeds

Disney did achieve something I never thought possible....they lost money on a Star Wars film.

It is annoying how people are acting like these current movies are so much worse than the originals. They have always been crap once the studio proved such a commodity.

Idiots will still lap this shit up. They could film two hours of s bucket of shit with a light saber sticking out of it and tards will watch the film and buy the "Lord Bucket of Shit" action figure and video games.

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Exactly, there's a reason they got rid of the EU.

They want their OWN EU.

the only thing I'm seeing from these movies is that the sith are superior.

it took 9 movies, 3 wars, and countless other things to kill 1 sith. thousands of jedi and billions of lives just to get him

Lmao I like this angle, I'm definitely dunking on some nerds with it

SWTOR proves it too.

Even the fake sith are more baller than the jedi.

The only exception to this was Obi Wan.

I knew the second those leaks were proven real there would be a plethora of coping and seething going on. It's like an early Christmas!

Kathleen Kennedy, basically the catalyst for this shit show, stated in a Rolling Stones interview:

Every one of these movies is a particularly hard nut to crack. Thereā€™s no source material. We donā€™t have comic books. We donā€™t have 800-page novels. We donā€™t have anything other than passionate storytellers who get together and talk about what the next iteration might be.

This is particularly hilarious due to Disney basically making the Expanded Universe Star Wars stuff non-canon. So they literally had decades worth of popular and beloved (AND OFFICIAL) material created outside the movies and they took nothing from it. For some reason. lmao

For some reason.

The mouse dont pay royalties.

Even with just the first six the amount of background lore is insane and yet they decide to do fuckin palpatine for a third time

Literally thousands and thousands of years detailed pre episode one and post episode 6 but now the only media that was created before episode 7 that is canon is the clone wars movie and show.

Not complaining about the show tho that shit fucking rules

ORIGINAL CONTENT. SO HARD TO MAKE. Jesus fucking christ you shouldnt be in this buisness if you think making new shit is hard nut to crack

I'm guessing the audience score is still going to be higher than TLJ's

Critics are panning this one, which means I may actually enjoy it.

BTW, Im a 501st member that has trooped every star wars movie since the prequels. I typically get free tickets for it. Even with the freebies, I still wont be seeing or trooping this one.

He really showed them by passing on free shit

Breaking: the latest instalment of a mediocre kids film series is a mediocre kids film.

I'm pretty sure there are only six star wars movies, what are these guys talking about

"Star Wars was modelled on John Fordā€™s The Searchers and Akira Kurosawaā€™s Hidden Fortress. The current ā€œcontentā€ has more in common with the last update of your PCā€™s operating system. Have fun watching the grey bar complete itself."

What did the Irish Times mean by this

i am actually excited for it to be terrible just so i can watch the drama

The audience scores aren't "abysmal" and all they show is that roughly half of people who care enough to vote on Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic are upset, and that's assuming that they're not people who normally wouldn't vote but are now going out of their way or even making multiple accounts to vote which given the fucking tantrum people are still throwing over it, I find hard to believe.

If you look at Cinemascore which just polls people who have seen the movie at random throughout the country and gives a much better idea of what the general public actually thinks, the movie has an A. People liked it. Enough to make it 2018's best-selling home media release.

Solo lost money because it had no advertising, wasn't good or even notable in any way and was a Han Solo movie without Han Solo. No one wanted it and many didn't even know it was out. The massive popularity of The Mandalorian proves that The Last Jedi did nothing to hurt the brand.

Abrams is the one caving to noisy, angry fans, probably because he doesn't want to deal with the constant Twitter harrassment from people with nothing better to do. Disney doesn't care about you, made most obvious by the fact that they still wanted Johnson on for the new movie and they still have him on for the next trilogy.

Please, step out of your bubble.

COPE and SEETHEpilled

I hope /WSB isnt buying any stock in the mouse right now lol

Copypasta

You know how I'm defeating the SJWs / Zionists / Patriarchy / Communists (delete as appropriate)?

Well, I'm glad you asked. I'm going to take a side on the male-led TV Disney spaceshit vs. female-led cinema Disney spaceshit and get people to vote with their wallets so Disney makes the same net amount of money. This will teach them not to spread feminism / patriarchy / German Nationalist Socialist Worker's Party / Comintern (delete as appropriate).

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